today at lunch

someone came up to my table and asked, “didnt i see you here a few years ago with anna kournikova?”

ah memories

three years ago today on the busblog, where of course, nothing in here is true…

kill me now, tony.

not unless you kill me first anna.

i thought you were a gentleman.

gentlemen dont get laid, anna.

au contraire, i’ve known gentlemen.

betcha theyre not any more.

shoot me in the face, baby.

it’s just tennis, honeybunch.

you have no idea how it feels.

to be rich, gorgeous, blonde, twenty one, and famous? sure i do. ive had orgasms.

it’s terrible. losing. its the opposite of your joke. it’s like being impotent. the goal is right in front of you and you cannot acheive it. and you never acheive it.

have you been drinking anna?


you should, you sound terrible. monotone. insane. youre twenty one. capriatti got it together, and what is she 40?

i look at bridges in a much different way, recently.

thats a mighty pretty plate they gave ya.

yeah, but the winner got a real ming vase.

youre kidding me.



i was thinking about elbowing it.

i woulda married you.


if it makes you feel any better, i found a guy who does what i do better than i do.

nobody writes like you.

nobody loses like you.

does that make me the best at something, or something?

only in a dumb way.

oh well.

are you gonna come to la and play at staples?

maybe, but probably not.

if you dont, lets go up to isla vista and get high.


stay away from bridges, second place girl.

stay away from the girls, my favorite boy.

zhi yang + mr miyagi + xiaxue + mr brown

the results are in

and by a 2:1 margin you are now looking at the official new cover of Stiff.

congrats to jaime of who wins the monthlong link, his name in the book, and the $66.66.

thank you to all of you who voted, now way in hell did i think that so many of you would participate.

i know it wasnt the most scientific vote, but it did the trick.

also thank you to everyone who contributed.

there were so many good entries that it was hard to narrow them down to six.

and because of that, and because of how many votes all of the others received, i am pleased to announce that i will have all of these covers available for sale when Stiff comes out next week, 9/22.

now the thing is this will cause some confusion and it will cause some delays because people, for some reason, like for me to autograph their purchases.

dont get me wrong, its extremely flattering to not only get people to buy this stuff but to have them pay a little extra to have it signed

so i have to spend the next few days figuring out how to do this.

but definately if people dont care if theyre signed they can just go to my CafePress store and get them directly from them.

the tricky part is to have them signed from me. people will either have to be super patient cuz it might take a few weeks, or they will have to pick a book that i have in stock.

whatever, we’ll figure it out.

either way you guys are the best and congrats to everyone. this was such a pleasure to do. all of you turned this into something that is a pain in my ass into something cool and creative and fun.

from now on i will always do this.

unsom + matt + rifka + vortexia