can i tell you how happy i am?

im on top of the world

i drove great yesterday i drove great today

one ride was bad because he rolled down his window and we didnt talk for an hour

it was so boring i had to keep pinching myself from falling asleep

but because im the luckiest man alive i got a ride back to two blocks from my mansion

with a black model whose family is from nigeria

i told her she needs to call dov charney at los angeles apparel bc i dont think they have any black models and shes superblack its nice

all the other rides were delightful

accidentally was at the forum when the wrestling match let out

i thought it was going on later in the night but no

got a ping to go to the sizzler over there so i thought i was safe

but that intersection was jam packed so at the stop light i called and said where are you wave your hand

for some reason she was looking the opposite direction

so i said turn around and as soon as the light turns green RUN to the benz at the cross walk

it was hectic because it was this mexican mom, her adorable 6 year old daughter WHO KNEW EVERY WRESTLER THERE, and her sister

they told me they dont run.

it was hilarious.

i laughed at their funny jokes. they laughed at mine. we had the kid telling jokes.

when i dropped them off i said ok annabelle, stay in school, dont do drugs!

the mom nearly fell over laughing

aphantasia girl

her name was alice, chinese, 27 but looked 20, waiting at the dennys about a mile away from LAX

it was 10pm. 9,000 people were scheduled to arrive at the airport according to uber stats.

lyft was offering $10 on any trip out of LAX so the rideshare waiting lot was full of cars, meanwhile upstairs in the horseshoe it was bumper to bumper because lots of people’s friends came to pick them up

so i had this plan to drive just outside of the lax queue by the rental car place so i could get all the scraps that weren’t coming solely from the airport, and maybe someone dropping off a car

i sat in the benz for about twenty minutes next to a couple of guys putting together their homeless tent and bedding for the night and i declined one bad offer after another. $5 to go to inglewood, $7 to go to hawthorne, $15 to go to dtla.

because it was so slow today i only wanted long trips for big money

which is why when alice’s ping came through for $45 to go to ontario i said hell yeah.

is ontario far? yes. but at that hour the eta was just over an hour. for reference, sometimes it takes me an hour to get from LAX to hollywood for $25, so… yes.

alice was peppy, sweet, borderline adorable. she flew down here from frisco to go to a rave with some of her friends who would meet her at their airbnb

why was she at the dennys? uber wanted to charge her $400 when she opened her app up in the airport. so she figured she’d walk out of the airport and past all the hotels to the dennys.

as denzel washington said in training day, [i heart you already]

alice was talkative and vulnerable and we were getting deep before i made it to the 405 via the century freeway.

i asked sheepishly, so when you say you’re going to a rave, alice, are you one of those straight edge girls who are just there for the music and the plur or are you down to lose your mind and dress up?

she giggled and admitted she is not at all straight edge.

before we made it to the 110 we agreed she should definitely move to australia to get away from all the dramas happening in her life. demanding family. weird friend group. no mans.

but then she told me about this condition she has and i was all i wish this trip would last all night


she said she has no inner monologue and cannot visualize.

she said: so if i say think of an apple, you can picture one, i can’t. i know it’s green or red, but i can’t see it. stupid, right?

alice, this is precisely why i drive a car in the middle of the night to the middle of nowhere. tell me everything.

she said, i also can’t solve problems in my head. so if i am at work, and someone asks me something hard, i will say, let me think about that, and i will put my head down but nothing happens. i shut down. im not thinking im not feeling im nothing. like a computer that has been unplugged.

i said, alice, how can i phrase this, first of all, you’re incredible. i’m bursting with questions. in a way, my head is having a rave, normally, but now you have poured a bucket of lsd on it.

my question is, have you ever had a boyfriend?


so when you kissed him, what would go through your mind?


do you dream?

yes but i cant see anything.

so you’ve never had a nightmare?

i’ve had nightmares.

you’re amazing.

i am happy you think that. so many people don’t take me seriously and i haven’t been able to find a therapist who can help me with issues that are unique to this condition, because only 6% of people have this.

