is that theres always a variety of men around who are quick to do anything that needs to be done around the pool.

this weekend liz lost her glasses in the pool, bam, it was fished out by a fellow who we didnt even know.

then someone else needed to get some burgers cooked, bam, cooked with melted cheese even.

then there was the matter of some prescription pills, voila, a perscription surfaced, then a doctor was contacted, then there were pills.

if i did run for governor of california i would have karisa be my leuitenant governor. someone would say, hey gov, we’re going to need some rolling blackouts today. and i would say why? and they would say, cuz we’re out of energy.

and karisa would say, we’re out of energy? and i bet you three, four guys would fall over themselves with alternative sources of power and we wouldnt need any damn rolling blackouts.

if i ever did have a job where i traveled the country writing about america out of the back of a pick up truck i would want karisa to be my traveling secretary. not only is she an organizational genius, but shes a tech head, and good times follow her everywhere she goes. only problem is she doesnt want to be famous. which would be a problem because between the two of us theres rarely a time when attention isnt directed our way.

i went to ihop today for lunch.

i ordered breakfast in honor of chris who i love because she woulda ordered breakfast. that girl loves breakfast for lunch.

we saw a group of people saying grace before they ate. i thought that was adorable.

anyway, the burgers the dude made at karisas were delish, the vodka shots that liz poured got me hot and bothered, and the chatter among the cool kids was good.

all day i had been hot and i wanted to go jump in her pool, but alas, as soon as i got over i didnt want to go swimming any more. i just wanted to drink and hang out and listen to the groovy tunes that another dude had burned for her.

life must be so much different for the tattooed.

i guess thats why everyone gets em.

jean philippe + missie + wiz bang

did you have fun celebrating your birth? i did.

i dont want to be back at work.

we didnt find the dude we were looking for but we’re back at the office cuz we need to be.

have i told you i dont want to be here at work today?

i dont.

have i told you i miss my true love? yep. do.

have i told you i havent been on a hot date in quite a while.

ah monday must you remind me of my faults?

my hair is growing in sorta ok, i guess. i might even be due for a haircut.

so my question to you is, since i really dont write anything interesting on here, according to a few emailers this weekend, why is it that people write this when i simply link them?

thank you, jesus.

i think i died in my sleep last night and went to heaven.

dresarii

the remake with bill murray is one of my faves and this one is pretty good too.

i have the strangest life. i took a lot of pictures this weekend. i have two 10 page photo essays that just need to be written. now i know why people dont do photo essays very often.

theyre very time consuming. very.

catch twenty two is if you have things to take pictures about then youre probably having a good time doing those things and then when you get back home and edit them and tweak them and do all the things you have to do then you dont have any time to write because its nearly one am and you have to go to work in the morning.

so you blog instead cuz its quicker.

kobe bryant is being accused of sexual assualt and i have no idea how to feel about it.

if i had a late night sunday radio talk show thats how i would have lead off the discussion.

people would say that theres no way he woulda done anything like that because he has a hot young wife.

other people would say that maybe he would because hes the stud of the galaxy and the lakers are about to get the mailman and the glove just to entertain me.

and then someone would say that when you have the money fame good looks success of kobe if you brushed your hand across a woman accidentally she might sue you for sexual assault just to settle out of court.

and then someone would call in to say that women get attacked every day, why couldnt it happen in colorado in a hotel by mr. kobe bryant.

and then we would probably have to take a commercial.

when we got back i would play some music and being sunday i would invite people to pray for number eight

and for any friends who might need a dose of some good stuff from a bigger place.

and for the cubs who have been sucking. big time.

and then i would pop in some led zeppelin.

something slow

and live

since its the night time.

last chance cafe + mallory + blue cad

and all weekend they showed the south park movie on comedy central completely uncut. even i was a little shocked to here fuck on plain old cable tv.

and equally blown away to hear uncle fucker, that toe tapping ditty, which came across as ten times more dangerous on tv than in the movies. and i love weird powers like that. i love that movie and one day we’ll hear the president say fuck and you know, maybe one day they’ll have boobies on tv. and you know what i’ll do that day? i’ll say fuck.

im watching this country special on trio. thank you canada for trio. its making me love hank sr. that much more, even though its pretty impossible. and its also making me love elvis a little more.

did you know that tsar is gonna play saturday night at the best club in los angeles at ten o’clock and theyre going to rock your face off.

did you know that i accepted an invitation to attend a wedding yesterday which i dont typically do because im not a big fan of weddings but these two are pretty awesome kids but i forgot to ask if i could bring a plus one, and i asked karisa if she would like to come and she said yes yes i like all your friends so now i gotta work on that.

the whalen brothers just invited me to come over and sit on their porch, that sounds fun.

pat got on the phone and he said, there are men pushing carts here, there are cars being worked on, there are trees providing shade. we’ve all gone without sleep.

if i had a talk show called bloggers and raymi was the ed mcmahon, pat would be the star of the show.

theres only two people who could single handedly make you forget about the busblog if they started a blog.

the first would be mr. pat whalen

the other would be his younger brother jeff.

thankfully theyre content simply being rockstars instead.

ok the country music special is over.

time to call rosalita from the showerphone.

the day the bulls called bullshit + a year ago + hula hoopers

i dont know what to do with myself today. i hafta do laundry. i should just do that. but i dont wanna. its summer. its sunday. its the end of a nice long weekend. thanks fourth of july for giving me all this time to rest and write and be with my friends. best thing i coulda ever done was rent that car this weekend and i did and everything has worked out so well.

