best. survivor. ever.

im not usually a fanboy. sometimes. but not over television.

my favorite show is the sopranos and i try not to get all gushy about that. but other than the simpsons, the show that ive watched every episode of without fail every damn thursday and occasional sunday is survivor.

i havent been completely thrilled with survivor over the last few years, but i must say that this all-star version was not only great because it was nice to see some of those old familiar faces again, but it was very interesting to see how experienced players would compete with each other.

but nothing would have prepared me for tonight’s double finale.

it was everything that the Friends finale lacked: excitement, drama, true love, surprises, tough decisions, and full-on watchability.

first of all rob and the skinny chick liked each other, we all knew that, but the question was how much? enough to go head to head in the final vote? apparently yes. and apparently they wanted to go in to that vote engaged which is precisely what all these dating shows try sooooo damn hard to create artificially but survivior got it naturally.

as naturally as a 40 day starve on an island while getting rained on and lied to can be.

i love the show because it’s real. because its nuts and because im generally surprised with each episode.

in tonights finale episode i learned that even survivor all stars can fall for the old “i’m with you till the end, bro” trick and get their feelings hurt when they’re betrayed even though they’ve plotted to betray others with exactly the same line of bull pucky.

today lex, mr. punk rock, stood up and tried to bash boston rob for lying to him and ruining their “friendship” while knowing full well that the game of survivor, if nothing else, is one gigantic Trust Me contest where the best liar wins.

this season amber won because she rode in boston rob’s wake as he won immunities and lied to people and took all the heat.

after they came back from both being awarded cars there was no way that rob and amber should have both made the final four but thats the beauty of survivor, where strategy sometimes dictates that you Not vote off the most vile player, but keep them so you, perhaps, could stand next to that person in the final two in hopes that the jury will vote against the meanie, and give you the cool mil.

whatever. i loved it. i loved their romance. i loved their relationshop. im glad they got to go on that date in the jungle drive in. im glad they got to be on the island alone at the end.

and im glad that boston rob upstaged the show by proposing seconds before jeff probst was going to tell the world that either amber or rob was the winner of the game, and thus taking all the wind out of the sails of the game since obviously they were both going to share the money regardless of who won.

im glad drama queen jerry got booed when she started talking shit about how the game was also about real people. because once you enter a game show like survivor you are no longer a real person, chickie. playboy, for example, didnt put jerry on the cover of their magazine because she was just a regular person.

and im glad that after she got booed, she walked off the stage like a little diva.

but most of all im glad that rupert has another chance to win a million bucks.

rupert is my favorite survivor. he wasnt perfect. he didnt make all the right decisions. he is probably a nutcase in the real world, but on survivor he was strong and loud and crazy and wonderful.

i am disappointed in amber for giving the extra car to the she-devil when big tom was more deserving for being dicked the hardest by her fiancee.

but like i remind you on this blog over and over, life isnt fair. not even on tv.

but sometimes some interesting shit goes down, and sometimes it ends very sweetly.

melting dolls + raspil + leah

so me and karisa made it to the game

with about three minutes left to go before halftime.

it was an adventure riding the subway on a sunday because even thought the metro gets a million dollars a day in tax revenues they refuse to believe that people actually ride on the weekends, but they do. she and i were, at least.

the seats were great. everyone was there, including affleck (pictured, dork.)

i used to have a belief in isla vista that if i was at a party that marc brown was at, then i was probably at the cool spot to be at.

in LA i get nervous if im ever at the same place that affleck is at because its instantly not cool if he’s there. for example, somehow it was more cool to be rubbing up against j.lo’s side when puffy was doing it, but not when ben ben was.

didnt matter, lakers won by 21 and i got to hang with my pal karisa alone for a few hours on a gorgeous day in LA, which is rare. we barely kick it on the weekends. god only knows why.

so clipper girls cousin called while we were coming home and she was all, what are you doing when you get home. and i said just drinking with karisa.

and she was all, how long do you think you’ll be doing that for.

