my first audio post

powered by audblog

so my man noah wrote me and asked me why i dont use Audblog. and hes a very nice guy who has been reading the busblog for a while. and lo and behold he has something to do with Audblog.

so today i gave it a shot and let me tell you about my experience.

it was super easy.

it took me maybe 5 minutes total to sign up, make my post, and get it up there.

the first post is free and you can get 12 more posts a month for $3 a month.

people spend more than that on dumbass ring tones for their cell phones.

at this point im not exactly sure why i would use this feature on the busblog, but im brainstorming and maybe you, the sage readers, can help me.

so far im thinking that if i meet a famous person and i have my mobile phone i can dial the number and have them say hi to all of you.

im also thinking that maybe if karisa or anna or miss montreal wants to say a few words for the kids then i could hook that shit up.

and then of course i could take my phone to a tsar show and let you all hear a few minutes of what heaven sounds like.

and then, obviously, i could put my phone in someones bed room when they least expect it…

or outside my window when my neighbors are fighting.

or on the bus when theres a bus-evangelist.

or at the laker game when theyre introducing number 8, at small guard, kooooooobeeeeeee bryyyyyyant.

or at a hootenanny when someones playing Good Deal of Love.

or something

if only i could forward my answering messages to this i would be totally stoked, cuz i get some funny ones.

noah glass + riley dog + tom dog

walked to my subway station, took the elevator down, stood and waited and was shocked at how few people were down there with me.

didnt see the creepy guy who sometimes has a morning beer wrapped in a little brown paper bag, didnt see any of the armenian men who frown at me with their unibrows, didnt see any kids running late for school, didnt see any guys dressed up in their security man uniforms.

shit, barely saw anyone.

got onboard. it was free today. supposed to be free all week. but there wasnt any signage. you’d think that would be something that they would put on their little message board. WELCOME BACK: FREE RIDES ALL WEEK. but no.

pretty empty in the subway to wilshire + vermont. charlie brown’s teacher got on the PA and said something about wilshire + western trains. not sure what she said. so i used the escalator and got to wilshire + vermont to catch a bus.

hardly anyone was walking around. looked like a sunday.

the message screen below the Rapid sign said next bus in 10 minutes. it hardly ever says anything longer than 2 minutes. but apparently some of the bus drivers didnt have enough days off.

10 minutes later two Rapid busses showed up at the same time. they both opened up both of their doors and people crammed in. about 8 of us watched the madness and didnt get on. we waited.

the sign said the next bus was coming in 3 minutes. meanwhile no local busses arrived.

its nice in LA today. sunny. warm. a tad crisp but not really. i didnt mind waiting. i hadnt waited for a bus in a month. its good to wait.

as the sun warmed my blogger hoodie i saw a guy who held his hand up in a semi-ball. i thought that i was a creep for bitching about anything in life when i could easily be a guy with a deformity like that.

i took a picture of a tree. my life isnt so bad.

got on the bus. it was nearly empty. went to the back like i did in high school. sat by the window. at the next stop it filled up and a woman with an eye patch sat next to me.

all was well again.

photo by mc brown who also posted a nice gallery of tsar pix from last night and charlies bach party

you do what you should do all the time, saints,

be polite.

hi work.

lots of ways you can find out if your work is on your web site.

easiest way, of course, are IP addresses.

they’ll tell you when, who, and for how long.

i dont care if my work reads my blog, i just wish they would believe that nothing in here is true. but no one does.

other than that i have no problem with my job, despite what lies i might write on here.

half way through my little talking-to by some of my superiors this morning, i was about to tell them the truth, i was about to say, dude, if i didnt complain about something, people would think im living this fucking perfect life and they woudnt be able to relate to me, so i lie about having a crappy job that doesnt appreciate me.

it’s storytelling.

but then they started saying some odd things.

so i didnt say anything.

i kept pretending that i didnt like my job.

which has been so good to me.

you should see my desk, my huge window, my huge computer monitor, bagels on thursdays.

