crapped out on me the other night and i was going to bring it to frys for an exchange or a refund but the super dooper hot chick who was over last night (not pictured) did me three times but refused to drive me to an electronics store, woe is me.

then all of a sudden it worked again so now i am frantically burning dvds of all my favorite porn vhs tapes before it stops working.

meanwhile im listening to 103.1 LA’s Independent which WILL NOT for any reason stop playing pearl jam. they just this minute segued from bob marleys “redemption song” to “spin the black circle”. why? why would you do that?

they also seem quite infactuated with the pretenders. last night we were trying to get it on and they put on “middle of the road”. i was scared that limbaugh was about to come on and tell us this whole new alternative radio station was just a big fakeout.

now its the police “born in the 50s”. now this i can live with. infact i love it. classic rock isnt gonna play that. kroq isnt.

a niche has been found on radio, america. its incredible!

ive had this thing on since nine this morning.

karisa called me from vegas asking what i was doing, i told her i was listening to the radio.

she said 103.1

i said yep.

i was thinking what it could be like to be any better. they could tell you what song you just heard, thats for sure.

but i dont want djs. pornstars maybe. politicians, celebrities, homeless, kids. but by all means no djs.

right now its got no commercials which is mighty awesome. they have all the music in the world to choose from. they did a velvets song. i heard public enemy. i could use a smidge more hip hop. believe it or not, but not so much nirvana. maybe some live tracks.

they played kiss me on the bus last night as we got home.

nearly died.

im putting pics from last year that i didnt use on my buzznet deal + chelle + wormhog

happy holidays.

i miss you.

thank you for the invite to the pink cookies christmas party. i think i want to go. i should say i know i want to go but i think i will actually go, which is weird cuz i dont go to anything except tsar shows.

why havent i seen you at many tsar shows?

why havent we hung out more?

is it cuz im straight edge now?

probably.

it was nice seeing you at the whitestripes show this fall. what a surprise to see you there. but not really, youve always had great taste in music.

hows your sis?

is she over me yet?

it’s hard. i know, but shes pretty cute, im sure she’ll land on her feet. is she still bartending? thats hot.

ok, well i just wanted to tell you that im thinking of you and im stoked that you got the Pussycat Dolls account. what a perfect match.

by the way, dont think that i want to stay at cafe press forever with my swag. i just wanted to throw out a few ideas and see if people wanted some stuff.

as soon as i get it together i want Pink Cookies and only Pink Cookies to take care of me.

ive always thought the world of you.

hope youre well,

tp

pink cookies rocks

with my old college roommate, and his kickass wife, and my supermodel skinny college xgirlfriend, and we’re sitting somewhere in the first 10-12 rows, at the greek theatre, which is about a mile from my house, outside, under the stars, and the yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeahs are opening.

and the cubs have six games left to play and theyre against chumps. and the cubs have kerry wood pitching tonight. and its nice to have wood. and it means that if they need him theyve got wood on the sixth game. and mark prior the guy who should win the cy young will pitch in game 5 and carlos zambrano who i adore will pitch probably tomorrow. so we have three of the top 5-6 pitchers throwing in 4 out of the 6 games that we need to win. so thats good.

but im not happy.

and im refreshed from my trip and my hair is coming back, miraculously, cuz i guess rogaine sorta works, and my email is blowing up with all the lovelies who want to hook up, but the ones i want to write me emails arent doing it, and i wonder if thats why im not happy and of course it is. its the libra curse. everything can be going right for you but if the right girl doesnt say the right thing which is usually along the lines of god i need you god youre the best god youre the perfect man then its almost like nothing is good in the hood.

tsar is playing a secret early show on thursday at spaceland and youd think that makes me happy. it does. do you think that makes me satisfied. hmm. hard to tell. you think that makes this glass half full, no, it doesnt, cuz theyre not going to start it off with hells bells and theyre not going to end it all with for those about to rock, but they are the best band in america and hollywood records must be libras too cuz they look at tsar and say whatever. no, whatever to you hollywood records, and whatever to the girl who said whatever to me today when i told her that my heart was breaking. and whatever to the other who sent me the most wonderful pictures but then doesnt want to follow it up with a little stroll around mammory lane. on one hand i can be the most grateful wonderful man in the world and then in the very next second all i can see is what i dont have and that list can just go on and on till the break of dawn.

