will

this is what it looks like when a gay male hooker
working for a fake news service
pretending to be a reporter
asks fake questions
using a fake name
in the white house

she always has a big smile for me. she always has a little treat from her office for me. she always takes my hand that i place on her thigh and moves it to her knee. she always makes me melt.

we drove over to the Beverly Center, the only shopping mall where the customers dress better than the manequins. she had to return some clothes for her auntie.

she said, lets buy you some clothes. i said k. so i walked into a boutique where the dummys had pink polo shirts or pink sweaters or pink pants and i said whats with the pink and the superhot sales chickie said boys are starting to wear pink.

so we went into another store and i saw some ripped clothes and some “distressed” clothes and some dirty sweaters and i was all right, my kind of place

until i saw a comma on one of the pricetags.

at that point i kissed her and we walked down to Chipotle my favorite burrito place.

we drove home and i asked her dozens of incredibly personal questions that unfortunately i cant share with you at this time, but trust me, they were painfully personal.

halfway through she said, i am so embarrassed answering these questions!

to which i said, please dont think that im judging you or cataloguing these answers so as to use them against you in the future. i just want to know your mindset and whats going on with you. and if you like you can ask me some personal questions too.

to which she declined because im an open book with large print text for the seeing impared.

we got to my hollywood hills hideaway and we ate our food and watched The Daily Show. Eric Idle from Monty Python was on hyping his new book.

we discovered that hadnt seen any python movies or tv shows.

i said, if you were my girlfriend, would you come over three nights a week and watch movies and tv shows with me?

she said, just three nights a week?

i said, yeah.

she said yeah.

so i said, will you be my girlfriend?

she sat there smiling silently so i took off my cubs hat and got down on a knee and held her hand

and she said yes.

and we watched american idol and yelled at the tv when they didnt let that skinny black chick through.

and i probably should feel different, but i cant say honestly that i do.

her parents are very strict so i said none of this is official unless your parents give us their blessing.

she said, ah, they will like that. they will consider it a sign of respect.

i will consider it a stoke if they approve, because maybe it will mean that they wont call 5 times a night asking her where she is what is she doing and who is she doing it with.

she will merely say, im at my boyfriends house. which hopefully will explain all.

developing…

tattered coat + simpleton + kate sullivan

that MaleWhoreFakeReporterFakeNewAgencyGate is much to concern himself with.

“I’m a libertarian — I’ve got no problem with gay male prostitutes. Or even gay female prostitutes (they have those, right?). Heck, I’d legalize prostitution — gay and straight — if it was up to me, and think of its practitioners as every bit as respectable as other professionals like lawyers, lobbyists and journalists. (Maybe moreso, as I suspect the client satisfaction rate is higher . . . .)”, Prof. Reynolds snickered last night.

Prompting a reader, Thomas Castle, to write in to correct him:

You are, again, missing the point entirely. The problem with Gannon isn’t that he’s a gay male prostitute, it’s that he’s a vetted WH reporter using a pseudonym and masquerading as a journalist when he is, in fact, merely a shill. THAT’S the offensive part. This business that he was booted because he’s gay, or a prostitute, or both is bogus, although I’m sure some of the fundies do indeed have a problem with it.

Glenn responded thusly:

(L)et’s see: “Masquerading as a journalist when he is, in fact, merely a shill” would disqualify rather a lot of the poseurs I see shouting at press conferences. As for the gay angle being why he was booted — that’s what Howard Kurtz said, and I believe it. And while you can claim that this isn’t really about the gay angle, a quick look at the juvenile gay-themed stuff on the lefty blogs suggests otherwise. I should also note that while Moyers did charge that Gannon was a gay male prostitute, I don’t think that’s been clearly established. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

digby explains why the Jeff Gannon/Jim Guckert scandal is important to him.

I personally have no problems with the Bush White House needing to blow off some consensual adult steam. It’s a stressful job. If gay hookers are going to help them relax then who am I to argue? I’m a liberal. I have nothing against gays or hookers.

