so we could remember harry caray.

cuz you know what harry would have said tonight while signing off after the cubbies 6-4 loss to the braves whose final out was a 398 foot drive from sammy sosa in the bottom of the ninth with a man on?

he would have said, if only sammy had one more biscuit for breakfast…

i miss you harry caray, white haired drunkard saint from paradise

thick glasses thick lips the michaelangelo of baseball broadcasting.

the cubs were so close to tying up the game in the bottom of the ninth off a visibily ailing john smoltz that sammy hopped after he hit it.

but the storybook writers wanted to see a game five in atlanta, and thats fine.

my true love and i volunteered at a school and helped paint it and fix it up with a whole bunch of great people. it’s amazing what a lot of people can do to a big school in just 4-5 hours. just four of us painted the entire inside of a classroom while others painted murals, and redid the garden, and painted every single building.

sadly it meant that we were tardy for the ballgame and i didnt get a chance to watch the game with my friends, which, as you know, every time ive done so, the cubs have won.

so they will be invited tomorrow afternoon and we will watch kerry wood take the chicago cubs into the national league championship series against the florida marlins.

and the braves fans will cry in their moonshine

and the cubs will only be four wins away from the world series.

which means right now theyre five wins away from the world series.

but like i said, because kerry wood is pitching tomorrow against that chump mike hampton the cubs only really have four wins to worry about, cuz tomorrow is no worry.

mike hampton has only had one good year, way back when there were only three networks, the last year that he played with the mets. since then he failed with the astros and failed with the rockies.

this year he developed a spitball of some sort because he ended up with 16 miraculous wins, making this the only other good year that hes ever had other than that one year with the mets.

but even if hampton gets lucky with the sandpaper thats in his mitt, the braves obviously will be without their best closer and their best outfielder, and if you think chippers gonna hit two homers off kerry youre as high as rush limbaugh who still has never said that he isnt a druggie.

did i tell you i had a great time with my true love?

so good that i fell asleep to the cubs on tivo, woke up, rewounded it, watched them lose, and still danced around my freshly cleaned hollywood hideaway, guardedly confident of the cubs chances, and thrilled that i have the coolest exgirlfriends in history.

cubs are going to wipe their ass with mike hampton and the braves tomorrow.

you’ll see.

lily + petey + snl dude

i cant. im loving this do drugs no problem policy that the republicans have just ushered in.

thank you, republicans.

this might convince me to become a republican, like most of my readers are.

i think i have always been clear about this, but maybe not, so let me repeat myself: this drug war is a load of bullshit aimed to keep the poor poor, the cops rich and too powerful, and the minorities in prison.

zero tolerance is fascist.

everyone knows that. thats why rush wont have his mansion confiscated for having thousands of illegally-gotten pharmacuticals, which if found on a brotha, the brotha would have a possession and an intent to distribute rap against him, and all his shit would get taken away from him, including, cash, cars, and whatever else the cops wanted to say he got through his dealing.

the leader, president, senator, political party that finally calls bs on the bs and releases the “criminals” who were popped with victimless crimes like possession, or use, will get my allegiance.

the rest of the two faced lying hypocrites, like rush, and bush who chose yesterday to stand out on a limb with his hateful mouthpiece, can eat it.

rush has obviously proven that prescription narcotics are far more addictive and destructive than the medical marijuana that he was against us giving cancer patients and the terminally ill here in california. therefore if the so called Drug Czar wants to target a dangerous drug trend he needs to look no further than those who abuse prescribed medications and illegally obtain them.

otherwise the Drug Czar is just a hypocrite and an extension of the racist system.

meanwhile the cubs are going to beat the shit out of the braves.

read how Rush, this morning, did not deny that he is a dirty lying drug addict.

dawn + raspil + jack bog

take as many as you want. narcotics especially.

and we can all thank rush cuz aint no way hes going to go to jail for being in the middle of a drug ring, which means if you want to have a little dope, go for it.

best part?

best part is when rush gets off, that will officially mark the end of the Drug War.

cuz if the allegations are true, and of course the allegations are true, please let them be true, if they are true, in the middle of a war, you have to punish your enemy.

and rush limbaugh is in direct conflict with americas war on drugs and therefore an ememy and therefore must be punished.

just like youd punish an enemy of any other war america’s financially and morally invested in.

and just like rush himself told the nation 8 years ago, almost to the day:

“Let’s all admit something.

“There’s nothing good about drug use. We know it. It destroys individuals. It destroys families. Drug use destroys societies. Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. And the laws are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.”

October 5, 1995

two years before that, sixty percent of us federal prisons were packed with people convicted for drug crimes.

so if rush doesnt go to jail for this huge drug crime, then what are jails for? just minority druggies?

i will never have the amount of drugs on my possesion that rush limbaugh was alleged having.

and since rush will never spend a night in jail for his drug use, etc., then i will never spend a night in jail on drug crimes.

which means you wont ever spend a night in jail on drug crimes.

which means the war is over.

so when you think someone is worthless and you cant understand why that sonofabitch is so successful now you know why. because there is a special plan for his life. and in this case it was to be the exception to the rule.

its ok for rush to do drugs.

many as he wants.

and since this is a fair country

it will soon be ok for you to do drugs.

i cant wait till you can be an admitted hitler loving groper and then be elected governor.

