theres nothing i could write that is funnier

– or sadder – than what the honorable republican from ohio wrote in his own comments in response to my post.

so here it is in its entirety. my friends, i give you joshua martin who says he “could have been” me if he hadnt gotten married and knocked up his wife. and wait till you read what he has to say about you:

Tony’s response (see first link above) is typical. He honed in on the fact that this blog doesn’t receive very many comments. This is true and is also because my writing style is the type that ends discussions rather than begins them. I learned a long time ago that silence following your gig is a good thing–it means that its sinking into the gray matter of your audience or that they didn’t care or weren’t listening in the first place–either way, even better for the person on stage. Here is a man whose entire sum worth is measured by his blog’s place on the Technorati 100 list (of which it like 256)–it’s just pathetic.

And he of course goes back to attacking my politics and how Ohio sucks because we hate black people and elected Bush twice, blah blah blah…

But the bottom line is that there is one of us who was accepted into creative writing school. There is one of us who earned the respect of other serious writers by putting their work through the fire of workshopping and having it come out cleaner, better, sharper. There is one of us who has been able to maintain a long-term monogamous relationship that has resulted in children and a stable family base. There is one of us that has maintained a steady career by developing business and networking skills on which we can stake our personal fortune.

And then there is one of us who has huddled up in a little room in front of a little computer for five years, eschewing proper grammar because we probably wouldn’t get it right in the first place, and trying to convince the world (successfully in some cases) that what we had to say was worthy of being reread in ten years.

See, I could have been this man had I not made the choice to accept the love of a great woman into my heart, to settle down, have a family, and vote Republican in the ’00 and ’04 elections. I could probably have 50,000 page loads a month also if I were willing to let my heart wither into a little black shrub that I would wear around my neck as a pathetic badge of honor in place of real talent. I’d probably be able to dump every piece of shit thought onto the page, jumble them together, and try to convince everyone that I knew how to tell a good story.

But I’m not like that.

I believe in giving back to the world around me–sometimes it’s advice, sometimes it’s criticim, and sometimes it’s both barrels of the shotgun. Sometimes it’s enough to stand up and speak your piece. Sometimes you have to shout the other guy down. But sometimes you just have to pull out a can of spraypaint, tag the other guy with a red “X” and say to the crowd, “This guy’s an asshole to the core of his soul–don’t go here!”

I started reading the Busblog because I wanted to learn how Tony did it–how he amassed a core of readers. But what I’ve come to learn is that I would rather have ten readers capable of interacting intelligently with what I’m writing than 5,000 yes men, perverts, and social misanthropes daily who did nothing but help to further solidify my already massive and immoveable ego.

I’ve said it privately, now I’m saying it publicly. There is nothing more for me to learn from this man’s writing style or his blog.

Get thee behind me…

washington post + los angeles times + new york times + la weekly + laist + ethan the mighty

i just had a nice chat with a girl from australia

even on the chat they have very sweet accents. i wonder what ours sound like to her.

if you were lucky enough to see the double overtime playoff game that the clippers barely lost youd be as exhausted now as i am. the refs blew it for them by calling teen phenom shaun livingston out of bounds when he was still in the air but when you play six quarters someones going to fuck up and at that point steve nash was even turning the ball over so of course the refs were fatigued as well.

jack nicholson was in the stands sitting next to james l brooks. billy christal was being annoying, penny marshall had also made the short trip to phoenix. they were definately entertained more than at any laker game this year, for the exception of the 81 point kobeshow,

and even though ive seen enough steve nash now for my liking, you can bet that there will be a game seven in this series because elton brand has a chance to make a name for himself if he can get there. however its good to see sam cassell remind the league that hes not dead yet.

i went to the doctor today and he told me he had good news and bad news. the good news was i wasnt going to die. the bad news was i wouldnt be able to go into the office until thursday. i told him that they could probably live with having me work from home until then.

we talked about blogging and its amazing to see people who know very little about this weirdo little fad get excited when they hear all the things that have happened for me through blogging. just like when i told my dentist, my new doctor became fascinated and took notes.

the nurse however was intrigued more by my blood pressure which was both too low and too high. i know very little about biology but apparently you have two numbers. one was higher than normal and the other was lower. i told her that it was my yin fighting with my yang.

she said how so.

i said my yin wants me to be a preacher and my yang wants me to be a porn director.

she said so what will you choose?

i told her that i will choose to work for buzznet in the day and volunteer with the xbi at night fighting crimes in the shadows of the city of angels.

she said that she isnt a doctor but perhaps i should choose one path and just one.

ah but if life was that simple.

for some reason i want to move to minnesota and be a high school english teacher but i dont dare do anything crazy like that because my rent is so cheap here in hollywood.

its like when george castanza got a really great parking spot near jerrys house and didnt want to ever drive his car again.

the way real estate prices are here in LA id be a fool to ever move away because i would easilly have to pay double for something not even close to how nice this pad is, and i wouldnt have the 24/7 security that i now enjoy.

or the good vibes.

or this little blogging closet.

or the great memories.

or the ridiculously good luck.

plus the cold is for suckers.

since ive lived here ive only gotten older dumber and fatter but the hot babes just keep parading through and the busblog keeps on rolling. it made me wonder the other day what cub fans would say if it turned out that the real curse of the cubbies wasnt the billy goat but the friendly confines of wrigley field.

fucking sox didnt win again until they destroyed their glorious park and moved across the street.

would cub fans sacrifice their hallowed grounds for a championship ring?

me, i wouldnt. if i cant see the cubs win it all while playing at wrigley id rather not see them win, because having them do it in some foreign, modern, replica of heaven wouldnt be at all heavenly.

speaking of which, the sopranos had me looking away a shit-ton on sunday. we get it, the fat fucker’s gay.

sweaty + enter the gray area + xTx wrote the poem of the day