But for a moment let me think as a Republican would, if the shoe were on the other foot:

So many questions so few answers. Just why did JimJeff get such special treatment? It’s not like they didn’t already have a bunch of ready made shills to ask softball questions. Les Kinsolving’s been throwing partisan bombs for years. They certainly didn’t need JimJeff to transcribe RNC talking points when they have the Beltway Boys to do it on national television.

Scotty said that the president called on JimJeff of his own volition. A coincidence? Or did someone request that JimJeff get a special treat that day?

And has it ever been logical that this nobody from a vanity web site would get access to the Plame story? Why him? JimJeff claims that he never actually saw the Plame memo, yet he clearly knew of it. Could it have been pillow talk?

I don’t have a clue. But, I do know that if this were 1998, we’d be knee deep in congressional investigations into the gay hooker ring in the White House. Every news crew in the DC area would be camped out on JimJeff’s front lawn. A wild-eyed Victoria Toensing and panting Kelly Ann Fitzpatrick would be crawling up on the Hardball desk rending their silk teddies and speaking in tongues while Matthews’exploding head spun around on his shoulders.

But, it isn’t 1998 and it will probably not even be mentioned. And I’m not a Republican so I don’t think, as they would, that it’s necessary to dig into every single White House staffer’s sex life to find out who leaked a confidential memo to a gay hooker.

As a Democrat, however, if gay hookers are running around the White House I do find it somewhat frustrating that we have to put up with this shock and horror bullshit from the right wing about average Joe and Jane gay person wanting to get married and have a family. Please.

stay tuned to see ifinsty write just as flippantly about BushCo cockblocking former US POWs from suing Iraq for torture, or see if he supports the troops.

wil wheaton on the set of csi + volume 2 + perils in 3d

for valentines day dinner we went to Maggiano’s Little Italy in the controversial Grove shopping plaza next to the historic Farmer’s Market on Fairfax.

our reservations were at 5:30p. we arrived at 5:35p and i was a little nervous because the woman who took my reservation warned me that if i tardy we might end up on the “heated” patio outside.

my date is a fragile little lass who will shiver if the slightest breeze catches her the wrong way, even if it’s in my living room.

when we checked in the hostess took my name and told us that we would have to wait a few minutes in the bar as they prepared our table. inside, the dining area was nearly empty. but i took the news graciously and eyed a pair of cozy barstools.

before i could decide whether i was going to order a double or a single baileys the floor manager said, tony pierce? im sorry mr pierce we can sit you now.

and i winked at my girl and coughed, bloggers get anything. its our little joke.

after salivating over the menu, she chose the chicken with capers. i got the angel hair pasta with shrimp.

both dishes were great but the chicken only gave you chicken. no veggies, no potatoes, no nothing. a little spinach underneath each flattened half breast but certainly not a side dish.

not sure im cool with that. will it kill ya to throw some mashed potatoes on the plate?

meanwhile my bowl of pasta could have fed half of roma. even though the half order only saves you $3, it’s probably the best bet.

afterwards we strolled through the grove. she asked me if i hated it, i said, nah, LA is known for its cheesiness + fakeness + disneyfication standing side by side with history + charm + uniqueness, so im down with it, and then we went to the apple store.

and then we poked our head into anthropologie, which just happens to be right next door to victoria’s secrets

on valentines day

but they didnt have anything cute in my size

so we drove home empty handed but with smiles on our face to screen 1987s “raising arizona” by the light and warmth of the fireplace.

a few times i hit pause and made a little valentines night move on my date who, if you recall, hadnt even kissed a man in five years due to being holed up in an ivory tower with no one to keep her company other than her handmaid

and you’ll be happy to know that inbetween soft thises and softer thats progress was made.

until a firey log fell from the fireplace prompting her to laugh and say, the angels obviously want us to keep our distance and return to the movie

to which i shook my fist at the sky and replaced the log and resumed my seat and pressed play.

