they’ll wanna keep me.

i just got back from Texas where i stole a whole damn crate of bubonic plague from Texas Tech.

i was there to get Bobby Knight’s autograph cuz i love him and my boss totally loves him and i saw that some jackhole had propped open a door that said “Private” with a small stack of yellow pages.

saw about 150 viles of what said “bubonic plague” and thought it might be an interesting thing to bring back down to the depths with me.

The feds are saying it’s only 30 viles, which is typical.

When I brought it to my boss, he smiled a little and thanked me and then told me to go back to cleaning the firey beach of cigarette butts and condoms.

saw a couple kids swimming in the lake.

kids will swim anywhere.

this lake is mostly gasoline and pee.

the tops are in flames.

they bodyboard and their skin welts up and forms a strange sort of wet suit, except its a welt suit.

kitty has komments

got to the front of the line and asked the woman how i could get re-judged.

she said, you need the grace of God.

i asked, is there any other way?

she said, oh wait, you have a blog, right?

i said, yes, why yes i do.

she said, you need the grace of God and 100 new permalinks.

i said, theres no way in Hell i can get 100 new permalinks.

she said, theres lots of ways in Hell, if you havent noticed, you figured out how to blog from here, didnt you?

i said, what if i got 50 permalinks?

she said, what if you got 100 permalinks?

i said, what about 75?

she said, if you got 84 i would think about it, but you would also need the grace of God and you’d have to start writing a whole lot better.

i asked, is there any time limit to any of this?

she said, nope.

so i asked, so i just sit here and suffer and do my thing and pray and hustle for links?

she said, thats a good start. and she pulled a lever and a trap door opened beneath my feet and i was plummetted into a pit beneath customer service, which also doubled as the development room for many of FOX’s reality based shows.

i saw Simon from American Idol, i saw that dumbass Joe Millionaire and i saw that Japanese kid who can eat hotdogs like crazy.

he barfed on me and simon said i had talent as a target.

then i had to watch my girl Anna lose to Justine Henin-Hardenne of Belgium 6-0, 6-1 in the Austrailian Open.

bitter girl