Category Archives: Uncategorized

danielle always forgets that nothing

Posted on by
Reply

in here is true and i always forget that she reads this so baby this is for you.

drank one pbr after another last night at the Drawing Room with a lovely young lady who matched me with hard booze. and it was hitting me pretty square in the eyes so i said lets have some tacos.

and it turned out that i had already taken her to the one taco place i was gonna taker so she said lets go somewhere else so we went to burrito king on the corner of alverado and sunset over in echo park.

i had three grilled fish tacos and she had two fried one grilled and mine were sloppy and messy and delicious and i can still smell them on my fingers which makes me want more of them but its 7am and ive been up all night with technical difficulties trying to throw out the first pitch of this

Neighborhood Project

that im rolling out today on LAist. why? because my eyes are bigger than my stomach and its so big theres no way we can do it but that reminded me of this teenage girl from the lbc who graduated high school early so she could climb mount everest before she went off to stanford.

and i love women, dont get me wrong. but when a girl

climbs mount everest, you pretty much cant say “oh no i cant do _____ because its too hard.” because some little skinny girl from 10 minutes from compton climbed mt fucking everest.

so yeah there are 174 neighborhoods in LA and we’re going to write a post about all of them. i just did the first one and it took all night. hopefully the next one wont be so difficult.

speaking of home run hitting contests, i didnt watch this year because no cubs were in it and im a homer.

i tried to convince danielle that she should get a web cam and become a youtube star but pretty much no one listens to a word i say

except for ms karisa j who bought the truck i told her to get because she used to have it and it just fit her perfectly so she got another one and when i asked her what color it is she said black

which is always the correct answer.

ps a hot babe sent me pix of herself in underwears. thanks.

i caught her outside smoking on my back stairs

Posted on by
Reply

again.

i know you dont like cuddling after sex.

so wrong.

no, i swear i read it in one of your books.

you cant believe those things baby. c’mere.

dont i put a disclaimer on those things?

shes asian. i promised myself after the last one that i wouldnt let an asian girl get naked in here again.

theyre too nice. it makes me mean. life is balance. your house needs balance. i dont mind being the ugly one or the fat one or the black one or even the evil one. but if you have a true angel sitting there, innocent in every way, then what role is there left for me to balance that shit up?

the dark side, thats right.

fortunately cigarette girl has an edge but im afraid its a fake edge and if you go a little deepr you will see that she was raised in the same suburbs as i was, pampered and air conditioned through both the decades that she made it through.

and its not that i dont like to cuddle, i just need some cool air on a warm summer night, and didnt you just get to be as close with me as humanly possible for a good 19 minutes?

i might bust with a good joke later but you just got the best i had. cut yr losses.

you know i dont care if you smoke in my house.

yes, i know.

she found an ashtray which she will clean out when shes finished.

and later she will stretch her legs across mine and i will look at how young they look, at how young they are, and i will say to them

stay right here forever

outsides only worse.

but asian girls legs just look at you and whisper back you crazy long time.

at the end of november last year

Posted on by
Reply

i was feeling pretty good about myself. laist had doubled what it had done the year before and i had had a steady increase in hits each month.

by the end of sunday, laist will have as many visitors in july as we had in all of november.

im about to go to a concert. i cant wait. i mention stats because in this photo of me in las vegas there are two people taking a picture of me and i wonder if either of them know that what im doing in that photo is looking at the referal logs of all the people who had just come to laist.

there is something very wrong with me. inside.

this month was also the month that i promised to start taking more time off, namely the weekeneds, namely the night time. namely because its hard to be a good booty call if youre always like nah.

i hate having to do things. i hate schedules. i hate appointments. even if its for something that i like. i like waking up and having zero commitments. nothing.

i dont want to owe anyone anything and i dont want to have to do shit. when im in that place i can do everything. beautifully. and i will do it a lot.

however, i have noticed that the things that have come good for laist over the last year that ive been helming the ship have come when either i least expected it or had only a glancing influence.

in fact, it could be possible, that i might be part of the problem.

imagine a race car driver with a nice lead sticking his head out the window or setting it on cruise control? maybe that driver is really good at getting leads but then he doesnt know how to keep it.

every time we had a big month in the past i thought how the hell are we gonna do that again. and sure enough we pretty much did. this month is gonna be a freakin monster and most of it happened during a holiday weekend when there was a sunday, a holiday in the middle of the week, and slowness everywhere.

dont ever listen to anyone who says you cant do well at any time day or hour on the internet.

except maybe if youre up against american idol.

she said, how much do you remember?

