but im going to try on fridays to post some tips on blogging and writing and stuff that will help your blog get better.

todays topic is writers block and how to defeat it.

people sometimes talk about writers block. i had a teacher who said that writers block is a way of the universe and nature to tell you to read a book instead. i never liked that teacher and he never liked me, so we’re even. however he does have my dream job of being a professor at a cool university on the beach surrounded by hot young women and im sitting here … not being that.

anyways i dont believe in writers block and in four and a half years of writing this blog ive never had it, so clearly it doesnt believe in me neither.

to me writers block happens when you are afraid to say the things that you want to say. it happens when you self edit yourself before you start writing or while you are writing. it happens when youre trying to be a perfectionist. when youre trying to write to one hard-to-reach person instead of to a willing and wide audience. and it happens when youre confused as to who your audience is.

to me writers block is the devil whispering “you suck, this sucks, you cant write, nobody cares, so and so has said this before and better, bloggings dumb, your blogs dumb, youre dumb,” and you listen to those whispers as opposed to the siren song of your muse.

i have a harem of muses, and another one on the side just in case. that doesnt mean that the devil still doesnt have season tickets right in the front row. fucker. it just means that over the years ive learned how to write in such a way that i can turn his volume down.

one of the best ways to confound the devil is to acknowledge him right away and move on while he’s basking in the attention. look at my first line of this post. thats me shaking off the hisses of the devil as i step into the batters box. i knew i was going to write a post giving advice and the first thing the devil said was who the fuck are you to give advice. so i acknowledged him and moved on.

now the devils not gonna shut up just because you winked at him before you tapped home plate, so you have to confuse him some more. one way to do that is write so fast that he doesnt have any time to sink his teeth into what youre saying. thus the 15 minutes with Tony excercise was born.

if you write fast the devil can still call bullshit fast but sometimes your brain and your fingers and your thoughts can take the lead and the devil cant catch up. some jockies do this with horses during long races. they know their horse isnt as good as the others so they get them off to a long lead and see if the horse can hold the lead.

run fast out of the gates my friends and dont look back.

and while youre there, write from your heart. the devil is not in your heart. the devil is in your head. the heart is where good things live and bad things cant thrive. tell the truth as you know it. write plainly. keep it simple. speak from your own experience. dont get caught up in length or style or what other people are doing.

get caught up in your own tale and watch it blossom.

finally, write every day in every circumstance and at every time of day. eventually you will form a belief about what the best time of day is for you to be creative. when youve convinced yourself of this, make sure to write during that part of the day. my belief is im best in the morning. thats why im writing this now. in fact every morning i write something.

it doesnt matter what it is that you write, just write every day. and when youre done send some shout outs to your peeps, right click > select all > right click > copy and then Publish Post.

then look at it on your page and tell the devil that he still aint shit.

the best way to defeat writers block is to write and never stop.

a. fakers who arent paying attention

if i wanted hits id hit the Shift key a little more frequently

if i wanted hits id write about Da Bears who are blowing up

if i wanted hits id write about my displeasure with Kobe being the only watchable Laker in town which is why i dont watch the Lakers

if i wanted hits id write about the way my fingers smelled this morning

if i wanted hits id link to the Saugeen Stripper more

if i wanted hits id do what all the fratboys do to get hits: post nudes, nip slips, cooch shots, and somethingawful grossouts

if i wanted hits i wouldnt insult my readers, challenge their dumbshit comments, and insist that they start thinking for themselves

if i wanted hits id have weekly movie reviews, weekly cd reviews, weekly hotchick features, weekly blogging tips, and weekly photo tips but i dont do that because the busblog might be a lot of things but it isnt a contrived peice of formulated corp blog whose sole intent is to get more eyeballs

if i wanted hits i wouldnt be the most transparent blogger alive, and i certainly would never admit to blogging simply to get tits in my mouth as opposed to hits on my counter

if i wanted hits id update more, id spell check more, id write about Lost more, id write about Matt Good more

