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if you ever feel useless
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Monthly Archives: August 2016
the best part of life is never knowing what the hell
my favorite record was a tape
my favorite movie had no end
my favorite book completely confuses me
my favorite team barely won
the best part of life is just rolling with it and seeing whats next.
once i met this girl who had, not the official version of my favorite tape,
but someone had made it for her and it was in her car.
and i said i love you, come with me, to the sea.
she said im taken. i said, can i have this tape then.
she said no, i love this tape.
i said look me in my eyes.
and we just looked at each other for a while.
and it was the best part of life.
keira-anne and miss 604 are in town
two of my favorite BC bloggers Miss 604 and keira-anne.com have come to your favorite southern california metropolis and they really wanted to go to a Dodger game.
why? well because all they have in vancouver is professional softball and semi-pro ping pong
and lord knows they dont have Super Dodger Dogs
thanks to a fascinating dude who went to camp with Rebecca, we got incredible lower level seats (for free) that were perfectly situated in the shade and yet pretty much right behind home plate
the dude is named Preston and he travels around the nation where he creates art based on baseball stadiums. he also draws Disney princesses sporting the baseball jerseys of the park he’s at. he tweets where he is sitting and his fans come running to collect free art.
it was a hot day on Saturday so we walked around the park to take in the sights. it was Keira’s first MLB game.
it was also my first Dodger game of the year, so when we bought beers i was so shocked that it cost $17 a beer that it didn’t sink in until yesterday that the Dodgers were gouging their fans that horribly.
$17 is more than i pay for a half a tank of gasoline.
how is one beer equal to half a tank of gas?
Magic Johnson and the Dodgers should be ashamed.
to protest we drove over to Echo Park and drank MexiCokes and ate real tacos
then we went to Mohawk Bend and drank actual beers
and then we went to Tony’s Bar in DTLA and ate actual pizza next door.
along the way we even picked up Emilio Reyes (not pictured) and had a delicious brunch.
everyone went to Disneyland yesterday. today and tomorrow expect to see some pool party action.
my landlady hates me so much
that yesterday she agreed to meet me at my apartment to see the space in the back of my apartment
i told her that i want to put a washer dryer back there and she asked about the hookups
i said there are hookups and a vent for the dryer and its right next to the gas line.
she said i want to see it. so yesterday she came over with an “expert” and they saw it.
and of course it was perfect and beautiful.
and she said, well we have always thought about converting one of those garages back there
into a laundry facility
so we could alleviate this problem for
ALL
of the tenants.
i live in an 8-unit apartment.
at least 5 of them already have their own washer dryer.
so she’s gonna spend at least $2k converting the garage and $4k on two washer dryers
for 3 tenants.
just so i cant have one in my own crib.
she pays $6k, I pay $zer0 k?
k.
today is the busblog’s birthday, it’s 15
the other day someone asked “why did you Even start this blog”?
but it was so long ago i dont even really remember why.
maybe the same reason you start fiddling around when you pick up a beautiful guitar
or dip your brush into some paint and go for it when you see an empty canvas
or how when dudes really need to pee, and they’re outside, and it just snowed.
but i think the busblog always wanted to be alive and found me.
it saw me toiling away, unloved and unrespected in my cubicle, sad, and it said
oh heres someone who will do this pretty much every day for years and years and years.
heres someone who wont bail out after the fad has faded.
heres someone who will do it for the right reasons and make something of this
empty canvas
on a snowy mound
because he can’t play guitar.
we all know the long list of goodness that came along because of this miracle web log
and for that, and to all of you who have been here supporting it, may i sincerely thank you.
expect a redesign soon.
drove a young man last night who fought in iraq and afghanistan
so naturally i had a lot of questions
Q: what movie about the Iraq / Afghanistan war was most realistic?
A: Restrepo (2010)
Q: what movie about Iraq was the least realistic?
A: The Hurt Locker (2008). Remember when James Bond was dragging those six 155mm shells through the sand? Those weigh over 100 pounds each. Not even an NFL lineman could have done that.
Q: Were you over there when Bin Laden was killed?
A: Yes.
Q: Did you guys party super hard that night when you found out?
A: Yes, we drank many non-alcohol beverages.
Q: O’Douls?
A: There was also a Heinekin or Becks non alcohol option there as well. If I recall correctly.
Q: Are there any towns in the USA that remind you of any of the towns in Afghanistan?
A: We were in Northern Afghanistan in the mountainous region. If it wasn’t for the assholes around us it looked a lot like Flagstaff, AZ: beautiful trees, even white water rivers.
Q: So if there wasn’t a never ending war, someone could white water raft?
A: Oh yeah.
Q: Back to movies, did you see American Sniper?
A: No.
Q: In the film there’s a sniper who could shoot a guy a mile away. Didn’t that freak you out?
