but i left em in my trunk

this morning i went into my trunk to get a shotgun because i figured that would end the issue of the dogs digging holes in our courtyard.

there i saw the flowers.

turned out a bad guy was right behind me. he saw the trunk and gasped.

i spun around and said, whats wrong – aint never seen guns and roses before? karate chopped the pistol out of his hand and took on the day.

ive been so busy ever since then that i havent even been able to update my fantasy baseball teams.

ive been so busy today that i barely was able to truly enjoy my tamales. i havent been able to really get into a nice chat with ms karisa j. and i havent really truly been able to say hi to you and you and you

and you.

say your prayers because miss africa is going to drive down from oregon to LA tomorrow because shes sick of her family and friends and wants to see what changes have gone on in the southland while she was away with the peace corps.

i was thinking about having a little bash at my casa this weekend but my maid couldnt pencil me in until next wednesday which blows cuz it might mean that *I* have to lift a finger to re-arrange my mess.

cant i just throw some money at these problems?

i got interviewed for the third time in 7 days this morning. i always worry that im saying the wrong things. some times i worry because theyre quiet and im afraid that theyre writing down things that i shouldnt be saying, some times i worry because theyre laughing and im afraid theyre all “mwhahahah i knew i could get him to say that!”

but apparently i have been too busy to firmly put my foot in my mouth. but dont worry that day will probably come soon. stay tuned.

photo of sarah holding a painting by Krista in my office via sonny i. la vista

last night we celebrated the birthday of ms carolyn kellogg who is currently the lead blogger of the LAT’s book blog, Jacket Copy. i first met carolyn a few years ago at the blogging while black sxsw panel that i was part of. she was a friend of jason toney’s and after the panel we spoke and became friends. it was hard not to notice the pale white girl with shocking pink hair in the front row of the blogging while black panel.

at the time she was the editor of LAist, a site that i had been interviewed/profiled.

about a year later she invited me to drinks at hollywoods oldest bar, musso and franks. that night i was still working at buzznet but the writing on the wall said that i wasnt going to last there for much longer. carolyn told me that she was going to be stepping down to move to pittsburgh to get her masters. i told her that i would love to be editor of laist but they didnt pay. she said that there was a rumor that they might pay the next editor and sure enough a few weeks later i was canned and carolyn put in a good word with jake and jen of gothamist and bam they decided to pay their first non-NYC blogger and the rest is history.

so basically without carolyn (pictured, right) i would have never had a chance to blog for a living at LAist, which means i would have never been discovered by the LA Times. therefore i owe her everything. believe it or not, but that wasnt the reason i made her editor-at-large when i was editor of LAist. i made her that because often times i would lean on her for advice and i wanted her to write more for LAist and i wanted everyone to be able to learn from her mighty skillz.

which is why it was so funny when earlier this year the book editor of the times asked me how i felt about carolyn because he wanted to hire her to blog for the book blog. i told him i owe her the world and probably wasnt the right person to ask because i was clearly biased. he said, oh i know the story, but i wanted to throw it past you anyways. i said she rules, we’d be lucky to have her, particularly since she already writes for the books section in print and already has a pretty great lit blog of her own.

the very important person who’s birthday was this week is mr os tyler who for nearly seven years hosted this very busblog on his mighty servers. through thick and thin os was there for not only me but matt welch, ken layne, ben sullivan, amy langfield, and many others. a true trailblazer. mr os (pictured, top) is also a talented singer, songwriter, and musician who every once in a while, magically will pop up on stage with our bffs or on records with all the boys and girls in our musical circles.

im very happy that he and my lawyer continue to reproduce because their children are beautiful and sweet and are easy on the eyes. they make a lovely family and theyre an example for us all.

and today is mr eric case‘s birthday. heres what i wrote about eric in april when he stepped down from being the main blog dude in charge at Google:

the busblog has been around for seven years this august. the entire time ive used Blogger. one reason is because i have had unbelievable support and encouragement from the people behind Blogger, from ev, to the jasons, to biz, to kimmy, and eric and many others.

my love of Blogger is basically unconditional, i have received pretty much everything because of blogger and this blog, but to be respected and taken care of by so many hard working and generous souls at Blogger only added to the already wonderful feeling about this whole thing.

eric case is pretty much the last person from the early era of Blogger to leave the blogger team at Google. he is probably the nicest guy you will ever meet, retardedly handsome, and spiritual to a point that even i will never achieve. bro’s got it all.