if i wanted hits id write about Jenny Good way more

if i wanted hits id take you in and out of the streets of Los Angeles at least once a week spotlighting the fabulous nightclubs that i frequent, the dive bars i end up at, and the afterhours penthouse suites that i pass out in

if i wanted hits youd have seen a picture of karisa on this badboy every fucking week that its been up

if i wanted hits id let the losers just slide with their lame attempts to throw a wrench in the busblog, id delete comments and ban people

if i wanted hits id tell my friends to leave nice comments when the going got rough, or id start a fake blog and name my fake name something stupid like Elmo and barrage naysayers with nonsense if anyone ever criticized tony pierce

if i wanted hits id lurk at bigger blogs and try to make a name for myself in their comments, and either id be a royal pain in the ass or a super suckass

if i wanted hits i wouldnt bite the hands that could feed me like this one and that one, both of whom list me on their blogroll, so must have seen something here that they liked, instead id keep my criticsms about them to myself and link to them with high praise whenever they do good deeds.

if i wanted hits id cut my blog surfing in half and double my blog content, but im actually a fan of the blogs that i link to, im a fan of the blogosphere, im a fan of the genre and im up every night til 4am not writing to get hits but reading cuz i like it.

if i wanted hits id write shorter peices and market the good stuff.

if i wanted hits id withhold the best stuff and sell it to the loyals at Christmas

if i wanted hits id make my page quicker to load and easier to read

if i wanted hits id have scars on my knees

like your friends the sellouts

but i dont want hits and ive never wanted money, ive never wanted popularity but some things youre cursed with.

i charge three times the going rate for a blog with the sort of hits i get so id have to spike my shit super high for the advertisers to get their money’s worth if hits was the only reason that they displayed their message here, but its my belief that they advertise here because this isnt a sellout blog concerned with hits

this isnt a sellout blog who writes things for attention

this isnt a sellout blog who bites its tongue because omg someone might be upset

it is the unedited unspellchecked once typed and probably never read again diary entry of an undercover superhero fighting the good fight in hollywood california in a blog that pretends that nothing in here is true

and that attracts the good readers of the interweb who the good advertisers want to reach

not just soulless eyeballs

not just linedancing robots with wheel of fortune frozen on their idiot box

if i wanted hits id change everything about this blog and do everything differently but i dont think about hits any more than i think about ads and i dont think about pussy either

which is why i get all three and then some

and then some.

paige + alex + binsk

there are more than a few blogs out there that are busblog ripoff sites. and thats nice. Imitation is the highest form of blahblahblah, and all that. and hell, if im going to preach and teach and be all righteous on this shit then nobody should be surprised if a few people actually take me up on it.

however, never have i said that you should write in all lowercase

or break yr lines for emphasis

or take all your pictures from yahoo news

or have fake interviews with inanimate objects like your blog

hi blog

fuck you tony you dont talk to me anymore dont talk to me now

if anything ive tried to help you be more comfortable in being yourself and telling your stories and developing your style. its great that you like mine, but its mine, and i will whip your ass at being tony pierce any day of the week stoned or sober, employed or free.

i appreciate the props but realize you cannot blog like that forever and know that you will never be as popular long-term as the person who youre imitating. ask john cafferty and the beaver brown band.

and you damn well arent in the position to “nudge” me or “correct” me in anything other than spelling, but guess what, i have a spell checker right here and i dont use it so what makes me think im going to listen or be influenced by you?

i do the influencing here.

whats fascinating is some have had the guts to think that after five posts on their brand new blog that they can teach me a thing or two about writing or blogging or livin. as if!

on the fourth of july of last year i was given a gmail invite by one mr jason sutter of blogger. on that day i set it up so that every time i made a post it would get emailed to my gmail and put in my folder called “posts”. since last year at this time i have made 1,078 posts. you dont even have a tenth of that.

you dont even have 78.

some of those posts ended up in a self published book that some (maybe you, paid real money for), one of those posts ended up in the washington post.

you know who gives me advice? nobody. my mother does. she begs me not to curse. i love my mother more than anyone in the world and i dont even listen to her so why on earth do you think id listen to you, you who steals from me without kissing my ass properly.

if im number one in your blogheart i need to be number one on your blogroll. if youre jacking my style if youre stealing my design if youre biting my look or sound or technique my name needs to be in big letters at the top of your shit. period.

wanna call me the king of bloggers? that’ll do. even king call me the king. he doesnt put me on top of his list, but that may change and xtx rules so im cool with that.

dc puts me on top, right above lileks and thats about right. fuckr. and dc’s done that for a long time and he doesnt even bite my style so doubly good for him. and guess what, hes been linking me for years and his writing has only gotten better. why? because hes working on his shit, not mine.