and the angels can cblock all they want cuz everytime this girl has left my pad i have the goofiest smile on my face where i think how can one man be so lucky.

and i sleep like a rock wishing for the day her momma will let her spend the night with me.

radio humper + big tanky + xtraxyx +bing

people think that im not looking for love. they assume that im not just as interested as the next person in marriage and kids and houses and station wagons and braces and recitals and second mortages and little league practices.

the truth of the matter is im not at that stage in my life right now. hell, im just lucky that i even have a valentine tonight.

which i do.

with a virgin.

who made me the sweetest card and left it at my door step

which isnt the best idea because the squirrels could have eaten it.

love knows no age or race or fashion or anything

love comes and goes with the randomness of a butterfly flight pattern, and it’s just as hard to capture.

i dont ask the cheerleaders anymore what astrological sign they are cuz it doesnt matter, i dont ask them what they want in a man cuz everything changes, i dont dwell on their past loves cuz unless every single dude was the same exact type the past is the past is the past is the past.

i asked her the other day to be my valentine and she said k and i asked her if she’d ever had one before and she said no which is normal cuz she hasnt had very much before of anything regarding a boy

which means of course we have to eat at a fancy italian restaurant tonight

even though she said pizza on my couch would be fine

“i dont know why you want to be with me all the time” she giggles but people dont like each other because of the crazy positions they hope to tangle themselves into after desert, people like each other because theres a chemistry there, some hidden forces, some nom de plume, something that makes them giggle.

and afterwards we will stroll and get desert

and then a film in my screening room

and then if im lucky she will let me kiss her.

and if shes lucky i will let her kiss me back.

the other day we were walking past a lingerie shop and i said oh i can see you in that and she said oh no you cant

and i said would you wear something like that for your boyfriend

and she said nope

and i said get out

and she said, seriously, nope.

i was all, you wear less than that cheerleading

she said cheerleading i have nylons and cheer shorts and panties on. three layers.

i was all, sigh, i guess i’ll have to settle for the cheerleader outfit.

and she said, dont hold your breath.

and if i had a nickel for every time a girl said no to me and ultimately did precisely what i had originally asked for, id have enough nickles to get from here to the moon.

i also got her a heart balloon.

JaG + darling maggot + heroine girl + bored housewife + isabella

“patience is a virtue/but thrill is what we’re here to do”.

and i can understand why you’d think it necessarry to drag up a slutty dressed girl and her american hero boyfriend especially when the chickie won a grammy ten years ago and the hero dumped his wife girlfriend who was there while he sufferred through his cancer

ok, i cant understand it, cuz really what was the point of all that?

i also cant understand how you can give Led Zeppelin a lifetime acheivement award, which everyone knows is an apology award, a makeup award, an award that says shit we really must suck if led fucking zeppelin can churn out record after record and we were too lame to ever award them a regular grammy

and then not let them on stage during your three and a half hour tv show.

led zeppelin.

the hammer of the gods.

a band who rips farts bigger than maroon 5, and yet they get to go on stage and collect their bullshit

and we wont even talk about john mayer.

yes in a perfect world i would be in charge of the grammys television show and the dude from sugar ray would not be up on stage pointing down to jimi page and john paul jones

the killer, jerry lee jewis, would be on stage receiving his award, and the killers would not be nominated for their trivial pursuits at medicoraty.

