world’s biggest cave found in vietnam

Steven Allen Adams: A lot of great bloggers have come and gone. Which blogger do you wish would start blogging again?

there are actually a few who have stopped who i miss. the two on the top of my mind are flagrant and the pants. not only was flagrants style and story totally unique and fascinating but it was so well done it could have been a novel. maybe it will be one day.

likewise the pants was also lyrical and tragic and sad but always funny and in a way hopeful. if she wrote every day, i wouldnt be surprised if she sold many books. whenever she wanted. movie deals too. if yoou havent noticed, hollywoods dying for original stories. hell they’ll even take not so original stories but told in original ways.

also, once the oakparkmastermind got married her deal was done too. i miss her blog as well.

Gage: Form or function? Is there anything to be learned from the Grateful Dead? If money can’t buy love, what can?

function. yes, so much. that community is valuable. that you can be a rock star and do it entirely your way. that theres something unique about live music and a group spirit on the stage in the crowd and even in the parking lot. an incredible baseball card collection.

Ashley: Are you bummed that you missed No Doubt’s tour?

no because i dont think i could go without thinking of you the whole time. which probably would be just as odd as going with you nowadays. plus gwen has clearly sold herself to the devil the way she got back her abs, and ive sworn off devil music until the fall.

Mike: Do you think this is FINALLY the year the Yankees make it back to the promised land? And what would you pay/amputate to see a Yanks/Cubs WS???

when you play in the bronx, anywhere could be considered the promised land, i suppose, but sadly they only moved to the old parking lot. there are very few things i hate worse than the yankees. which is why id rob a bank t go to a cubs yanks world series.

Chris Carnaghi: Have you every heard of your blogging equivalant in the world of finance Barry Ritholtz? If you have not, do check him out and his style. He is blatently honest about Wall St. the Fed Reserve, CEO salaries and Yankee Baseball. Also it seems the Cubs need what the Dodgers need. Middle relief. and Jimmy goes “Business man drink my wine”

the insiders know that the finest financial blogger online right now is tom petruno on the money & co. blog. latimes.com/money. the cubs need short middle and long relief. theyre probably the worst best team in baseball. injuries, f-ups, idiotic slumps by the highest salaried players, and still theyre a game outta first and in the midst of a wild card, if need be. it just tells me that this is the year.

g/d: +-=

*

Ali M: Do you think we’re gonna see commercial space flight in our lifetime? Watching that clip of Top Gear’s James May aboard that U2 spy plane combined with playing Mass Effect, I’m wondering if space exploration is a naturally occurring human obsession, much like a manifest destiny.

delving deep into the mysterious darkness of the unknown, some would say, is the main reason we’re given this dull dough in the first place

xTx: Dearest tony- Could you please write me a story for Elephant Summer? Thanks in advance. p.s. This question was totally my idea, and my idea alone.

id be happy to. your series is wonderful and vulgar and nsfw and creative and unlike most of whats happening in the blogosphere so of course id like to do it but because im under contract with busblog llc i will have to do it under a psuedonom like Heywood Jablome or something clever. but yes. this week. if not sooner.

timmay!!!!!: is john smoltz done?

the minute you start accepting checks from the american league youve begun yr decline. its barry bonds’ sole saving grace.

Vinny: Why does she only want me for my body and not my everything else?

hey man, she can talk with her friends.

Juliette: I saw Julie & Julia and now I want to do something for a year on a blog. But that’s lame, right?

anything that inspires people to blog more, or more generally to express themselves more, is the furthest thing from lame. whats lame is holding things in. whats lame is experiencing super cool things all the time and not sharing them with your brothers and sisters. we’re all reporters in a way. we’re all leaving the ant hill and coming back with a tale on return. and some sugar.

adriel: i asked it on facebook now i’m aksin it here. why do i attract shady people? i’m not shady.

first lets assume the most basic thing: women are usually smarter then men. overall. at the end of the day. in the grand scheme of things. after all the precincts are tallied.

yet most marriages fail.

the only conclusion is that women are saying yes to the wrong men.

its funny because men are the one with nothing up their sleeves. its the women with the makeup and hairdos and fancy clothes and high heels. the man you end up knowing is usually the man you met very early on. therefore women are to blame for thinking something positive could be done with the so called “shady” or “lazy” or “dull” man they find themselves in front of.

write down exactly everything that you want in a fellow and look at it every day. add and subtract from the details as you go along but stick to the plan. put things on the list you dont want too. under the “dont want” section. but take charge.

zona: do these new Polo factory outlet chinos make my butt look big?

omg so much.

4rilla: Amy Adams as Julie Powell… Who as Tony Pierce?

jodie foster.