not long after he retired from the G we all partied in palm springs during coachella and it was great to actually hang with him for an extended period of time. a true gentleman, gentle soul, and amazing cook. and he didnt try anything funny with suzie even though she was running around half naked most of the time.

without carolyn, os, and eric the busblog would not have happened the way it went down and we all agree that it went down perfectly. so i thank them all for everything. happy 24th birthday each of you!

who the hell had a camera way back then?

by the grace of God someone put a camera in the hands of mr joel brand during the maelstrom that was the daily nexus of 1858-1862 and said hold on joel lets get you a really good camera

and out of the blue this week joel either rediscovered these photos or just realized that it would be a good (great) idea to throw them up on facebook and share them with the world

the result is history in the making. young whippersnappers snapping whips. the youth of america bursting at the seams. the birth of a nation. the begin of the beguines. all crazy on the western front. the start of everything.

the reason i know God loves me is he put me in the totally perfect place at the totally perfect time and surrounded me with people who could write better than me, talk better than me, rock louder than me, drink faster than me, smoke deeper than me, and kiss all night longer than me. he threw in some six foot blondes who could even skinny dip nakeder than me. and said welcome to a little piece of heaven.

we learned how to live with zero money. we learned how to coordinate clothes with as little style possible. we learned how to be our own bosses and turn peer pressure into a really good thing. did we fight? duh. did we swap girlfriends? didnt you? did we fall from trees on national tv? did we meet a young hillary and and old hunter s? well yes, yes.

when the first iraq war broke out did the entire campus congregate at the front door of our paper and bitch and moan and sing and protest and gather and applaud and clap and boo. and did they do it for weeks and weeks and paint on the walls and drape themselves in american flags and do pretty much nothing to end the war? but didnt that war end way faster than this one? and didnt we write it all down? as in all of it. as in every word. as in all night and all of the day?

i look at these pictures and think about my four years at ucsb and it seems like fourty. i have so many stories. i did so many things. i went in there knowing zero people. as in zippo. and in zilch. and i walked out loving everyone. last night was Os’s birthday and pretty much everyone there were kids we knew in college and we love everyone and we will love each other forever. its the weirdest freakiest most wonderful thing. and i dont deserve it but i will savor it forever because its love at the highest level and respect like whoa.

theres not one thing that these people couldnt do back then and cant do now which is why we’re doing all the things we were supposed to do. people are on tv people are sailing around the world people are in rock bands people are in journalism people are teaching journalism people are running this or running that its sick but you know what theres no one better than these folks, not anywhere, they are all leaders they are all perfect. they are all beautiful. and im so so lucky.

it is no accident that when matt welch and chris scheer and ben sullivan and the whole gang said f interning at the LA Times when we graduate, lets all move to Prague and start the first English language newspaper there that they actually did it. look at welch there in that long hair. now do you see why i laugh when i see him on tv with that short ‘do? dont you know im saying to myself, if only those people knew. and look at laura pitter. ah laura. muse to all. sweet writer. thrown into a barrel of monkees.

and a young jeff whalen. tsar in his eyes. singing the good songs even before he knew what to sing. but it was oh so pretty. if not pretty vacant. you know the best thing about jeff whalen today? he doesnt ever log on to the internet. so you can say anything. hi jeff. see, he doesnt respond. his heart in in the rock. and the rock is good and soon you will see him return with the rock so get ready. a million years later like sci fi its coming back.

speaking of rock, this was my favorite band in school. The Wonderfuls. four friends from the south bay (coulter on drums, obscured by Keith Brown) who took the replacements to a drunker wilder glammier place. and when they met up with the Nexus created amazing bands like Mons Pubis, Baby Dangerously, The Reluctant Surgeons, Chopper One, and of course Tsar. all three elements of life was represented in almost everything the nexus and the wonderfuls touched. sex drugs and rock. and it brought life and it brought death. but mostly it brought Freaky Magic.

i could go on and on and maybe one day i will. but lets just say that these pictures mean so much to me so i thank you mr brand and whoever got you that beautiful camera and whoever inspired you to snap these pics so long ago and capture something that is gone on one level but very much alive in all of our hearts. but thank you for reminding us that its still there. xoxoxox tony

all photos by joel brand who got paid a buck a word to write about himself in rolling stone right after he graduated ucsb

you probably dont know jerome holtzman who died today at 81

but if you love baseball, and youre not a faker, you should respect “the dean” because not only did he cover Chicago baseball beautifully for decades, but he invented a little thing called The Save that not only gave kudos to closing pitchers, but, if you ask me, changed baseball because it made that stat one of the most valuable in the box score. and it created not just a new stat column but a new way of thinking about pitching, pitchers, and how to help end a game.

