not a bad labor day weekend

mary and anne

didn’t drive. why bother?

decided to actually enjoy the weekend for the first time in a long time.

watched the cubs steamroll past the giants.

watched a whole bunch of movies and tv shows.

ate and ate and ate.

got my steps in by playing pokemon go.

but i still didnt have as good of a weekend as soon to be birthday girl mary who went to burning man in a private jet

and then took this selfie with oscar winner anne hathaway.

apparently lots of movie stars and pop stars go there now because they can sorta be in disguise and sorta be freeeeee as a bird away from the prying eyes of the press

it’s fun sometimes to cool ones jets.

i even read some bukowski this weekend, which was tough because of the two tvs, computer, laptop, and phone.

maybe my next break i’ll totally unplug.

which will be quite the stretch.

the day the stingray apologized

corvette stingray10 years ago today Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter, was killed by a stingray. I was pretty new to my job running LAist, trying desperately to bring traffic to our then-fledgling blog, when I thought of an idea.

I had been recently schooled in the world of Search Engine Optimization but nothing was clicking. I was up all night every night working hard to phrase things or write things that would reach the top of Google News. Even though I failed, one thing I noticed was it was easier from 3am-5am to get nibbles from the search engine because all of our competition was asleep and not publishing.

So a few days after Irwin’s death, I, a huge fan of old Vettes, whipped up the silliest thing I could think of to experiment with SEO headline writing and super late night publishing.

Stingray Apologizes for Crocodile Hunter Irwin’s Death

It quickly became the biggest day (at that time) traffic-wise in LAist history. it crashed the blog several times that morning as waves and waves of people came (for some reason to read the apology from a stingray?),

and naturally the comments section let me have it.

Why did I feel ok about making fun of a tragic death of a super upbeat tv personality? In my mind, Steve Irwin, as lovable as he was, knew he was doing extremely dangerous things with wild animals for money, fame, and ratings. Sure some of it was educational, but it was totally unnecessary entertainment on par with Johnny Knoxville.

Was I sad he was dead? Of course. But he went out doing what he loved and I assumed he would have gotten a laugh out of my piece because he sure seemed to love to laugh.

So dark humor it was.

cubs magic number is 13

starlin castro

sometimes you have to trade your sweet sweet starlin

sometimes you have to get rid of your extra fuel

sometimes you have to drive through the tough tough traffic of labor day friday

to make that money

because youre saving up that money

because your true love, da cubs, are gonna be in the damn world series in six weeks

and those old styles arent gonna just flow from the sky.

i had a fun day today. everyone was going to the airport.

i tried to drive far away from the airport so my fares would be high

but as soon as i turned on my thing, my thing rang and guess where they were going

at some point the traffic was so bad that we were literally going backwards

not on the freeway

but in time.

i could see myself get younger in the rear view.

my hair was growing back.

my voice got higher.

my six pack abs were all whaddup g

and i was like,

i gotta get outta this traffic.

cars stopped being cool when they stopped making vans

IF55Hog

she texted me the most forward, clear, what some would consider disgusting, invitation

to dance.

i knew the moves.

the moves are simple.

drunks do it.

but theres two ways to get me to dance with you.

give me an hour heads up and text me what youre gonna be wearing.

or lie to me and say we’ll go for one drink and after we can pee in the alley

nowadays i dont have a lot of pee left in me.

so that outfit better really fit.

my mom, the most dedicated reader of this blog, says im angry

tonybecause i love her with all my heart i would never disagree with her.

but i dont feel angry.

am i angry?

my cubs are like 15 games ahead of the Cardinals

the stats of the social media feeds at my job continue to rise like warm loaves of delicious bread

my phone’s blowing up from long legged ladies with the most fascinating messages

and as you know, i am still fully enjoying the side hustle of driving LA’s most responsible commuters from one side of town to the other.

have i told you about the senior citizen from Chile who was raised Jewish but whose parents made him learn the New Testament backwards and forwards in case the exiled Nazis returned to power and tried to kill all the Jewish kids, so he was to tell everyone that he was a Christian? And as he grew up he became an expert in the New Testament? And as we drove around LA he asked me if i knew where there were any hookers, especially african american street walkers, because he wanted to save them?

