fuck you friday the 13th.

very few things are going down today at the agency without a struggle. i hate it. i want to go home. i want to go home right now. i dont want to do anything but go home right this minute.

im on my lunch break. im writing you. i wrote the hottest girl here and sorta asked her what shes doing tomorrow. ok i did ask her what shes doing tomorrow. i asked her two other dumb questions. maybe she will think im dumb for asking. thats fine. i am dumb. and im dumb for asking.

i asked her if she liked scary movies and i asked her if she liked reggae.

i was invited to a birthday party tomorrow that im not sure if i can go to. but if i can i want to go with this gurl.

its a little more sunny here in la than its been but friday the thirteenth is here and doesnt want it to be too nice.

this is the month of gemini. things are supposed to be good this month. what the hell is happening?

i watched, and enjoyed the amazing race last night.

i have a new maid who should be in my apartment right now saying aye carumba!

the old maid was caught stealing.

she took my old mavica.

this new guy at the xbi followed her home and then went through her things and found some stolen rubber gloves, and coffee mugs from some restaurants. weird little things that cant bring in too much money, but some thieves are like that.

so many more interesting things for her to steal from my mansion and yet she didnt.

very odd.

people are so weird.

but fortunately theyre weird in super nice ways too.

but still, fuck you friday the thirteenth. today i miss karisa just that much more.

dc + splink + treacher

who are my heroes. i have several friends who are also my heroes. kate sullivan is very near the top of that list.

today if you live in los angeles and youre one of the many who pick up the LA Weekly you will see a campy retro portrait of Rodney Bingenheimer, a hollywood icon, wonderfully featured by our very own kate.

rodney has been a fixture in punk alternative and underground music here in southern california since the advent of radio.

in a town of famous radio djs rodney is not only still standing, but rocking out just as hard.

the way things go in la radio are like this: rodney discovers it on kroq on sundays around 11pm, the college station kxlu plays it for months, then when that band comes out on a major label rodney will play it again, then kroq will play it in the daytime, then a video will get made, then mtv will play it, then it will become huge, then the rest of the country’s “modern rock” stations will play it.

rodney has introduced the fine music of the sex pistols, the ramones, the go gos, x, the clash, black flag, depeche mode, the smiths, wham, the bangles, nirvana, blur, elastica, the strokes, the white stripes, and now the donnas.

if you want to see the future of rock go no further than the Rodney on the Roq show.

rodney is a big fan of girl groups. hes a big fan of japanese girls. hes a big fan of brit pop. and he even had tsar headline one of his club dates.

i love rodney and i love kate and i love that they melded minds and got a cover story out of it.

apparently the LA Film Festival will be screening a documentary about rodney which the weekly says is the centerpiece of the festival.

he’s the mayor of the sunset strip, what more would you expect?

i love rodney not just because he has championed new music that i have ended up loving, like Teenage Fanclub and Shonen Knife, but because he does it with a wimpy ass totally real voice that sounds nothing like what you’d expect from a quote unquote dj on la’s most influential radio station..

i love him because he’s loyal to his favorite bands and artists, i love him because hes one freaky dude, and i love him because i have run into him at canter’s, clubs, and the now defunct rocknroll dennys next to guitar center and he was always nice and even once posed with me for a picture.

what more could you want from a legend?

i love kate because shes hot, gives great hugs, and not only meets all my favorite people but gets paid to write down what they say to her.

long live kate and long live rodney.

kate sullivan meets rodney bingenheimer

i wish i could tell you about them.

today ashley called me from las vegas.

today i wrote the hottest chick at work an email.

i said

hi, did you see old school?

she wrote back with a

hi, yes.

in sales they teach you to keep the customer saying yes.

the idea is that when you ask for the sale they’ll have a habit of saying yes to you and they’ll feel comfortable saying yes when you want them to.

i wasnt that sort of salesman.

i would tell them about their choices and then have them decide.

sometimes they would want to go home and think about it, and then i would close them, because, well, that was the game.

if you tricked someone into buying something, eventually they would want to bring it back. lots of times it was within a week.

then you would have to deal with the return, and very rarely would they exchange it, so i recommend never to trick people into things.

i would close them by saying i didnt care if they bought that night, but why not think about it while its at your house.

theories i told them are ok

but if you have the chance to actually experience it, risk free, well, it would be sorta logical to take it home and try it out.

