this is not the guy i met many moons ago

at the daily nexus wearing a dress, drinking wine, and surrounded by women doing night production on the greatest college paper of all time.

he had longer hair, raggedy jeans, and like corey hart he wore sunglasses at night.

i guess we all had longer hair back then and more fucked up jeans, but the difference about todays birthday boy is that fuckin white boy got a hundred times smarter than any of us ever thought.

not only is he a virtual expert on central and eastern european history – somehow – but he’s only gotten more nerdy about his baseball history and neo-jamesian stats that would make guys like theo epstein say hold on what?

there will be a day when someone will let me and matt either run the dodgers or the cubs and after i abuse my powers and rip down the lights matt will trade away all the stars and replace them with long beach unknowns and i will make sure that every national anthem is sung by the best of the punkrock underground.

every game will be a sellout and bill veeck will rise from his grave and stand in line for bleacher seats.

worst mistake and my only regret in life was not following matt and the nexus crew to prague after graduation to start the first english language newspaper there Prognosis. i had fallen in love with jeanine who at the time was only a junior and i told matt that i was going to stay in IV, work for warner bros. and hang out with my new girlfriend. i believe that was our first and last fight. he called me a skinny sellout whiteboy and when he saw that he wasnt getting to me figured i was truly in love and gave me a hug and a kiss, and we were good.

a year later jeanine was in prauge and i was working for an even bigger conglomerate than wb and matt was playing guitar on the charles bridge and interviewing havel and getting good seats to guns n roses.

i had made a terrible mistake.

since then matt has married emmanuelle, cut his hair, appeared on the o’reilly factor, and basically made his momma proud. all without a degree, as ucsb decided to kick him out right before he reinvented the wheel.

in a perfect world theyd look at what he’s accomplished in the 15 years since he was unjustly booted from the fine institution and award him an honorary degree, but somehow i think his achievements taste sweeter without the sheepskin because he got everything he needed from his college university and proved to the world that renegades dont need your stinkin badges, they dont even need your cable tv, american ways, or californian girls.

he lives in a better house than you, his backyard is bigger than yours, his wife is frencher than you, and his country band is sweeter than yours.

and he can write even me under the damn table

and unlike me, get paid for it.

two fiddy, sal, two fiddy a week.

of course he didnt tell anyone that today was his birthday and here it is midnight oh six and his big day is over, but thats how real libertarians are – true independents, satisfied with a trip to a beach in malibu with his bikinied bride, a nice bottle or six of red, and maybe some seafood at a little place playing footsies and driving home down sunset listening to npr.

what did i imagine for matt welch in 2005 when i met him 15 years ago? completely ruling. pretty much what he’s doing now.

but for some reason i thought we’d be driving faster cars.

matt welch’s warblog + part three of our backyard podcast + his lovely wife emmanuelle

matt good is the man.

we talked for an hour for the podcast that i will put up tomorrow night, and afterwards i realized i had stuck the plug in the wrong hole! shit fuck piss!

we had just had this great conversation about payola and how young bands should stay away from major labels and about drugs and all these sorta related but not really topics and then i saw what i had done and i wanted to throw my monitor through the window cuz im such an idiot.

but matt was super cool about it and called me up a few hours later and we did another hour of kinda payola but not really. we talked about the cars he bought over the years, the music biz, U2 ticket prices, and about dudes who yell at him to shut the hell up while in concert. classic.

i seriously need to get on the radio because i dont want to make any more mistakes like that again because the next person i get to interview might not be as generous with their time, or as easy to talk with.

today is renee’s birthday. aka nay (pictured), she has been one of my favorite bloggers way back before they even called it blogging. i first started reading her sites when she was 14! not because im a perv (i am, but not for 14yr olds) but because she was painfully honest about so many aspects of her life that i found it totally compelling. im talking weight issues, boyfriends, long distance relationships, parents, web celebrity challenges, haters, copy-cats, homeschooling, hurricanes, success – the drama was never ending, and even though she took down her site from time to time, she always came back re-charged and committed.