U2 would not be allowed to sing their brand new single, a ballad that neither shows the peaks or valleys of the greatest band from ireland, and if they insisted they would be asked to stand down as my chemical romance or the arcade fire would be introduced to the world

or jack white and loretta lynn would get to sing.

i love bono and the boys but do i really need to hear another one of their mumbley also-rans that will not bring down the house, that will be forgotten before its even over, that is nothing more than a backroom deal maker that will guarantee the bands appearance – even though theres no way that u2 wouldnt show up to get their grammy so why bendover backwards to have them sing their commercial.

something tells me the grammys can find someone else to fill that slot.

i liked j.lo i liked green day i liked the mashup intro.

the star of the show, though, was kanye west whose beautifully produced performance was only eclipsed by his heartfelt and defiant acceptance speech.

the lynyrd skynyrd mess was a mess

and almost as embarrassing as what would have happened if they had let ray charles’s manager on stage and not speak.

no more makeup awards. we all loved ray but you dont give a guy all those awards just cuz hollywood made a movie about him and he died.

you give the best records the best awards and when you realize 25 years later, as in the case of zeppelin, that you goofed and never recognized your boys, you pull em on stage and let em rage.

and as much as i love guns n roses, they are not my first choice for the backup band for a fundraising mini we are the world.

bono was wrong. this was not the best grammys. last years was better. even if usher danced his tail off.

any time john mayer wins song of the year over kayne west and/or alecia keys you have a serious problem.

especially when hoobastank is also a nominee.

who even their mommas know dont belong there.

the grammys is one place where you should be able to say, oh yeah that dude really belongs there, and him and him and her and her and them and him and her.

fuckers.

raymi + science blog explains love + via doc searls

last night i took a break from dating virgins and went out with a right wing thirtysomething who has been begging me for months to take her out on the town.

one thing led to another and soon we were talking politics which is usually a huge mistake but angry sex is sometimes better sex, she told me, and i took the bait.

the first thing she tossed over was that the liberal media isn’t covering the resignation of the vice president of cnn.

i was all, is that really your biggest gripe tonight as we look down on the lights of the san fernando valley sipping from the bottle of the sweetest two buck chuck while nibbling from a baguette that we each shared.

she smiled and said yes as a twinkle appeared in her eye. debate is what she came for and debate is what she will get but surely i jested you dont seriously consider the press liberal for if they were why do you think bushco has gotten such a free pass despite being a dunderhead.

her lips parted and she wanted me i could tell who couldnt tell. the flippin cow jumping over the moon could tell that she wanted me, and she said by liberal press i mean weak in the knees press, timid and disorganized, playing by the rules that we set up for them and change at our wills press.

i said oh if they were a conservative press they would bend the rules and lie and be a cheat and steal press, or do whatever it takes press, but ultimately the chief negro in charge press

she put her hand on mine and said exactly.

i said, but even AP says jordan barely had any responsibilities at cnn. he lorded over nothing any more after restructurings, and he wasn’t in charge of anything really.

she said, but he had a glorious 23 year career with them, one that earned him an emmy, a dupont and a peabody. hes a big fish.

i said, you dont even know what a dupont is.

she said shuttup you dont either.

i said the story of the week is about the white house having a mole, a ringer, a towel boy in the press corps, for a year, and a gay one at that, from a fake new service, whose being called on by his fake name by the press secretary and then by the president of the united states is the story of the week.

she said, not the vp of cnn?

i said, unless you consider the vice president of cnn more important than the president of the united states.

she said, but he said that the military had a secret policy of killing journalists.

i said, does the military have a secret policy of killing journalists?

she said, its secert.

i said, dont you see the symbolism between jesus and eason jordan?

she nearly choked on her merlot. no.

i explained to her that jesus was crucified for telling the truth. he didnt break the law. similarily, eason jordan offered an opinion that may or may not be true.

she reasoned, well both of those men knew what they were in for if they said what they said.

her pearl necklace was tight

every thing on her was right

except for the silly little chirps floating off her tounge and into my ears all night.

eason jordan i reminded was in a closed door off the record conference, a star chamber as our friend matt welch so perfectly described it. the purpose of the conference, i told her was that so super big wig executives and power brokers and the like could say the unspeakable without fear.

her eyes arched and she said, but even barney frank expressed shock and outrage.