Matt Welch: Which John Hughes movie should we still care about, and why?

planes trains and automobiles showed that hughes wasnt a one trick pony. that he could write something more than just sappy teen dramedys. he could make a sappy adult dramedy and give some real depth to an otherwise overlooked comedian like john candy. punch drunk love is the planes trains and automobiles that adam sandler wanted but didnt get from pt.

sweaty hermit: congratulations. who (besides chuck b!) of literary history fame do you wish had been a rabid avid (sorry, just liked the way that sounds, say it a few times… mmmm) blogger whose blog was somehow still with us (ignoring all that technology history timeline shit) so we could drool over it on a regular basis? or, less complicatedly, who do you wish blogged at least daily from the great beyond aka the grave aka heaven to you, mr. tony? and congratulations again this time with an exclamation mark!

when hank aaron was a boy he had no aspirations of being a major league baseball player, and especially not the man who would smash babe ruths major league home run record. even as he began playing baseball professionally in the negro leagues he never dreamed of playing in the majors, he was just happy to get paid to play.

but there he was in the middle of the 1950s playing for the Milwaukee Braves. he was skinny, he was black, and he was about to break a lot of racists’ hearts.

i think it would have been pretty amazing if blogging had been around during that part of life so we could read someone like Hanks insights as well as Chuck Berry and James Brown.

monkey: a) once a player always a player? b) favorite female character in a john hughes film?

a) it depends on why the player became a player. lets pretend for a minute youre talking about a man – if he became a player because suddenly he saw that women were saying yes to him, and if he never got over that, then he’ll always be a player. but if he became one because he was merely investigating his options, then all should be well.

b) cousin vicki, had such a dirty look in her eye, she had a shoebox full of weed, and her daddy told her she was the best french kisser. how do you top that? in fact her family gave us all very important context to prevent us from seeing the griswolds as anything other than average and middle class, because cousin vicki’s fam was definitely not.

molly ringwald was cute. but who didnt have molly ringwalds all around them? i wanted a cousin vicki to hang out with. a wish that sorta came true as vicki was played by 30 Rock’s jane krakowski

John Wayne Maioriello: w00t! My Puffy Ami Yumi Pic! describe your fondest highschool memory, and your most loathed.

for some reason we had the states best marching band. the reason was because of our band director mr snoeck who was the first genius i ever met, but the odds of us attracting such a person is odd because there was nothing very unique about our part of the northwest suburbs for the exception of the golf courses at the medinah country club which shared roselle road with us.

i had been on all of these sports teams in high school (baseball, basketball) but i was terrible. so i wanted to do something fun that i might actually be good at. so being part of the states best drumline in the states best marching band was my first taste of giving 100% at something and seeing that reward.

and probably the worst moment in high school was when one day in art class this cute girl started playing footsies with me. such a thing had never even been fantasized about. but there it was. after school i kissed her right before her school bus took her away. the next day there she was playing footsies in art class with me again. but when i looked at jeff wright next to me, he was smiling too. she was using her other foot on him.

megan fox leaked photos

Sarah: What’s more effective for girls: laying it all out there or playing hard to get?

life is way too short for playing hard to get. lay it out there, see what happens, collect yr winnings.

Gage: I have a time machine. 1885, 1985, 2085… which one do you want to spend a week in and why?

i was so shy in 1985. and awkward. and so completely clueless. id like to do some of that over.

katie: if i blog about it…..will it come true?

has for me!

sass: What or whose smell are you most attracted to?

i like a little cigarette smoke in a girls hair.

anti: rank the top 5 most important news stories during the past week, and explain why you ranked them that way.

1. lakers world champs. what was it, like two years ago when kobe was asking to be traded? and phil is getting paid and he gets away with dating the bosses daughter. and somehow the lakers have gotten away with getting pau in that trade. and even without a totally healthy young stud center, the lakers have been to the finals twice in two years and last night finally won. its important for three reasons. it proves that phil can do it with only one full blown superstar. it proves that kobe can do it without shaq. and it proves that the nba isnt rigged – it was a boring fast finals and it wasnt kobe vs lebron.

2. More porn HIV cases disclosed. although the porn industry said there had only been 1 HIV case in the last 5 years, the LA County health department told the times that there have been at least 16. our total was 22. poor porn.

3. A hunt for Beau Brummell, at bargain prices. there are these stores everywhere claiming $99 suits or 3 suits for $299, etc. so steve lopez gets a $49 and $99 suit. funny video. and since we’re in the great depression, part two, its handy.

4. LAPD detective charged with capital murder. this makes her eligible for the death penalty if shes found guilty. death pentalty for a cop is mighty serious biz.

5. UCLA Undie Run: Who are you wearing? the future leaders of the world tell you what underwear they chose to flaunt drunkenly around their beautiful campus

Ali: 1. How does a sensitive, emotional scorpio girl harden herself to not be pushed around by work-related bullies? 2. What’s your favorite bedroom toy?

just know that emotion is inappropriate in the work place. my wii.

zona: have you ever been experienced?

dude. but the best thing about all that is this. real life is crazier and more beautiful and more vibrant than anything youre talking about. which isnt at all a diss to the subject.

katie: is rev run a real reverend? does it matter?

he is. it does. and its interesting that despite the fact that he helped contribute some classic music and timeless sounds, so many people i talk to mention the fact that he produced some super hot daughters.

timmay!!!!!: 1. have you seen what boston has done to new york this year?
yes, but – never mind
2. red sox-dodgers world series?
red sox – cubs, thank you
3. if so, who wins?
cubs sweep
4. favorite company in northern california?
my first computer was a IIc, ive had two ipods and three iphones, and im typing you front a macbook pro
5. wanna go see AC/DC in september?
yes but i think im seeing 10 other concerts in septemeber
6. fruits or vegetables?
the only fruit i like are bananas
7. why does san diego smell like whale vagina?
since i hold my nose at even the thought of that vile burg i never notice any aromas
8. did you know bigtanky is laughing right now?
ah what a beautiful thought
9. when you have bosses that keep giving you more and more work under impossible deadlines, what do you do?
listen to triumph: fight the good fight
10. have you ever been to japan?
no but when i was in sixth grade i was obsessed with Osaka for some reason.
11. did you read bill simmons latest column on ESPN?
no. west coast bias.