jlo and ben got hitched in georgia my space watch tells me and i gave it the tivo triple red thumbs down cuz i dont care about that sort of news cuz i would make a far better beau to jlo than benlow, i wouldnt go to any damn strip clubs unless i was a judge at the jlo lookalike stripalike contest and one day there will be a wishingwell and there will be a penny and there wil be a dream and there will be a toss and it will flip in the air fly through the sky splash in the pond and sparkle my eye and everything will fall in place and she will see my face and not look away but instead say stay.

and if you dont think im getting fucking plastered tonight youre high.

21mm + totally awesome + ham fisted theatrics

me and my girlfriend drink tallboy cans of whatever and hold hands and make out on the way home from the movies in the shadows of doorways, and up against fences, upside a mailbox, next to the sea.

she says the best things. she likes diamond rings.

first time we met i was like holy mackeral.

first time i kissed her

i was like holy mackeral.

some things shouldnt be. and theres no way that i should have any of the things i have.

and you might not know this but i was a pretty fair skateboarder back in the day

you could have seen me nearly ever night skating next to the pacific on the rough streets of isla vista littered with dried out palm fronds, the skeletons of burnt couches, and shoes

not sober not awake not waving, drowsy,

and then suddenly downhill

i discovered that some of the best things about daily life

are the moments where it makes no sense

in a good way

and youre pulling it off.

so i hold my girlfriend’s hand a lot so i can remind myself

that it’s real

like anythings real.

midnight magica

since i got my 100th link yesterday, but it’s all good.

i will miss busting all the jokes over there though.

“see you around, charlie.”

“hey phil, long time, no see.”

“pedro, you losing weight?”

way more invisible men walking around than you’d think. we tried to hire a bunch of them at the xbi but it never really worked out. personally i loved working with them but only because it was an endless goof-fest. sometimes i would go into a meeting room and if someone walked in i would start talking to an empty chair, “now listen, paul, you fuck, i told you to take off your hat and you fucked the whole thing up.” and the dude would apologize for interrupting the meeting and i would go back to drinking.

i’ve been drinking a lot lately.

i blame Bud Selig who is singlehandedly bringing down baseball. ok, maybe he’s using both of his hands.

i guess at some point though, i should thank all the people who wrote nice emails and linked me on their sites. last month was incredibly eye opening for me. 100 links in a month is amazing to me. especially since im not writing about the things that a lot of the people write about, and im not a hot babe, and, etc. etc. it’s very nice, i appreciate it a lot. now let’s never talk about it again.

finally this morning, i got a super long e-mail from a very distraught young lady who thinks she has ruined a great thing she has going with a guy she met at the flea market. to make a loooooooooong story short, girl meets boy, boy blows her mind, girl freaks out and sleeps with his roommate (who is his brother!), brother blows off girl, now girl wants boy back but doesn’t know what to do.

dear girl, believe it or not, i get these sorts of emails all the time. just know that we all make mistakes and nothing smoothes out boy/girl problems than a whole bunch of booze while watching a ball game. and since baseball will probably go on strike any day now, i suggest that you invite yourself over and watch the all-star game with him tomorrow.

bring a pony keg.

and if the brother says anything, deny it all.

consider buying right now. i dont say this as a salesman who would profit from your commerce, but as a friend who has these thoughts and likes to share them with you.

plus, my man DN shared $20 to the Snoop Fund, thank you, so i should share this to you all.

Tom Waits is outta the gates with two new records of much higher quality than the much overly-praised Mule Variations. Both Alice and Blood Money would please a Waits fan and i dont think that i know too many educated people who do not bow to Tom Waits. So perhaps you should get these now so as not to be resorted to being the quiet one at the next fiesta.

You should always have the new Elvis Costello record to chew on. And Elvis’s voice can make a crappy stereo sound terrific.

And despite what the retards say, the new Paul Westerberg cd(s) are a welcomed relief. The Replacements are dead, not Paul. Thankfully.

The fifth record you should get is the new Wilco.