later in the day i saw the hottest chick at work at the bagel shop across the street

some girls take the confidence right out of me.

i like those girls.

i like being nervous for no good reason.

my buddy went to the maxim hundred hottest chick party last night here in hollywood.

this is a good town for events like those.

i told this website that i would like to go to hollywood parties for them and write about it as a blog.

they said whats a blog.

i told them the wall street journal has a blog and i told them about all the other sites that have blogs and they told me that blogs were juvenile and i said but i want to go to famous peoples homes who are throwing hollywood parties and i want to take pictures of the feet of the famous and the bathrooms and their elbows.

i told them i wanted to call the blog elbows and assholes.

i learned that phrase from one of the marines at the xbi. one of the old school ones.

he said that out in the fight if it was particularilly heavy gunfire they would say we were up in our elbows and assholes in shit.

they told me that blogs were unprofessional and sent me on my way.

problem is i have no way.

i havent seen a naked girl in weeks.

fuckin president.

jennyeah

the xbi has issued a new procedure thats pretty interesting.

first of all if we’re pissed at each other we can no longer shoot at each other.

but we can say fuck you to each other.

but we can only do it once a day, and our fuck yous can carry-over so if you dont tell anyone to fuck themselves on one day you can tell two people to fuck themselves the next day. or you can tell one person to fuck themselves twice the next day.

strangely this has not only cut down on the gunplay but also the verbal assaults.

i really dont curse that much at work. i know if you read the busblog much you’d think im a swearing machine, but not really. i just use those words on here because the legitimate liberal press cannot.

and cuz its fun.

and cuz welch and layne and all the rest of my heroes are too ashamed to on their things, but i understand, theyre professionals and they want people to think that theyre smarter than they are, which they are.

so now im flying over west la, my old home, and im thinking about who i want to give my fuck yous to for this week.

and im also a little worried about who will give me some, which is really weird because when they were unlimited i didnt really say anything evil to people and very few of them said anything evil to me.

but the new russian chick shot at me a few times, so im pretty sure shes gonna fling some curses at me.

when i grow up i want to be a white rapper.

just kidding.

when i grow up i want to be a dj on a pirate radio station that illegally broadcasts the accounts and descriptions of major league baseball without written permission of the commissioner of baseball or the chicago cubs.

and in the background i want to play led zep and janes addiction and motley crue and tsar.

souptree + kate sullivan + britcoal + jack had the right idea, sorta

tiger told me that he would dye his hair after i told him that he wouldnt do anything that his model girlfriend didnt like and i told him he was full of shit and yesterday he actually did something relatively non-pussy.

congrats, tiger. you’re that much less not an old white man trapped in a africanamericanasian body.

todays george herbert walker bush’s birthday.

i dont trust rich people with two middle names.

todays also marv albert’s birthday.

why is it that i trust that wig-wearing crossdressing backbiter more than our president and his old man combined?

probably cuz he calls a sweet ass basketball game.

fell asleep last night watching “ice age”.

tivo plus hbo is really spectacular. thank you people who created tivo. i love you.

i do.

had a woman subway driver today who was really good. wanted to put that into the record.

last night a good friend, make that two good friends who asked me about some previous post and whether or not i was really sad or really mad or really whatever and i had to keep on saying nothing in there is true. and they would say some of it is true and i would have to say none of it is true and theyd say but… and i would interrupt and say nothing in there is true.

and they would say ok, fine.

and i would say, if youre worried, email me. or call.

my phone rings off the hook. still. so maybe i shouldnta said call.

i have no desire to buy the radiohead cd.

i have no desire to get a dvd player.

i have no desire to see the hulk.

cubs keep winning without sammy so today will be a good day.

hunnh + i miss raymi + jim gilliam

i want to be a good writer i want to be a good man

i wroter which is weak(r) she wrote back i wrote back she wrote back i wrote back she truth or dared me i truthed and dared her i want to be a good writer i want to be a good blogger i want to be i want to be i want to keep being me.

shes a smart girl its obvious and pretty and confident even though young and smart and pretty and sexy iwant to be someone better i want to do something bigger i want to i want to i want to i cant believe how much i get to. she i hope understood what i was saying but theres no way she could understand what im saying. i want this computer to get fixed soon. the viruses have it pinned down but it keeps moving its head quick to the left cheek then quick to the right cheek, headbutting when the virus gets too close to the lips, tounge slithering out, teeth glistening in the light of the tv.