Butterfly Karma: Have you ever gone to Burning Man? If you haven’t, would you ever consider it?

i have always been curious about burning man. from what i hear youre supposed to be naked and wasted for three days, which i could probably adjust to, but that music is damn near the worst thing humans have ever created. not water bottles, not plastic grocery bags, not global warming: electronica. if they had a hard rock heavy metal burning man – you know, actual music – id be right there.

pitt: what gives?

the weak

g/d: sooner or later leaving Montreal for the fine, fine arts scene. what do you think New York or L.A?

ive been to new york a few times. one time i met a girl at a meet up, got kissed on the cheek by roommates, and spent the night with one of them. ive seen cool bands there, met famous people, drank all night – and loved it. but LA is my lady. probably because of the punk rock to fine arts ratio.

you asked, im answering!

and im thanking you for your questions

Sarah: Who do you love more? Lakers or Clippers? Favorite player?

i loved the Lakers when Shaq was there but now that its Kobes team im way more into the Clippers. i like underdogs. therefore i love the clip show. and im stoked they have Baron Davis now.

Gage: What would the title of your autobiography be? What do you think your last girlfriend would title a biography about you?

“y not” would be my title. my last girlfriend would probably want my bio to be “be glad hes dead.”

BobD: What are your Top 3 all-time sports afros?

1. Jose Cardenal
2. Artis Gilmore
3. ABA-era Dr. J.

Sharp: Do you remember many of your dreams when you wake up?

i hate dreams. theyre lies told to you at your most vulnerable. and i hate lies. i struggle with people trusting me, i struggle with trusting others, therefore lies are the worst to me. dreams are never good. if its a good dream and you wake you feel like crap cuz youre not a gazillionare. if you had a bad dream youre pissed cuz you were all, why did i hafta go through that? therefore i have sorta trained myself not to dream and i am very happy about it. sometimes a few seconds of the dream will come through but it gets squashed and forgotten within seconds.

Ashley: Cute picture! Ok anyway, why do you think most people think being friends with an ex is an impossibility and/or pointless?

i am friends with many of my exes. some are harder than others cuz theyre married or with boyfriends and i still have feelings for them. the single ones work out way better. all relationships are a unique dynamic, its hard to box any relationship in with others.

jon: What sort of stuff do bpower pitch’n loggers on the top of thier game do on vacation anyway?

we blog. me, im gonna write a How to Blog at the LA Times manual on my vacation. boring but soemthing i need to do. and i cant do it at work.

sass: What makes apple juice more superior than other juices?

apple is smooth and sweet and without pulp. its mellow and beautiful and mostly watery. it doesnt overwhelm. it invites you to chug. its as good cold as it is warm as it is hot. only girls from canada can also claim that.

Ali: What do you think of all these bands from the 70’s/80’s who have reunited recently? Is it for the music or just a nostalgic cash-in?

im sure lots of the reasons they do it is for the money. if it was for the music theyd do more experimental stuff, maybe some country albums, some free jazz, and my favorite bluegrass. still waiting on that bluegrass record from the reunited Police.

Keira-Anne: What are your dealbreakers when it comes to chicks? And what made the weirdest chick you ever [were passionate with] so weird?

life is short. if a girl wants to fight too much, or isnt interested in being physical, or doesnt want to have fun, then im totally ok with her being some other guy’s problem. maybe she is just reacting poorly to me, in which case shes better off with someone who she actually wants to have her clothes ripped off by. people should be with others who they wanna be passionate with. theres too many other folks out there for me to play games and fight with.

im usually the weird one in the relationship. all the women who have wanted to get naked with me are complete angels. i was the freak. they all ruled and if they were soldiers would be eligible for combat pay.

T-star: What are your top 5 dream jobs if qualifications, history, time, and salary were no object?

well, i currently am employed in my dream job, so here is what theyd be if i was suddenly separated from what i currently do.

1. manager of the cubs
2. blogger at the playboy mansion
3. blogger at the white house
4. commissioner of baseball
5. Old Style beer vendor, left field bleachers

Mike: Dear Tony, Will the Yanks sign CC?

probably. and i hope they choke choke on him.

timmay!!!!!: why do people still give an f about rob lowe?

people dont. but he lives in a place that just caught fire in a spectacular manner. i think they care way more about robert downey jr. just wait till his neighborhood finds itself ablaze.

Aaron: 2fer, Is it me, or is the poppy in your sidebar slowly wilting? Does Raymi sometimes have too many pictures/embeds in her blog? (Firefox has crashed the last 3 times I went to check it)

you caught me! raymi does everything perfectly. there are never too many pics of canadas finest blogger! if your FF crashes dont blame raymi blame your cheap RAM. speaking of RAM is cheap buy more of it.

your answers to ask tony

butthole - parks and rec

in living color

Will Campbell: Can I be invited to your birthday party next year? I know I’m 45 years older than you and not hip or a chick and hot and stuff, but I promise not to act my age. And buy a couple rounds.

will youre one of the few who have stuck by the busblog in a loyal way. you never sold me out, you never betrayed my trust, you never said dumb crap, you never wrote stupid nonsense. you were there on my side when i was up, you were there when i was down. i dont know why you didnt think you werent invited to my birthday last week, but even though you think you are the things that you are, you can most definately come to my next bday party. and only buy one round.

timmay!!!!! i’m changing “ask tony” to “ask hef” and asking you to ask him what other publications he reads … and, for christ’s sake, don’t let him answer all of them!