this summer while i was unemployed i even became a member of her pay site just to see what was going on over there. i specifically wanted to see how her 24-hr cam worked and how someone could live under that sort of lack of privacy. im not sure if her shit was broke or mine was but i never saw any of the cam stuff nor did i enter into a chat with her and the other members but i did get to read her private blog and go through her archives so i feel as if i got my money’s worth. whatever.

today nay turns 19 and i wish her a happy birthday and i hope she has all her dreams come true because shes a lot more than a hot chick living in miami, shes a pioneer in the blogging world and on the net, and a gigantic inspiration to the busblog, and hopefully we’ll get to podcast her one of these days because i think she gets easilly misunderstood as being “just another ditzy camgirl”. the chickie has some serious skillz.

today was also a big day for Cub fans. good ole number 23, ryne sandberg, was inducted into the hall of fame today.

growing up it was hard not to love the shy secondbaseman who came over with larry bowa (for ivan dejesus) from the phillies in the early 80s after dallas green and lee elia bailed outta philly.

ryno was the girly’s favorite for his boyish looks, and beloved by the boys because of his clutch hitting and solid fielding. most second basemen weren’t known for their power but like joe morgan, ryne hit 282 homers including 40 in 1990 which was the first time a second baseman had done that since ’22 when rogers hornsby did it.

nine consecutive golden gloves and ten all-star appearances, but because he was a Cubbie no world series rings.

i was lucky enough to watch some of his induction this afternoon on ESPN classics and ryne had a lot to say about respect for baseball, but to me the best things he said was that he was bummed that he couldnt figure out how to win the world series for cubs fans.

It reminds me of the guy walking down the beach. He finds a bottle, pops the cork and a genie comes out to grant him one wish.

The guy says, “my wish is for peace between the Israelis and Palestinians. Here’s a map of the Middle East.”

Genie takes the map, studies it for hours and hours. Finally gives it back to the guy and says, “is there anything else you want to wish for? This is impossible!”

The guy says “well, I always wanted to see the Cubs in a World Series.”

The genie looks at him, reaches out and says, “let me have another look at that map.”

– full transcript here

when i look back at my life i know i wont be able to say that i was as classy as ryne sandberg, who thanked so many of his old teammates who were in attendence and railed against the selfishness and disrespect of today’s superstars, but i know that if i have any class its because of guys like him who were quiet leaders who spoke softly and swung a bigass stick.

harry was looking down today and he blessed us all.

another of ryne’s best lines was not when he called Pete Rose his hero, which i loved because he’s mine too, but when he said this about Cub legend Ron Santo who we all hope gets inducted into the hall before he passes away:

I know there are a lot of Cub fans here today. I feel like every Cub fan in the world is here with me today. And by the way, for what it’s worth, Ron Santo just gained one more vote from the veteran’s committee.

and dont ask me if i cried a little cuz i’ll change the subject.

ryne sandberg hall of fame stats + + when nay retired at 15 + matthew good

clipper girl’s cousin came over last night.

she was trying to be mean to me because i took karisa to coulter’s wedding and not her, but she knew i didnt play that game so she called me and arrived with an apple pie and the dvd of american pie and mischeif in her eye.

needless to say it helped me not get shut out of july.

afterwards she accused me of being anti-breast.

i told her i wasnt anti-breast.

she asked me why i never really spent much time working the twins and i said i thought a gentleman wasnt supposed to. she said a gentleman was supposed to do whatever the gentlewoman wanted and i said fine, i’ll pay more attention to the zooms.

these are the biggest issues i have to deal with these days:

play more with my titties.

growing up i read a lot of Cosmo. i watched a lot of tv. i listened to women talk.

most the time i would read that guys would spend too much time on the cans and not enough time kissing or whispering or finding that magic spot.