they send all these pretty girls by just to be nice to me.

even the dudes come by and say nice things.

they got the IT department to cruise through from time to time and hook me up, and the facilities department keeps the place perfectly temperaturized

even the janitors address me by name

and you should see the guy who wears the vest outside the garage

he always says good bye to me.

i got friends in the media center, in research, in rights & clearances, legal, sales

lord knows the eReps got my back.

and i got theirs.

what makes me so curious though is, when the cubs were in the playoffs i got a little distracted, and im not as smart as you might think, so i have to concentrate super hard.

so when the cubs were in the playoffs, i made a few mistakes and got in trouble.

cuz at the xbi you cant really make any mistakes.

especially if your me.

cuz you know why

cuz nobody wants me at the xbi

you dont either.

any time i write anything about it, you all pretty much say, fuck the xbi.

and sometimes i want to say it too, and today i felt like george bush and iraq

i wanted to give up and go home, but it would have been for the wrong reason

and id be driven out by the wrong people.

over the last few years, any anxiety that i would ever have about romantic relationships have disappeared. they have all been wonderful, loving, perfect.

sure there have been some ups and downs. but mostly ups and hardly ever anything devastating.

but during that same amount of time i have struggled, friends, with my relationship with my employers and it troubles me worse than anything ive ever experienced with a woman.

unlike my love affairs, at work i give everything.

and i definitely work harder at the xbi and at my last job, than i do on this blog or my site.

and both places, just when you thought someone was going to say, you know what man, nice work. and great job doing it under pressure. just when you thought that was coming, something very odd was said.

like youre fired.

they didnt say that today but they also didnt say hey nice work under pressure as the shit was going down as you learned new dance moves for foreign songs.

the receptionists took me outside for an american spirit though.

nice girls.

but you know i dont smoke.

and that nothing in here is true.

i couldnt imagine a better job for me. im in the middle of everything. im busy constantly. im loved, and very well taken care of.

i come in early, and i leave late. i tell jokes, and smile, and work hard at hard work.

theyve done everything that they can do to get me out of chopper one and writing for the company newsletter, but i dont want to. no matter how dangerous fighting the crime that i fight is, and no matter how thankless it can be, it’s the job that ive been given, and im not going to leave it until i leave a total champ.

before the xbi there was no busblog.

and dont forget it.

alecia made a new photo essay + ben’s daily + bastard family

at the silverlake lounge? right there on sunset? for free?

im not sure if i will be able to make it since i apparently have a Blook to put out, for your asses.

thank you for the nice feedback and emails and phone calls.

my advisor called me and said, are you kidding? there has to be a Blook II! what would william carlos williams do?

and, as always, she was right. thats why i always listen to her.

Breaking Busblog News

the MTA strike is now over!

according to NBC LA channel 4, some of the busses will return tonight, and the subways and the rest of the busses will return to service in the morning.

to my buddy Ben, and to my pal Liana and everyone who has picked me up hitchhiking, I thank you.

so much.

and MTA if you ever strike again, I will let the air out of your tires.

and i will put graffiti on your seat cushions.

meanwhile Britney finally got her much deserved hollywood walk of fame star.

our petitions have paid off america!

mine said, Dont Let Britney Live to be 22 without a Tsar.

i meant Star but you know about my typing problems.

in other news our new governor got sworn in.

and in other news i got 900 pieces of spam into my inbox while i slept last night.

p.s. i still hate my job.

pps. this just in from the florida orange grower girl who went to see britney get her star

modelbabe: I am sore today

modelbabe: by the way!

modelbabe: a black guy tried to pick up on me when I was watching Britney

modelbabe: he asked me if I was J Lo’s sister

modelbabe: I just kept looking away

modelbabe: then he said, “what? you got a problem with brothers?

modelbabe: and I said, “no, I didn’t have problem with one last night”

dumbme: nice!

modelbabe: and he said….awwww, so thats how it is, the another brother got to you first

modelbabe: he also asked me if I was mixed with black

modelbabe: I said, only at night

then she took a few more pics of britney getting her star

are you at all interested in Blook II: for your ass?

