san diego

mtv

tuesday nights at ten pm

being 110 years old has its advantages. one of them is i remember life before mtv.

i know for some of you thats hard to believe, but yes, such a day once existed.

they were super dull days, but we got by.

i think i went outside a lot. hard to remember.

mtv was the killer ap of cable in the early 80s. there wasnt cnn. espn & hbo were mere shells of themselves and not all that good. but mtv… fuck.

mtv kicked ass.

it still does in a strange way that has very little to do with music videos, but like, whatever.

shows like the osbournes, cribs, newlyweds: nick and jessica, jackass, punk’d, viva la bam, road rules, and their original “reality” show the real world make most of the programming on the other major networks look old and slow and dull.

there was a time that i could name all the vjs on mtv, now im not even sure they have them any more, but i can tell you everything about the first episode of the real world san diego, which oddly is exactly what mtv wants us to be doing.

it was obvious that mtv gave up on vjs when they kept renewing john norris’s contract.

the real world san diego is filled with more stereotypes than ever before.

youve got the sleepy-eyed buff motorcycle-riding chicagoian, brad, 21, who has been with his girlfriend for four years. the girls admit that hes your typical dumb fratboy but they cant keep their hands off of him, which just goes to show you one thing, america, hot chicks love big dumb guys with girlfriends.

in a typical real world moment in the first episode, brad finds himself telling his new roommates that he has an eight inch penis. immediately two of the girls (the ultrathin blonde south carolinian, cameran; and the ginormously fake tittied 22 year old bartop dancer, robin) attempt to pull down his pants playfully.

brad eludes their girly attacks and takes cameran up to a nook in the san diego marina house, which all 7 of them will share for 5 months, to call his girlfriend so that she can verify the length of his mighty sword.

it’s 4:45am pacific time, 6:45am chicago time.

annie?

hi.

hi baby. did i wake you?

mmm yeah.

im so sorry– listen though, honestly, and i dont want to pull it out, and youre thinking this is ****ing ridiculous, but everybody heres arguing about the size of their **** i know this is ridiculous, but youve got to be serious… how big am i?

he puts the phone next to cameran’s ear

eight inches.

what kind of eight? what kind of eight are we talking about?

i dont know, im not doing this.

thick. ass. eight. and you know it.

cameran gets off the couch in a fit of laughter and embarassment and falls over after taking one step and crawls away laughing, sweet ass high in the air in her tight jeans.

theres jaime a hot little korean girl, first generation american. theres a firehouse red rockabilly girl who has cystic fibrosis but still smokes cigarettes. theres a prettyboy massachusettes hunk who could very well be a jeans model for all i know.

and then theres the token black.

this year my man is a college student from the predominantly black georgia school Morehouse. hes nice. hes dull. he wears glasses and looks like a grown up Urkel.

he doesnt belong.

real world has consistently had a horrible track record of casting cool black people. there was afroguy in the second new york cast, mohammed in the frisco cast that nobody remembers cuz he was barely around the puck world, and teck from hawaii. all the others had some pretty serious issues.

jacquese will at best end up being the voice of reason for the other six who will probably have a great time among themselves, but odds are he will be bored out of his mind and completely left out like a common exchange student.

its almost like after two seasons in a row of highly sexual black men (paris, vegas) it was time for the real world to let the kids know that not every black man only wanted to bed every babe in town.

despite urkel, i have high hopes for this cast. they like to drink. theyre into each other. my chicagoian is a trip. and the ladies love walking around in their bikinis – alot.

which we all know is exactly how the world really is.

on the greg vaine rating scale, i give the first episode of the real world san diego a good good good good.

candied ginger + xtracyx + i look good

a message for sister ramsey

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Q. Hey Tony,

Dan

Dear Dan,

I agree with you, it is a good question. Underneath the question is a statement that goes like this, “if Lefty the Bookie sees that Pete bets on the Reds monday wednesday thursday and friday, then Lefty will bet AGAINST the reds on tuesday, and perhaps give Pete a cut of the winnings.”

Problem is, bookies dont make their money betting.

Bookies make their money off the practice of Everyone betting. They get a cut of the gamble. its called the Vig. Bookies just want people to keep gambling, they couldnt care less if Pete doesnt bet on his team on a game where he doesnt have a great pitcher on the hill.

But good question anyhow.

Q. A manager is going to manage differently if he wants to win one particular game, rather than many games over the course of the week.

– Sean

A. Sean i could see the conflict if we were talking about any other mlb player other than Charlie Hustle, who, must i remind you, plowed over Ray Fosse in the all-star game, an exhibition game, and virtually ended Fosse’s career.

Pete not only wants to win Mondays game, but Tuesday and Wednesdays games.

But seperately than that, arent you supposed to do everything you can to win Today’s game?

And thirdly, is there a record of Pete blowing out pitchers’ arms the way, say, Billy Martin did with the A’s in the 80s? the answer is no.

Try again

Q. Tony,

Chris

A. I think Charlie wouldnta bet on his team on the fourth day after his closer has pitched 3 days straight.

If anyone would have known NOT to bet on the Reds that day it woulda been Pete.

And, of course, anyone else who was smart enough to read the box scores that week before putting down a grand on a team whose closer has been used three days in a row.

Q. Hey Tony –

ryan

A. Hi Ryan,

I do have a comment.

Fuck Jerry Krause.