“he thinks he’s tuning into a mexican radio station,” the frustrated women would write to Dear Cosmo.

if a girl had very small breasts i would make sure to work em a little more than i normally would, sorta to say, i know theyre there. theyre fine.

same would go if a girl had misshapen or scarred ones due to gunshots or plastic surgery: attention would be paid.

but if a young lady had perfect ones, or big huge ones, typically i would make the rounds and then try to downplay the obvious.

too often i had heard from women with generous portions that the men in their life would stare at them and be hyptonized and do nothing other than zero in on them.

im more than just tits, theyd whine.


i guess sometimes you can outthink yourself.

thankfully at the root of any good relationship is communication and trust

and the permission to be felt up.

two years ago today on the busblog

pics and stories from steve and heather’s wedding two years ago + back when i had hair + & the corvids formed

tsar is spreading like the michaelangelo virus

but instead of fucking up your harddrives theyre fucking up the pop program and reminding people that there is an alternative to the dave matthews band and the reconsituted easylistening pretending to be rock music.

tonight the boys play at Valentines in albany new york the states capital and the birthplace of the q-tip. ok i made that up, but tsar will be banging the gong and i hope that if youre nearby you will pop yr head into the club and say hey for me.

after a day off, sunday tsar will be in buffalo for Edgefest with Billy Idol, our lady peace, flogging molly, static x, and others including 30 seconds to mars.

tuesday they will be in toronto canada rocking The Horseshoe, and Raymi and Fil i want you to be there with the rest of all my GTA homiez and give me your honest analysis of my bros. thats tuesday Toronto 8/2 at the horseshoe. fill that fucker up and let em know that you want to be rocked.

Chicago, thursday Tsar will be in my hometown. 8/4 at the Bottom Lounge with the Queers. give em some love chi-town. cubbies won today in the bottom of the ninth which means go to the Bottom Lounge and see the band most likely to have a smoke machine.

they drive all night and on friday 8/5 tsar hits cincinatti’s Never on Sundays.

on Saturday they’ll be in Lancaster at Coach’s Corner. both of those OH shows they’ll be playing with Billy Carri. who’s Billy Carri? hellifiknow all i know is Tsar will bring it so get ready and i dare you to try to give it back.

8/12 they’ll be in Sayerville NJ at the Starland Ballroom opening for the world famous NEW YORK friggin DOLLS and on 8/13 they’ll open for the Dolls again at the House of Blues in Atlantic City and my only question is why why why did they have to do that as soon as i got a job? i would have hitch-hiked across the country to see that match up.

but apparently i wont have to travel far because at the end of August the Dolls will have Tsar open for them again on 8/29 at the HOB in San Diego and 8/31 at the HOB at downtown Disney.

and now you know the rest of the story

toronto + i + want + your + sweet + ass + at + the + tsar + show + on + tuesday + nite

omg guess who i just had lunch with

omg danielle. omg shes such a spaz she called me i swear ten times on her way up here from san diego, and five just to say that she omg hates the 101.

we dined at the new palms thai which still has pain in the ass parking, if you call buck fiddy valet pain in the ass. i guess its not in LA-terms but it is for thai-terms.

didnt matter the food was killer and the parking dude was all thank you for bringing this wonderful girl. i was all, danielle spin around for the nice man, which she did perfectly on cue.

she had the fried tofu which she said were perfect as always cuz theyre crisp on the outside, tender on the inside, without even a hint of grease.

i told her its because the take hairless virgins and roll them in the wok with the food to suck all the grease and impurities out and whats left is the fried tofu miracle which never has enough sauce for her tastes but thats what waitresses are for.

i had the tom kha kai cuz im predictable, and chicken flied lice cuz im racist and we gabbed about her trip back east and the journey to the hamptons which she says makes beverly hills look like a ghetto

and she said how much she missed me and i told her how much i missed her and she said omg im so fat and i was all omg youre not and she was all look just look and i was all baby im looking have no fear about that

and i put my hand under the table and i gave it a good knock and i said see lil tone loves women and youre all woman and not in the least bit fat so eat your fried foods and drink your non diet cola and lets clink our glasses to hollywood.