maybe im going through all this hassle for nothing. it is a hassle. i really hate reading my old stuff.

and it will be a hassle at the printer, cuz he doesnt like me coming in with word documents on a cd.

and it will be a hassle cuz i will have to have someone come over and help me pick up the crates of books.

and then i will have to go to the mail box every day and ship them all out.

so my question is, do you people want a Blook 2?

im particularly interested in hearing from the people who got Blook last year. do you want another one?

you can be honest.

and the price will be about the same: $20 which includes shipping.

do you really want to pay for something that youve been getting free all year?

is this something that if i can get printed before thanksgiving, that you would buy as gifts for your family and friends?

and finally is there intrest in a second printing of the original Blook?

personally i couldnt care one way or the other. i have no internal desire to have Blook 2 sitting on my bookshelf next to Blook. i know i made those things. i cant say i picked up the first Blook more than twice this year. and when i did, i actually did like what i read, but i winced at a few things i wrote.

i enjoy creating a lot more than reminiscing.

so please, feel free to use the comments to express your deepest truths about this matter.

thanks in advance,

tony

gnome-girl + oliver + negro please

about anything.

didnt find out till this morning what this super hot chick did for a living. turns out she works for the florida orange growers. she was sent out here for two purposes: (1) to model at their annual convention which this year is oddly in california, (2) to convert me from an apple juice drinker to an orange juice drinker.

unbeknownst to her, and her handlers, the florida orange growers convention isnt going to be here till next weekend. so this weekend all she did was laze around my place in a variety of lingerie, eating cinnasticks from dominoes, flipping through my tivo, and making sweet lust to me during my work breaks.

i was working on Blook Two

for your ass.

we did it so much that this morning i woke up early and said, baby i dont think i can give it to you today, i hope you dont mind. and she said, i dont mind. and we listened to morning radio and laid there and i felt her up and she moaned a tiny bit. but not much. she pushed her ass up against me. pefect florida orange grower model ass. no panties. ever.

she asked me to grab her tighter if i was gonna grab her.

i was beat though.

last night we watched Mystery Train off tivo. she’d never seen any jarmusch and since we did it to tom waits sunday morning i figured we would continue the theme with a movie where we hear my gravely voiced hero but didnt see him.

i fell asleep in her arms like i normally do when i watch movies with hot chicks.

i didnt write much on my site, and i didnt edit much of Blook even though she was a very good guest and didnt ask much of me and slept as she fought against her jet lag.

i tried to get motivated by drinking rum right out of the bottle and smoking from a long hunter s thompson cigarette holder, but nothing worked. i should have just laid on that couch in that sweet girls arms and found out every little thing about her.

i told her that i would drink more orange juice, i went to the market and got some frozen pulp free cans, but im drinking nantucket nectars pressed apple right now.

some habits are hard to break.

she told me that the florida orange growers saw that most of my hits come around breakfast time (9a – noon, pacific) and that if i talked about how much i like orange juice that maybe that would influence people into drinking more orange juice.

i told her she was nuts. i told her that my readers were smarter than that. that if they wanted to drink coffee in the morn, or tea, that nothing that i did would sway them.

she says its not about that. its about perception. its about the 18-34 demographic.

i told her that if she got a web page and started drinking oj in her bikini

she interrupted me and said, we dont say oj

i was all, thats fucked up.

she said, what? hes a murderer.

i was like, bitch, the glove didnt fit.

she was all, lets not fight.

i was all, fuhrman said the n word.

she was all, comeon, the blood trail, the dna, the cuts on his hands, the abuse, the 911 call.

i was all, he was banging a playboy playmate, he wouldnt murder a woman who he had been doing since she was 18 because at thirty something she wanted to hump a waiter.

then she said, tony, lets not fight.

then she made me a mimosa.

no pulp.

and we kissed.

bunnie + flagrant + virginia’s first photo essay!

im thirsty.