Holtzman came up with the formula for baseball’s “save” rule in 1959, a move to acknowledge effective relief pitching. In 1969 it was adopted as an official rule, the first major addition to baseball statistics since runs batted in were recognized in 1920.

“The reality is, he revolutionized baseball,” former Sun-Times columnist Bill Gleason said. “He glamorized the relief pitcher, who was just another guy before [the save rule].”

Holtzman wrote six books, including the classic “No Cheering in the Press Box,” an oral history of baseball as recounted by 24 sportswriting legends such as Paul Gallico, Shirley Povich and Red Smith. The book, published in 1974, was reissued in 1995 with six new chapters and remains a popular text in college journalism classes.

“He was the consummate writer,” said George Vass, a former colleague and friend who collaborated with Holtzman on two books. “No one was ever more dedicated and clear-minded about the sport, those who played it and wrote about it.”

After Holtzman retired as the Tribune’s baseball columnist in 1998, Selig hired him as baseball’s official historian. – Chicago Tribune

in what must have been a dream come true, for 28 years holtzman covered both the Cubs and the sox, often switching beats after the all star break.

Holtzman was always primed for a big scoop, including the news during the 1974 World Series that Oakland pitching star Jim “Catfish” Hunter would be granted free agency after A’s owner Charlie Finley failed to honor certain provisions in his contract.

“He beat everybody on the beat,” Gleason said. “It was during a World Series, and he was so far ahead of everybody it was amusing.”

Holtzman also was a hard-bitten reporter who didn’t back down from those he covered, most notably then-Cubs manager Leo Durocher. Holtzman once bragged he had spent an entire season not talking to Durocher because the volatile manager had slighted him.

really great picture of him sitting next to former Cubs manager don zimmer here.

but i disagree.

the reason im a huge cow is because i like mayonnaise and french fries and beer and doritos.

and oreos.

and because for the first time in my life i have an appetite and my stomach doesnt tie in knots after i eat a full meal.

there was a time in college where i couldnt even eat half a slice of pizza from Pizza Bob’s without my stomach complaining like mad. the only remedy was a half bottle of pepto bismol and a rip from a 6 footer. i was sick all the time because i had no nourishment inside me to fend off the most common ailments.

today i can eat a full breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert and snack and not only does my stomach hang in there with me but it even has started offering up suggestions. “why dont you try out that new japanese place?” “ever been to that one korean joint?”

back in the day a hot dog would be the worst idea ever as every foul ingredient would cause the most spectacular explosion on the way down and as it traveled out, but nowadays i can devour it all and lick my fingers of excess mustard and ketchup and mayo and beer.

finally i feel alive.

and you know why i feel alive? because i am alive. because the cubs are winning and i have a job that i love and im surrounded by people who respect me and because im doing the things that i want. but mostly because i can eat like the beast that i was meant to be.

i am a man. men are not supposed to eat lean cuisine. men are not supposed to have anything that says weight watchers in their cupboards. men are supposed to die young and fat and with a smile on our faces. we’re supposed to have heart attacks rounding second during sloshball. we’re supposed to have strokes chasing some mamacita up a stairwell as she giggles and then screams at the discovery. we’re supposed to croak behind a saloon after a night of one too many after stepping in the alley for a little fresh air because something wasnt right.

we’re supposed to go out like men in the gutter next to the trash in a puddle of standing water and piss.

and life.

thank you.

of course she would have a bf. bfs are a dime a dozen these days. bfs are the new black.

but what about black boyfriends?

maybe i didnt think she had a boyfriend cuz when i asked her if she wanted to have dinner with me she said sure.

ive had a few gfs in my day and you know how many went to dinner with a stranger? maybe life is different these days. maybe her facebook was inaccurate. maybe hes at war. maybe hes stuck in traffic. maybe hes not attentive to her needs.

maybe he doesnt eat dinners. maybe hes obsessed with the upside down triangle where you gorge for breakfast, have a sensible lunch and hardly any dinner. maybe thats how he keeps his girlish figure, and his girl.

then whys she having dinner with tony pierce. clearly a man with an agenda. obviously a man who’s hypnotizing skills are capable of convincing a young lady that shes sleepy very sleepy. your eyes are getting heavy. oh so heavy.

now listen. break up with your dude. you know hes not right for you. you know he doesnt drive a 14 year old car with a leaky oil thing. and if he does it doesnt have a satelite radio in it and oh so many stories.