Tony

aaron has a guest columnist on his baseball blog today

i dont believe him now.

look at that picture.

look at that cover of sports illustrated.

do you see a liar there?

i see two liars.

pete said that bud selig said that he had one question for pete, and then he asked at least four right there!

but whats also telling about this alleged confession is the date.

when mr selig looked at pete rose and asked him the first of those four questions and pete rose told him that he bet on baseball

the commisioner of baseball sat on that information for 14 months

bud selig knew in november of 2002

something doesnt smell right

why did the commisioner of baseball keeping this information quiet until pete rose wanted to write a book

seems to me that the commisioners office has been making a lot of deals with pete rose and thats why i dont believe this quote unquote confession.

when baseballs greatest hitter was given a lifetime ban he didnt fight it because he worked out a deal with then-commisioner bart giamatti that he would be allowed a review 2-3 years later. little did pete know that the commish’s incredibly bad karma of banning baseballs best hitter ever would kill him within a week.

and now apparently rose had a deal with selig that he would say he bet on baseball as long as there were some terms attached

and it looked like one of the terms was that selig wouldnt tell anyone about the “confession” until pete had finished his book.

so what were the other terms that selig made with rose regarding this alleged revelation?

could it be that bud told pete that If he confessed Then he would be allowed on the hall of fame ballot?

is that too much of a reach?

if more than one commisioner is capable of making any deals with pete rose regarding the 17 time all-star’s alleged gambling behavoir, isnt it possible that the sitting commisioner was capable of persuading rose to say what everyone thought was true regardless of if it actually was true?

i think so.

commissioners are all about power and bud selig is no exeption.

bud selig the former owner of the milwaukee brewers who had no business being commissioner has flexed his powers in nearly every way possible. he allowed the world series to be cancelled, he stopped the all star game, he instigated interleague play, he even tried to eliminate the minnesota twins and montreal expos.

now he wants to not only be the good guy who allows pete into the hall of fame

but he also wants to be the badass who brings him to his knees.

i do not think it is beyond the scope of bud selig to be involved in a dirty deal thats less interested in the “truth” or in repentance, as it is in powerplays, legacies, and pissing contests.

fuck bud selig

free pete rose

if you think hes been lying for 14 years why do you think hes telling the truth about this?

and on top of it, who the hell cares if he bet on his team

if i owned a team id want every single one of my players betting on their team.

since when did betting on your team become the same thing as betting against your team?

huge difference, by the way.

ask any bookie.

speaking of books, bet on the fact that on thursday i get rose’s

tina + tiffany + leah

it was 128k, had a monochrome monitor (nerf green), and one 5 1/4 floppy disc drive.

my mother co-signed my computerland line of credit and i walked out of there paying a little more than $1,500.

the $250 black and white dot matrix printer, the applewriter, i wrote a check for.

separately.

you will never hear me say that a computer is running slowly.

years later i found myself the proud owner of my first mac, a performa 6300cd.

100 mhz, with a 1 gig harddrive, and a built-in 28.8 modem.

$1,200 and my mom didnt have to cosign for it. i put it on my computer city credit that i had just opened.

i bought an hp 600 dpi scanner to go with it for $450. i also got a motorola isdn modem.

i learned photoshop on that thing, i learned html on it, i surfed the web for days and days and nights and nights and nights and nights.

it wasnt the greatest computer, but i was a loyal apple user.

and then napster showed up.

and then napster got huge.

and napster at that time didnt work on macs.

and i could get a 400 mhz p2 computer for $899

and dsl.

and i havent owned an apple product since.

everyone has a soft spot for the underdog, for the innovator, for the creators of cool.

as much as i love music, and as many mp3s that i have, youd think id have an iPod, but i dont. i like to read when im on the bus. and when im flying chopper one i have to listen to the command post.

if apple was smart theyd take the mini technology that theyre developing for their new mini iPods and put that into the back of a cell phone or digital camera.

i dont mind if my phone is a little bigger.

and my digital camera already uses the flash memory cards that will be in the new iPod and i’ll tell you, i NEVER get close to using even half of the 256mb memory.

instead of putting bad cameras on decent phones, why not put little ipods in good cameras.

click different.

marc brown is at macworld

the things she would say would sound sexy and she wasnt even trying. didnt have to. sometimes i would feel bad projecting things like that on certain girls, but with her i wasnt projecting, she was oozing.

people ooze things all the time. some people are just plain dickheads, and they ooze that. some people are super super shy and they ooze that.

the fact that shaq can take it coast to coast if he needed to and drive the lane and bring it, she was that without any of your silly words

the flip in her hair was like that

dont dare look at her eyes, or her lips for that matter cuz the mouth could get you with the shape the glisten or the way the teeth hid there peeking. you didnt realize it but youd been ganged up as you were cowardly trying to retreat by a glossed upper lip.

no help at the neck. which was perfect. which hung cuteness like a simple bow.

even her freckles would fuck with you.

perk pierced pointy tas trying to get out of that ultra tight monogrammed sweater

heather cynthia tomlinson

but the way the monogram streteched the “c” it looked like an “o”

even her

o

looked sexy.

she told me that she has gotten to read the palms of all her friends and now she would like to read mine.

i said are we friends.

she said of course we’re friends tony.

her mouth made an o

every once in a while i will write the truth on here

i recommend you do the same on yours.

i said what happens if i dont want my palm read.

she said tony pierce.

people call me by my name alot.

same thing happens to my man john woo.

i said good book says to stay away from mediums and psychics.

she said but im neither of those.

i said maybe you dont know you are yet.

and whats fucked up the most

is her lips

which i shouldnt have been watching

moved apart just enough

to make a new

smaller

o

and i think thats

when she officially became

it.

kate + virginia + amy + lick