afterwards we drove over to my po box and took some pictures and found a little shady area and a flat with a blue door and we clicked a few dozen photos and even took a lil three minute film that i will have for you tomorrow or monday which ever comes first.

and just as quick as she was here she was gone and i will miss her and shes a goddess and such a free spirit and so fun that i want all her dreams to come true

and maybe when you see this film you will have a greater understanding of how cool she is and how willing she is to have fun even in front of the camera.

and tonight i will eat drink and be merry with my two exes and tomorrow i will watch a movie with the cuban girl and sunday i will pray because monday i start my new job,

and summer, thanks for being there it was like jumping jack flash a gas gas gas.

one two.

danielle photo shoot + danielle’s unloved blog + danielles favorite blogger

chris c. has these questions for me

Q. What would you do without the blog if it were taken away and you had no means whatsoever to express yourself to the public?

before blogging i wrote in spiral notebooks and then i made websites and i also wrote for my college newspaper.

so if blogging wasnt around i would probably follow my former dream of being a pro journalist. but the problem with pro journalism is you cant really write exactly what you want to write. for example, lets say i had established myself as some kickass genx columnist and someone like the la times actually hired me five years ago. do you really think theyd allow me to mid-column say, man, i could really use clipper girls cousin to call me up right now and beg to lick my nuts like she did the other day?

not really likely. so thank god for blogging cuz i could really use clipper girls cousin to call me up right now and beg to lick my nuts like she did the other day.

Q. What is more important giving love or receiving love? you can’t say both, you have to pick one that is truly more important. I know you’re a giver.

well im a sap, so i believe that when you give love you automatically receive it.

i also have serious issues with receiving. so as much as i enjoy seeing a pretty girl get down before me and pull down my dark side of the moon pajama bottoms and unleash my deadly weapon, i cant really allow her to pay that much attention to me for very long. i feel selfish i feel greedy i feel self consious i feel ungentlemanly. however when the shoes on the other foot, lets say, i have no problem taking my time and letting her imitate fat joe and lean back and lean back.

one of the best gfs i ever had really loved giving love. she said, lets see if you can make it through a whole inning of me just doing this and she did her thing and i couldnt receive for that long. it was fun to try but there was obviously something wrong with me because i pushed her over and gave it to her, twice as good because i totally appreciated her little science experiment.

Q. Why do you personally think so strongly about having such a strong political stance not only personally but with the Blog and do you think the celebrities or musicians should use their own stages for political agendas or beliefs?

firstly you shouldnt believe the things you read on blogs, especially when people talk politics. dont believe when they talk about sex, or money, or religion, but definately dont believe them when they write about politics.

for example, i dont believe that in real life the instapundit is as one-sided and insincere, and as unfair and as dishonest as he is in his blog. i feel the same about charles johnson, and i feel the same about even rush limbaugh.

i think in real life if you were in a tavern with any of those gentlemen and if you werent surrounded by a bunch of good ole boys and if you sorta sighed and saw the president on the tv but you couldnt hear him cuz the jukebox was playing and if you said what an ass, i bet you they would probably laugh and agree. but they wouldnt dare do that in their blog cuz they make money and theyve become popular defending him.

similarily ive gotten far more props for bashing him than i probably deserve, cuz seriously how difficult is it to point at the retards in washington and say omg wtf.

i think most people’s stances are so strong currently because theres such a huge divide between left and right right now with very little middle ground. at this point you either believe that the administration lied to go to war and theyre lying about the progress of the war – or you believe them. you either are in favor of the right for women to choose what happens inside their womb or you dont. you either think this administration is taking this country down a rotten horrible fucked up path, or you think anythings better than kerry/dean/clinton – even this.

so i dont think my stance is unusually strong because it feels like if you dont like bush you probably reeaaaaalllly dont like bush. nobody is running around saying “yeah this war in iraq is a joke, but dubya’s domestic policies and programs are making us all rich, what a visionary, man, huh.”

