hi, this is satan asking for your soul. ninth caller gets a free trip to hell, expenses paid, food and beverage. just kidding this is your pal tone bringing you todays cubs game for all the men and women and all ships at sea.

its windy today at wrigley field and its sunny and kerry wood is on the mound and barry larkin is what a hundred years old. but he looks great. fit trim but grounds it to short and nearly beats it out. maybe hes just ninety.

youve gotta love that griffey is not only back but hitting well. the cubs have their shortstop behind second, todd walker is in the hole and air uh miss is at short basically. he could but but he doesnt. wood strikes him out on a spinny slider.

two outs for the reds.

casey at bat. sean casey has the black under his eye and cant hold up on strike one. he twitches and touches his helmet and has a routine that includes lifting his back leg up like a horse and planting it down. looks at strike two which rhymes with blue. selson blue shampoo and conditioner is on sale at walgreens. selson blue.

wood gets casey to oh and two. and then hits casey on the toe. hes awarded first base.

adam dunn digs in with his four homers already this season. he can hit.

so we’re at two outs with casey at first and dunn down two balls and a strike. wood is whipping out the change ups and theyre deadly. two and two to dunn who watches the count fill.

the crowd claps.

inside curve way inside. wood walks dunn which isnt so bad cuz here comes freel.

kerry wood struggling a little bit here cub fans. two outs into the fourth and kerry has already thrown 59 pitches to 14 batters. but he wears number 34 and thats sweetness.

selson blue is at walgreens. dont forget that. on sale.

kerry wood takes freel 1-2 the crowd is warming up. looking for the kills. strike three called over the outside corner. no score at wrigley going to the bottom of the fourth.

who is being accused of lying to a grand jury investigating of a 2001 shootout outside a manhattan radio station. when messy stains got you down, dont pout, shout it out.

shes the queen bee you know.

kerry wood holds his shit brown glove in front his face and looks in at michael barrett. his name is pronounced willie. but its spelled wily. wily mo pena stands in there against kerry wood who once struck out 20 houston astros. in four games wily mo has two hits in six at bats and one of those hits was a two run homer. he’s big. no, wily.

oh and two and wily sends a pop foul to right, it drifts out of play but not before derrek lee bangs against the brick right field wall. wily fouls another one back. in seven at bats against wood, wily has wiffed five times. now it’s six. second strike out for kerry today.

pitcher cory lidle up nobody on shit drives it deep and long to the far right field corner for a double.

d’angelo jimeniz pronounced him in ez takes wood two and two. i had the combo number 17 today at jack in the box. the ultimate croissant, egg, bacon cheese mayo.

jimenez line shot up the middle gonzales snatches it in the air flips it to bro at second double play. and just like that the cubs are up.

thats your shout shoutout-standout.

kerry wood leads off the cubs half of the third. one of the best hitting pitchers in the game perhaps due to his big ass. first pitch pops up to wily mo pena. and i still say that sounds like a name for a little kid.

cubs second bagger todd walker formerly of the rockies is batting 370 in the first two weeks of the season fists one foul almost hits the line and the count is one and two. lidle really isnt that good of a pitcher. this shouldnt be that hard for the cubs and their home grown wood. walker gets foold and grounds it back to lidle who throws it over to first two outs.

thats one three if youre scoring at home and if you are think of her needs too.

corey patterson quickly down with a ground out to first and thats it for the cubs in the third.

lil kim we love you baby.

drives it to the wall in left center. yesterday that would have hit a building across the street. today its a flyout.

adam dunn pulls it hard down the first base line. derrick lee knocks it down but never gets it. infield hit.

ryan freel with one out. michael barrett cant handle a pitch off the lip of the plate it gets past him and goes to the backstop. runner advances.

it is windy but its blowing in. curve strike brings the count to 2-2.

its sunny.

uh ram iz gets the grounder looks at dunn go back to second and throws freel out at first. two outs.

jason la rue is batting 150 so far and quickly has two strikes on him. pitcher on deck. 86 mph slider inside he whiffs. game still tied going to the cubs half of the second.

derrek lee pops it up to griffey in center. how nice is it to see griffey in center. cory lidle is on the mound for the reds.

michael barrett is in the hole oh and two. i got laid last night and this morning. after we went to jack in the box and i realize that i eat a lot of fast food when someone has a car around. barrett fouls one off and then looks at ball one. hot chick. theyre all hot. this one particularilly. we listened to vu live sixty nine grounder to larkin.

alex gonzales first swing shot to freel at third. quick inning for the cubs. no score.

as blogged by tony pierce

kerry wood has a fat ass, but it helps him, and it looks flabby in his baggy home whites. the cubs best pitcher is on the mound for the cubs today and he just owned junior. one called strike high one whiff at a change at the toes and a weak long drive to center.

three up and three down for the goateed flamethrower.

the cubs of 2004 have four of the best cubs to put on the pinstripes in twenty years.