timmay i froze up when i met hef. in a major way. yours was a great question. a perfect question. if my mind was working right or if i had the good sense to write down the questions like a pro i woulda asked it, but to be honest i couldnt really believe i was even going to the mansion again, let a lone ask mr hefner a question let alone as many as i wanted. they didnt let everyone who was there ask questions but they asked me and i blew it. there will be video later, but you’ll see, your boy had his chance and fell on his face.

zona: do you think newspapers have any business endorsing candidates? and if not, will you tell your boss?

if i ever come off as pretending to know what newspapers should do then you know im full of it. luckilly for you me and the great city of los angeles i was not hired to work on any aspect of the newspaper, so i dont tell them what to do and they dont tell me what to do with the blogs.

heres what i know about the fourth estate though. fourth estate is supposed to call it like it sees it. many papers including the LAT and the Chicago Trib havent endorsed a candidate for president in decades. i do know that its risky to both buck tradition and tempt people to pigeonhole you once you step out and say “we think this dude is better than that dude”, but the fourth estate is supposed to be courageous.

LA Times endorsed obama and mccain back in the primaries when neither were leading their party’s races. that took courage. therefore i was glad that they kept doing what they thought was the right thing.

The WordSlinger: Who is the better poet–Walt Whitman or Emily Dickinson?

those are two of the most differnet poets you coulda picked. one was totally free the other lived in almost abject isolation. one wrote and wrote and wrote the other took her time and plotted each line with precision. youd think that a free spirit in appearance like me would lean toward the wildman, but emily dickinson is one of my favorites of all time. because life isnt fair, if she was around today, no one would care about her at all. shed probably have a blog though, and i would probably send her dirty gmails to try to maker blush.

anti: Do any of the Times’ blogs with a twitter have a good CTR rate? oh and what is the rate, and if its not so good, what value do you think a twitter account bring one’s blog?

Top of the Ticket has about 900 people following them on Twitter. we only really just started using that technology. its hard to say whats a good CTR off 900 since The Ticket will probably get 4 million pageviews this month, so anything off that twitter feed is gonna be a drop in the bucket compared to the huge success that blog is. when people tell you that no one reads the LA Times any more. tell them they dont know one thing about anything, particularly our audience.

macbond: What does it take to get a date with Danielle K?

Danielle is a fragile butterfly. shes as pretty as ever. shes as smart as ever. shes as funny as i first met her and shes more worthy than ever. she wants and deserves everything. when she falls for a man she dives in head first. it might freak out the fakers but she will reward the man with courage like no other.

ask the homeless what it takes to get a date with her. or the rich man. or the pro golfer. ask the surfer or the bar owner or the coffee shop typer. all it takes is the right hair the right eyes the right vibe. the hard part is the second date. but thats the one where you might see heaven.

Phaedra: sa-weet. But the question everyone wants to know, but isn’t asking – did ya get some at the playboy mansion?

only one man got some that night at the mansion. and i’ll give you 82 guesses as to who that gentleman was.

David: will greg oden be as good as they say or did portland get burned? and…a five song playlist to ease sunday morning hangovers?

odens a bust. you can see it in his eyes. plus hes too big. you have to start off solid to make it as a big man in this league. ask michael olowokandi. ask theo ratcliff. ask kwame. ask joe smiff. thats where i see oden. someone who bounces around the league for a little while. sparkle here sparkle there but no big thang.

ying yang twins – whisper song
jesus and mary chain – sometimes always
sonic youth – incinerate
velvet underground – sunday morning
bob marley – three little birds
hank sr. – long gone lonesome blues
bob dylan – froggie went a courtin
katie melua – just like heaven
pixies – gigantic
ac/dc – ride on
tsar – silver shifter
zwan – honestly
the replacements – if only you were lonely
charlie louvin – when i stop dreamin
ting tings – traffic light
smashing pumpkins – landslide
tom waits – innocent when you dream
matthew good – odette
arcade fire – no cars go
flaming lips – evil will prevail
the police – wrapped around your finger
matthew sweet – this moment
nirvana – dumb (unplugged)
weezer – island in the sun
mariah carey – shake it off
foo fighters – tiny dancer
cat power – living proof
bruce springsteen – open all night
ice cube – today was a good day
madonna – music
dinosaur jr. – get me
prince – when 2 r in love
ben lee – im with the star
digital underground – kiss you back
the wonderfuls – la winter rain
janes addiction – janes says
cypress hill – hits from the bong
lynyrd skynyrd – tuesdays gone
the eagles – peaceful easy feeling
randy newman – simon smith and his amazing dancing bear
r.e.m. – seven chinese brothers
grateful dead – uncle johns band
led zeppelin – all of my love
the cars – moving in stereo
ugly kid joe – mr record man
pink floyd – dark side (minus the alarm clocks)
velvet underground – femme fatale

xtx: can we Freaky Friday each other so I can go to the mansion and you can stay home and have family movie night watching The Hulk?

yes i love ed norton and if i had to freaky friday with anyone itd be you.

sass: Which side of the bed do you sleep on?

when i sleep alone i sleep next to the window cuz i love that fresh air and i cant believe that in late october we get to sleep with the windows open.

when i sleep with a lady i sleep on her side of the bed. i do my best to smother her. some dont like that. too bad. some hate it. they end up leaving before the dawns early light. some love it and theres a nocturnal fight to see who will gain dominance. those are the girls i love best. its a sweaty win win.