your eyes are still heavy and you know in yr heart that pretty boys just lead to misery and woe. that dudes with flat stomachs lead to stomach aches and night shakes. so heavy yr eyes. how do you keep them open?

one thing all yr pretty bfs cant give you is the new paul westerberg album called 49:00 for 49 cents. does merle even know who paul westerberg is? when he talks about his boom boom music does it make yr eyes get heavy? maybe not. girls hate music pretty much. this one told me she hates aerosmith. i was all am i dreaming? is this a daymare? aerosmith? i probably listen to aerosmith every day.

these dogs dig these holes in my courtyard. first the dogs pooped everywhere. then they ate my newspaper. now these different dogs are digging ginormous holes all over the courtyard. do people have any sense? wouldnt you think if you saw a really nice courtyard when you moved into a place and then a week or two later when you saw a huge hole and dirt everywhere and then another huge hole, huger than the first, and way more dirt all over, and maybe dirt on your dogs’ paws and noses you might say huh.

do you really not do something about it?

huh, she has a boyfriend. do i really not do something about it? do i ignore like my neighbors and their dirty dogs?

do i ignore that my favorite singer has a new record out and it cost less than two quarters? no, i do something about it. i download it. i listen all night as i type to the world. and heres my review:

forty nine thousand times better than all the last radiohead albums combined.

clearly something phenomenal is happening with paul westerberg as this is easily the best work he’s done since Pleased to Meet Me.

“androgynous”

(Westerberg)
Let it Be, Twin/Tone Records, 1984

Here come Dick, he’s wearing a skirt
Here comes Jane, y’know she’s sporting the chain
Same hair revolution
Same build – evolution
Tomorrow who’s gonna fuss

And they love each other so
Androgynous
Closer than you know, love each other so
Androgynous

Don’t get him wrong and don’t get him mad
He might be a father, but he sure ain’t a dad
And she don’t need advice that’ll center her
She’s happy with the way she looks
She’s happy with her gender

And they love each other so
Androgynous

Mirror image, see no damage
See no evil at all
Kewpie dolls and Euro stalls
Will be laughed at
The way you’re laughed at now

Now, something meets Boy, and something meets Girl
They both look the same
They’re overjoyed in this world
Same hair revolution
Unisex evolution
Tomorrow who’s gonna fuss
And tomorrow Dick is wearing a skirt
And tomorrow Janie’s wearing a skirt
Future outcasts and they don’t last
And today, the people dress the way that they please
The way they tried to do in the last centuries

And they love each other so
Androgynous

thus i dont still secretly work for the xbi, i dont still have a flying car, i dont occasionally date cheerleaders and a woman nicknamed the cougar, and im not hopelessly happily head over heals in love with blogging.

but i do love laying in bed on sunday mornings doing absolutely nothing.

so when the xbi called and said get to chopper one asap i ignored em.

when the cheerleaders knocked on my window waking the cougar and myself, i politely excused myself from the sack and told them to come back tomorrow when the coast would be clear.

and when the cougar got dressed and slammed the door in a huff as she sped back off to the wesssside i made myself a little breakfast of 99 cent store english muffins with 99 cent store cream cheese, downed the rest of the doritos i had in the house, and drank oj right from the bottle as i read every page in the paper.

some women have a funny idea that some men Dont wanna be alone after being overstimulated all week.

some women seem to think that hdtv and chinese food doesnt make up for everything. some women seem to think that no way could those be cheerleaders until they hear them for the first time and shards of pom poms are left behind as a not so subtle calling card.

because nothing in here is true and the cougar reads this, i dont like those cheerleaders. not in that way.

i like them as friends.

as really fun friends. as friends who keep me laughing and happy.

im old enough to be their grampa.

thats why i let them sit on my lap.

thats why i give them money when they ask. thats why i have unconditional love for them. thats why they love me back.

and just another reason i love blogging with all my heart.

starring Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Heath Ledger, Gary Oldman, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Morgan Freeman, and Anthony Michael Hall as Mike Engel

not too many movies live up to the hype. this one does. not too many movies have actors playing the main superhero who is the least accomplished actor in the cast, this one does. not too many movies are filmed in chicago while trying to depict “gotham”, the dark knight does.

in many ways this is a film about exceptions. who would have the guts to try to step into a role the jack nicholson nailed? and yet heath ledger took it to a better place. who would have the courage to cast the far more earthy (and older) maggie gyllenhaal into the femme fatale role instead of a megan fox.

