after our orientation lunch break we had to take an exit interview

about our life.

how did you like your life?

shorter than i thought.

you lived to 109 didnt you?

no, not really.

you lied in your blog?

is everyone insane down here?

how many girls did you make love to?

15, 16. whatever the average was.

how many girls did you kiss?


you dont remember?

all i can remember are major league baseball players’ careers and nba players’ names. and even thats a little fuzzy.

what was your favorite movie?

the blues brothers.

very interesting. why?

it had all the elements of a great movie: people broke into song, there were dance routines, car chases, scores of cop cars being wrecked, nazis being outwitted, comedy, drama, carrie fischer with a machine gun painting her nails, ray charles shooting a gun at a little kid, and a shot of wrigley field.

did you have any children?


sad about that?


why not

ahh, i halfassed at everything else in life, i probably woulda halfassed at that too.

what would you like to have accomplished that you didnt before you died?

i would have liked to have seen the Cubs win the world series.

what, are you a comedian?

pardon me?

what was your major in college?


are you gay?


are you sure


hmmm, step this way.

tiny little penis

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