Questions from the greatest people in the world:

busblog readers

and answers from the worst man of all, tony pierce

this one goes out to melissa gluck of Curbed LA who i falsely accused of something and i was so wrong and im so sorry and i hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me:

1. World Peace, Legalized Weed, or a live Bukowski reading? Why?
The WordSlinger

If weed was legal there’d be a LOT more peace and it would inspire the next generation of great writers and poets and losers to bang out a few more books. Or it would simply inspire them to bang more.

2. Are you sad that something came up and I couldn’t see you in :LA?
Michael (aka Azreal Darkskies)

To be honest, im usually very nervous about meeting fans of the busblog because im afraid i cannot ever possibly live up to the personae that ive created. so i was probably quite relieved.

3. When will you come to Chicago and sit in the bleachers with me and drink warm Old Style?
Bob

As tempting as you make it sound, you’ll have to wait till next year. I’m trying to save the world over here.

4. this has been bothering me for quite some time. i would like to know why, at the end of the day, when i have consumed nothing more than cereal and coffee, my sink is overflowing with dishes, YET AGAIN. all i ever do is the fucking dishes and here they are again, night after night, CONSTANTLY MOCKING ME FROM MY DISGUSTING SINK.

it never ends. please help.
murl

if you do them it only encourages them. i mock them by eating fast food and cooking using paper bowls and plastic forks. when the sink starts stinking i say oh yeah? and cut a fart and light it.

5. Why do girls seem a little bit accessible everywhere else?
Sycz

Girls hate local boys. proven fact. always be on the road. always be traveling. always be leaving home and make them miss you, and stay away far too long and before you return demand that they welcome you back – properly. and if they agree and then dont fulfill their end of the bargain, stop talking to them forever and share their secrets with the world in upcoming books.

6. why do people forget that i have been blogging longer than you, is it because you are more of a whore opportnist or just a whore? when are you going to grow some hair back? when are you going to stop saying baby? it makes my skin crawl haha.
raymi

1) b/c youre a woman 2. b/c youre canadian 3. b/c i was web-siteing before you were blogging, baby. and ps thats not your skin crawling thats your juices flowing and i appreciate the compliment.

7. Will you come to Vancouver on September 20th for the Matt Good show to hang out with all the cool people and hotties you met in Vegas?
Jennie

that day is my mommys birthday and the things i would do with the hotties i met in vegas i would never do on my mommys birthday

8. Would ya?
Ciavarro

in canada theres very little i wouldnt do cuz it doesnt count up there. except cocaine. i would never do that there.

9. why the fuck not?
timmay!!!!!

ok fine, you talked me into it.

bush cheney lincoln10. How overrated is grad school?
John

if it allows you to become a professor at UC Isla Vista it’s perfectly-rated. if its just a way to avoid the world for a few years as you bang undergrads, repeatedly. wait what were we talking about?

11. When will TSAR rule the world?
Why are chicks so whacked?
Why is Bush still in office?
Who is your favorite candidate?
How is your carpal tunnel?
Do you ever tire of writing?
Chris C

when fear is thru with its turn, if i got cramps and bled once a month id be way worse than any chick i ever met, dumb constitution, ron paul 08, 90% cleared up thank you!, writing is the same as beating off and taking recordbreaking shits and i love all three equally – infact this week i wrote write my 2,000th post on LAist

12. How much better is Canadian weed?
Would you rather stay sober than smoke a shitty bowl?
Michael (aka Azreal Darkskies)

not to burst your bubble but it wasnt better than the weed i normally smoke, but it was way funner to get in vancouver, mostly because it was from the hells angels, and the process was very quick and organized. just like naked girls, if you cant make something good out of a bowl of weed then you probably should go back to defending george bush because youre clearly not playing this game correctly.

when you have a pity party – do you invite god? cuz you kinda know what he’s gonna say.
Adriel

if theres one thing i avoid its negativity. oh and success. however when i have been very sad i have been enlightened while in prayer. its only happened a few times but its amazing. i sorta avoid those moments too cuz theyre super freaky.

apple macbook prowhat happened to malingering on laist?
Rob F

everyone deserves a summer vacation. especially her.

Jesus comes back and says “Tony? You need to run the L.A. Times’ sports section.” What do you do in the first 100 days?
Matt Welch

the first day id say, but i wanted to run the playboy mansion blog squad.
the second day id say, but id rather work with melissa lalum at the Daily News
the third day id say, wait just because i need to run it doesnt mean i have the gig
the fourth day id say, oh great thanks for giving me the gig, didnt want it
the fifth day id say, how did i end up here on spring street, what happened to free will?
the sixth day id say, its saturday why am i still at work?
the seventh day id rest
the eighth day id fire everyone except helene elliott
the ninth day id rehire the transexual Christine and apologize for firing her
the tenth day id hire Steve Czaban to cover Gaucho Hoops
the eleventh day id hire Scott Ferrell to do the Lunchtime Podcast of Hate
the twelfth day id hire twelve maids a milking
the thirteenth day id write a column about Bud Selig being a racist
the fourteenth day id stop covering the Angels until they cut the shit about being the LA Angels
the fifteenth day id hire Snoop Dogg to do whatever he willzle

there would be a guest sports columnist every day from the world of sport or entertainment. id let kids cover the X Games, like 13 yrs old and under. Sundays would be Ladies Day, all stories written by the fairer sex. sorry HR dept.

there would be so much multimedia live, on-the-spot reporting in the online arm (Jesus would let me run the sports portion of LATimes.com too cuz he Loves me) with videos AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE and not that retardulious LA Times propriety video bullshit that doesnt let you embed and spread the genius thru wacky things like the blogosphere, that it would dominate the world.

i would allow the Laker Girls to write tons. i would demand that Phil Jackson tell us about spirituality and office politics every Saturday during the off season. i would also abuse our local national treasures by picking their brains AT LEAST once a week. those treasures being of course Tommy Lasorda, Vin Scully, Magic Johnson, and Mr. John Wooden. all of whom we’re lucky are still alive so we should celebrate them now and not wait until its too late for long ass bullshit obits and special sections when Jesus offers them new jobs in the sky.