if i keep smoking im going to get a head ache. i wasnt made to make a novel. i can barely write a blook.

hot chick is laying on my couch watching the raiders vikings game. weve already done it a half dozen times. got to. if youre given lemons you make lemonade, etc. she got done napping after the last one.

then madpony called. then anna called. then miss montreal called.

my hands are dry because when people call me i do the dishes and im not sure if these are dishpan hands or fingerbang hands or old mans hands or hand me down hands.

some say i dont drink enough water.

i look through these blook entries one by one and i keep wondering why a thousand people a day come here. maybe they come and then realize theyve been tricked and scram.

im sorry you got scammed, people.

however the cam girl requests have increased and they say its cuz of the writing and cuz im cute and put both of those lies together and maybe you have sort of an upside down truth.

and you know who i thank, i thank drudge and rush and all the other phonies and losers and bad people and bad writers because compared to them im not so bad.

im trying to put together this blook, but it’s hard. i dont like to read my old stuff.

it just might end up being a short story.

a tiny one.

me and the glamour girl just looked through a bunch of the little tiny movies that ive made with my cam.

i might have to put together a page of that stuff sometime soon.

but theres a super hot chick coming over tonight. i mean hot.

she sorta has a bad attitude but its sexy on her. sometimes i just look at her and try to figure it out.

is it cuz her skin is clear, or symmetrical, or typical.

its hard to say. especially since i usually like the little flaws. a lot.

this girl doesnt have any flaws.

came over the other day after work and these legs… and i think arent i supposed to care about her mind and her personality but im mesmerized by how her skirt falls.

how everything, anything looks good on her.

she might be a hologram.

have i told you i started dreaming the other day.

three nights in a row now.

she likes it when my apartment is messy, and my beard is growing in, and when the bed isnt made.

i got tom waits’s alice and blood money and put it in the winamp.

i dont think she’ll like it.

we have this little game where we pretend that we dont like each other, or that we will do anything special for each other.

so i showered shaved cleaned up burned some incense brushed my teeth.

its one am and im done now.

she says she doesnt like to think that someone did anything special for her cuz then she’ll feel like she owes them something.

i told her all she owes is a forty and i hope she doesnt forget it

and i hope she gets here

before i fall asleep.

speaking of falling asleep, tonights saturday night live may have been the worst ive ever seen.

other than missy elliot.

one thirty, is this girl gonna be here?

bears football early in the morning

and shit.

coyote + jack + brian

the longer you get to know me the more you get to see how gross i can be.

im sure it’s quite a thrill.

the best way to deal with it is to do like my true love does, and just play along.

i remember this story about hunter s. thompson. that someone asked him to sign his classic Fear & Loathing and hunter took the man’s book, went around to the back of the house, and shot it with his pistol.

so when my intern told me that she had compiled the best 200 pages of the busblog’s second year for me to edit, rework, and pare down to 125 pages, i told her thank you for helping out with blook two.

and when she asked if i would autograph it i thought of the good doctor and asked her if she would like a special signature.

thankfully, she declined.

From: your intern

Subject: hi, jonas

To: dumbyou@tonypierce.com

hi mister pierce!!

ok, so it’s done. it’s 2:30 a.m. which by college girl standards is technically friday night, so here you are.

i hope you are happy with the entries i’ve picked out because i really gave them a lot of thought, maybe even more than necessary.

i started with the august 7 2002 post which was a perfect beginning and ended with august 8 2003 bcz that is the date you got published on the fox sports site, it seemed like a great ending for blook 2 to me.

there are 199.5 pages and it was quite hard to cut it down to that but i did my very best for you, tony pierce, because i adored the busblog ever since the first email i sent you wanting to be your intern.

i can’t wait to get my very own autographed, free (and cum-free, but thanks for offering) copy!

i think i did a pretty good go-over check-through but let me know if you need anything else, i will be mondo busy this weekend but available at the middle of next week for minor changes, etc.

you love me?

xoxoxox,

your devoted intern

that broken girl + perfect gallows + leah