i said youre right, i studied everything

poetry just came out.

this is one called 22 fillmore that i wrote when i lived in frisco

“22 Fillmore”

jeff was working the express lane at the safe

way on market street when these

gunshots rang out seems these kids for

some reason ganged up on this electric

muni bus and started beating the windows with

sticks junior high school boys bashing the plexiglass

sending shivers of spider web type patterns

all over the people watched the european soccer

finals less than one block away and nobody looked

over this is today which is sunday and the little little kids

had just

cracked open the fire hydrant across from the accosted

bus

but these were different kids

little kids

cooling themselves from the uncommonly

hot san francisco weather.

yesterday we attended the

lesbian parade.

we saw roller skating lesbians

lesbians on stilts

lots of topless lesbians

some lesbians with absolute no clothes on

old lesbians lesbians in wheelchairs

most of the lesbians seemed fairly uncomfortable

hell i was fairly uncomfortable because i was stoned

and was trying to figure out exactly what was it that i was doing

at the lesbian parade.

the kids beating up the bus kept calling the bus driver out

yo motha fucka get the fuck out and get yo ass slapped

sometimes its

like the good lord just wrings as much youth as he can possibly

force and shoves it into some kids

as well as some adults

narciso was driving the bus

a handsome father of three and amazingly well groomed

and not just as compared to other bus drivers

but

narciso knew how to clean up.

gel in the hair, moustache trimmed daily

nose hairs

plucked

eyebrows

plucked

and if you could see through his driving gloves youd see

some of the most well manicured set of nails that youd

ever wanna see.

narciso took his gloves off on this hot sunday in june.

i hope you know i love you.

and reached into his coleman cooler

and retrieved

his three fifty seven magnum

unlocked the safety

and said

narciso you understand

was from spain but if you ever said to him oh hey narciso

i hear youre spanish

he’d say true yes true but i am basque

deatils motherfucka details

narciso was into details like nobodies business.

sure the lesbians were in town but so were the gays too

and people for some reason were known to jump to

immediate conclusions with narciso because of his

good looks, impeccable grooming habits

and sharp attention to details of all sorts

if you said narcisco i’ll see you at the burrito hut at seven

narciscos brut aftershave smelling ass was at the burrito hut

like at 6:58

no problem

no worries

there he is

the man of the hour.

but if you were late.

look out there brothaman.

antonio, seven is not 7:04

seven is not 7:15

seven is seven

narciso pointed that gun straight

at the lead kid who was calling him out

the kid was wearing a san fransico forty-niners

tshirt and long shorts that looked to be falling off

if narciso wanted to he could have shot that bullet

right between his eyes

narciso loved to shoot guns and loved the challenge of

absolute marksmanship.

loved it.

jeff was working the express lane when he heard

narciso put a three inch hole

in the four inch wide stick

that lead kid

was

holding

one half inch above the kids

hand

motha fuck that

narciso said

and pulled away

slowly

from the curb.

with a scream brave ulysees removed the pitchfork
from the throat of the son of a bitch from detroit

“eye dont understand why they still fuck with me
aint my name known and feared through these seven blue seas?”
The boat it did rock and the four winds were blowin
as in came a mighty big terrible storm.
the man from detroit from the deck he was thrown
and the spray and the rain on ulysees came down.
“Seaman Smith come up here, Dr. Know, up you too
i’ve got miserable news to unload upon you.
seems your wives they have written, untrue they have been,
paid that man there to row his boat here from Japan.
They’ve sold all of your cars
and theyve killed all your cows,
actioned off all your boys
then they burned down your house.
They’ve told all your secrets to all of your parents,
the pope, he found out, and annulled both your marriages.
How sad you must be, good men you are too,
but fight we must now, as therrrrres work we must do.
To the port we have pirates, on Acid theyre on,
starboard, fine women, the best to be found.
But we have only one cannon, and only one ball,
and, lo, in bad waters, tis certain death to us all.
but wait till you hear the worst news of the bunch:
in our cargo is condoms, and the girls just made lunch.
“I’m with you Brave captain,” Dr. Know he did pledge,
“I spit on the pirates and that son of the bitch.”
“And I,” declared Smith, and erect did he stand,
“A child I was born, but I must die a man.”
The pirates struck first, but the ball it did miss
but two more blasts came forth and they scored the first hits.
Ulysees, he tacked ‘gainst the old pirate ship
“Prepare ye to fight, boys. Prepare ye to live!
Though it means nothing to no one:
ask Doc and ask Smith,
we ride this ship once, and our lives they are quick,
as we ram these dull bastards, decide we of which:
Shall we howl our arrival or die sons of the bitch?”