in many ways maggie was miscast, but it fit in the general scheme of being a tad more a drama than a summer action rollercoaster. yes there were all the typical trappings, but at its heart were the quick one-liners, dark themes, and fast jags of the comic book genre.

but man was it long.

karisa and i f’ed up and had dinner beforehand replete with a bottle of vino and although it lubed us up real nice-like for the film, about halfway through we both were eyeing for the restroom, so if you havent seen it yet, my advice is to pretend that youre about to go on a long trip (you are) so pee before you leave.

christopher nolan did a good job of directing. it looked beautiful. i love seeing chicago done well. it was even nice to see lower wacker being used (if not for predictable reasons), but where was my wrigley field?

what i missed was some metal in the soundtrack. does anyone remember metal?

does heath deserve an oscar? no. was he not perfect? yes. but the joker isnt that difficult of a role to act in. you just hafta be crazy. who isnt crazy? and if youre not crazy you can act crazy.

bale, even though hes the poor mans tom cruise, proved its much much harder to act tough – a role he has still yet mastered.

– a tribute

2006 excerpt: my ipod is stuck on Lock mode, as in i went running last night down the streets of sunset blvd because im training for something the xbi may or may not be involved in and i put that bad boy in Lock mode and when i was done i pulled my headphones out while it was still in lock mode and as you know if you pull out your headphones it Pauses

and also as you know, once its in Lock mode youre screwed you cant do anything if it refuses to accept the slide as an Unlock. i slide it to the left, i slide it to the right, it remains locked.

but i have this iHome ipod alarm clock radio port thing. you put your ipod on it and it will play the music. so i put it on there and it will let me go to Songs. so now its playing all of the songs in my ipod which will suck when we get to the H’s for Howard Sterns as those are 3-5 hour commercial free shows.

so it has been decided that i go to the apple store to get it fixed.

last night i took clipper girl to the rock show. but the rock show didnt have my name on the list.

quelle embarrassing lemme tell you. especially when you have on a goofy hat and shorts. and a snoopy wearing a cubs shirt shirt. thinking youre the man. after a few very nice emails things with the rock show have been resolved and i wrote to the young cheerleader to invite her to tonights performance and she has yet to write back.

2003 excerpt: got a phone call this morning at six am. if you knew how ridiculously little money i make to save the world you would be flabbergasted.

there was a time when i would have to go out of my way to get flabbergasted. i would actually seek out ways to get flabbergasted.

i would do what i needed to do and then i would look around and if i could say that i was flabbergasted i wasnt flabbergasted enough.

you only truly know youre flabbergasted after the factergasted.

this morning im in an ornery mood thanks to the cell phone being dialed at six am.

this is me ornery.

grrrrr.

one reason that they like me flying chopper one is that im a fairly even keeled mother.

this is me happy.

hi.

this is me mad.

hi.

this is me flabbergasted.

uh, wtf, fellas.

2004 excerpt: in the rain the cubs beat the she said dont start off by talking about baseball, you’ll lose all the girls.

two barefoots walk into a bar. first one says, have you ever felt like nothing that you will do will matter. other one says thats not the joke, tell the joke. first one says, and the world will keep spinning and the stars will come up and spin around and go down and still nothing you do peon will matter.

other one says whispering sorta, just say your line, want me to say it for you.

the first one says, the seasons will come and go, time will pass, floods, fire, famine and still nothing that you could have done will matter.

other one says in a way thats sort of liberating

first one goes ice ages plate technotics wait what?

other one says sure if all of what we’re doing is just gonna get mushed over by nature and forgotten by sentient beings then why stress out about bullshit little things like slow people at stoplights.

first one looked at the other one

a gust of wind pushed a low-reaching dry palm of a huge palm tree up against a metal awning rattling the tin for a second and then it eased back down.