what about the guy last night who hailed me on Lyft who has been driving as long as I have who reminisced how addictive it was in the “early days” of two and a half years ago when every ride would net us about $11 and every night we’d get at least one $40 one and every week we’d get a $100 fare so we’d drive and drive and drive fueled on adrenaline and the promise of bars of gold and buckets of diamonds with strings of pearls draped over them.

the other day i had a dude heading to a famous steak house. we talked about pretty much every steak you could get in LA. Of course i turned him on to the Baseball Steaks at the Bounty. he was telling me Craigs has amazing food. i was all, isnt that where all the paparazzi are? he said yeah but it’s not super expensive. i was all perfecto!

so i will have to take my mom there the next time she’s in town.

kanye is right about beyonce

 

shes everything. and mtv knows it and tidal knows it and even jay-z is starting to figure it out.

but here’s my problem with viacom. if you go to the MTV.com page of the VMA video clips

and you click the Beyonce video of her performance from Sunday night

a night that was tape delayed to the West for no good reason at all,

they provide you with an embed code so you can share the video on your busblog.

but when you use the code Viacom

for no good reason at all

blocks the video from being able to be played on your busblog.

several things happen when you do things like this, Viacom

the first is we continue in thinking that you dont know how to Internet.

the Internet is a Web. it’s many sites all sharing in information and linking to each other so as to spread the message.

the message on Sunday was MTV had many of the top female solo acts on one stage

(except for Adele, Kesha, Taylor Swift, Regina Spektor, PJ Harvey, and Banks)

the best way for that message to get spread is via social media, which blogging is still part of.

so when you provide a code to embed the video but then block it you seem bipolar and ridiculous.

sorta like when you stop showing videos on your music video network

but then go right ahead and continue to have music video awards each fall like nothing has changed.

the second thing we assume is you hate us. you dont want us to see Beyonce’s amazing performance.

we think that because, like was mentioned earlier, you tape delayed a Sunday “live” show to the West

and you make it hard for us to see today’s most fascinating and talented performers do her thing.

it give us the idea, Viacom, that you dont care about art or music, all you care about is beans.

the type you want to count. but you forget that the more beans you put out there

the more will be seen, and the more you can count.

but the worst thing you have done is you have played yourself.

and you have given an excuse to pirates to steal the signal that you have failed at protecting.

“stealing” a video transmission is easier today than ever before.

you are building a wall across the border but it is porous and ridiculous.

which makes you ridiculous.

and poor us, you are poor er.

we will see the video.

the mountain will move.

you will die.

and fail to reach paradise.

because what Saint will let you in to Heaven

after it is discovered that for a living you tried to block Queen Bey from her fans?

i pity you.

i pray for you.

you need to repent.

life is so full of tempation

weezer

what was i listening to the other day but the one guy was saying to the other guy

how do you deal with the voices in your head.

i dont have any voices. but i have options all the time. always have.

99% of the time i do the right thing.

this is why people go in to religion. we ALWAYS wanna do the right thing.

and we think if we lead a life of spirituality we will ensure that the number will stay perfect.

because we know that it’s the one time we do the wrong thing that will haunt us forever.

im not saying something super terrible like murdering someone or saying we’re gonna build a wall to keep people out of the country.

im saying bad things like taking the wrong girl to the weezer concert instead of the right girl.

or when youre at the drug store and someone left money in the change tray. you dont take it.

i dont take it. theres cameras everywhere. its always a trap.

so many things are traps. just be good. the kingdom of heaven is waiting.

for some of us sooner than others.

just be patient. just accept the good thats already in your life.

no need to be greedy like the ppl we all despise.

enjoy what you know is yours. what should be yours. that which was given freely to you.

shits got your name on it yours.

but avoid all the stuff that you know isnt yours. shouldnt be yours.

wouldnt be yours in a million years, so what makes you think its yours now/