well there he is: mr. britney spears.

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instapundit doesnt care. jarvis doesnt care. steve hall had to seriously consider whether he cared and finally had to give in out of fear of being slammed by this very blog.

but certainly jason allen alexander (pictured) of kentwood louisiana cared that he married britney spears this weekend.

and you know what j-dog, i care.

for years now i have been barraged with images and “music” and gossip and “news” about whether or not she got a boob job, or whether she was still a virgin, or what was up with her and justin, or if she was a smoker(!)

christina aguilera came out with a dirtier and more beautiful record in 2003 than britney did.

she had five geniune hits: dirrty, can’t hold us down, fighter, impossible, and beautiful.

and yet madonna kisses britney and that image becomes one of the most identifiable moments in 2003. not when madonna kissed xtina seconds later.

but strangely, when britney decides on a whim to get hitched in vegas, its not news.

jarvis and reynolds arent the only one sharing adrants’s yawns, britneys nuptials arent even on any three of yahoos top 20 most emailed, most viewed or highest rated stories of the weekend.

i thought you people loved britney spears

and weddings

and elopments in vegas

and the palms in vegas

and the maloof brothers.

has britney jumped the shark?

well jason, i care that you married britney spears this weekend, at 5 in the morning, in the same little chapel that denis rodman married carmen electra while drunk and being held up my a midget.

i care that you had a wild vegas weekend with britney spears and of right now youre still married to her and youre back home and youve got some stories to tell.

too bad Lick only takes stories from women.

…britney

dogboy + vanmega + doc doesnt care. hes seen it all.

so britney spears wants to get married

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as a joke, and then go an have it annulled.

well i think the joke should be on her.

if i was the pope or some other non-biblically elected church official i would suggest to the other church heads that nobody give mrs. alexander any damn annullment.

the institution of marriage in america today has a 50% divorce rate. what brit did the other night rubs its face into the fact that the Ultimate commitment isnt worth the keno card that its written on.

id make an example of her and her sham wedding.

and if i was the state of nevada i’d follow suit.

how can you get married in one day and divorced a few days later and not make the entire “institution” a joke?

she signed the paperwork, she paid the $55, she kissed the groom, she laughed and she laughed and then she danced with one of the malloof brothers in the real world suite.

and now she should have to wait till death till she parts.

either that or she should give her husband half of her income as a penalty.

but i say she should have to stay married. forever.

let no man tear apart what God has brought together.

and all that.

ho.

saying “i do” should not be part of a marketing campaigned designed to sell more records than outkast.

and anyway, i dont see a nevada statute that says you can get your marriage annuled because it was a joke.

closest i see is one that will annul your ass if youre crazy. which perhaps she is.

instapundit still hasnt covered this breaking media event + nor has the creator of entertainment weekly + fark was funny about it

Jeff Jarvis wants to know

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why the Beagle website was so slow to finally announce on its site that it got a message from its Mars lander.

I’ve got the same question, Jeff, but different. Why is it that the Syndey Morning Herald is reporting that Britney Spears got married yesterday in Vegas and BritneyFans.com “the #1 source for Britney Fans” didnt consider it reason enough to update?

“Scottish news direct from Scotland”, scotsman.com is reporting about the 22 yr old songstress marrying her old hometown chum in sin city, and yet BritneySpears.com “the official website” is still congratulating fan club member Rebecca Graba who won the “In the Zone” CD pre-sale contest.

ABC News dot com has it, and yet MTV dot com does not.

and currently its 1am sunday morning. this shit happened more than 24 hours ago.

Britney.com, her record label’s site devoted to her doesnt tell its fans that their pop star is a mrs., which is mighty jive.

World of Britney dot com and britney spears dot org have the friggin marriage certificate, and yet the smoking gun is telling us about an old geezer who held up a pizza hut with an electric drill.

the web sure aint what it used to be jeff.

thats for damn sure.

how can britney.com.br, the brazilian fan club have the news of what might be the most famous young woman in the world getting married, and yet the los angeles times doesnt have a freaking word about it.

how many brazillians do you think they staff at britney.com.br?

how many vh-1ers do you think they staff at vh-1 who hasnt added any news updates since 12/30/03 when they reported on ms. spears’ “toxic” video. dont you think yesterday might have been a good day to stroll into the office after a long weekend, just cuz, you know, they are calling that section news after all. or does mtv and vh-1 have a different time frame for when news isnt new any more?

perhaps they subscribe to the la times’ and the chicago tribune‘s philosphy, which is news isnt new until they get around to reporting on it.

you’d think at least theyd read the paper of record who has several search results linking its readers to Reuters and AP reports of the big news.

my condolences to my man o-dub who shoulda been that guy.

metafilter, by the way, had the item posted at 10pm pacific tonight. and its first wisecrack came two minutes later.

who needs newspapers?

although if the LA Times had a blog, maybe they wouldnt seem so obsolete

my question though is where are the bloggers? wheres doc searls or boingboing? i thought the internet never slept.

all you people gave andrew sullivan money last year, wheres his lazy ass on a saturday night? not in front of a computer like he oughtta be.

my guess is, because of the time difference, blair will get it before glenn.

my guess is the times wont have it till monday.

britney@staples 6/6/02 + lauren defends britney 12/06/02 + interview with an escalator

the good looking kids always end up with the belle of the ball.