YeahYeahs put Lick way up top on her shit and kept it there even though we havent done Lick in a long time. but notice on her links of people im on top and she even prefaces my name with a “mr.” good for you baby. props right back at you.

flagrant has me as her only external link. now thats love. “emergency exit” is how she links to me, and guess what, any time someone asks me about bloggers shes one of the few who i talk about. its called mutual respect. shes got her own thing going too and shes been consistently kickass over the years and im stoked that we might get an interview out of her soon cuz its been far too long.

ive dropped a notch on paige‘s blog, but its below goldenfiddle, which is fine cuz i dont visit bro enough and its a nice reminder. ive also dropped below anti on alecia’s but i think shes hot for him so thats cool too.

yes im vain and competitive and flawed and fucked. it makes me happy to be linked on the sidebars of instapundit and little green footballs as well as matt and jen good, and i love having gregs portrait of me on raymis blog.

how many bloggers do you know who are on such a wide spectrum of blogs like that without selling out, without pandering, without blatantly kissing ass.

therefore if youre going to come here every day and go back to your blog with what youve learned you better damn well put my name and my link up where it belongs: far up top for everyone to see. else youre frontin and thats wickeddy wack yo.

and if you want to pretend that im famous like oprah, im cool with that too.

yes links mean a lot to me which is why i link back as much as i do.

probably because i know how much they mean to you too.

4rilla is nervous about stern + small island girl + bart + tsar was on KROQ last night

and why he was on my list of 100 Greatest American Men for two years in a row:

yesterday i was procrastinating and i was clicking around the blogosphere and i saw an amazingly beautiful blog

on the left hand side i saw contact information and noticed that the author had provided her AOL screen name, so i clicked it and i swear to God this is verbatim the begining of the conversation:

me: hey you dont know me, but your blog design is super gorgeous
me: im going to link to it on my blog
me: did you design it yourself?

her: thanks!
her: i did

me: incredible

her: what’s your blog?
her: oh you flatter me

me: http://www.tonypierce.com/blog/bloggy.htm
me: do you study design in school or do it professionally?

her: tony pierce
her: THE tony pierce?!
her: i do neither
her: and thank you!

me: ahahah you know me?

her: of course i do!

and cynics may say, oh youre on ev’s tip cuz you might want a job from him in the future, or cuz maybe he’ll link to you on his blog or some of that bs, but no. i mean sure, it would have been nice to have worked with him back during the blogger days, but shit, how do you beat the above convo.

btw these are the legs of the girl in question in the conversation.

so no, i dont want anything *from* ev, i want to thank him *for* this software. he has stoked me in so many ways that im the one who needs to repay him in some way.

when we were at sxsw and we were able to spend a few minutes to talk we strolled over to the bar and i was so happy that i was going to be able to buy a drink for the man, but just my luck it was an open bar, so i took care of the tip.

so bro, if youre reading this, i still owe you a few drinks at least.

but then i got thinking… if ev’s 20th century revolution has blessed me this much, what about his latest project, Odeo, the new way to podcast. what could that do for me? what doors might that open?

hell, instead of having to fend off these college girls because of blogging, maybe i could graduate to women who didnt need fake id’s – through podcasting.

now that im a proud owner of an automobile i play my ipod all the time through the cassette deck (yes, its an old car and it has one of those. shut up, i like it.), and since i have no attention span the only thing that i can really focus on are conversations… like on talk radio.

so prepare america, i know ive warned you that me and matt good might get a podcast show going, but now im convinced. ev’s never done me wrong and id be a fool if i didnt follow the pied piper to the next level.