maddux, wood, prior, and sosa.

with patterson on first from a fielders choice sammy sends one deep to right wind blowing in and it bounces off the bricks for a double.

alou sends the count to 2-2 then 3-2 then walks draws a walk.

yesterday the cubs came back from five runs back to beat these reds 11-10.

bases loaded two balls on aramis ramirez

uh-rahmiss is how he pronounces it.

dont swing, lidles wild and the winds blowing in

swings and chops the ball down to third, freel tags third and throws it across the infield to first.

double play.

no score.

end of the first.

that i will call

Blogger’s Digest

it was sad today when i was walking around campus during one of my many breaks and i said “god, i don’t know what i’m doing. with anything. nothing makes sense.” and she told me “nobody knows. but it’s good not to have everything completely settled. that’s boring

it’s comforting to realize that you have friends that can say things like that. there are many different kinds of friends in the sea. the kind that just get you and you get them completely and you love them forever.

and then it varies all the way down the scale to people you just sometimes see and sometimes hang out with but you never really have good conversation or too many things in common and you get along only when the going’s good.

well, fuck the going.

– tiffany

while it’s good i can’t tell you how thrilled a boy becomes to read himself distilled into the words i pick to describe him. superhuman, massive, gentle and like a rubik’s cube. so many angles and they all feel so flattering.

truth is i have a hard time picking at first. talk about his biceps? how great he is in bed? the way he gets all shy and makes me feel like i’m bigger than life?

what? what next?

they tune in. they can’t help it.

but eventually it gets ugly and then every fucking post feels to be about them as far as they’re concerned. they don’t know me well enough to know that a breakup unearths so much that i just bring it all out and start talking about shit that happened six years ago before i even knew them. shit they’ve nothing to do with. some just internalize and act on the thing. some ask me about it. it’s gotta tear them up. but still.

they tune in. they can’t help it.

so vain. you’d think i was a one-hit wonder. you’d think i’d never felt so deeply as i do for them.

– angelina

every single one of those complementary hair care products is formulated with soy, wheat, or fd&c colorings. those allergens are clearly listed on the label but are only three out of the 9287303401723487 ingredients i am no longer allowed to welcome into my life.

flagrant says: “fuck ebay, i want this crap out of my house.”

note: $$$$

flagrant says: “no, you’re not getting me… i’m not touching it.”

consider: a little bit over the top as the products are in sealed bottles.

consider: deliver them to a charitable organization?

flagrant says: “…and nobody’s putting it in my car.”

– flagrant disregard

I’m so sick of Donald Trump.

Either get a hat on or get out of the public eye.

– bunny mcintosh

The Girl’s Night story is just too long to type, but the bartender kept putting his arm around my waist, each time he brought me a beer…so of course I kept ordering beers : )

– jaylex

whatever fuckwads who think self-loathing is out. well, it is i guess, but you know, FUCK YOU. it’s not that someone like me is all yah my condition lends me the ability to SEE and KNOW the truth, that shitty copout all cynics give you. bullshit on that. it’s only a wall, you feel, is there. and you’re always different than everybody else and you always hate everybody else and everybody else pretty much always hates you. ‘specially if you reside in a suburban rich kid town and refuse to dye your hair blond. every girl fights here and wants to fight me. uuuuuuuuh-ok. it’s obviously because i am so pretty. pfft.

i dreamt i was incredibly fat last nite.

– raymi

my girl raspil has a new layout and its better than yours

tonight

blondie – house of blues

metric – el rey

bobby mcferrin – cerritos center

bacon brothers – key club

TSAR – Hangar 1018, 1018 S. Santa Fe, downtown – MIDNIGHT

$5 if you print out this flyer

tomorrow

TSAR – the good hurt, 8:30p

they might be giants – royce hall

the darkness – henry fonda

angry samoans – anarchy library

david lindley – mccabes

wild child – whisky

buck o nine – malibu inn

sunday 4/18

the darkness – henry fonda

happening harry & happtones (guns, poison members) – cat club

monday 4/19

jimmy reid – bb king’s

wayne kramer – cat club

michelle shocked – troubador

tuesday 4/20

shapes of racecars, monty, axl, mark antonides – the derby

cypress hill – henry fonda

kottonmouth kings – key club

michael penn – largo

michelle shocked

wed 4/21

beyonce, alicia keys, missy elliott – the pond

br-549 – the derby

thurs 4/22

morrissey – wiltern

star fuckers – cat club

fantomas – henry fonda theatre

jc chasez – house of blues

riley dog + simpleton + steph

directed by quentin tarantino

cinematography by robert richardson

starring uma thurman, daryl hannah, michael madsen, and david carradine as bill.

quentin tarantino has made his third perfect movie and he not only made it look easy, but made it look fun.

the writing is flawless the acting is solid but the look is fresh and the comedy is there and the action is there and the only thing thats not there is theres not enough stars in the heavens to award this film.