other than oil producers and haliburton, who’s really benefitting from these last five years? the fcc’s slush fund? flag makers? and who’s gonna benefit from bush 20 years from now? is that such a crazy question to ask? i dont think so.

should celebs and musicians talk about their political beliefs? let me put it this way, for some reason we stick a mic in front of celebs and musicians so if they choose to keep it real and actually have an educated discussion with the prettyboy from entertainment tonight, i dont see a problem with it. and if a rocker wants to say a few thoughts onstage i wouldnt mind, especially if its followed with some killer song appropriate to the rant they just delivered.

some of the best songs out there were based in politics. i dont see why people should shy away from speaking their mind about anything that theyre serious about. on stage or in the blog. especially if theyre being honest and emotional about it.

Q. Have you ever had sex with a girl for the first time when she was really intoxicated and then had second thoughts about your actions the following day? Not because she was not hot, but that you might have taken advantage of her inebriation?

in college i had a major crush on a super hot chick who totally loved to party. she was friends with some of us Daily Nexus kids as well as some of the KCSB radio djs. one day the Nexus and KCSB had a sloshball game, which is softball with kegs at each base. needless to say after the game everyone was wasted. i took her to her place and started kissing her and she kissed back. i felt her up and she felt me up. but it was obvious that she was far more sloshed than i was.

i picked her up and put her in her closet but she slumped back down. i kept whispering, youre so drunk im gonna go home. and she kept slurring, no no, come here. but her eyes werent open and she was minutes away from passing out. it was obvious i could have done anything with her that i wanted. but even then, horny as i was, and as drunk as i was, and as lucky as i felt to be making out with such a blazing hot chick i knew in my heart that it would be wrong to do anything other than go home and lock the door after me.

a few weeks later she was drunk and stumbled to my house and knocked on my door and climbed into my bed. again she was wasted and sprawled out like a barbie doll. i really liked this girl and of course i wanted to do it with her. the problem was it wasnt going to be with her it was going to be to her, and even though she had come to my house i knew i should just chill out and not touch her. i kept thinking, if this girl really likes me she would bone me sober – which might be in the morning.

even then i knew that some girls dont know how to say yes and they feel like they have to get drunk or wasted from drugs to feel ok to have sex but i didnt want to be part of that. hot as she was. im no angel, but this black man knows better than to get himself in a situation where a girl could say i was drunk and he raped me while i was passed out.

theres tons of willing sober hot chicks out there. if lyle lovett could bang julia roberts and then marry her, you and i can bang pretty much anyone we want. sex is merely a numbers game, the more dates you go on, the better your odds. no need to break the law or take advantage of lightweights.

part two of the tomdog interview is here

fook the people + kovixen + paige + happy birthday doc and wil

any time i put a picture of karisa up on my shit

people get jealous and freaky. if ashley and i were still best of friends she would have been sure to have said a few choice words about the pics, and because danielle and i are still chummy she not only called me today to point out that i have new pics of karisa


she asked me to dinner tomorrow night at our favorite place, thaitown’s best, palms thai.

i told her that i couldnt sup with her because i and doing that with my exes chris and jeanine, but i could luncheon with her if she drove up from diego as soon as she got her pretty head off her pillow.

she wasnt sure until i told her that i would give her the full photo shoot treatment. she said deal and promised to call me in the morn. i forgot to tell her to bring a few outfits for the vault but hopefully shes reading this, in which case, hey bring some outfits so i will have some stock pics for the future.

awesome. so people wanted to know what the purpose of karisa and i having lunch the other day was all aabout and it was to celebrate her first modeling job. it was for this laser removal brochure which she is holding up in the photograph. as you can see she was upset because all they wanted to use her for was her hip ass and leg. she said it made her feel like an objectified bodypart and was disappointed that they didnt use any pictures of her whole bod including her face and hair which she told me they spent hours babe-ing up.

i was all kid welcome to hollywood.

she was all, do you think they thought i was fugly?

i was all, yes.

she was like what!