i coughed strange bedfellows dear. funny how you pick and choose what you decide to agree with congressman frank about. one might argue that if you consider him dead wrong on many of his other moral stances, perhaps hes morally wrong to allow something said in an off the record meeting leak out

particularily if its validity has not been thouroughly investigated.

she said, then why resign now.

i said, because you wolves hounded cbs when all of their people didnt resign immediately. now he resigns and you arent satisfied with that.

oh we’re satisfied all right, she hissed and adjusted her skirt.

and we moved on to mr jeff gannon, the homosexual who the white house hired to lob softball questions and detract the tone of the already softball press conferences, who was leaked information from the white house, who was allowed a year-long day pass into the white house after the congress denied him because of his fake degree and fake employer.

she said the president is republican, if he wants a fellow republican in the press corp doesnt he have that right?

i said, if you cared at all how history will look back at this administration, you wouldnt defend and thereby encourage such sloppy slanted behavoir.

to which she said, only the left care about what the name is and bristle when it gets tarnished

whats in a name?

conservatives, republicans, whatever you call us is whatever you call us, we’re far more interested in steering the ship and calling the shots

you worry about those other trifles all you want deary

we have a universe to run

she said

and then blew me.

like one who had done it a few time.

metafilter on jordan + metafilter on gannon + matt welch

and im still recovering. $2 drinks on a weeknight are not good things for 110 year old mens.

the band was phenominal. there was a man who couldnt stay cool and HAD to dance and i felt his joy.

at one point karisa turned to me and said how amazing it was that tsar is so much better than every band thats out there right now and i agreed and we clinked our budweisers and then ordered kamikazees and shot them and then ordered rolling rocks and drank them and i toook tons of pics

and i hugged moxie

and i got my bald head kissed by many womens and they took pictures kissing my head and i smiled cuz it made me happy inside.

and tsar played and played and moxie told me that Mono Stereo was her favorite tsar tune, but tsar didnt know that so they didnt play it

but they played lots of new songs that were perfect.

i swear this band is going to come to your town and when they do you must go because this is how its done when you know how to do things.

this is the way of the west

this is the future of rock n roll boiled down to the essentials

rock

hard

lyrics

and pretty melodies

and guitars and drums

and solomon trying to hide out but he cant cuz good shit is good shit and it sticks out like a sore thumb.

i was the luckiest man in the world last night

and when i came home i got on my knees and i gave thanks.

mc brown + moxie has a cute pic of me and her + acccordian guy

not that you need me to tell you that.

any time people ask me if i could switch places with anyone living or dead it would be him.

janes addiction was my favorite band for so long and dave was the biggest reason for that. i was lucky enough to see janes for free at ucsb, i saw them play with the pixies and primus, i saw them during the first lalapalooza, and recently i saw them on their comeback mini tour up in santa barbara.

i also saw him play with the chili peppers a few times, once during a benefit at the hollywood palladium, and once at the first tibetan freedom concert.

fucker cant seem to play with a shirt on and if i had a body like his i bet my clothes wouldnt feel worthy either.

not only is dave married to one of the hottest women alive, but she also appears to be one of the coolest. to me they make a perfect couple.

unlike some rockstars who would be happy with just sitting around counting his cash and talking dirty to his old lady, dave is one of the bright spots on the LA radio dial with his one-of-a-kind alternative radio show where he is allowed to play anything he wants and have on any guest that will call in or hang out with him.

on top of that his side band is a mecca of local music heroes who sit in with him and play at clubs like the key club and the wiltern. he gets guys from guns and roses to jam with him just as easilly as courtney love, juliette lewis and many others.

dude’s living a dream.

just as naturally he took to blogging. 6767.com is the perfect celeb blog. he writes a little about his life and oftentimes he will answer about 10 questions that his readers and fans asked him on the previous day and hes not afraid to take a stand.

he blogs with the same ease that he talks about music on his radio show or rocks on stage.

today he linked me and im on fucking cloud nine.

danielle + frozen toothpaste + gorilla