Emmanuelle warns me

Emmanuelle warns me to beware Vivid, but I don’t pay for my porn. Although I trust her reporting, I find it so hard to believe that Vivid gets 150,000 guys to cough up $39.95 a month to subscribe to their website.

Not that I have any problems with the good people of Vivid, my favorite porno operation, who repeatedly has offered me a variety of employment opportunites, and whose work I admire greatly. But come on, theres so much free smut on my screen that I am often finding myself turning off pop-ups filled with colorful pictures of scantilly clad women because I just can’t be bothered with that right now. Don’t lie, you’ve done it too.

I’ve had a Hotmail account since ’97, so guess how many FREE TEEN SEX spammails I get a day? All you have to do is click one of those lies and your screen is flooded with many pages of XXX love that most normal men would be satisfied with, so why would I pay the equivalent of a month of DSL service just to see the newest stills of Janine? Didn’t I get the DSL so I could use Grokster and get it from my “friends?”

And speaking of Teen Sex, nothing is free.

i love my former teen princess, but when your girl has made the leap from $6/hr to $7.45 an hour, guess who’s paying when she says she wants a shake and some fries at the BK Lounge? And the Diet Cokes, and the Sweet Tarts, and the Pop Tarts, and the Tater Tots. Good thing I’ve got an ATM up my colon and money shooting outta my ass or I’d reconsider dating anyone without a trust fund. But I digress.


Dear angels from the cyberworld, buxom beauties from beyond. Thank you for dropping your drawers and lifting your lace and letting us see what the Good Lord and the talented surgeons bestowed unto you, but obviously none of you has heard of supply and demand because there is so much supply that I don’t think I’ve even missed my Pictureview.com subscription for almost a year now. Pictureview, for you puritans, catalogs all of the USENET pics alt.sex.pictures.pornstars… etc. and catagorizes them and provides thumbnails and a decent search engine and no ads and charges a paltry $8/month.

People who pay for it on sites like Vivid’s are probably people who pay for it in other ways too, and people, you dont need to pay for it. Not here. Not any more. Not now.

But who am I even writing to? No one who reads my page pays for nudes, or even searches for it.

For the exception of this happening stud looking for “free pictures of bart simpson getting fucked,” or this lost soul from Baghdad searching for “lap violence girls fuck” pics.

As twisted as they are, they still know better than to pay for the milk when the teets are squirting for free.

And with that I wish you a swell weekend.

Email Greg and wish him a happy birthday.

Regrets, I have a few.

I’ve lived 108 years. I’ve climbed every mountain, flipped off every asshole, and kissed all the pretty girls I ever yearned for. My sole regret was not joining my Daily Nexus friends to Prauge (back when it was in Czechoslovakia) and helping them start and run their glorious newspaper Prognosis. While I worked for billion dollar electronics companies, they grew their hair long, starved, wiped their asses with teeney squares of toilet paper, froze, and basically had the times of their lives.

All the big time media outlets documented their stories and ten years ago Details wrote this very nice long peice about them.

For all the kids who read this page, learn from my mistakes, the billion dollar companies will do fine without you, never miss an opportunity to change the world with your pals.

Since today is

Greg’s birthday no Black History Month spotlight this morning on the main page, but here’s a picture of the first Black woman astronaut, Dr. Mae Jemison, a fellow Libra, and, as promised, a hot babe.

Mae’s mom was as school teacher and her dad was a maintenence worker in Chicago . She got undergrad degrees from Stanford in African-American studies and Chemical Engineering, she became a doctor at Cornell and even spent some time in the Peace Corps after college.

The first time that she applied for acceptance at the NASA astronaut training program she was rejected, but the next time she tried she was chosen. Out of over 2,000 applicants, only 15 were selected. When Mae successfully finished her training program she became the first Black woman astronaut. At that time only four other Blacks had ever become astronauts.

In 1992 she flew on the US/Japanese joint mission on SPACELAB making her the first Black woman in space.

Today she heads up the Jemison Group focusing on consulting on the design and implementation of solar thermal electricity generation systems for developing countries and remote areas and the use of satellite-based telecommunications to facilitate health care delivery in West Africa.

Let’s hope she’s also a Cub fan.