get your Brownie shirts while they’re still hot

Who’s Brownie? Former FEMA Cheif Michael Brown who, after the horrendous (in)actions of his department was asked to return to Washington DC a few days after the flooding in New Orleans and later resigned.

The quote “Heck of a job, Brownie” comes from President George Bush upon his first visit to Louisiana, apparently not being told the extent of mishaps that Brown’s team was responsible for.

Heres a sample of those bunglings from three different articles:

New York Times 9/11/05:

“The agency dispatched only 7 of its 28 urban search and rescue teams to the area before the storm hit and sent no workers at all into New Orleans until after the hurricane passed on Monday, Aug. 29.”
“Rather than initiate relief efforts — buses, food, troops, diesel fuel, rescue boats — the agency waited for specific requests from state and local officials.”

“Hundreds of firefighters, who responded to a nationwide call for help in the disaster, were held by the federal agency in Atlanta for days of training on community relations and sexual harassment before being sent on to the devastated area.”

“FEMA would not let the trucks unload,” Mr. Vines said in an interview. “The drivers were stuck for several days on the side of the road about 10 miles from Camp Beauregard. FEMA said we had to have a ‘tasker number.’ What in the world is a tasker number? I have no idea. It’s just paperwork, and it’s ridiculous.”

Washington Post 9/11/05:

“Around midnight, at the last of the day’s many conference calls, local officials ticked off their final requests for FEMA and the state. Maestri specifically asked for medical units, mortuary units, ice, water, power and National Guard troops. ‘We laid it all out,’ he recalled. ‘And then we sat here for five days waiting. Nothing!'”

August 29: “‘We were all watching the evacuation,’ Maj. Gen. Richard Rowe, Northcom’s top operations officer, recalled. ‘We knew that it would be among the worst storms ever to hit the United States.’ But on Monday, the only request the U.S. military received from FEMA was for a half-dozen helicopters.”

August 30: “Col. Jeff Smith, Louisiana’s emergency preparedness chief, grew frustrated at FEMA’s inability to send buses to move people out….’They have a tracking system and they’d say: “We sent 349.” But we didn’t see them.'”

“At the noon videoconference, several participants said, Louisiana’s Smith heatedly demanded federal help. Where were the buses? At first, Smith recalled, he had asked for 450 buses, then 150 more, then an additional 500; by the end of the day, none had arrived. The first evacuees did not arrive at the Astrodome until 10 p.m. Wednesday — on a school bus commandeered by a resourceful 20-year-old.”

September 1: “On Thursday, after FEMA took over the evacuation, aviation director Roy A. Williams complained that ‘we are packed with evacuees and the planes are not being loaded and there are gaps of two or three hours when no planes are arriving.’ Eventually, he started fielding ‘calls from airlines saying, “Well, we are being told by FEMA that you don’t need any planes.” And of course we need planes. I had thousands of people on the concourses.'”

Time 9/19/05:

“While people were dying in New Orleans, the U.S.S. Bataan steamed offshore, its six operating rooms, beds for 600 patients and most of its 1,200 sailors idle.

Foreign nations — responding to urgent calls from Washington — readied rescue supplies, then were told to stand by for days until FEMA could figure out what to do with them.”

“Last Thursday, as the Red Cross began distributing its own debit cards, thousands stood for hours in the 93 (degree) heat outside the Astrodome in Houston for FEMA cards that never came.”

so how did BushCo reward Brownie after he resigned in shame because of the one-two punch of having shown no leadership ability, organizational skills, or wherewithall to handle the disaster in the Gulf Coast AND having been exposed as having lied all over his resume which also outted him as someone who had no experience in these matters?

Well yesterday they hired him to be a consultant

for FEMA.

heck of a job, Brownie.

keep up these sorts of quotes and we’ll be making new shirts soon:

“I know what I am doing. And I think I do a pretty darn good job of it.” – Brownie, 9/27/05

(the profits of the tshirts go to the Red Cross)

original coverage of this scandal + get your brownie merch here

im glad im older.

ive learned a lot of things in my 109 years. ive just started to learn not to take things personally. that was a tough one. i still do sometimes like when semi-super models pull down my sweatpants and then point and laugh and try to stop themselves but then errupt into uncontrollable laughter as they put their tight sweaters back on and laugh right out the door.

ive learned to be more patient. but not all that much. i guess thats the one i need the most help with because life is fragile and time flies and between my reckless bus drivers and my penchant for greasy foods, my days walking this crust are few and far between and while im here i wouldnt mind meeting more people and spreading good will towards men and better will towards women.

speaking of which, last night at the tsar show, a very nice young woman introduced herself to me right in the middle of tsar rocking out. she said, hi, i read your blog all the time. i smiled and said, wow. thanks! then she told me that she had just moved out to LA and i clinked glasses with her but the magic of my favorite band was luring me away from any conversations, sweet as they might be.

anyway, nice young lady, thank you for saying hi to me, im sorry i didnt see you after the set, but i looked for you and then was rushed out the side door to my waiting limo. say hi to me at the next tsar show and i will be sure to buy you a welcome-to-hollywood shot of booze.

where was i? oh yes. major disappointments. i mean lessons. ive learned a lot of lessons over the centuries and one of them is how to deal with disappointments and failures. the hippies may scoff at sports, but if sports teach one thing it’s how to handle defeat.

some blow their stack and make a big sloppy mess after they dont get what they were shooting for, but nobody likes those people and that sort of energy rarely helps you win the next time. me, i prefer to shake hands with everyone afterwards and buy a round of drinks.

when i was younger i might have held a grudge or decided, ever idealistically, that if someone said no to me once that i wouldnt want anything to do with them ever again because they obviously didnt “get” me. ive learned over time that you should never burn a bridge unless its a terrible bridge that might already be on fire. and seriously, how many bridges have you seen lately that are on fire? outside of iraq, not very many.

what else have i learned over the years? always bet on black. never send a woman flowers unless shes your mother. and wear condoms every, single, time.

ive also learned that grammar and spelling are over-rated. always ask for exactly what you want. be super polite at all times. pray every day. be grateful for everything because in an instant it can go away. if some lame ass wants to blog war you, state your case, dont link them, and then move on.

and by all means, never bore your readers. ever.

reward people for reading your shit, and if you cant do it with your words, do it with your links.

originally posted two years ago yesterday

my second favorite shirt on my favorite redsox fan + sk smith + all things christie