Posted on by
Reply

shes a carrie i said not much. she said tell me all that you can recall.

ok i said. i remember we were all at a bar in hanover when you walked in. i had my hand on the lap of that girl from norway and you came in and removed your sunglasses and i was all wowza.

she was from finland.

whatever.

and then i remember we drank a lot of very odd belgium beers and you lit a little cigarrette that had some hash in it and it made me very dizzy so you called a cab and when i passed out in the back seat you started making out with me.

i was trying to recessitate you

it worked. thank you florence nightingale.

i remember white stockings and clear heels.

um that wasnt me.

i remember twine being twung and a game of guess wheres the blackberries

nope, still not me

i remember a long drawn out moan that ended in a giggle

accented with a cunt fart

tony!

which was hilarious and i shall never forget.

and she smiley faced me and logged off.

and i believe tomorrow i will put in a half day.

i got wind of an interesting rumor

Posted on by
Reply

the other day that involved myself and one of my female contributers to laist. and it was a rumor allegedly begun from the lips of someone who i trust very much. someone who i not only respect a great deal but in a way look up to and admire.

which isnt to say that the young lady in question isnt beautiful and charming and definitely worthy of the attentions of a single man… with great needs. but the truth of the matter is i love my job so much you have no idea. therefore i am being especially conservative in some of my actions so that i lower the risk of losing said dream job.

so no, i did not have relations with that woman.

i know that more and more bloggers are beginning to get hired at real places of employment, in fact just last month the LA Times plucked our film editor, but to be a paid blogger is still a super rare thing, and i want to be part of the people who help others get ahead blogging, not part of the people who take advantage of their situations and fuck shit up for the brothers and sisters comin up.

plus with all the hotness in la, you probably shouldnt be banging your writers, especially when you dont pay them, and especially when the blogosphere is a gossipy fucking place, and especially when you find yourself asking favors from your writers all the time – and vice versa – and everyone should know that there are no hidden agendas, theres only one goal

world domination.

crazy thing is, LAist is on the right path. people talk about the holidays and the weekends and the summer time being slow for the blogosphere but these have been the hottest five days that LAist has ever had, infact we have had more people come to our blog in these past five days than came to the site in all of last july. and at the time, july 06 was the biggest month laist had ever seen.

the monster has been created. and its alive.

now, boinking busblog readers is a different subject entirely.

to celebrate, tonight i found myself with a clear evening calendar so i drove down sunset to down town and cruised up grand and wound up at one of my favorite soul food places, this 99 cent one over by usc

i always get the same thing cuz im an old man.

smothered chicken breast over rice with gravy
collard greens
sweet potatoes

karisa will tell me that ive blown my diet but hanging out with matt good did wonders for me. true hes a rock star and can get away with a little paunch, but being out there with him made me realize that thats how men are supposed to look, like men. not little skinny boys.

he smoked his cigarrettes and i smoked my medical herbs and we had our shirts off and we blogged by the pool

as the crazy little self cleaning pool thing slowly scrubbed the bottom of the deep end

and ive gotta say, even though we will have random weirdness from time to time on the web site, that fucker can take any spike i bring to it. quick, sustained, spikey – that site never goes down, never gets slow when we’re hot. i love that. i love everything.

and i really love that the cubs are hot as fuck too.

what have you, partake

Posted on by
Reply

you could be my black kate moss tonight. when i was in vegas this stripper crawled up on me and said i’ll be your black barbie.

which isnt the first thing that i would have liked her to be because i dont know about you but i used to pop my sisters barbies heads off, put fire crackers into the body cavity, put the head back on (usually backwards)

and then put the barbie into one of my tonka trucks and light the whole damn thing on fire.

when i got home i was motivated to start the new book, 101 great porn ideas. and i wrote a few chapters my last day there. and i wrote a chapter last night.

and someone very sweet was internet message chatting with me and said

why dont you make them all twenty bucks, check only, and you will have a limited supply of 666, and they will all be numbered and you can only get them if you have a link on your blog to the busblog

and i said but what about people that dont have blogs

and she said then tough shit, everyone at least has a myspace

i was all, myspaces count

she said uh

and i forgot shes a big wig at myspace

and looks great in a bikini.

my favorite summer jam so far is Kid Sister’s Pro Nails which you can get off the Kanye West “Can’t Tell Me Nothin” Mix Tape which is genius and you can download the whole cd (25 songs) for free right here.

matt played 10 songs tonight here in vegas.