38 Questions For Your Ass Meme

1. What is your full name now? Tony Pierce III

2. What color trousers are you wearing? Blue jeans. I’m a crappy dresser.

3. What are you listening to right now? Bill Monroe – All the Classic Releases

4. What was the last thing you ate? I’m currently eating a bananna thank you.

5. Do you wish on stars? Yes, I wish they’d eat healthier.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? was Burnt Sienna a color?

7. How is the weather right now? hot and smokey

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? my best friend Chris

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? how can’t you like the hottest black chick in Holland?

10. How old are you today? 111, but i will be 112 in 23 days.

11. Favorite soft drink? Diet Dr. Pepper

12. Favorite sport? usually checking out tourist girls at venice beach, but with this Yankess Red Sox series about to start, I’d have to say baseball.

13. Hair color? bald

14. Siblings? 2.

15. Favorite food? Beefaroni. When will Chef Boyardi get his shot on the Iron Chef?!

16. What was the last movie you saw? Corpse Bride – great images, a few good jokes, dumb songs

17. Favorite day of the year? Opening Day.

18. What was your favorite toy as a child? Nerf Basketball, and my APBA cards.

19. Summer or winter? Theres only one season here in LA and I love it.

20. Hugs or kisses? Hugs can be confusing. So kisses.

21. Chocolate or Vanilla? These are the silliest questions. Of course chocolate. You dont give your sweetie a box of vanillas.

22. Do you want your friends to email you back? I want them to post this on their blogs like normal people.

23. Who is most likely to respond? Raymi.

24. Who is least likely to respond? Flagrant.

25. Living arrangements? I live alone in Hollywood trying to keep up the myth of the modern american bachelor.

26. When was the last time you cried? when the Cubs lost to the Marlins in the playoffs a few years ago.

27. What is under your bed? suitcases, baseball cards, baseball cleats, tons of magazines of all sorts.

28. Who is the friend you have had the longest? my man bobby d. since kindegarden.

29. What did you do last night? I watched Survivor, Love Inc, Stankervison, tuesday’s Real World, and Al Franken. And i talked to Chris as she smoked cigarettes.

30. Favorite TV shows? Lost, Love Inc., the Daily Show, and Real Time with Bill Maher.

31. What are you afraid of? going to Hell.

32. Plain, buttered or salted popcorn? evenly buttered and perfectly salted. the best way i have found is to get one of those little flat boxes and dump the popcorn in there, then butter it, then salt it. the bag never works cuz you get all that butter and salt in your first few handfuls and then nothing in the middle or bottom.

33. Favorite car? 82 Vette.

34. Favorite Flower? Gerbers are very flowery.

35. Number of keys on your key ring? 3. house key, car key, PO Box key.

36. Favorite vacations? when i was just about to turn 21 i flew to europe alone and took trains around for a month. id like to do that again one day.

37. Three Bloggers who don’t blog enough: Awww! Great Question!!! Anti, Leah, T-star

38. Six friends who you are tagging: Flagrant + Jenny (id have also picked matt but he’s too busy with his day job) + Bunny + Heather + Emmanuelle + xTx

end of the year questionaire

1. What did you do in 2003 that you’d never done before?

shaved all my hair off

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

sorta. yes.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

yes, mr. jeff solomon, who once was a business partner of mine, and who is currently the lead bass player in my favorite band, and his love, the amazing and talented erin of the walnut creek johnsons.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

ive always felt very close to johnny cash.

5. What countries did you visit?

i think i went to mexico.

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?

a redhead

7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

4/20: first time i got so drunk i completely forgot what i had done


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

marrying bonnie and charlie

9. What was your biggest failure?

not capitalizing on the la times calling this blog the most entertaining blog in la.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

i think i was sick for two days.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

my 230-hour directv tivo

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

my true love was on fire this year

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

steve bartman, the jackass who ruined everything for the cubs

14. Where did most of your money go?

savings. 🙂

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

i had a great idea for a dream job that nearly came true

16. What song will always remind you of 2003?

take it off, the donnas

one year old tony17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

probably the same

ii. thinner or fatter?

8 lbs thinner!

iii. richer or poorer?

richer!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

i wish i had written more. specifically the xxx novel.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

i hate to say it, but reading almost every webpage that i could find.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

with karisa, drunk, full, wet.

22. Did you fall in love in 2003?

nearly every day.

23. How many one night stands?

they all came back at least once, baby.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?

the howard stern show on e!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

just one person: mr. steve bartman.

26. What was the best book you read?

moneyball

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

the dynomite local outfit: the corvids, athen georgia’s drive-by truckers, and the poormans jesus and mary chain: the ravonettes

28. What did you want and get?

i wanted to succeed a job i wasnt qualified for that would push me to my limits. i succeeded. bitches.

