sometimes i wish i wasnt tony pierce

because not everyone understands tony pierce. or likes him. or has much love for the busblog. and sometimes i wish i hadnt ever told anyone about this joint cuz then i could just tell the true stories of the highway patrol and nobody would move and nobody would get hurt.

sometimes i wish my best friend hadnt moved to africa to save the world. sometimes i wish i had a shoulder to lean on.

sometimes i wish my shrink wasnt an xbi spy keen on trying to figure out if i am a loyal agent or criminally insane.

sometimes i wish i was a baller.

i watch the sopranos and i think about how things are in my secret life and how people respect me and challenge me and nobody takes anything the wrong way because they know that we all have the same goal – pussy and more pussy.

sometimes i wish i was born in the 80s or the 90s so id be too young to know what its all about alfie and i could just smoke weed and finger surfer girls and get upset when they wanna do coke in the bathroom with the waterpolo team.

i watch the sopornos and i think why cant life be that easy, doorbell rings, two chicks enter, two more chicks arrive and soon everythings in slowmotion and lovable.

sometimes i wish wrigley field was right down sunset but instead im cursed with palm trees instead of ivy and seriously sometimes you have to take what the fake tits give you. and i miss you.

of course ive considered the lillies, of course ive asked the caged bird to sing, of course ive asked myself, self, how did i get here but my self never has anything insightful to say, or useful, all it ever does is pretend its not there so i can believe in God more or ponder the universe but sometimes when im waking up from a nap or a day dream i see it flipping through my hustlers with its jaw dropped.

and sometimes i wish i was anyone else because no one else knows the pressure of having to eat teenage pussy at midnight on an upset stomach when all you wanna do is lay in a hot tub or sleep or watch the lakers in a blanket

and hide from the moon.

if you think im sad youre crazy, if you think ive lost it ive never had it, if you think im bullshitting about any of the above or the last one especially youve never walked in my hitops.

and to the airsign who drunk emailed me or the aussies or even to my man steve nash just know youve made me happier tonight because sometimes its the little things that count the most.

so to you, before i puke,

i toast.

alecia can finally drink + la blogstock + thought mechanics + raspberry

i dont like to believe im old

but the facts keep piling up.

as you noticed i didnt blog yesterday. i was sick. on the drive home from coachella sunday night at 2am i had to pull over and puke. this is not normal for me. i didnt know why i was hurling but there it was all over the 10 freeway.

my passenger and coworker turned up the radio as loud as itd go and covered her ears because she doesnt even like to hear the word vomit or any of its alter-egos.

and as my burrito from this afternoon and bits of chicken from a few hours later expurged i wondered could it have been that turkey sandwhich i had just eaten two bites of from that am/pm 15 minutes ago? could it have been the coke i drank an hour ago?

and then i thought maybe it was the double rums no ice i drank while in the vip tent and the beers mixed with the 95 degree temps. maybe it was the scorching madonna tent where i stood rightupnextto tons of people who wanted simply a glimpse of the material girl.

but i didnt see any of those people projectile upchucking on the freeway.

im tony pierce, i kept thinking to myself, im king fuck. im not some douche from san diego who downed too many coors lights at the coldplay concert. plus i had a hat on. youre not supposed to get heat stroke if youre wearing a hat.

after the purging i felt a lot better but my passenger didnt. but we made it home safe and sound but i was beat. super beat. coachella wasnt just about laying out and enjoying the bands, it was work. i took hundreds of pictures, dozens of videos, i interviewed people, i hustled, i went to bed late and woke up early, taught people about buzznet, uploaded their pics and vids. it was work. yes i danced a little but youre supposed to dance at work.

yesterday i woke up dehydrated with liquified poop. that i didnt understand. sure the solid stuff came out of my mouth the night before but… well, lets just say i didnt understand it.

i drove into work to drop off some of the computers that we had used and the Day Without an Immigrant protest was already taking shape. the Buzznet HQ is right on the edge of McArthur Park so our little road was blocked but I got in somehow. I could barely stand up. I was happy that we had been given the day off since we wouldnt have been able to get in and out and because we had worked all weekend.

two of our guys were working though and i chatted with them for a few minutes but i needed some food/drink inside me. and i bid them adieu and planned on working from home. but as soon as i got home i hit the couch and passed out. i woke up in time to catch the end of the cubs game and i ate something. during the clippers game i felt nautious again and up it went.

w to the t to the f, homeboy? i am the man of steel. i am the head blogger in charge. my days of having a sensitive stomach are long gone, and quite simply this is unacceptable. and right after the clippers dusted off the nuggets i found myself asleep again.

at 2am i woke up, brushed my teeth got to bed and was out again! at 8am i woke, felt refreshed. felt strong. right after i brushed my teeth my landlord called to tell me that he couldnt replace my faulty refridgerator yesterday because he couldnt find a “worker” in the whole city, and asked if i could be ready around 10am because then i would have a new(ish) fridge.

i called mc brown to see if it was cool that i wouldnt be into work until noon. he said fine, and here i am uploading vids from coachella and writing to you.

i feel way better and im ready to get on with the get on.

and unless you didnt know, i did everything for you.

funny tshirt 1 + funny tshirt 2 + funny tshirt 3 + funny tshirt 4 + danny devito