way too quickly we got to the oddest airbnb because it was in a little suburban neighborhood with no trees because it was all new, row after row of the same looking tall narrow homes

i gave her my card and said, take me with you to australia when you go

christmas eve

christmas eve is a great time to remember
joseph had one job
and it wasn’t to book a jr suite
at the bethlehem ritz

his job was to be the best boo
for mary
a virgin minding her business
when everything changed

christmas eve reminds us
life is nuts
so hold her hand real nice

trimmed a tree with the pals

it was good times.

this morning i woke up with a very slight hangover. i was all whaaaa? but i did imbide on some of the special rum punch with something holiday in there. cinnamon?

it was delicious.

great chats. kim’s tiny ham sandwiches. all was merry and gay.

this young woman i didnt recognize was all great hat.

i waved because yes it is great but i had to catch up with ppl i knew.

then later at the firepit there she was with her friends and she said it again

i was all omg where in chicago are you from

turned out its a whole family that lives two houses away from kim and os and theyre chicagoan

very fun convo that one was too.

then me and jason were talking about a tv show and i think i may have given him a good idea

how you like that!

on the way there i was thinking about taking an uber, but it was like $32. so i said mama mia maybe i should just drive someone and see if i can get $18.

so i turned on my Lyft and i got a guy going from silver lake to pasadena but super close to where i was going and it paid me $17.40

because LA is a company town, he told me he is a showrunner for a top rated tv show

so that was fun too

some nights you cant lose

might of also helped layne get his youtube channel going.

see thats the thing, for friends i will do anything.

imagine if i was like this to everyone

even my enemies.

which is what the good book dares us to do.

had a great talk with a tech guy from Go Daddy yesterday

he even gave me his email address, which – wow – talk about customer service.

my issue was when we moved from to a lot of the links were broken and never became less broken.

so he told me to buy this $150 package of help request tickets.

i think thats how it works. each one is $15 and you can say something like “fix my broken links” and they’ll do their best.

we’ll see how that goes.


probably the most hypocritical part of me is clothes

there are very limited circumstances where i desire to stand out

i know its hard to believe but i am not interested in being the story

do i talk alot on hear in LA, yes, but thats bc im trying to get the other person to talk more

one day i’ll try an episode where i give one sentence replies, or canned questions like that dude from As It Lays

im thinking about clothes because of dating

for most of my life ive been able to get away with never having to wear anything more than jeans and a tshirt.

id like to keep that streak going in part bc im lazy but also bc i feel the more i try the dumber i look, so why try

also i have this gut that rarely looks good in anything other than santa claus costumes

but im a hypocrite bc when i look at ambers old pictures i think about her clothes and how i either loved loved loved something on her that would inspire me to buy her something better

i bought a lot of her clothes and she was a good sport and tried them all

but mostly she just wore concert tshirts which i loved

was amber the girlfriend i thought i would live the longest with? no.

or at all? no.

and thats why i love God. somehow He figured, no ill use a little divine intervention on this one bc tony is just gonna sit around his house and work and work and not have this interesting journey

and it was

and i learned so much about how much a boyfriend can actually do

(not a lot, sadly)

and about codependency, which i def had, and will knock it off if i ever get another gf

and how if i ever start to get serious 

i will suggest that on one of our dates we spend a half hour just looking into each others eyes

trying to get as deep as we can

asking hard questions that cant filibuster

get to the point

and if that works out then fine, ill show you my favorite taco stand

one of my goals is to blog every day again

while it’s true im busy af, unlike sucker mcs i can do it all

been writing tons for setlist which i adore

also im editing hear in LA now which does take time but its rewarding and i can not micro edit the thing so every little thing i want out is now out

the blog post still take a good 12-14 hours to do because my adhd is insane

talked to my shrink and she put me on new pills bc i was like hey this folkalin aint working

whats different about this pill – i forget the name – it just makes me happy

the last one made me wanna write love letters to exes

not sure if this one has made me more focused, but thats the goal.

last night i went to the movies and saw 1.5 movies

i was late for the beyonce movie but watched the second half anyway bc it was mezmorizing

she put heaven and earth into that show. he dancing. her singing. the set. the band.

no disrespect to t swift. but bey beat her on this one.