everyone went crazy.

two things people will go crazy about here in LA, earthquakes and rain.

they dont really go crazy when theres really bad traffic or drive bys or bad smog or no nfl teams in the second biggest city in america, but they sure go nuts about the earth shaking or the skies getting them wet.

our building is pretty tall. and wide. it swayed pretty well. it felt like we were on a boat. i had to look out at the palm trees to see how much the building was moving.

i thought it was cool.

usually earthquakes feel like a big slap up against the building.

this one felt like the ground was wet.

everyone came running out from their cubicles and to the tv near my desk.

it was one of the few times that i was happy not to be flying in my copter.

i havent felt a good old fashioned trembler in quite a while. this one was 6.5. but i give it a 6.1.

then the news started going crazy. they got this woman to tell us that she was shopping and things started shaking and she dropped her groceries. then they got some super nerdy woman from cal tech to tell us that indeed it was an earthquake.

i wanted someone to get on there and say that it was the terrorists doing some underground explosives testing and then say gotcha! but people dont kid about those things.

i think they should.

we get all crazy about the wrong things. earthquakes and rain are normal. people hating others and wanting to fuck up their shit is normal too. traffic is normal but doesnt need to be. smog is normal but doesnt need to be. those things are things people should get all crazy about.

not mother earth adjusting her adjustables.

i think this is funny + monique + sk smith has pictures of her man

and we’re being all super honest with each other and all that. a lot of times i dont think im that good of a writer. thats one reason your positive comments and topless pics make me laugh… in a nice way.

anyways, for some reason when i have a deadline and i find myself procrastinating, thats the time when i feel my most confident.

i look at the clock and i say, shit i can knock tht shit out AND write a blog entry.

even though i know that i cant write at night.

when its light, study

when its dark, party

its one thirty am. its sunday night. im supposed to write something about baseball for aarons baseball blog.

he writes wonderfully, uses stats ive never seen, and gets more hits than i do.

i have respect for people who get more hits than i do cuz i know it took a lot for me to get what i get, and to do it without being a hot chick and without flooding your meta tags with paris hilton this or that, and to do it without many pictures – thats a tough trick.

ashley is trying to chat with me.

did i sleep this much when i was her man?

it seems like her dude is always sleepin.

wake the hell up and take care of your woman!

my buddy sam and i went to the lakers game tonight. phoenix.

i took good pics.

my cam isnt perfect but im getting to learn how to use it. i like that.

daisyprincess114: why so silen

daisyprincess114: t

idiotman: i have two things to write

daisyprincess114: ok what

idiotman: a peice for aarons baseball blog

idiotman: and now im writing a blog entry

daisyprincess114: what abotu

idiotman: how much i want to do you

daisyprincess114: really??

idiotman: no

daisyprincess114: aww

daisyprincess114: that wasnt nice

idiotman: do you want me to tell them that i want to do you

daisyprincess114: yeah of course

its christmastime and im not sad. i should be. i should be a fucking wreck, but im not. im probably living the life of the fool in the famous tarot card picture. hes about to go off the cliff and hes looking up in the clouds smilingly even though his dog is barking its head off trying to warn him of his imminent doom.

im eating puffed cheetos listening to rodney on the roqs christmas show and drinking dr diet pepper.

the clocks ticking and im telling you shit that not only dont you care about but it doesnt mean anything.

its just what it is.

just like the itch on my hairy thigh

which could be cured with some cortisone but ive been drinking.

and im lazy

and now im about to write cuz i want to be in bed before two fifteen.

i’ll write, sleep, and edit after i shower and get clean.

idiotman: do you want people to know your aol sn

daisyprincess114: i dont care

daisyprincess114: thats fine

daisyprincess114: not lke anyone would IM me

idiotman: i do want you

daisyprincess114: i like it when you say nice things about me, esp on your site

idiotman: was that nice that i just said

daisyprincess114: yeah of course

idiotman:its not polite with your bf sleeping right there

daisyprincess114: im not saying it gets me hot

daisyprincess114: but its a compliment

daisyprincess114: i cant deny that

daisyprincess114: im not a liar

idiotman: is it possible for anyone other than your bf to get you hot

daisyprincess114: brandon boyd? haha

daisyprincess114: i dont know

daisyprincess114: i dont want to experiment w/ that

idiotman: write about your orgasms in lick

daisyprincess114: hmm

daisyprincess114: i dont know

daisyprincess114: if i can … umm whats the word

daisyprincess114: describe that?

idiotman: write about your relationship with them

daisyprincess114: i feel like it would sound really lame

daisyprincess114: but ill try

idiotman: use a fake name

daisyprincess114: haha right

idiotman: write honestly

daisyprincess114: like anyone wouldnt know it was me

daisyprincess114: i dont have to hide

idiotman: good

daisyprincess114: im special

idiotman: you are

daisyprincess114: do you think my boyfriend seems cool?

idiotman: not really

daisyprincess114: why not!?

daisyprincess114: ?!???