which means coming soon, you’ll get to be entertained by this pajama wearing fool via your ipod or itunes.

also, not instead of.

and by soon i mean real soon.

so get ready.

goldman + eric + sutter + kimbalina + biz + graham + the blog in question

Blogebrity, interviewed me!

heres an excerpt

blogebrity: for starters….you use blogger pro, and always have, to publish the busblog, right?

tonypierce: yes
tonypierce: blogger has been berry berry good to me

blogebrity: never any thoughts about moving over to a movable type or anything like that?

tonypierce: yes, thoughts, but in a few bizarre ways i try to live by example
tonypierce: and i want to show people that you dont need anything fancy to have a good blog
tonypierce: and get a fair share of attention
tonypierce: so yes ive been tempted to move over to something else, and/or get a designer, and/or get people to edit my shit
tonypierce: but i think this is best in the long run.

blogebrity: while you have started other blogs, like lickmagazine, you currently dont blog anywhere else, do you?

tonypierce: no, ive been a slacker
tonypierce: i do comment on metafilter about once a week
tonypierce: and throughout the blogosphere
tonypierce: i dont even update my secret blogs
tonypierce: i suck

blogebrity: now, as for blog-reading….do you have a blog/rss reader of choice?

tonypierce: I like the old fashioned way of having a homepage
tonypierce: http://www.tonypierce.com/links.htm
tonypierce: but when i do use a Reader i use projectdu

blogebrity: you still have a promotional deal with them, correct?

tonypierce: yes, its a great relationship

blogebrity: sort of like jordan and nike?

tonypierce: hahaha
tonypierce: not in the slightest
tonypierce: project du has no sweatshops
tonypierce: on whose backs i make millions
tonypierce: i really dont like athletes who do things like that
tonypierce: sponsorships are ok
tonypierce: but think about who youre in bed with

read the rest here

“start running again.
get in shape.”

for some reason i thought that shhhh would stick around through this awkward period. for some reason i thought that even though we were from the total opposite sides of the solar system in so many ways that she’d trust me enough to let me lead the way.

but nope.

and for some reason i didnt think id feel so alone.

an old girlfriend called last night and told me that im still a stud. her word, certainly not mine. she reeled off a list of girls id “hooked up” with since she and i had broken up and she was wrong about one of them and i corrected her and still she was all, still thats a lot, stud.

and the list didnt cheer me up as much as her knowing the list cheered me up.

there is such a wide difference between men and women that im always suprised what women project onto us. and theres such a big difference between me and most men that i wonder how these women who have known me so intimately, even for a little while, are thinking when they try to lump me into such a broad group.

but the demons are persuasive
and relentless
and always there.

if i was the devil id do exactly the same thing. i would hide out in the ear canal and just say the most negative shit. no way would i take human form, why bother. id just lay low and spew. no need to be originial no need to be accurate no need to be logical. just be negative. just be dumb. just instill doubt.

in his book, just a geek, mr wil wheaton talks about the negative voices that haunt him as he tries to go through his daily life and he has funny names for them and the devil has tons of names.

but if hes gonna hang out with me

hes gonna have to outdrink me

and run faster.

and lord knows hes gonna find himself lost and confused if he ever gets much deeper in my head than my ear canal. cuz its fuck up in there. on purpose.

i have the easiest assignment tonight. write something about blogging for a very nice woman in new york city.

it doesnt have to be terribly specific, it doesnt have to be very long, it just has to be decent and come from me and touch on several logical points.

but for some reason the devil knows exactly what to say about this matter.

not, “you cant do it” cuz of course i can do it.

hes saying shit like, “youre gonna be so bored doing this”, “what you’ll end up with will be dumb”, “she’ll make you re-write it a thousand times”, “the end result will be so dopey and the process will be so long you could have done far more interesting things if you would have just said no thank you.”

etc.

but the truth is there are angels that whisper to us too

and some of them you can see

and some of them are the ones who ask us to do the things that we procrastinate

so my advice is, late at night, think about them

for a change.