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cyberworld isnt any different. fuckrs.

that belch you heard was the gorillamask getting his pony for christmas.

life isnt fair.

from what i remember he chased her sister, but then switched up, wisely, when he researched the age of consent in oklahoma wasnt as liberal, dare i say Ridiculous, as it is in the evergreen state.

he rubs it in by proving he can woo her with lite beer.

i hate my life.

younger, taller, and has a better website.

my legitamite kids wont believe it, but there was a time when the hot chicks would fly around the world for my website-making ass.

they say programmers dont get any but they lie. programmers pull deeper than designers. deeper than engineers. and far deeper than the qa boys.

i shoulda been a programmer like my college advisor suggested.

i didnt know what she was trying to tell me.

have i told you life isnt fair?

why do the sweater wearing boys get the sorority girls?

why do the 21 year olds keep getting the 21 year olds?

when will the 110 year olds get some?

i can learn to drink lite beer.

i can get a haircut.

i can learn css.

google 2003 zeitgeist + chelle + yahoos top searches of 2003

people ask me all the time about love advice.

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i find it tiresome. so heres how to do it now and i dont want to talk about it for another year.

there are three vital parts to Any relationship. sexual or otherwise. trust, honest communication, and the desire for the relationship to exist.

first, the desire. if one of you isnt really 100% into it, theres going to be major problems. people forget how important it is to start at the begining. but this is the beginning “do i want this?” if you dont its over. if youre unsure, its over.

next comes honest communication. its easy to be honest when things are going good. you know you have honest communication when during the rough parts youre able to say the hard things. like, fuck you ho. or this sucks whats going on… or i love you, get your ass over here. if you think you have honest communications count how many secrets youre keeping. if you have a bunch, youre not really comminicating. if one of them is that you used to be a man, then maybe you have issues with the last part

trust. this one is at times the easiest and the hardest. its the easiest when youre trusting 100%. its the hardest when youre trusting 99%. the general rule around the xbi, on duty at least, is trust should never be an issue. you should never have to think about it. it just is. you shouldnt have to think when you answer a question, you shouldnt have to think when you ask one. you just Know that the other person knows that what youre saying is important to the sanctity of the relationship: theres no deception up their sleeve, theres no digging going on, theres no evil. its just words that lead to honest communication that sustains the relationship that both parties want.

with that said, some general standbys are: long distance relationships are for people afraid of real commitment, definately dump your high school sweetheart when you go off to college, dating sisters and twins is only for experts, use a condom every single time, theres something to be said of astrology and of a girl who will go down on you when youre watching the lakers.

other than that youre on your own.

good luck suckers,

tony

dub symphony + the sound of euphoria + jimn

ive been at home for two and a half straight days now.

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this is everything that i always thought i wanted.

ive seen a decent film, i got to eat a spicy pork burrito chips salsa and flaming margueritas, im watching the lakers fight it out in seattle as gary payton returns to key arena without shaq who left in the first quarter, ive had sex with a hot chick (not pictured) with a fuckmepleasenow body.

somehow im bored.

would it be tacky to count the number of times i had sex this year?

some would say it would jinx it but as a Christian i wouldnt know about jinxes.

3

shes a good girl, this ‘un. came over lookin good, was naked quick. doin stuff super quick. no shame. what goods shame?

im eating apple pie right out of the box. ive been eating like a pig lately.

i dont know where she is right now but it woulda been nice to have her around for some of the day at least.

she left as soon as she had to. it was raining. it was nice. it was nice not to have to worry about waking up. neither of us slept all that great. i held her. she said i had a twitchy moment where i musta been nightmaring. i told her i dont dream. she didnt believe me.

i told her i must have been outofbody spacetraveling through time and dimension.

she said, why would you go and do something like that while we’re all warm and toasty on a rainy thursday night when theres no work on friday?

i said, to fight crime.

she said crime in another world?

i said, yes, and in a different dimension.

then we turned on the radio and had some more sex.

they told me when i was a kid that you hafta watch out for chicks who look good at night but look horrible in the morn. however i have the feeling that it is i who looks like a wreck in the am. my fro goes all over the place, blanket ends up in there, my stubble grows in thick, my eyes have bags, and my rum breath cant be nice.

she looked terrific. btw. so good i asked her if she didnt by accident find herself in the wrong hollywood bungalow last night. i said this to her voluptious and bronzend ass which i couldnt keep my hand offa.