idiotman: who should i link to

idiotman: three web sites

idiotman: hurry

daisyprincess114: me

daisyprincess114: me

daisyprincess114: me

idiotman: url

daisyprincess114: livejournal.com/users/daisy_princess

daisyprincess114: groups.msn.com/ashleyhergroovyfriends

daisyprincess114: annnnnd

daisyprincess114: i dont knw

idiotman: thats enough

idiotman: say goodnight now

daisyprincess114: oh fine

daisyprincess114: spoil all my fun

but that doesnt mean that i dont appreciate things when other people do them.

as you might remember, i wasnt exactly thrilled with the way the republicans stole the governership away from our sitting governor. especially in light of the fact that californias power crisis might have been linked to the white house, who also later refused to help california out.

who didnt vote for him.

and he “won” anyway.

in my attacks on arnold schwarzenegger was the fact that the press seemed to gloss over the fact that his father was a nazi police cheif and that arnold and maria invited a nazi war criminal to their wedding.

when people rebutted that he has donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to the simon wiesenthal center i said all it takes is a couple hundred thousand dollars to buy you off?

but for some reason this photo op makes everything better.

im not kidding.

sure theres an element of politics going on there, but i believe it.

hollywood, where i live, has a very important and strong jewish presence. when people say there are no neighborhoods in la they ignore fairfax blvd just south of melrose. remnants of which can still be found at the farmers market.

there are many pockets of soul in la and the jewish people provide one of them.

if its true that arnold is completely different than his father, he wants to do things like this because not only is it the right thing to do, but its an honor.

one of the best things i learned this year was that there isnt a seperation of church and state and never has been.

in that case, of course i want my politicians in church.

i want to think that with all their money and freedom that theyd have time to go to a temple on the first day of their holiday.

even if its just a dirty photo op

which i dont think it is.

and i dont want to think it is.

so i hope that its real.

anyway, now that arnold is our governor, i will support him and root for him

and if he can bring a football team to la i’ll for him next time.

flagrant should write for this.

so should some of you out there

Happy Holy Daze, Libra! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic item might help you take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2004?

Here’s what I came up with: the film, “Destino,” a collaboration between surrealist painter Salvador Dali and Walt Disney’s team of animators.

Though the joint artistic effort began soon after Disney and Dali met in 1945, it wasn’t completed until recently. In that sense alone it should be inspiring, because you, too, will be striving to revive an old dream in the coming months.

Your near future will resemble a Disney-Dali creation in another way: There’ll be a convergence of what’s weird and what’s popular, what’s extraordinary and normal, what’s adventurous and cute.

– Rob Brezney

im not sure what he means by all that. i think it has something to do with Lick, but im not sure.

i promise not to let this blog be a big ad for that.

so with that heres a 2003 top ten list

top ten Rock records that dont suck that came out this year

1. The Darkness

2. White Stripes

3. Drive By Truckers

4. Jane’s Addiction

5. Hot Hot Heat

6. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs

7. Fountains of Wayne

8. Rancid

9. Ravonettes

10. AFI

thats for suckas.

this year im gonna make my own ship.

member maxim when it first started? it was terrible. and now its probably the best magazine around.

right when al gore invented the internet mc brown invented the original buzznet and then i invented Lick

sex drugs rock

the thing about lick was it wasnt as sexy as it was advertised to be, it didnt really have much drug stuff and it didnt have nearly the amount of rock as it shoulda.

im watching a hot girl cry on my webcam.

shes wearing something see through. i can totally see everything.

this is very odd.

now shes lighting up a smoke.

i wanna get the best writers on the internet to write for lick. no fucking around. no pay. no nothing. i want it to be the zenith of the web. the central most point of rock. the g spot of cool.

the problem though is how do you tell people no. that their shit is no good.

what ive learned from editing at the college paper is that people get better. the original blook is all about how one year of writing every day can make you better.

shes sitting at the piano now. sunlight showing me all. shes singing into a microphone.

i want this chick to write for lick.

i want raymi the fucking minx to set the tone for lick.

i want frangrant rocknroll to take pictures and tell us about foreign lands.

i want raspil iverson to design it

i want nothing special network services to host it

i only want chicks writing for it.

and me, of course.

the king of fuck.

ive been procrastinating going on a date with this super hot chick which means im gay. we’re going to see american splendor.

then we might do it right there in the parking lot.

in karisas truck but dont teller.

and if she asks i’ll just deny it.

karisa can write for lick if she wantsta

and i know there might be other Licks out there pretending to be something but i dont care.

motherfuckers coming back motherfuckers.

bigger.

fatter.

thicker.

hotter.

wetter.

cooler.

newer.

dewer

due her

doo r

kristin is 21 today, she can write for lick too if she wantsta

had to spend all day in colorado. the judge had to figure out if it was ok to let the jury know that the accuser chick was taking anti depressants and had tried to kill herself twice before.

does it matter if the accused is crazy?

i don’t think it matters.

rape is rape.

so the question is, then, can a crazy and suicidal persons testimony be more trusted than an nba superstars.