and i was all, maybe an hour.

she was like, i was thinking about coming over

i was like, i like how you think.

she was like, i want to bring my roommate and we can hang out.

and i was like, uh

she was like, dont get any dirty thoughts, its not going to be like that.

and i wanted to be like, we have the best thing going, we watch a little tv and drink some shots and make out and get it on and spend the night, why would you want to ruin that good thing.

but instead i said, are you guys going to be coming over in seperate cars

and she laughed

and i said are you trying to bring us into the world of exhibitionism?

and she laughed even harder

like i was the crazy one.

i havent had sex in like 27 hours. im not the crazy one to want some

am i?

anyways, two super hot girls are coming over to my house and im pissed off about it.

only in my world.

freeway slowdance + glowstick + mouthy

dont hate me cuz im a lucky ass.

woke up this morning with a hot girl who is so honest with me that she said, dont take this the wrong way but ive been trying to date this guy and the only time that he’s available is on sunday breakfast. and he doesnt have my number, so he knocks on my door on sundays to ask to walk me to breakfast, so i have to make sure that im home in time for the knock.

so she ran off this morn and i called my mom to wish her a happy mothers day and we talked about flowers and house prices when i get a click on my call waiting. and i see that its my old college roommate sam. as much as we love each other, we really dont call each other much except regarding lakers tickets and tsar shows.

now everyone knows that today at twelve thirty pacific the lakers are going to take on the defending champs the san antonio spurs who are up 2-0 in the western conference playoffs.

and i think to myself in a split second that sam just might have an extra ticket for me.

so i ask my mother if she wouldnt mind hanging on for a second as i answer the call on the other end, which is a rude thing to do, particularilly to your mother, especially on mothers day, but shes a sports fan and i thought that she would understand.

and it is my pal sam, and not only does he have a ticket, but he has two tickets.


so i say yes, how do i get the tickets. he says great, all you need to do is give me your email address and then you print them out.

i say oh but i dont have a printer.

he says what? they cost like $40 now. i say i know but i never print anything.

so he calls will call and they say that they will have the tickets under sam’s name.

so then i called my true love to see if she wanted to go, and there was no answer.

no answer? oh thats right, she probably spent the night at that nogoodnick’s house.

so i left a message along the lines of

had laker tickets for us today but youre too busy with boring people. caio, bella.

then called the cuban girl, but she was too busy with another as well.

i guess when people think of getting a phone call from me, its not pre-noon on sundays since im probably reading my bible.

so i called clipper gir’s cousin but she was at the farmers market in pasedena for some reason.

so i called my man welch and his beautiful wife emmanuelle told me that he was on his way to the angel game, so i asked her if either he or she was writing Defamer and she said no and showed me why and i was all oh well, see you at tsar on wednesday.

so then i called my wife moxie and she said she just wanted to soak in the rays on this beautiful game, and she reminded me that we never got karisa a proper birthday gift that perhaps i should ask her.

so i called karisas house and got no answer, and i never do this but then i called her cell phone. i never do it because karisa is xbi and she does some hairy undercover work that even i dont know about. and you never know what she is up to so i never call her xbi cell but i had to, and she told me she was just getting back from the gym, whats up?

i told her and she said hmmmm. i asked her if she had other plans and she said, yes but not as good as that.

and now shes coming over and id take pictures for you but my cameras in the shop and the new camera fund is hovering around $300 with $666 to go.

now finally the cuban girl calls but its too late. shes got big plans today though, so she says its all good but that we must have dinner tonight and i say cool.

and heres what the lakers need to do to beat the spurs today.

kobe needs to shoot the damn ball.

shaq needs to concentrate at the line.

gary payton needs to remember that hes the glove and no french mother fucker named tony parker can score no fucking thirty points on four mvps any more.

and some malone elbows need to be thrown, some blood needs to flow, and some feelings need to get hurt.

this is the playoffs baby


or retire.

hairwax + zulieka has an interesting proposition + aaron clemens