john rocker defends rush’s racist views + the freeway blogger + the buzz machine

lets forget the fact that a nice young lady came over last night to make me feel better about the cubs losing and squirmed around with the moonlight shining all over her making me wonder how on earth i get such top ranked models who end up feeling so comfortable around me that they dare me to do anything i want with their amazing bodies.

lets forget that the cubs are going to play at wrigley field tomorrow evening with a very good chance of going up two games to one in the first round of the national league playoffs, with the fourth game taking place at the corner of clark and addison.

lets even forget that my favorite band tsar has a new cd ready to come out, with tracks already leaked to the busblog, and these are some of the hardest hitting, punk rock glam pop ive ever heard.

ok, lets not forget those things. even though its hard to when the biggest plum of them all, the mouthpeice of the republican national party, the fattest, grossest, most high-fallutin, unapologetic racist lying sack of righteous shit gets outted for his prejudiced ways on wednesday which lead to his near instant resignation from espn – a job he shouldnt have had in the first place.

and then the national enquirer of all places, exposes him for having a Serious drug problem involving getting his maid of all people to get him tens of thousands of OxyContin pills over the last four years.

pardon me while i gloat.

this is the same Rush Limbaugh who would be going crazy right now if a big time liberal talk show host got busted being a drug abuser, and a liar, and for getting his maid to do his dirty work for him, and for meeting at a dennys parking lot to trade cigar boxes (he passes her the cigar box of cash, she passes him the cigar box full of his dirty pills) instead of doing the deals at his mansion.

this is the same Rush Limbaugh who… is RUSH LIMBAUGH!

anointed posterboy of the right who, when they cant hide behind allegedly knowing something about the economy, or foreign affairs, pretend that they are the moral party and that the dems are not.

how fucked up must it be for clear headed conservatives to look at the budget crisis, to look at the mess in iraq, and then look at the cia bungle; and then be forced to look at rush on the same day that their golden hope of a recall in california, arnold, the son of a nazi police chief, admits that he did grope “some” of the women who are claiming that he inappropriately touched.

all of this makes the clinton era truly look like camelot.

since it was, after all.

so im thinking if they threw tommy chong in the slam for a year for selling the plastic to use the “drugs”, rush should get at least a year for buying tens of thousands of real drugs.

but thats just me. chief justice pierce.

drudge, of course, buries it + punk pony

not when youre leaving men on base, not when dave veres is on the mound, not when randall simons on the basepath, not when sammy sosa is that close to a homer but not a homer, and not when youre giving up 400 foot doubles to noname secondbasemen like mark derosa.

the bad news is the cubs lost.

the good news is they only have to win two games and hey, lookit, the next two games are in the friendly confines of wrigley field.

and the best news is mark prior will be pitching, and he pitches for the cubs.

the team of dustiny.

the team doomed to get into the second round against frisco, who also lost today

also to make the ratings better

also the Team That Shouldnt Be.

still that doesnt mean that im not depressed and confused and frustrated and uptight cuz i didnt even know what channel the game was going to be on until way too late.

still that doesnt mean that im not mad at myself for not praying to the lord above last night to help the cubs win tonight and instead floated away to zzzzland in the arms of the hottest cheerleader in east hollywood. forgetting my priorities. lost in the heat of the moment. drunk in the euphoria of recent victory.

so now the boys go back north where they belong for two games that will be loud and historic and full of energy like baseball hasnt seen in a mighty long time.

and they will go back knowing that they can beat this braves team and they can even do it on the road. if they have to. which they might have to. but they wont have to.

unless they have to.

but they wont.

cuz they’ll stop going to dumb dave veres. excardinal. and secret enemy.

mindy is the most beautiful cam girl around

here’s your chance at revenge

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sometimes i like to watch games by myself. last night i didnt want anyone over but whalen from tsar was so excited about all of this that i said fine, then os called up, then basart wanted to join in, and i didnt want to be mean to anyone or be negative or anything at all incase it would bring about bad karma, so i got off work a little early, took a shower and opened my home to my friends.

whalen is a rock star, and looks even moreso with his newly dark dyed hair and had all these funny theories. he kept saying that his dodgers would have done a lot better this year if only the pitchers would have hit better.

i blame the pitchers, he said.

and we laughed.

and then kerry wood, one of the two pitching aces of the cubs got two super-important hits and i screamed THE WHALEN THEORY IN FULL EFFECT! and we high fived each other and drank beer and rum and ate pizza and laughed and laughed.

ah, thank you atlanta for making me so happy.

jeff hasnt been watching baseball for all that long, but recently he has been watching it like a hawk, and was asking me all these questions about the rules.

hey tony, can a pitcher shave off his goatee in between innings?

hmmm, yes, i guess so.

can he return with a big fake moustache?

hahahahaha, dont think so.

but he did stump me on this one:

hey tony, if a pitch hits the ground and bounces before it crosses the plate, what happens if the batter hits it?

i wanted to say it would be a foul ball, but after thinking about it, the batter would be punished with a strike or a strike out if he swung and missed, so now im thinking if he hit it it would count as a hit.

any experts out there?

so today i didnt shave, im wearing the same red-billed cubs hat that i wore yesterday, i have invited my friends back over to the pad, and we will imbibe on more beer and rum.

and this time mr. carlos zambrano will take it to the braves and the flukey mike hampton.

cubs all the way, people.

totally awesome + future world ruler + prison guard tells all