it was as if quentin filmed kill bill, realized it was a damn good three-hour movie but decided instead to hold back the best parts for the “sequel” and call the leftovers kill bill vol 1.

the rumors of you not needing to see the first to enjoy the second are true.

kill bill vol 2 stands on its own and shines on its own, it sneers on its own, its amazes on its own, its such a gargantuan shock to the heart that its almost like vol 1 was a warm up for what quentin knew he could do.

vol 2 runs laps around vol 1 in a way that vol 1 should have just been dvd extras, missing scenes, and deleted moments of this instant classic.

this is a dress rehearsal of a wedding between genius and artistry. action suspense humor, depth, subtlety, and beauty. the way movies should be made but simply cant be made because theres only one quentin and his fastball moves.

this is the work of a maturing filmmaker caught completely in stride, no longer the video store clerk trying to prove that he can direct, no longer the wigger in the kangol trying to show off his record collection.

this is the quentin tarantino that everyone hoped for after the one two punch of reservoir dogs and pulp fiction that never was realised in the pair of films that followed.

this movie was so good that i bypassed the miramax + ascis afterparty so i could run home and tell you to go right away before people start giving away the juicy bits because there are some parts that people are going to start talking about and it’s far better to see them for yourself unspoiled.

kill bill 2 gets the busblogs highest rating. as someone who was lucky enough to see pulp fiction the day it came out, i felt just as satisfied leaving this film, and i definately wasnt the only one.

john stakes + evhead + the detox

hi blog.

are you mad at me?

no, why would you say that?

well, um, well, you used ta update me 3-4 times a day, and lately it’s been down to 2 times a day.

oh bloggy bloggy bloggy blog. i still love you. im just busy as all hell.

i know you are.

no seriously. do you have any idea what sort of mess LA is in and i’ve got to fix it?

yeah.

are you crying?

sniff… no.

you ARE crying!

shut up. so.

dude youre the best blog in the world. everythings gonna be ok. things will slow up and i can write on here all the time again.

i know.

seriously. ive got some great plans for you.

you do?

well, not really. but im sure i will think of something good real soon.

what about my archives, why do you let them go to shit?

cuz on the weekends i really just want to chill out and not blog and not write and not do shit but lay around and watch baseball.

see.

blog, the website hasnt been updated since bunny visited. if anyone should bitch its the site.

true.

my links page is fucked. my everything is fucked, blog. if theres one thing that is even sorta in good shape its you.

i know, but i could be sooooo much better.

trust me, i know. and it kills me. its just that i have lick and the lick blog and work and the ladies and do you have any idea how many books i have to read to be able to write this well?

you dont read any books tony.

i know. but i should. then i would be able to write well.

whatever. just try to spend a little more time on me and i’ll be happier and maybe people will comment more or donate to the car fund or something. or maybe you’ll get laid more or something.

deal.

thanks tony.

im sorry blog.

its cool tony.

i love you buddy.

dont be gay, bro.

k

i liked the oliver stone documentary with castro. it was honest. it was interesting and it was far from soft on the dictator.

when my microsoft windows xp said that it was time for an windows update.

the xbi has enemies.

so i clicked the little globe deal and went on with my business and it said for me to restart and whattya know, as soon as it came back i had no d drive.

where all my peer to peer sharing folders reside.

and a little side project folder i like to call lick

and a folder that said tonypierce dot com

which stored thousands and thousands of photographs and stories and poems and webpages and fables and miracles and unfinished photo essays and thousands of songs perfectly catagorized and all

for

your

ass.

and the first thing i thought of was how will i do lick.

and the next thing i thought of was, how incredible that it didnt hit my c drive cuz then i would be truly fucked

and then i thought thats what i get for talking shit to sol over at the buzzmachine, remember what happend to david when his saul hated on him.

so i got up and telephoned my buddy solomon, bass player for rock group tsar, who will be playing a midnight show on friday night i understand in downtown la because that is the shit right there

and i left a message along the lines of

hello jeff, would you please call me back at your earliest convenience.

i have a question about my computer.

thank you.

good day.

which is code for shit shit shit!

restarted the bad boy again and clicked the d drive and it said drive is not formatted, format now?

to which i hunted for the oh god no button.

to which i thought there needs to be a peice of software that will let you go back to the settings twenty four hours ago.

and the desktop shortcut of that software should be two red sparkely shoes with little white socks poking out the top of the shoes.

and then i saw that i had tivoed the chappelle show

and i turned it on

and i waited to hear the terrible news.

and then i saw that i had put lick and tonypierce dot com on my desktop

for easier access

the desktop, which resides on the c drive.

c which was short for you fucking lucky ass non backing up lazy fucking you dont even deserve this type of good fortune.

but now im terrified to click on those folders

cuz what if its just a shortcut.

intricate plot + adrants + capt scurvy