last night i was at a bar and several of the ladies were laughing about how long its been since theyve gotten any and i was thinking how can i make this all work out for everyone. but alas, life isnt the porno that we wish it was. maybe one day. maybe one day.

would it be a good thing to be able to cut off your feelings of emotion and just be able to have sex with hot chicks because theres sex to be had. is that maturation or is that tumbling down to the sins of the flesh? and why are flesh sins any worse than any other sins?

ive been known to wish death and or injury upon some people? havent we all? arent we all wishing some sort of harm upon osama and saddam and dubya and george steinbrenner? we’re righteous about our reasons but theyre still rooted in revenge and evil and judgement. is that any worse than wanting to make a girls nipples get hard with something you learned way back in the day?

if im going to be judged as a tool, and if youre going to call it a tool, then why not put me to work.

thats all i want to know.

i do the most ridiculous things and put up with the most insulting situations for that dolla, and yet i get so damn moral about who i bone and who i dont and when and why and how and no wonder im losing my hair.

sunday sunday and this is why the bible didnt ever say once that preachers need to be unmarried and celibate, because not every question can be answered by a guy who doesnt get any, which is why i havent replied to all of your emails

yet.

cubs are getting spanked by the cardinals and look at that corey patterson just blew out his knee.

and this girl writes me almost every day and lately shes been saying that if she didnt have her boyfriend things would be so much different and i agree but different doesnt always mean better. sometimes different means worse. sometimes different is a curse. i bought $150 worth of bukowski books for $90 with some slush fund hush money. this summer i think id rather read than go to concerts.

and now instantly the skies opened up at wrigley and dumped a ton of rain and just as fast the sun makes an encore and the bleacher bums are cheering and corey isnt hurt that bad after all and its hot here in la but not butt hot keep windows open hot and i think im going to see if karisa is gonna hang out at the pool today cuz if she is maybe i’ll do laundry over there.

plus she has some juicy gossip to whisper in my ear.

circa 77 + dawn olsen + congratulations katie and matt

happy birthday.

do you know i love you? i do.

whats not to love about a country where anyone can be anything they want?

or do any damn thing they want?

right now i could buy a gun.

thats pretty cool.

right now i could buy a shitload of drugs.

all kinds.

right now i could download any song ever recorded.

right now theres about a dozen five dolla hos within walking distance from my badass abode.

ok. maybe only a half dozen. but theyre hot.

i love living in america. even though there are speed limits.

i know when gen x starts infiltrating congress all this dumb shit will go away. and radio is bound to get better.

karisa reminded me the other day that i hadnt been shut out for two months. that there was that college girl.

and even though she was grossed out when she saw my birthcertificate that said 1888 and i havent seen her since, i still love you, america.

she was pretty hot too.

i love you america for the beastie boys, janes addiction, the replacements, and tsar.

i love you for mtv and espn and directv

and the world wide fuckin web.

theres countries where people are still trying to figure out what to do with the womenfolk and we’ve got wireless highspeed broadband in central park. for free.

b.

i love you america for getting it about religion.

we still might be a little fucked up about race, but nobodys getting shot at for which church they dont go to.

its true that im not so crazy about christmas mangers being yanked because theyre on public property, but i like why they’re taken away, and im amazed at the foresight of the founders for being so punk rock as to seperate church and state so clearly.

and im born again.

i love america for mcdonalds and pizza hut and jack in the crack and six foot bongs.

water slides and weenie roasts, kfc and kamikazee toasts.

america, the best collaboration of black and white since shooting stars.

thank you for country, than you for rock, than you for jazz, and thanks for inventing hip hop right before our eyes

thanks for the simpsons and nirvana and howard stern and madonna.

seven-11 bob dylan happy birthday america

youre still cold chillin.

tina + raymi + happy birthday sarah

the heat blows through my bedroom window and makes itself comfortable. i have no heater and no a/c in this hollywood bungalow and sometimes i need a little fan.

and sometimes i need a little space heater but im about to rent a beater and drive around tonight with the windows down and count the shooting stars and think about ice cream bars, theres drumsticks and popsicles and bomb pops and push ups and strawberry shortcakes and chocolate eclairs, mickey mouses, choco tacos

the ones with the gumballs on the bottom, the ones with the quarters in the middle, the ones with the peanuts on the top.

ice cream sandwiches and eskimo pies. soft serve. triple scoop.

when i was a kid and this is how long ago ive been walking around, they used to have at baskin robbins this thing called the super heater, three scoops of ice cream, hot chocolate, nuts and whipped cream in a cup for ninety nine cents and it seemed like a lot of money and it seemed like a lot of ice cream, but it was four video games so i would always think about the super heater but i would always pass.

except once when my mom bought me one after grocery shopping. and i couldnt believe my amazing luck.

i need a new pair of shorts. all i have are swim trunks which are fun to wear as shorts in the summer but chris always rolls her eyes when i wear em.

its hot, hi summer. if i was smart i would shut the windows and turn this thing back into a cave. a cool dark cave where the lovely ladies in their summer dresses will sit down and cross their legs and try to act all demure but my demure detector doesnt overheat

like my candy bag on top of the microwave

next to the window.

emmanuelle meets starsky + the correct way to begin a blog + jaime has a good story + tell me you like the movie.