29. What did you want and not get?

the cubs to win the world series.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

lost in translation

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

i went to a strip club with my true love, ate pf changs, and then a curvy brunette did me. 110.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

a job offer from Playboy

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?

dumbass who probably doesnt even speak english

34. What kept you sane?

dsl, dss, chris, liana, karisa (pictured)

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

xtina

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

lies about going to war typically stir me

37. Who did you miss?

ashley

38. Who was the best new person you met?

travis k. smiley, junior secret agent at the xbi

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003.

rush limbaugh does way more drugs than i do.

40. What was the best thing to happen to the web this year?

Buzznet

41. Who did you steal this from?

bettiegirl

42. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

heres the whole song, which came out in 2003 even though the cd wont be out till 2004

Tsar

Star Time

Hollywood Records

(whalen)

LA is the place to be, and if it aint as shocking as it used to be

take the bullet out your head

put it back in the gun

get your finger on the trigger

welcome, everybody, to the city of sound

they feast on the defeated

turn the city around

all they want to do is get up on your action.

let em go.

my brothers are all proud rockers

wild and aloof and trippin on acid.

my sisters are all stun stunners

wired to the roof and rolling on adam.

baby you live like a suicide

hell, somebody’s got to stand up and die

well, i think i live down in hollywood

never liked no fraud who wastes his money for food

for fifteen-minute freaks

to fan the flannel flame

cuz he used you, man.

come on,

pass the pipe and take the test

cuz youre the young lee harvey

man, you’re david koresh,

and if you dont dig that

why dont you go home

and watch some tivo, fucker

my sisters are all nice rockers

shoes to the roof, and looking up at my way.

my brothers are all jean-cutters,

glued to the tube and jumping like an osprey.

the hey hey never let me down

they love the sound of it getting around

and we say, oh

american girl

fill my heart with gladness, lord

you gotta save my soul

clean my mouth of sadness,

lord

my brothers are all proud rockers

trippin on acid.

my sisters are all stun stunners

rolling on Adam.

x2

wash these devils off

star time

rock n roll

make up your mind

to this world, come on,

get ready to let it rock on

star time

we’ll steal the show

so many miles to goooooooo

and let it rock on

get ready

to let it

rock on

x3

fimoculous + leah + gweilo diaries

people ask me all the time about love advice.


i find it tiresome. so heres how to do it now and i dont want to talk about it for another year.

there are three vital parts to Any relationship. sexual or otherwise. trust, honest communication, and the desire for the relationship to exist.

first, the desire. if one of you isnt really 100% into it, theres going to be major problems. people forget how important it is to start at the begining. but this is the beginning “do i want this?” if you dont its over. if youre unsure, its over.

next comes honest communication. its easy to be honest when things are going good. you know you have honest communication when during the rough parts youre able to say the hard things. like, fuck you ho. or this sucks whats going on… or i love you, get your ass over here. if you think you have honest communications count how many secrets youre keeping. if you have a bunch, youre not really comminicating. if one of them is that you used to be a man, then maybe you have issues with the last part

trust. this one is at times the easiest and the hardest. its the easiest when youre trusting 100%. its the hardest when youre trusting 99%. the general rule around the xbi, on duty at least, is trust should never be an issue. you should never have to think about it. it just is. you shouldnt have to think when you answer a question, you shouldnt have to think when you ask one. you just Know that the other person knows that what youre saying is important to the sanctity of the relationship: theres no deception up their sleeve, theres no digging going on, theres no evil. its just words that lead to honest communication that sustains the relationship that both parties want.

with that said, some general standbys are: long distance relationships are for people afraid of real commitment, definately dump your high school sweetheart when you go off to college, dating sisters and twins is only for experts, use a condom every single time, theres something to be said of astrology and of a girl who will go down on you when youre watching the lakers.

other than that youre on your own.

good luck suckers,

tony

dub symphony + the sound of euphoria + jimn

fun with old emails

today we will start a new feature where we dig through old emails sent to me, take them out of context, slightly, get rid of the beginnings and ends, and put them next to a picture of a wild animal.

oh, and not mention who they were from.

consider this project #1, specially processed for your sweet asses

Dear Tony,

You know what might help is those paraffin wax dips. Like at a manicurists.

Bet that would feel good.

Speaking of Bukkake, did you read today, I was aghast, good stuff

So u going to write full time??!

Maybe you need more rest, or get your girl to type for you.

I’d do it for you

if I was your girl.

And I’d make sure you spelt all the words right too.

Cause I’m just that kind of girl

Arrrgh, tomorrow is QOTSA (I think it’s at Palladium?)! But you have to come by with Karisa after the gallery opening.

Whereabouts is it?

The Argyle is on Sunset.

Traffic is off the hook! Biggest day so far! 400 between noon yesterday and

today.! Fuck me!

Saturday we are going to see Puppetry of the Penis at the Coronet. You have

to check out their website. Looks hilarious!

No! You rule!

I just posted a pic

Tell me quick if I should take it down

I think it’s funny

the blog of the century of the week

jay asks

harry caray kissing hillary clinton

jay asks: Tony, great post. But what’s with the loathing of Bob Costas?

Seriously.

Fair question, Jay. I despise Costas because i worry about the kids.

I don’t want children to see and hear Bob Costas and think that it’s okay to simultaneously nostalgize and sterilize popular sports and culture in such a way that you never want to look at it again for what it is: a child’s game played by immigrants who wouldn’t get a job wiping puke off of porcelain if it wasn’t for an abnormal pituitary gland, or in the case of baseball, defection.