The crew, beat and worn-out, were true men of the sea
as little as schoolboys they knew who theyd be,
from Hell and seawater they bounced in the waves
shrieking filth and poor tidings and pretty bad names.
And though their ship was a-sinking and doomed that it was
the men they stood proud as the rockets did buzz.
“If I thought we would die here, I’d shake your hands now,
but there’s women behind us, and that smells like good chow.
Fight on ye, me bastards, dont let one go unslayin
and stab every dead man, for they just may be playin.
Good luck to you all, to the rest happy sailing,”
were the last words brave Ulysees was ever heard sayin.

from the upcoming book Stiff +  nsfw version

“no one home but the stove and thats fixin to go out”

so who is this fair skinned boy with jacket so mellow

eyes lashed with dew drops and memories of finer times

he drinks so much pop hes gotta pee a lot

always a half burrito in the fridge and some new scratch hes

gotta itch

and i want you

my numbers in the book says she and smiles back so effortless

he looks like shit always has its almost a game now

he wants to be as fat as a cow

he wants to sleep all tangled with you

and he wonders where you are and what you do and what you

know

write him he lives in san francisco

hed rather read what you write

hed read your shit all night

its tough going through your second teenagehood

staying up all night getting in dumb fights

he said im gonna say this once and forever hold my peace

if you ask pretty please i’ll give you a peice

and love and lust are sitting dangling their feets

fishin

kissin cousins thrice removed and im gonna remove so much

youre gonna stare at the strokes and not see

theres no one here but me

and whats inside of me

burrito and love and pop and pee

annika + + whitey

but theyre easy and insta would never do them so here:

LAYER ONE:

— Name: dumbass

— Birth date: rocktober 22

— Birthplace: our nations capital

— Current Location: hollywood

— Eye Color: black

— Hair Color: black

— Height: 5’10”

— Righty or Lefty: green

— Zodiac Sign: libra/scorpio

LAYER TWO:

— Your heritage: american

— The shoes you wore today: just socks

— Your weakness: morning blogging

— Your fears: theyve all been realized

— Your perfect pizza: ginos east with sausage & pepperoni

— Goal you’d like to achieve: retrieving my mojo

LAYER THREE:

— Your most overused phrase on AIM: im 110

— Your first waking thoughts: i love howard stern

— Your best physical feature: hands

— Your most missed memory: huh?

LAYER FOUR:

— Pepsi or Coke: diet pepsi

— McDonald’s or Burger King: kfc

— Single or group dates: im not that kinky – single

— Adidas or Nike: f nike and their sweatshops

— Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: long island

— Chocolate or vanilla: both, as often as possible

— Cappuccino or coffee: that junk is for adults

LAYER FIVE:

— Smoke: only in amsterdam

— Cuss: never

— Sing: horribly

— Take a shower everyday: not on weekends unless i have a date

— Do you think you’ve been in love: dozens of times

— Want to go to college: my favorite 7 yrs were spent there, why not

— Liked high school: sorta

— Want to get married: definately

— Believe in yourself: only when im drunk

— Get motion sickness: rarely

— Think you’re attractive: nope

— Think you’re a health freak: i wash my hands a lot

— Like thunderstorms: of course

— Play an instrument: made a girl sing today

LAYER SIX: In the past month…

— Drank alcohol: duh

— Smoked: double duh

— Done a drug: triple duh

— Made Out: quadruple duh

— Gone on a date: hmmm, not sure id call them dates

— Gone to the mall?: no

— Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: they come in bags

— Eaten sushi: of course, oh wait do you mean, then hell no.

— Been on stage: yes but the cameras were off

— Been dumped: if you dont get said no to youre not risking

— Gone skating: im old, no

— Made homemade cookies: havent workd the oven in a year

— Dyed your hair: ha!

LAYER SEVEN: Ever…

— Played a game that required removal of clothing: but of course

— If so, was it mixed company: but of course

— Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: but of course

— Been caught “doing something”: people honked from below, so yes

— Been called a tease: hmmm

— Gotten beaten up: lets just say i was outnumbered

— Shoplifted: never

— Changed who you were to fit in: only for business

LAYER EIGHT:

— Age you hope to be married: 125

— Numbers and Names of Children: 10, angus, pete, jimi, lefty, george foreman, prince, ilka, pierce, ae, michaelangelo, mary

— Describe your Dream Wedding: on the cliffs of isla vista

— How do you want to die: slowly

— Where you want to go to college: i do have a terrible memory, but i believe i already went to college

— What do you want to be when you grow up: tall

— What country would you most like to visit: finland

LAYER NINE:

— Number of drugs taken illegally: only one at a time

— Number of people I could trust with my life: trust is my middle name, my mom just spelled it funny

— Number of CDs that I own: thousands and thousands

— Number of piercings: just my last name is pierced

— Number of tattoos: its against the good book, so none

— Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: hundreds and hundreds

— Number of scars on my body: several

— Number of things in my past that I regret: less than five

— Who did you get this from: Bluecad

and she came back with a sweet photo essay.

cubs didnt lose today.

because it was april fools i made up this great story that was somewhat believable and wrote it in an email and sent it to karisa.

she didnt write back all day.

then i wrote her back to see if she was super disappointed in me.

she wrote back and said she wasnt disappointed but for me not to write her back for the rest of the day because she would be “busy”.

then i wrote her back and said april fools.

and she said that i sucked, cuz i got her good.

so then tonight chris called me and i was telling her the story, and chris was believing the story before i could tell her that it was an april fools story, so i kept telling it.

and at one point i told it so well that chris choked on her sushi.

and then i said

april fools.

and she laughed and called me a bastard.

theres a twenty year old marine reservist who now wants to claim that he is a conscientious objector.

im a pacifist but if anyone has to fight in the war, it ought to be that dude, for being an idiot.

i went to bed early, i hope mike tyson on jimmy kimmel got tivoed.

before i did, heres a poem. people sometimes write in and ask me if i have written any good new poems. the answer is no. so heres an old one with a new picture. i changed the title and one line to make it more politically correct.

the consonation is lost, but i feel better with it.

tina + bunnie