Posted on by
Reply

to a crowd of about 30 people, many of whom flew in from Connecticut, Frisco, and various locales in Canada. and for a few who were big fans but had never had the chance to see him play, this was their first gig.

the gig was the living room in the huge house that ive been stayed at with matt here in the suburbs of sin city.

matt told his fans through his site that he was going to be in vegas and he was going to be playing to a few dozen people and i guess people emailed in and he gave invites to the “winners” and they all came here and oh yeah apple was here too.

and these two dudes from currentv

and your boy.

and its really sad that a lot of americans dont know about matt because seriously how many musicians of any stature let alone one who is currently #2 on amazon.ca for a record that doesnt even come out for a month, invites friends fans his favorite computer company and the press to come into his vacation and listen to what hes about to tour with on an acoustic guitar barefoot while wearing shorts?

and not charge you three grand, prince.

i got to meet miss604 who liveblogged the event perfectly and gracefully and far better than i imagined. she took pictures and was later relived from that duty by the totally capable duane storey who had a sweet camera and was uploading them to flickr within minutes of taking the pics.

it really shows you how quickly a live event like this can be spread through the world if you have people working as a team who know what the heck theyre doing and are fans of the subject.

matt ended the show with a cover of daniel johnstons true love will find you in the end and lets add love to the end of the paragraph above. when you have people working together who are loving what theyre doing the end result is not just something good, its something beautiful.

which is what the evening was.

it started with people showing up, taking off their shoes, meeting each other, then matt emerged and went around the circle and met everyone and seemed to remember where everyone lived.

then everyone hung outside and chit chatted by the pool. now these are matt good fans, which means theyre smart, theyre mellow, and theyre sweet as hell. so basically they drank as much water as i drank beer.

eventually the group made it into the living room and matt lounged on the bad ass leather couch and strummed some tunes casually and talked to the people. we were waiting on some people who couldnt get their yet. later when the late guy arrived we found out he was a heart surgeon. so there were many predictable jokes about how the person about to get a transplant better hope that matt’s show doesnt go too far into the night.

in the middle of the show the docs beeper went off and he had to leave. thirty seconds he returned and someone joked, patient died? but the doc had just forgotten his keys or something. whoops.

matt chimed in with, didnt mike moore just make a movie about this?

the new album is called hospital music.

after the show we adjourned to the kitchen, finished off the drinks, matt signed autographs for people who brought stuff and posed in pics with them and then they went home.

everyone was glowing.

one of the guys outside said to me, that was the best show ive ever been to.

i was all, yep, and it was some dudes house.

and then a convertible packed with fans sped off into the desert night.

matt good in vegas playing to fans

photos by duane storey

matt had to rehearse and

Posted on by
Reply

do some work shit so i took a cab to the spearmint rhino and got out of heis hair.
yes im drunk yes its 218am yes im in vegas still yes im gonna retire here yes i went to see strippers yestr theyre my favorite people alive yes i have a date with a black girl soon so yes i only got lap dances with balck girls tonight exscept for one korean girl who i couldn tsay no to

i actually couldnt say know to any of them but i tried. i took way too much money out of the atm because i doidnt want to take money out at the strip club., if you wsee that youre taking money out of a strip club atm you really need to be askin gyrself “am i about to get sex?” if not you should just go home. if so you should ask yr self why am i having sex swith a stripper in vegas?

dangerous much?

i love this town. i wish i was still freinds with the people i know here. i wish that everything was always perfect at all times but i guess thats what life is about – dealing with shit thatsw not perfect.

did i tell you im happy? did i tell you that i gave a creaole girl named “mariah” all the money in my wallet becayse she felt as smooth and soft as gurls should feel and she said everything right and i said everything right right back and she said what do you want and i said everything and she said i want you and i said hi and she said wanna come with me to the vip and i said

no

and she said wait are you being sarcastic and isaid
yes
‘and she said youre so funny and i said please dont take all my money and she said how about i just take all the money you have right now and i said how about you take all my money except for 20 bucks so i can get a cab home and shse said why did you tak e a cab and i said cus i knew id be drinking heavily and she said because o fthat i will let you touch me all over and i said its only for scientific research bcause im gonna maybe hopefully be with a girl who looks like you

and she said noone is as hot as me and she stretched her leg around my head and i said could be anb dshe said could be or is and i said no offense but youre not the first unbelieveably super hot chick whose stuck her leg around my head and she said ok but do i smell the best

and the best is exactly the way my shrit smells and i hear tyou all.

matt good’s new record is now available to listen to

Posted on by
Reply

all you have to do is click here, register on to be a member of matt’s site (if youre not already registered) and you will see a link on the site to stream it.

you cant really go to particular songs it plays the whole cd in a loop.

my favorite songs

champions of nothing
black helicopters
odette

he does the most beautiful cover of a dead kennedys song youve ever heard
“moon over marin”

and this little trilogy is scary and sad and awesome:
11. Girl Wedged Under The Front Of A Firebird
12. I Am Not Safer Than A Bank
13. I’m A Window

enjoy!

ps its 9:19pm here in Vegas, its Matt’s bday in a few hours if you wanna give him some love on his blog, facebook, etc.