she told me that shes gonna have a hard time finding another man who loves her ass as much as i do.

i told her she needs to stop dating those white dudes in the abecrombie commershes.

the english beat came on the radio. she was just finishing up her period. dont you love these details.

she came out of the bathroom and i had already put the condom on. she slipped under the comforter. we got at it. when we eventually changed positions, turned down the smoke machines, and lowered the harness she looked at my thing and screamed.

am i that bloody? she said. and looked at the sheets and then back at me.

startled i looked down and said what? and then, no silly, this is a red condom, which one of the strobe lights illuminated.

whew she said.

and we went back at it.

and lately i havent given a shit about what the neighbors think.

resident jason + beautiful mistake + spit circle

my cyberhome dvd recorder

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crapped out on me the other night and i was going to bring it to frys for an exchange or a refund but the super dooper hot chick who was over last night (not pictured) did me three times but refused to drive me to an electronics store, woe is me.

then all of a sudden it worked again so now i am frantically burning dvds of all my favorite porn vhs tapes before it stops working.

meanwhile im listening to 103.1 LA’s Independent which WILL NOT for any reason stop playing pearl jam. they just this minute segued from bob marleys “redemption song” to “spin the black circle”. why? why would you do that?

they also seem quite infactuated with the pretenders. last night we were trying to get it on and they put on “middle of the road”. i was scared that limbaugh was about to come on and tell us this whole new alternative radio station was just a big fakeout.

now its the police “born in the 50s”. now this i can live with. infact i love it. classic rock isnt gonna play that. kroq isnt.

a niche has been found on radio, america. its incredible!

ive had this thing on since nine this morning.

karisa called me from vegas asking what i was doing, i told her i was listening to the radio.

she said 103.1

i said yep.

i was thinking what it could be like to be any better. they could tell you what song you just heard, thats for sure.

but i dont want djs. pornstars maybe. politicians, celebrities, homeless, kids. but by all means no djs.

right now its got no commercials which is mighty awesome. they have all the music in the world to choose from. they did a velvets song. i heard public enemy. i could use a smidge more hip hop. believe it or not, but not so much nirvana. maybe some live tracks.

they played kiss me on the bus last night as we got home.

nearly died.

im putting pics from last year that i didnt use on my buzznet deal + chelle + wormhog

American Splendor

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starring Paul Giamatti, Judah Friedlander, Hope Davis

HBO Films / Fine Line

directed by Shari Springer Berman & Robert Pulcini

the central problem with american splendor is its not very funny. its also disjointed and directionless. it also tries to do weird little tricks for no good reason.

once it works.

american splendor is a story about a bitter cleveland underground comic book writer named harvey pekar who made several interesting appearances on the david letterman show in the 80s.

for some reason the co-directors found it necessary to include the real-life pekar into the film along with the actor, paul giamatti, who is portraying him.

in one scene the real life co-worker of Pekar, Toby Radloff, is seen talking to the real life Pekar as the actors portraying the pair watch in the background.

i take it back, it didnt work, it sorta worked.

we want to root for pekar. he has a good story to tell. it’s interesting.

his relationship with underground comic book star and illustrator of some of pekar’s comics, r. crumb, isnt nearly as interesting as his relationship with his co-worker, radloff

its a nice suprise in the movie.

its not a bad film, its just in no way a 2003 top ten film.

why it was R-rated is beyond me.

Giamatti, who played Pig Vomit in the Howard Stern movie, Private Parts, is more than believeable in this film.

At times he is preferred.

in the Greg Vaine movie rating scale, i give American Splendor a Good-Good

e-nerve + superheros bleed + greg vaine

its twenty minutes before 2004

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ourselves clippers girl cousin is coming over in about an hour. i hope im awake.

i got surprise phone calls from two of the hottest women of the internet. one of them from a completly different country.

lets hope that i will continue to be this lucky through 2004.

lets hope that all our dreams come true this next year, k?

lets hope that our skillz progress and our full potentials are realized and that love overwhelms us and we’re swept away with happiness.

im watching dick clarks new years rockin eve. its pretty horrible but there really isnt much else on.

apparently television doesnt want to have to deal with it.

me and clipper girls cousin were going to see david lee roth at the house of blues but she got that terrible flu a few days ago and gave her tickets to her brother.

and now, of course, shes healthy again.

this was a great year and a terrible year for the cubs.

it was a scary ass year for kobe.

it was a pretty good year for the busblog.

i got to meet lots of super cool people this year, i got praised all over, i got to do some new things, and despite a bus strike, the blog continued to roll on.

every day.

several times a day.

mostly because of you, and for that i thank you.

jessica simpson is on tv so i hafta go.

i hope that all your memories of 2004 create a little smile.

happy nude year,

tony