yesterday i admitted meeting miss spain universe
i first met miss spain universe, mar’a jesos ruiz garz-n, in a topless tapas joint in madrid in january 2000.
she didnt know the place was a topless tapas establishment either, but we both took off our shirts and cozied up to the bar.
i was there with two dozen of my closest friends to see rock group tsar.
there being spain, not the topless tapas place.
mar’a asked me if i was americano
i said, si.
she asked me if i liked my tapas
i said, si.
she asked me if i liked her cunt-
then she coughed
country
and i said
si.
she asked me if i knew more spanish than just yes and no and i said
si.
she asked me what other words i knew.
i said, burrito, taco, guacamole…
she said, we dont have those things here.
i said, si.
so we simply slowdanced to the spanish guitars and i sang her a little song that i made up there on the spot.
i sang
spanish girl
in all the world
i want a spanish girl
she doesnt know
how much i weigh in pounds
she doesnt care
that im 108, 108 years oooooold
oooooh my spanish girl.
she sighed and looked at me with eyes of a girl falling madly in love
as the twinkle lights of the disco ball rained possibilities
and the lines began to form outside the dunkin’ donuts across the pallazo.
she said, i know how much pounds you weigh.
i said, what about the metric system.
she said, yes, but i know.
i said, ah.
she said, si.
and i smiled.
and i tilted my head to the exito
and she said si.
and we left into the madrid night forgetting our shirts
and not giving a muchas gracias.
art waif + the detox + sugarbaybe + top pic of amy collins
im happy about who didnt die in this episode, paritucularily because i had heard rumblings about this fellow or that one dying and when it looked like someone was going to get blowed up or on fire, something even more spectacular happened other than mere death.