but i will say this about the devil, he is right about one thing,

our cute little virgin will be much better without me.

sean bonner + nickerblog + let me get dat + splink + do i need a jacket?

asking why i dont want ads on my blog?

ok, for the last time. i dont want them because im afraid of many things, the biggest being that i am afraid that it will change me. and worse, it will change this blog.

did any of you hear about all these scandals that are happening from the White House? the government is using your tax dollars to encourage journalists to pimp things like straight marriages, No Child Left Behind and the like?

well yeah it sucks that BushCo is taking our monies for their own propaganda.

but can you really say that if someone offered you a quarter million dollars to say “yay Bush” that you wouldnt take it?

i cant say that i wouldnt.

who cant use six figures for writing shit down?

or linking?

even if you dont actually need the money im sure you can find something to do with it.

i just dont want to get into that situation.

there are lots of situations i dont want to get into because i know what sort of sellout i can be if need be, or manwhore, or blogger.

best thing the xbi ever did was get me out of the office and into chopper one because if i was in front of a computer all day i would be posting a dozen times a day.

so no, i dont want the snowball of ads to roll into an avalanche. i dont need that sort of temptation because i will go to the dark side. i will do something stupid. i would be easilly manipulated by those with the deep pockets and its not that i would feel guilty later, but i would feel dirty.

and when i ever got to heaven the Lord would look at me and say, so we gave you talent, and an audience, and what did you do, you wrote down things that you didnt really believe in and took money.

we let you live during the age of information and you withheld information and instead spread propaganda.

and then He would punish me for squandering His gifts.

as He should.

me, i just want to have a firm handshake when i get up there, i want a quick tour, and i want to get fitted for my wings and fly over to the banana split ski slopes

and eat my way down to the rocky road riverbed.

and then introduce myself to the Playmates.

give to caesar whats caesar’s

my treasure is in the kingdom of heaven.

and i bet there arent any fucking ads up there either.

shane + chris j paul + sk smith

in hopes to blog for a corporate web site.

it wasnt like there was a sign in their window saying Blogger Wanted, i emailed them and told them that i was a blogger and i thought their site could benefit from a frequently updated blog.

the interview didnt go well. the dude didnt seem very serious about blogs in general and/or me in particular, and i understood. big websites sometimes have long-range plans or changes in the works and even good new ideas sometimes dont match up with whats going on.

which is why i was a little surprised when i got an email from the dude (as part of a group mailing) announcing, yep, a blog on their page.

i tried to find it and had a hard time cuz there wasnt any mention of it in the main page. i did a search for it in the search box but because it was so new it hadnt made it in the results yet. so me and my pals just started clicking and eventually we found it.

we found a very curious blog indeed.

for some reason this website had decided to be incredibly unique in regards to blogging in that they listed the posts backwards. most blogs publish the most current post first, these folks put the oldest post first and made the reader click through to get to the most recent.

for example, if this blog was set up like theirs, posts from 2001 would be here and to get to 2004 you’d have to scroll down to the bottom of this page and click-thru.

for theives at least they’re original.

so original that the blog goes from the past into the future! infact the more you click the more you see that their blogger somehow knows whats going to happen a few days from now, even a week from now! no wonder i didnt get the gig.

or are they saying that the act of pro-blogging inspires the black powers of the occult? shit, i hope so, cuz all i ever got from amateur blogging was respect, chicks, and an ipod.

i want to see into the future!

so anyway, big company who chose to rip me off and link the sites that i told you about, and lay out the page like my presentation page, and cuss like i say to do in “how to blog”, and pretend that famous people wrote to you, and have your static pages just *look* like a blog, and all the other advice that you took to heart and all the other things you swiped from me:

thank you.

imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.

and if one isnt going to get paid, being flattered isnt bad.

but since its obvious that you have a long way to go in regards to blogging

a loooooooooooooong way to go

just know that my rate just went up when you decide to get serious, hire me as a consultant, and turn your back on tacky petty theft

cuz it’s beneath you

and thats where your new “blog” belongs.

annika + virginia + tomdog bug