blow me.

better yet dont blow me because i know whats been in your mouth.

and worse i know what comes out of it.

and what drips down your chin

and what ends up in the comment box of the worlds greatest blog.

you lie that you havent been here in six months and i wonder where you get your fables from.

youve been here every day and you’ll be back tomorrow. like a boomerang, like a rerun, like crabs.

like dubya.

you criticize my blog but you dont link to yours. you say i cant write yet you misspell cock when you textmessage your man.

the only purpose you serve is for others to pass you in the street and say, at least im not that thing.

rays of sunshine draw straws to find out who wont have to shine on you

you reek cuz even your shit cant wait to leave.

sometimes i wonder why you anonymousers dont leave your email addresses. you’ll wuss out and claim you dont want spam when the truth is not even hotmail wants you.

because, yes, even microsoft isnt interested in everyone.

you say youre not coming back here and im relieved. my real readers whisper secret prayers of thanks. and the right wing blogs’ numbers go up one more tick.

not everything i do is funny. not everything i do is in great taste. not everything i write is going to be something you print out and hang on your fridge, or steal, but everything ive ever done is better than the smegma from the fingertips of the coward so pathetic that they cant find the nads to put their real selves next to their bullshit.

this page is tony pierce dot com

your comment is shitty bull blah blah

and when you die you’ll remain preserved because even maggots draw the line somewhere.

anti + the detox + crazy in la + la bound

hi tony pierce. i love you so please dont make fun of me.

why would i make fun of you?

oh i dont know, because my legs are stuck together!

baby, we all have our little crosses to bear. shit, im a blogger, you dont think thats embarrassing?

good point.

so can you swim fast.

see.

no really?

no i cant swim fast. im not a fish. im a little girl.

do you have gills?

tony, im a girl.

can you breathe underwater?

im going to kill you.

i was just kidding. do you like fish?

yes, i like bass, shrimp, crab. i love seafood.

no, like do you liiiiike fish, as in if you see an eel do you think oooo sex-ay?

come here so i can slap you.

what do you do if you cant ride a big wheel or skip or… even walk?

i crawl around a lot. my mom carries me. but mostly i watch tv.

what are some of your favorite shows?

squarepants spongebob, punk’d, lost, anything on cnn.

you follow politics?

i fucking love politics.

wow. well the president is speaking today. what do you expect from his speech?

lies. false promises. scary threats of american imperialism disguised as idealism where peace and freedom can only be spread via military influence imposed by the us army.

wow.

and no mention of the fact that we went to war based on wmds and found none. no mention of the fact that the election results in iraq will be counted in secret by men with an american agenda.

says who?

thats the word on the street.

thats a pretty cynical perspective from a cute little girl.

lifes a bitch tony, i just calls em like i sees em.

i think youre rad mermaid girl.

i think youre radder tony pierce.

awwww.

sk smiff + the deputy + virginia

next month im going to be speaking at SXSW on the black bloggers panel.

im a very light skinned brotha who doesnt talk “black” who doesnt have many black friends who never grew up around many blacks and so therefore doesnt come across as “black” to people who havent had many lightskinned blacks around them.

which is why im perfect for such a panel, because the african american experience is as varied as a box of chocolates.

102. ray g

103. brooks

for over 400 years black folk have been in america. some say that this country wouldnt be anything like it is today if we werent part of the mix.

is that what black history month is supposed to celebrate?

who knows. seems to me that everyone not only knows, but appreciates all the things that african americans have given to this country and to the world. maybe not everything is appreciated, but most of it is.

i hate today.

i dont want to be here.

i dont want to write about fucking black history month. i dont want to be flying in chopper one. i want to be down on the ground at the beach or in a park or in my house or trying to figure out this swedish girl who really has lived in the most amazing bubble. quite fascinating.

she called me this morning and said that she liked the ac/dc that i played for her. she had never heard of ac/dc if you can believe it.

and being a born again, of course i played Hells Bells to introduce her to the dark world of metal circa 1980.

i said welcome to the dark world of metal circa 1980

she said i was born in 1980.

i said, so cute. what a cute girl. kiss me cute girl.

she said, who is that singing.

i said thats mr brian johnson

and she had distracted me once again.

so anyway black history month: mlk, the lady who wouldnt sit in the back of the bus, george washington carver, blah blah blah.

i hope someone shoots at me today cuz im tempted to shoot back and not stop.

kitty bukkake + farmer in the deli + j. mo