it might be old, like she isnt, but its just as feisty, just as strong. just as important to this sentence. and this one. and this paragraph. and the next one. i want to be better. i want to be faster i want to be sharper i want to be smarter.

the birds are singing in the moonlight for some reason. are they hungry or horny the palm tree asks itself. faster. faster. harder. smarter. the dew and the breeze and the street sounds and pet sounds, the garbage and the homeless the scarecrow and the rainbow can only hear these little birds sing in the darkness and its not a song they know or cares to know we all just know that its hard to stay i say its hard to stay satisfied for more than a more of that more than this more than that its hard to stay satisfied for more than a minute so keep going keep growing keep working keep trying.

peak upon peak upon peak and youre faster peak upon strength upon rock upon magical. she has a magical smile and courtney love eyes and a voice like raymi thats deep sometimes and grainy. she held herself she did well for herself she called herself a girl she proved her spot in this whirling and whirling and spining and turning i saw the i letter that said that i said i too much. touch too much. touch too much. i i i i too much. you suck too much. like incubus. you suck at us.

i didnt want to meet elvis costello after i met paul westerberg. bruce climbed the fence at graceland, i stood in line at spaceland. sometimes the image the idea the day dream the ice cream is better in the mind than in the orange rind. he had orange rinds all over. he had his hands on his back he had guns in his rack we had guns at his back i said why the orange rinds he said xbi i said no such thing he started crying he said please dont kill me i said answer the question he said i didnt believe you existed i said feel your arm twisting he said dont touch my girlfriend i said you probably should stop moving he said for the weed i said what he said orange rinds orange rinds the whole place smelled of lemon peels i mean orange rinds this years potpourri the devil still owes me he said shes my true love i said this isnt about her quit talking about her you want to talk about her you dont want us to talk to her he said no no i said no one wants or needs her but what of these orange rinds.

and the traffic from her bedroom is like a river except its the 2 she says tea i said nyet she says me i said wait she opened up a baggie and pinched off a peice and packed a big bowl and she said for both of us i thought xbi she said lets get high i thought xbi she said have you not tried i said i could die she said why now why i said xbi shit i said xbi.

no wonder why.

and i woke up and she was smiling i woke up and she was staring i woke up and i didnt know where i was right there with her and with you and with pink tv and dirty clothes and rolled up socks and pantyhose she said you were talking in your sleep i said i dont talk in my sleep she said you were on repeat i said what she said talk to me look at me talk with me look at me i said why are you saying that she says thats what you were doing i said what was i doing she said rhyming and stealing and repeating and circling and running through the strangest lists. i said like what she said you said i want to be better i want to be normal i want to be better i want to be ternal.

she said do you want to write better i said i want to go getter she said do you want to go get her she said i want to go get her.

laencantada + sepi + jarrett

and their asses and bailed out early this morning, hours before we, the xbi, had shown up.

so now theres going to be some heads being bashed in because someone told them they were coming, because there was a mess, because there was shit everywhere, and because nobody messes with texas, and because nobody lives after they rat out the xbi.

plus i just found out that my true lust has the wrong birthday.

i try not to believe in astrology but when it keeps coming true what can you do?

shes so cute.

but theyre all cute.

sad thing about astrology being right is that its been so right.

its not like i didnt try either. but all the ones that werent supposed to work out didnt work out exactly how they werent supposed to work out.

especially the arieses.

so cute.

someone just told me that sammy’s appeal has been heard and major league baseball has reduced the suspension from 8 days to 7 days.

fuck baseball.

what does this teach kids? do kids get to appeal their suspensions? wheres the kids’ union?

so sammy cheats, puts a huge blemish on his career, and gets a week-long summer vacation. fuck you, baseball.

no longer is my fondest wish to travel the world and blog to you about all the wonderful people i meet and delicious foods that i eat.

my new fondest wish isnt to manage the cubs to a world series victory, it’s to be the first black commissioner of baseball.

and trust me there will be minorites in the front offices and in the managerial ranks once im the commish.

and you’ll see the death of the dh.

and people who cheat will not be given week-long summer holidays.

which rhymes with buck beer friday ladies days.

d-lo + gorilla mask + the ward

first they had a guy dragging a huge ship anchor and chain across sand. now some dude is pulling a semi truck across a parking lot.