It’s weird that all these records which are probably all sold to the same group of people are all coming out at the same time. I wont get into the stereotype of who these people are, but they’re not in their 20s, they’ve probably been to college, and they probably have enough money to buy these cds but also have the tools to download them for free.

Truth for the day: If Paul Westerberg had a tip jar on his website, I would drop a few bucks in there all the time.

Plug of the day: If you like the tshirt on the baby, you can buy it by clicking on the lil fella.

it would be Mike Tyson. i would walk around with him and keep him out of trouble. i would never tell him what to do, but i would tell him what not to do. ok, i would tell him occasionally what to do. like i’d say no violence unless you’re getting paid for it.

happy new year. did everyone get some time off. i did. im beat. i stayed up so late every night. i have no idea why im so tired today but i am. im draggin. it’s all catching up to me. fortunately this is another short week. the electric blanket my mom gave me i swear is from some fairy tale. it’s magical. it’s given me all this energy. i totally cleaned my closet in the master bedroom. it’s a walk in closet and i had this huge box in there that clothes would end up getting thrown in and i wouldnt wear those clothes for months. i also had books on the shelves and everything was in disarray.

yesterday i pulled the box out, washed all the clothes that were in that closet, put christmas lights in there, put a three-shelf dealio in there, taped some risque pictures of latin gurls on the wall and laid down a nice oriental carpet. this morning while selecting which flannel i was going to wear i flipped on the christmas lights and it brightened my day. ah, elegence. how long will you last?

people have been saying happy new year to me a lot in the last few days. when they say it they smile. like the PC patrol wont bust them. almost like they wanted to say Merry Christmas to everyone a few weeks ago, but in california you dont know if that’s gonna offend someone. so when New Years rolls in everyone is free to say what they really want. the girl at the KFC yesterday said it to me as my back was turned and i was walking out the door. didnt even have to but she did and she almost laughed with glee as she said it. stopped me dead in my tracks and i turned around and gave it back to her and she beamed. maybe it was a bet she had with the guy who fries the chicken, “Five bucks i can make the next guy turn around and wish me a happy new year.”

chris was nice enough to loan me her car while she vacationed up in Oregon. even though i didnt drive it much, it was nice to have. it woulda been nicer to be in Oregon with chris and her supersweet family with deers bouncing through the backyard and wild turkeys running through the wilderness but at least i have a nice closet now. and the champ knows that theres someone out there who would be his buddy. for a price.

Rang in the New Years with friends over at Greg and Molli’s. Molli had just come back from Thailand. Lots of my friends were there including Jeanine who told me that she listened to “The Razor’s Edge” for the first time. That girl is getting into AC/DC so hard it’s funny. She tried to give me a hard time for not turning her on to that record. I said, “one reason you probably like it so much is cuz i’d play it occassionally as we were falling in love. you just didnt hear it in details because your head was swimming from my marvelousness.” But it’s nice to know that sorta new AC/DC is as appealing to fresh ears as classic AC/DC, which you would think would overshadow anything in comparison.

Our good pal Jason Pontius was also at Greg’s looking more handsome than ever and sounding strong on the acoustic guitar. Greg got a little hootenanny going and when the guitar got passed to me Greg asked if i’d read a poem, i declined and then he ran to his room and pulled out “Ilka” and through the night i read some poems and Jason asked to hear “Pixies Rock Music” and i was drunk and that poem isnt in “Ilka” and i dont memorize my poems. and then something really cool happened.

the guitar had been passed around a few times, the champagne had been poured, people had smoked things, and the guitar came to me and it occured to me that maybe if i tried real hard i could remember this poem (which i had recently changed the title to avoid any confusion with the song that i did not write, but i loved, thus i titled the poem after) . and it’s so rotten to turn down a request, i mean how many guys who barely write poems anymore get requests during a hoot – from a guy you havent seen in a decade?

and i said the first line and i could see jason smiling so i knew it was the right poem

“theres a dingdong at my doorbell…”

and i recited each line slowly, digging into my muddled mind and pulled them out one by one like cards i was dealing out and when i got near the end i realized that i knew the whole poem. it was a great moment and everyone felt it. it was real. it was real cool. i have the best friends. real friends. im a lucky dork.

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