A: The only people who could do that would be our guys. The enemy were usually weekend warriors who weren’t capable of that sort of accuracy, thankfully. They had different ways of being annoying.
have i ever been upset at a baby? of course.
babies are selfish, their handwriting is horrible.
they vomit, they babble, they arent very good drivers
i dont like the way they look at you when they smile because you know at any minute they could start frowning and then give you the stink eye
they love the most basic books, their artwork is subpar.
and ive seen what they do to families.
once i was playing poker with a baby and it started losing so it started cheating and i was all what the fuck do you think you’re doing over there
and it said why dont you mind your own damn business
and i said this game IS my business
so it said maybe youd like to take this outside.
i said ID VERY MUCH LIKE TO TAKE THIS OUT SIDE.
so we went outside and i took off my glasses and my jacket
and that baby pulled out A DAMN KNIFE!
fortunately i had my own knife.
so we were circling each other and this baby was hissing at me
i was all, im gonna get you, im gonna slice you up!
a little crowd began to form. some people were taking bets. weirdly i was not the favorite.
i was all, who has a stinky diaper? YOU have a stinky diaper!
and the baby just kept hissing at me like a freak!
then it launched at me. it just flew right in my face. then it was on me. quicker than i expected.
it was all over me. stabbing. punching. drooling. omg how does one little creature have so much drool?
and i couldnt get a good angle.
all i saw was spittle and half chewed Cheerios and the smell!
that baby smell (actually smelled pretty ok)
but still
and when the cops came guess who got thrown in the back of the car like an animal.
not the baby, i’ll tell you that.
fucker.
remember that time
when everything was beautiful and you could meet a cute blonde babe at a blogger mixer and
you could get her number and she let you drive her home in her porche
but she’d say my place is messy, how about yours
and you take her to your crib and youd think im the luckiest man in the world
and you knew she was maybe a republican, but nothing serious because those times were innocent
and she’d say i’ll have a drink with you but im not sleeping with you and youd wink back and say uh huh
and youd slip into something more comfortable (sweat pants and a robe) and she’d say why are you lubing up, i said we werent sleeping together
and youd say oh im 97 years old, this is for my arratica.
and shed say whats arratica
youd say i get it whenever a smokin hot babe who i only knew from stage and screen is somehow in my lair but shes gonna wanna be the little spoon
and because im a gentleman ive just gotta close my eyes and think about pete rose all night.
remember when there were things about pete rose that you could think about other than him selling his autograph in vegas malls
wearing a weird Donald Trump hat but instead of lets make america dumb again it says
hit king
and soon shes asleep and you think is she drunk? how is she asleep? how does a girl fall asleep in a strange mans bed that quickly
a strange man fully lubed with his arratica grease on his personage
christmas lights twinkling, lou reed serenading
disco ball rotating
smoke machine
machining
and
i like people who post years old news of famous people’s deaths on facebook as if it just happened
i like people who call me Mr. Pierce
i like when people in the back seat of my Uber look at my Waze and say, “but it is saying to go the wrong way!”
i like when people realllllly examine the menu at the drive thru as if it is the most important decision of their lives
i like when people say, “this is not for you to Blog!”
i like when members of the big church next door ask me what the XBI means
i also like it when they call me Anthony – even though ive never introduced myself as Anthony to anyone in the world in my entire life
i like it when people look at my baseball cap and say, “Cubs, eh?” and nothing else
i like it when people say YOU SERIOUSLY EAT AT MCDONALDS?
i like it when people misquote the bible
i like it when people pay attention to the reviews a movie gets on IMdB
i like it when people say, “my friend is coming to LA, can you tell them what there is to do there?”
i like it when im about to pick up someone in my Uber and they call me and ask “where are you?”
i like saying, “i’m at Wrigley Field, mom, duh.”
dear tony, i just started high school. sucks already.
dear tony,
im a freshman at high school and i just got my schedule. NONE of my friends from junior high are in any of my classes. zero.
you’re old, will life always be this freaky and unfair?
signed, selena gomez
dear selena,
well before you were born, i moved from illinois to california. i didnt know anyone at the city college that went to, but first quarter i started talking to this really interesting girl with ripped stockings and words all over her shoes and red lipstick and a stay away vibe. she soon became my girlfriend.
a couple years later i didnt know any one at uc santa barbara and within hours i met some of the people who have remained my closest friends for the rest of my life.
and im much shyer than you are.
in fact i made so many life long friends at college that almost all of them could be put in one of two categories: my hippy friends (below) and my newspaper friends (above)
now would i have met these people if for some reason a few of my friends from high school joined me in moving to LA? who knows. maybe. but maybe not.
the thing is when you have zero friends, you end up making some.
when you already have some, you might not get a lot of new ones.
i had a really good high school experience. and i think one reason was was because i got to meet a whole lot of new people, and learn from them, and grow.
for the next eight years you are going to be in an enviable position where the primary thing you have to focus on is learning
may i recommend learning everything.
from every body.
also, join the band