then i said, jk baby, youre a hot chick and everyone knows it and even though this is lalaland not every model gets her sweet face on the cover of mademoiselle, you posed for the cam, they took the pics, and they chose the part of you that would best sell their service. instead of being pissed you should tipout the photoshopper.

and she nearly threw her five dollar cup of soup at me and said, no photoshop was used thank you very much!

and i was all bullshit

and she was like ten bucks.

i was all, whoevers right pays for this lunch.

and she stood up and pulled down her puma jogging pants

and not only did i have to pay for our lunch but the joke was on her cuz i was gonna pay for that shit anyways sucka!

and tomorrow and this weekend you will see some hot pics of danielle who is a super cute yet quite competitve gal and with her pics you will also get to hear part two of our convo which isnt, i swear, about uteran operations, its far sexier and funnier and easier on the ears.

cubs lost today and dusty had the rookie throw 120 pitches and when he ends up in the DL in a few years you cant say its cuz he tossed too many curveballs, it will be because dusty baker is the most overrated manager in baseball and is a pitcher-killer.

ct + sk goes wig shopping + alecia + muscle68

one of the nice benefits of smoking weed every day for ten years

was that i barely had any dreams. people were all, of course you had dreams you just didnt remember them. but no, i hate dreams, i woulda remembered them.

for the last three nights in a row ive had the most disturbing dreams, and if it keeps up, and yes im talking to you dream factory, im going to get back on the pipe.

last night i dreampt that i was in jail.

it was a really nice jail in that everyone was mellowed out and there were lots of rolling stone magazines, but like in real life, everyone just walked on them and ignored them.

after a while i got a little uptight and i wanted to know why i was in jail and when it would be over. there were no answers for me. everyone just wandered around doing laps like fish in a huge tank. and like a fish i tried to stay away from the big ones and kept moving, looking for a place to hide.

fucking hate dreams.

my car is in the shop. looks like theres not that much work to do on it. tire rotation, oil change, tail lights, liscense plate light, tune up, radiator flush, battery cleaning, ashtray cleaning, you know.

theres a mechanic right next door to my post office box and hes a super nice dude. and now i really trust him because he didnt try to say my breaks were bad.

i disagree with sk. just cuz you have two things to talk about doesnt make them good.

i watched some porn last night. not because i needed to but because i get it in the mail every 5-6 days. i saw some of the most hateful smut ever. as balky said in beverly hills cop, thats not sexy. the filmmakers’ moto was that they didnt follow trends that they set them or some shit. if the trend that they were trying to establish was that they were making porn that made you disgusted with sex then they were indeed setting the standard.

then i watched some interracial porn. black dudes and blonde girls. everything was going well until this huge musclebound black dude knocked on this blonde girls door and he had this huge honkin… cross on his chest. wtf! exactly what part of Jesus or the bible is sexy in that context? infact i believe its a turnoff. why do they think i want to see a cross swinging as my dude gives it to her hard and strong?

must i teach the world everything?

no crosses in chicks cleavages and no huge crosses as a dude is getting his board waxed. sheesh.

i fast forwarded and didnt even break open the asian pr0n because i was sickened by the lack of art in the adult world and i passed out in a disgusted mess without even taping big brother for my buddy ken as i had promised.

i need to stop making promises, although i have been cleaning up my house and getting my shit together, so im proud of that.

and i do have part one of my podcast with tomdog of Buzznet and Rogue Cheddar fame up and all went well until the twenty minute mark when my battery died.

so go here to hear part one (about 20 minutes) and later i will have part two up because Tsar rocks Albany tomorrow night and if you go you will get to hear great tunes and get to meet tom!

tomdog’s buzznet page + tomdog’s blog + tiiimmayyyyy + mc brown

ive said it before

but not everyone reads all my posts, but karisa rules, which is why if you want to get on my bad side you misspell her name or disrespect her.

yesterday we had a delicious lunch on vermont at a place that she’s never been at. how thats possible is beyond me. it was a working lunch and she was constantly getting messaged through her blackberry, and people were interrupting our conversation and even though it was the middle of the afternoon and even though we were in the midst of the the cool-hip part of east hollywood we were the stars of the show and i love that.