Bob Costas has taken the lively art of calling a ball game and dragged it into the drab dens of middle america mediocrity. He’s as exciting as an acorn, as spontaneous as a tugboat, as lively as a hangnail. if he were a fish he’d be a white fish. a dead, odorless, forgettable one.

In a world of 31 flavors Costas asks for vanilla yogurt in a cup.

He makes Vin Scully sound like John Madden, Oprah sound like Ozzy, he gives milquetoast a bad name, he neither wears boxers or briefs for underneath his clothes are simply wires and switches and tube amps.

The French laugh at Jerry Lewis and Jerry Lewis laughs at whoever the idiot was who put Costas on tv. I’d call him a demon from hades but evil is usually interesting. he’s an antidote to insomnia and the only cure for the flu because not even a virus can stand to listen to more than a hour of Costas droning on about “The Mick” or Stan “The Man”, they wince like children do when their uncles talk about the war or how Hilburn writes about Bob Dylan.

you’ll never see Costas sitting in a dunk tank at a fair because real baseball fans would fake throw and bum rush the tank and ruthlessly drown this ill like a frothing dog.

Bob Costas was raised in the Ozzie and Harriet world of baby booming Brooklyn and embodies every sad stereotype therein. My spite only intensifies when I realize that he grew up blessed to listen to the rickety calls of Mel Allen broadcasting for the Yankees and, if he was smart, Harry Caray broadcasting for the Cardinals on the radio.

I bristle because the Good Lord sent down an angel when He gave us all Harry, a man who could drink beer and broadcast a game and it sounded like a real man drinking a beer and calling a game.

When in St. Louis Harry was hired by Auggie Busch who owned the local brewery famous for Budweiser. Mr. Busch told Harry that he admired his work, that he knew that he was the best baseball announcer in the game, and that all of St. Louis was his and he could work for the Cardinals for as long as he lived as long as he didn’t marry any of his daughters.

Harry shook the man’s hand and promptly married the youngest and prettiest of Mr. Busch’s three daughters and was immediately fired.

Would Bob Costas marry anyone’s daughter like that? Don’t hold your breath.

Harry went on to broadcast all over the midwest, making a home for himself on the South Side of Chicago. Known as the Mayor of Rush Street because he was often spotted drinking with the locals on the popular street known for its taverns.

“Booze, broads and bullshit. If you got all that, what else do you need?” Harry was once quoted. He lived his word. He was not only the keeper of the flame he was the reason for the fire.

If the White Sox were playing and Harry was broadcasting for them and the fans were drunk and the game was nearly over and one of the weak hitting infielders popped up to end the inning, you could hear it in his voice. Like a wind-up toy that needed a few turns. “Ahhh, that wouldn’t a been a home run in a telephone booth,” he’d say, utterly depressed. A fan at the mic! What a concept.

caray and costas

Harry Caray is the reason that we sing the 7th Inning stretch at Wrigley Field with the enthusiasm that we do. In the ’80s, in order to garner more revenue, new owner Jerry Reinsdorf told Harry that they were going to put a bunch of Sox games on Pay-Per-View only. Harry said that baseball was meant for the average fan and most average fans couldn’t afford pay per view for everyday baseball games, so he quit and joined the Cubs.

Would Costas make such a stand? If he did would anyone see him?

Once I saw a Cubs game where Harry broadcasted the game from the left field bleachers. He brought two ice chests with him. One full of beer and the other full of more beer. He had a paper scorecard and two pencils. Where’s Bob Costas’s two chests of beer?

Harry had glasses as thick as a steak. He had a tongue the size of texas. His lips were big and he was shorter than you think, and the first time I saw him he had on a checkerboard suit with a red dress shirt, white tie, white pants, and white shoes. i said are you heading out anywhere after the game all dressed up like that? he said, son, i’m heading out everywhere all dressed up like this. might even make it to your house if the light’s on.”

and he laughed and everyone around him laughed and his breath didn’t smell like booze it smelled of life.

i bet you a million bucks that bob costas’s breath smells like bologna.

harry handed me back my baseball and it said Holy Cow Harry Caray on it.

know what it says if you get NBC’s golden boy autograph on your lucky day?

it says bob.

but the worst thing that Costas has done, jay, is mess up the bell curve. he has made it okay for announcers to be soulless and bland and average and background filler. fakers like jack buck’s son, and harry’s grandson, step children of milo hamilton have polluted the airwaves with a lust for attention and a fear of life. corporations would never hire a man like Harry Caray when they could put their money on dull and hire a Bob Costas who would never get caught closing down a tavern buying a beer for a cop and chasing it down with a redhead.

People say that baseball has lost its edge because of spoiled players and high salaries and greedy owners, but i say it’s because the storytellers only want to read from the children’s library and live the lives of elves.

Rot in peas little man with all the potential in the world but sits on it like so many telephone books used for your pampered ass so you can see over the mic. All the vocabulary in the world but with no backbone to bring the game to life the way one would if chatting about it over a twelve pack in a basement.

That’s what Harry did.

In fact when Harry realized that he had accumulated a ton of cash from being the best there ever was, he and his wife Dutchie (they never divorced) decided that no one would be a better saloon owner than Harry, and they were right.

What would Costas open if he could? A candy store, I bet.

Filled with one flavor of bubblegum.