in that case, i suppose i would more likely lean towards the sane person.

however, wasn’t kobe nuts to get married that young anyway.

so both parties are at least slightly unstable.

therefore, if i was the judge i would tell the defense that i wouldn’t allow her “medical” records but i also wouldn’t allow the state to accuse number eight of being a dumbass for getting hitched when he did, which, when you think about it should also be presented to the jury if we’re going to show them Everything.

and if i was the defense i would let it slide

what with the traces of four previous men on her person

cuz everyone knows its fucked up to rape a crazy sad girl, but it’s nearly impossible to rape the willing.

you know i don’t believe that, but i just wanted to make the google-searchers feel welcome after i post this list of xxx search-result bait, otherwise known as

Porn Titles For 2003 Movies

inspired by treacher…

Fill Jill

Umph

Brotha Bears

Fellating Nemo

2 Sluts 2 Studious

Bad Pimping Santa

Lost in Fran’s Anus

Dominatrix Resolutions

May’s Tricks Get Loaded

Once Upon 3 Blondes in Mexico

X2 + Jenna = Twin Threesomes

Sims Online Sex Hotel Management

The Sex Ass Chained-up Mass Orgy

Sperm Don’t Hate Her: The Rise of the Schweens

Butt Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Hot Girls

Teen Cheerleader Runaway Lesbian All Girls School of Rock

jim treacher

i have a terrible crush on allison from melting dolls.

if only she knew i existed.

today she acquired and solidified and installed the domain name meltingdolls.com.

the other day miss montreal was over my house and i was looking at allison’s site and she was all, who’s that chick? and i was all, thats allison, shes from georgia.

miss montreal was all, damn shes hot.

i was like, yep.

and she said, do you think she likes girls?

and i was all, hmmm, i dont know, then i was like, hey i saw her first!

then we made beautiful lust, rested, and went at it again.

during which i uttered nasty things in her ear

things like

you want that little red headed georgia girl here now.

yes

what about NOW

oh yes.

what about TOMORROW ughn

yes yes!

what about on superbowl sunday?

oooooooo yesssssss.

and then we finished, i hosed off, and miss montreal blew her dog whistle and her limo pulled infront of my gates and she went home.

my aim’s so not true.

meltingdolls.com + dogboy + allisons sister

what the hell happened to me

warner bros. records

“the chanukah song”

Okay…

This is a song that uhh..

There’s a lot of Christmas songs out there and uhh..

not too many Chanukah songs.

So uhh..

I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don’t get to hear any Chanukah songs.

Here we go…

Put on your yarmulke

Here comes Chanukah

So much funukah

To celebrate Chanukah

Chanukah is the festival of lights

Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree

Here’s a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me

David Lee Roth lights the menorah

So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli

Bowser from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli

Paul Newman’s half Jewish, Goldie Hawn’s half too

Put them together, what a fine lookin’ Jew

You don’t need “Deck The Halls” or “Jingle Bell Rock”

‘Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock- both Jewish

Put on your yarmulke

It’s time for Chanukah

The owner of the Seattle Supersonicahs

Celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson, not a Jew

But guess who is? Hall of famer Rod Carew- he converted

We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby

Harrison Ford’s a quarter Jewish- not too shabby

Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is

Well he’s not, but guess who is

All three Stooges

So many Jews are in showbiz

Tom Cruise isn’t, but I heard his agent is

Tell your friend Veronica

It’s time to celebrate Chanukah

I hope I get a harmonicah

Oh this lovely, lovely Chanukah

So drink your gin and tonicah

And smoke your marijuanikah

If you really, really wannakah

Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah

Happy Chanukah

and since shes 23 today i will spell her name correctly.

i love you christina aguilera.

hey, christina aguilera, youre the busblogs woman of the year this year.

nice job, christina aguilera.

some say that youre a trampy ho. i dont. i think youre sweet.

i think its ok to dress like a dirty slut, christina aguilera . mick jagger did that for years and nobody said nothin, so why cant you show your cute lil ass a lil?

you deserve to be the busblogs woman of the year not only for putting out a good cd this year, but for putting out the sexiest single of the year, for being involved in the hottest moment in tv of the year, and for being the dirtiest star of the year.

triple threat baby, thats you.

plus you can sing.

and your hit “beautiful” is a damn anthem to not just for the g/l/t crowd but to everyone.

and youre more punk rock and more madonna-ish than britney has ever been.

and you got fat and then skinny all in one year.

and you had a sold out tour with britneys ex and that was cool.

and you danced with the pussycat dolls in front of your stepfather. which is hot.

but the best thing you did this year was go from that dirty white dirty gray sorta blonde hair to jet black, letting every. body. know that you were the badass biatch on the block. the dirty girl who could sing better than anyone else and push the envelope of what is ho-ey and what isnt ho-ey.

raising the question of can you dress like a slut and not be a slut.

and the answer is of course, yes.

congratulations on your victory, you may claim your date with me anytime in the year 2004.

happy birthday baby.

christina wins best video + christina is deep + christina meets tony