and i also love that she shies away from it just as much as i do, but as the old fortune cookie saying goes, what you resist persists, so its no wonder that the Good Lord would make me one of her best friends, me who loves taking pictures and movies and writing about my cool friends, and she who hates pictures of herself and movies starring her and blog posts with her as the subject. its a struggle for both of us as i want to respect her privacy but shit man, look at her, how am i not going to bring a camera on a sunny day and try to get a decent picture?

but because even i can fuck up a quickie lil photo shoot, i backed myself up with a one minute little film that you can see here.

k, enough about her. sk smith says she always likes to have two things to talk about per each blog post. so heres the second thing. someone wrote in asking about writing style and how to get it and how to maintain it. and bro you couldnt ask for a tougher question, so heres your answer.

writing style isnt something you think about, its something that happens when youre not thinking.

to me writing style is like a moving fastball or a wicked curve. i write about this all the time and i doubt that anyone understands it but im going to say it like elvis says until i instill it.

anyone can throw a decent fastball but when youre right on it your fastball moves and not you or the catcher knows whats going to happen to it cuz it gets a mind of its own and zips and wiggles and drops or does something impossible like rises. rarely does a moving fastball move from luck. it happens when velocity and intention french kiss will and gravitys jaw drops and even the air gets outta the way.

when you write from your heart your fastball will move. when you do it repeatedly you will see your style form. if you try to pin your style down you will become predictable and stale and your moving fastball will turn into a gopher ball and you will stand there with your head down as the sucker rounds the bases and your team loses.

so every time the world knows youre going to throw that fastball, even if you know it might move, throw the change up or if youve got guts, the curve.

the most famous writers have easilly identifiable styles. hem wrote in short AP style sentences. joyce wrote super long acid trippy nonsense. faulkners lines were twisted and gnarled, and twain was wordy and funny and exaggeratted.

in the same way you arent conscious of your own personality, you really shouldnt be concious of your writing style. its something that should be as natural as a throw from short to first. automatic.

if you think you have no style, good. keep it that way. the story should be the star anyhow, not the writer. i love tarantino and woody allen as much as the next guy but they are so full of themselves that theyd die if you made them direct each others scripts. a good young writer should strive to be nimble and versitle, not stymied with their own flava.

the best way to acheive a certain style is to mimic your heroes. im obviously influenced by jd and bukowski and hemingway and ee and william carlos williams. im also influenced by johnny rotten and howard stern and mike royko and raymi the minx. if youre clever you integrate equal parts of all your influences and mix em up real good and pretend that it equals you. if youre not so clever you’ll put far too much of one superstar and leave out the rest.

but the trick is to own all those superpowers and channel them through you so that even if the viewer can see the brushstrokes, it doesnt matter, even if they can point out exactly all the books youre stealing from, its a nice collage and youve put together the pieces in a way that those individuals couldnt ever done. or wouldnt.

when kerry wood throws his moving fastball he’s pretending to be nolan ryan whose from his hometown, but when he throws that fucked up notevenfair curve he’s bringing nolan into the 21st century cuz nolan didnt have anything like that. and that combo is kerrys style. but if you think for a second that when kerry was in highschool he was doing anything other than throwing heat youre crazy. that curveball was a major league necessity that he adapted into his repotoire the same way johnny mac’s serve was developed once he knew he needed an edge over bjorn.

concern yourself more with secret weapons than style because maintaining yr style will only hold you back. its the footprints of the runner who has already passed. its the aftertaste that critics write about once the art is over. its not the message its not the magic, its the name of the box that others put you in so that they can attempt to describe you.

whats jimi pages style? blues? not really. rock? so limiting? jazz? not even.

your goal, if you choose to accept it, should be to be to have people say, that motherfucker sold his soul to the devil at the crossroads.


zulieka + adrienne + all about george + bloopy