a butterfly aimed for an oak leaf and missed

somewhere a car horn sounded

somewhere an eagle was flying with a dove

and a pony walked into a bar

2002 excerpt: MAN 0F SEAS0NS: Damn Tony…I put a link up to your site and I got nothing….NOTHING!
supertsar7: i have carpel tunnel;
supertsar7: i havent put up a bunch of links yet
MAN 0F SEAS0NS: not my f-ing problem put up my link
supertsar7: whats your site?
MAN 0F SEAS0NS: Man0fSeas0ns.geocities.Com
supertsar7: hwo did you hear about me?
MAN 0F SEAS0NS: through 21Pundit steet
MAN 0F SEAS0NS: I offerred to trade Wisdom teeth with you
supertsar7: oh yeah right
supertsar7: wheres the link?
MAN 0F SEAS0NS: its on the page that has the links
MAN 0F SEAS0NS: i think its the same page with the stores on it
supertsar7: ah, ok
supertsar7: i’ll put you up in a few weeks
supertsar7: after i recover
MAN 0F SEAS0NS: f–ing westcoast lightweights
supertsar7: ok i wont link you then
supertsar7: feel free to take down my link
MAN 0F SEAS0NS: what the f? thats unamerican!
supertsar7: not really
supertsar7: we reserve the right to refuse service
supertsar7: to idiots
supertsar7: very american
MAN 0F SEAS0NS: oh…i see…its cuz Im black!
supertsar7: exactly

2005 excerpt: its hot as heck in LA today and im in my hollywood bungalow trying to get my podcast crud working for you. if you only knew the brilliant minds that are trying to help me youd be hella impressed.

we’ve got steven j hawkings on speakerphone, weve got carl sagans head in a jar, ive got hopi indians chanting infront of my home, we’re looking for virgins to sacrifice, and ive got abe vigoda on his way back from the grocery store with twelve packs of Orange Crush cuz meg ryan and tom hanks are on the way over to jump into the big woo

2002 exceprt: took ashley to see austin powers. drove down sunset through west hollywood turned left at rodeo drive and then right on santa monica to century city.

some ass changed the name of the century city mall to westfield mall.

westfield mall?

the dot com that i worked at had its start in century city right there on avenue of the stars. we would eat lunch in the swanky outdoor mall every afternoon. that was in the summer of ’98. an eternity ago, to me.

it’s 840pm and two of the showings are sold out. somehow they create a 930pm show and we buy tickets and hang out in the bretannos where chris got drew barrymore’s autograph for ashley. she also got one for me.

ashley (pictured, above right) gets very excited when she realizes that drew was in the same place that she is at. very excited.

get popcorn, two large sodas and a bag of sour gummi bears. $15. back in 98 a week before i got the job at the dot com i had a date with a girl where i invited her to my house to drink the only coke that was in our fridge. $15 would have lasted me a week.

spill some of the popcorn at the door while trying to show the 36 year old usher my stub, he yells, tania! tania! i say, dont worry about it. he says, you dont want a new popcorn? no. no thanks.

as i get older i start falling asleep easier. eating, drinking, smoking, snacking, and holding ashleys hand in the theatre with a pleasant movie on made me very very drowsy. in a good way. “austin powers in goldmember” is a good solid movie. totally fun. very funny. sexy. predictable. a touch offensive. and head and shoulders better than 98% of what you can see at the movies nowadays.

mike myers is in top form. beyonce isnt bad, and mini me steals the show, again.

we take the ten home, stopping off at mcdonalds for an oreo mcflurry.

we get into the house.

turn on the slow jams.

pre-busblog 1997 excerpt: five years ago matt and emmanuelle got married. tons of people were there. it was in the middle of france in a summer vacation town called joncy. white cows walked right down the middle of the street speaking french.

first me and chris flew into amsterdam and decompressed there for a few days. everyone says that traveling to europe in the summer is so expensive and uncomfortable and crowded and terrible but in the middle of july all the dutch take their vacations and head to greece or the south of france or anaheim so my favorite european town was nearly empty and strange. it was raining a little too.

didn’t matter. if anything it made it better. even though our marriott had a pizza hut underneath it, it wasn’t what id consider amsterdamian, so i dont recommend it.

after a few days we took a train to my second favorite european town, paris. paris was cool. by the time we got there though the only restaurant open was one of those chic ones where you eat on the outside in front of the restaurant judging people who walk on the sidewalk. i think all they had left was lobster and shrimp and tasty wine and strawberries and chocolat mousee. after a romantic stroll free of parisians who were also in greece, we retreated to our filthy room with charming view and agreed that even the dirtiest of streets of paris are still much more magical than the best streets of the mission of frisco where we were living at the time, happily.

only scary part about paris was the fact that no one knew where joncy was.

it may have had to something to do with my special brand of french.

eventually we got on the tgv – the french bullet train. once again we found ourselves free of any bothersome europeans. and you may ask yourself, “why is tony so upset about our cousins to the east?”

i’ll tell you why, because as long as americans have been coming to europe we have been asking for cold cokes. if europeans wanted spit on their waffles, after a while we would just know to include spit on your waffles when you came over here.

give us cold cokes!