its why i drink

because if i was sober all the time id think things like

why am i the one who gets to go to all these great shows
and drink with these hot chicks
and work at these cool places
and eat these great foods
and puke up these exotic cocktails
and get locked up by these unforgiving cops
and bailed out by these strange strangers
and represented by these expensive suits
and tried by these foolish prosecutors
and hung by these very sweet jurors
and scolded by these backwards judges
and driven home by these speeding limos
and tucked in by these naughty nurses
and woken up by these clicky clear heels
and left alone by these heartless heartbreakers
who only leave a drop of orange juice
which i drink like a parched man in the desert
and dream of canada as i drift back asleep

cuz what i really wanna do is direct.