even the ladies at the xbi like the strongman competition which is broadcast on espn every morning.

someone just said in my ear that game one of the stanley cup finals got the same ratings as the womens college softball world series. i think america is saying fuck puck.

we like trees but they dont do anything.

nothing other than convert carbon dioxide into oxygen and give birds and bugs and vermin nice little homes in which to live.

i walk past this very large church to the subway each day. the church has a large congregation and lots of volunteers. i dont judge whatever they pray about in their church but i do judge their groundskeeping.

to have so many volunteers they sure have a lot of weeds and ugly plants.

have pretty plants spiritual people.

im not sexist, but i have found myself not liking the rides given by the female subway drivers.

and i miss the goodmorning goodmorning goodmorning subway man. what happened to him?

he’d say things like wilshire/western this is our final stop, please make sure to take all your personal belongings, cell phones, bags, purses, coats with you. and remember youre all kings and queens. have a beautiful day.

wheres that guy?

instead i get these women who brake too hard and who always seem suprised that the normandie stop is after the vermont stop.

theres always this, next stop is…. normandie.

why the pause, ladies?

every time you leave vermont station the normandie station will be there.

also they only tell you that this is the wilshire/western train after they close the doors and head off.

its ok to tell the people before you close the doors. infact tell them a few times and tell them the north hollywood train will come in a few minutes.

im looking at the wind blow the trees.

today we’re flying over venice. some gang shit. we’re about to steal a bunch of leather furniture after we make our “citizens arrests”.

im giving mine to the poor.

i already have furniture.

i played the lotto yesterday even though the odds are against me.

they say you have a better chance of getting hit by lightning. so i figure if you want to get hit by lightning go outside in a storm.

similiarly if you want to get a couple million dollars and travel around and write about it may as well get some lottery tickets.

the gang members dont seem to be at home.

someone wants to go into their warehouse anyway but im telling them that it might be a trap.

so now someone is singing “… caught in a trap, and i cant get back

cuz i love you too much baby.”

oh shit, now everyone is singing and laughing

“We can’t go on together

With suspicious minds…”

crazy thing is some of these people are about to start shooting at people.

like at any minute.

bitchen photo essay from the dells+ wKen + sumo-pop + allison

because it was my bestfriend’s birthday and i didnt even get to see her.

i once saw a thing about this hundred year old woman who lived in this big building of old folks and she would go to the drugstore for all the other old folks and she picked up a hobby when she was 50 and then picked up another when she was 75 and then a different one when she was 90. she said that one reason she was able to stay healthy and happy was that she didnt resist or fight change.

if someone that she loved died or moved away, she wouldnt let it bring her too far down. she rolled with the changes. she said that in her 100 years she saw so much change it was insane and just flowed with it all.

i think about that old lady a lot. not because im interested in living to be 500 years old, but because she seemed happy throughout her whole life, and because i dont do as well with change as i’d like. especially with old girlfriends.

i suppose i am still carrying a torch for my ex, which i know is dumb, but its the pattern that i repeat time after time. and i know in my heart that all it does is take years off my life.

not in a mortal sense, but in a real sense. if you close your heart to the world for even a half of a year after you break up with someone then youve taken half a year off your Life, and my pattern has been to go years without giving any of the fine ladies of america a real chance after a break up.

historians might go back to my archives and see that i picked up the hobby of blogging right when my true love and i were breaking up a few years back. and others might say that i started dating ashley immediately, and clipper girl and others, but the truth was my heart was still with yesterdays birthday girl. we talked on the phone every day and hung out at least once a week.

i dont know why im writing about this.

this is boring.

im trying to get my courage up to ask the hottest girl at work out for this weekend.

lets see what my astrology says.

Libra Horoscope for week of June 12, 2003 by Rob Brezney

When I’m mountain-biking on the ridge, I usually stick to the relatively smooth parts of the dirt trails. Now and then, though, I head straight towards the most jagged bumps and deepest pits. It feels good to test my sense of balance so dramatically — to have to make countless split-second adjustments as my bike rumbles over the rugged terrain. Far from being a hardship, the sensation is exhilarating. I do it on purpose because it’s fun. From my analysis of the astrological omens, Libra, I reckon you’re now in a phase comparable to the one I just described. May you enjoy every minute of the wild ride.

I guess that means go for it.

okay, i’ll go for it.

blog blog blog + the new and improved la examiner + la observed