To: Tony, From: Abrasivist

Subject: A lonely cubfan speaks

I’m the only one in Cleveland here that is writhing in pain at recent Wrigley Field final scores. Although not on local television and often at work, the wonders of technology send messages to my cellphone as to what the score was of the latest loss. I would think even Pete Rose bet against the Reds going into Wrigley and doing that. I hope someone has informed Atlanta that the Cubs play all the bad teams in September so they are a lock for the wild card spot. OOPS…it’s October now. Yikes.

Now Atlanta in town for a final three games and payback on their mind for their disappointing exit from the playoffs at the hands of the Cubs last year. I predict a loss in the final game of the year will do it. As a Cub fan I would expect nothing less than the usual crescendo of hope before all is lost. It’s kind of like knowing that your plane is about to strike the side of a mountain but thinking that perhaps it’s the soft side of the mountain and all will be ok.

Will someone please take that darn goat to the ballpark?



Dear Fellow Cub Fan,

i dont know whats worse, frankly, losing in the playoffs last year after being up 3-1 with wood and prior ready to rock, or not even making the wild card this year with a far superior team.

i know the good Lord loves us, but He seems to be taking this free will shit a bit too far.

last year i made a pilgramage to the Billy Goat Tavern in september to put all this away once and for all.

my mom thinks i was there to suprise her for her 50th birthday, but no, it was to make peace with the goat.

i drank a large stein of Old Style, i had a cheezebuggah, cheeps, and a frigging pepsi.

i even bought my mom a burger and a beer.

we hugged the waitstaff, we lit candles under the goat, we even put the super bowl shuffle on the jukebox to cover all our bases.

little did i know that i should have, instead, slashed the tires of one Steve Bartman. which, trust, me, i would have definately done.

i dont know what to say about this season. we were stacked. we had the best line up ive ever seen on the north side.

and that pitching staff was sick.

i cant say that the front office didnt do enough because Maddux, Ramirez, Lee, Nomah, Barrett, even Neffi fucking Perez were all key pickups. but when Borowski went down they never reacted to get a quality closer.

the cubs blew 20 games this season including the game tonight.

am i to believe that the phillies wouldnt have let 40 year old Jose Mesa loose for kyle farnsworth?

and i, sadly, will also have to put some blame on our pal dusty baker, who had the best team in baseball all year and still failed to put together any sort of serious winning streak (other than the 12 for 15 run a few weeks ago) and ultimately coming up short against the mets, pirates, and now reds.

sports illustrated needs to share some blame, naturally, for putting the cubs on the cover of their baseball preview issue.

and then theres the matter of the goat, whose owner cursed the cubs decades ago when he was not allowed to watch game 4 of the 1945 world series with his friendly pet.

if i was the ceo of tribune corp., i would give that fucking beast box seats to the entire season next year.

i would also re-sign clement cuz he looks like a goat, nomar cuz he twitches like a goat, and i would trade away maddux because we need a closer.

but now im going to go home, cry, and watch the presidential debates

and then cry a little more.

your pal,


abrasivist + mass live makes the best headlines + sk smith

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