they caught me and made a sign

i have a good life.

it’s not the life i expected to have, but in some ways thats what makes it especially interesting.

i dont have a house or a kid or a wife or terrible debts

i can sleep in as long as i want

i dont have to drive anyone to school.

thanks to my sister and her husband, there are little people who look like me.

and thanks to rent control i will probably live in this hollywood bachelor pad for the rest of my days.

likewise, thanks to this blog i have a girlfriend who loves me who makes me nice foods and dresses up in outrageous costumes which i would love to share with you but some things

i suppose

should be left in the private domain.

i write these things not to brag but mostly to remind myself when i drive past mini mansions or see kids playing ball or watch three girls kiss a pizza delivery guy on my laptop: everyone is having a good time, enjoy your brand of happiness. and by you i mean you tony.

last night amber and i had sushi over looking a sunset on sunset blvd. it was happy hour so we ordered all the things we wanted and drank all the sodas and teas and tonight she will fly to nyc and get a little vacation from me.

which trust me is necessary because i am a demanding bossy hyper critical boyfriend sometimes due to, astrologers claim, is my rising star, which is asshole.

i have a reliable car, incredibly fast internet speed, and i follow a baseball team who could use one more starter, but what else is now.

excuse me as i must detangle my cats from each other, an action which i hope is the toughest one i will have all day.

the funny thing about twitter we pretend it’s not dangerous

bloggers could have told you decades ago that writing what you really feel

in public

is a risky proposition, especially if you are a bad person deep down.

now im one of the few people who didn’t vote for the president who liked the new Rosanne reboot.

sure it was cheesy at times and dumb at others, but for the most part it was funny

and a few of the people wore Cubs stuff.

also, Rosanne was an Uber driver, which is hilarious to me, now more than ever.

the fact that her character was a Trump supporter, i thought was punk rock

because the majority of Trump supporters have this weird false idea that this allegedly rich dude

who has never done anything for working people like The Connors

is suddenly looking out for the average American family.

and the new Roseanne show painted that twisted image beautifully in all of its shabby chic pathetickness.

but TV Rosie would have never known what Real Life Rosie was all about because TV Rosie didn’t use Twitter or get shoutouts from the president or did she have 685,5000 followers.

she was just a grandma with bad knees with a decent one-liner every 2 minutes.

Real Rosie believes in conspiracy theories, thinks racist jokes are funny, and just tweeted millions of dollars down the drain.

which is to say nothing about her cast and crew who are now jobless.

the funny thing about twitter is it is fire and it can burn those who don’t respect it

and one way to respect it is to respect others.

Rosanne is old enough to know that comparing black people to apes is like suicide by cop.

she waved her gun around hoping to get shot and they shot her down.

what i wish she would have done is taken that devil-may-care attitude to having her character express


why she, who prospered during Obama, suddenly is backing the opposite of that.

but sometimes intellectualism doesn’t reach across the aisle.

even if it would have meant even bigger ratings.


sometimes i forget the magic tricks

that got me here

that make me me

that make me better than the others

that make me sparkle a little on the lineup

and one of those things is


what happens is i get hella impatient and assume that just because one plus one is working out, that two plus two should be right in the pocket too

but they are mutually exclusive.

and constantly changing. see it’s not even 2 plus 2 any more it’s 3 times ten.

everythings constantly moving and spinning and growing and mutating. youre old enough to know that curveballs not gonna hit you.

and if it does youve got a helmet on.

walked through DTLA tonight alone, eating from a bag of funyuns feeling good.

maybe a little too good.

had lunch with a passenger

started out as it usually does, i picked her up at her hotel in beverly hills, she said she needed to go to a specialty curtain boutique.

the hotel valet guy loaded some luggage into her trunk. but we were going the opposite direction of the airport.

whatever. im not there to pry.

but who are we kidding, im tony pierce. all i do is pry.

she was a nice white lady in her 60s with a big coat on and a big purse. not at all snooty or snotty like youd think a lady coming out of a 90210 hotel would be. which is one of the nice things about life: the little surprises.

before we made it a mile she was talking about weed and howard stern and i knew we were going to be friends.

turns out she has several homes. a summer home in the Big Sky country, one in Palm Desert and condos here and there.

not only had she done well but her husband and his family came from wealth – but you wouldnt know it from her clothes

her attitude or her likes and dislikes.

she seemed very much a mature hippie who was grounded enough to have sifted out the baloney

and smart enough to appreciate the things that matters.

in her case it was honesty, joy, good relationships, and quality.

so when we made it near the Pacific Design Center she said, i will be going to the airport in an hour or so, i would love for you to be my driver. how do we arrange that?

i said, i would like that too, but i can’t make any guarantees that i will be around here in an hour, my next ride might take me to orange county for all i know, but here’s my card. call me when you are ready to rock.

i circled back to the academy because i needed to pee. and when i was reading the uber facebook groups someone mentioned that there was no surge on Uber X, and wasnt that odd because this was Memorial Day Friday and typically the surge would be 2.0-2.5x

then someone asked is it a glitch?

so i switched the app from Select (the luxury rides) to X (the typical rides) and holy guacamole it was surging at 3.6x. sometimes when a glitch happens it bumps all the drivers off the platform for a moment but then the uber computers see passengers hailing cars but no cars so the surge jumps up — and quickly — and any driver who can get online will get a ride at more than triple the fare.

so i promptly pulled up my pants and ran to the garage and while i did i got a ping nearby at the glorious 3.6x rate.

because i knew i had this nice woman probably calling me, i didn’t care when the new ride was going to be not the longest. who doesn’t want to make an extra $10 on a little jaunt?

that guy was cool. his face seemed odd like maybe he was a burn victim. and i did pick him up near a bunch of doctors offices. and along the way he asked if we could stop by a gas station for ice and i was all, only if you invite me to the bbq. and he said, bring the whiskey and your on. we laughed. i got him to the spot. he got the ice. we got to his pad and as i was driving back toward WeHo she called me.

i’ll be there in 10 minutes i told her and i was. but along the way i saw he had tipped me $5, meaning i made $16 on that little break, and i got to take a leak. thanks God!

picked her up and she was all, make sure you take La Cienega. i said i will go any way you want, this is your dime. and we talked about her Tesla and how she saw the Beyonce show at Coachella because a friend of hers does the art there and had some extra Artist passes and we talked about how she has been married since she was 20 and theyre still together and we just had the best time.

as we approached LAX she asked, so what will you do now? i said, i will probably go to In n Out then cruise down the 1 towards Santa Monica and see if i get lucky.

she said, In n Out? my plane doesn’t take off until 90 minutes from now. Care if I join you? and i said ahahaha not at all!

so we went to the drive thru and she gave me $20 and hopped out to go to the bathroom and she hopped back in and we got our food and i thought she wanted to take it on the plane. but she said, you can pull over here.

and she tucked a napkin into her shirt like charlie chaplin would do and we ate in the car watching planes take off and land.

and i gave her back her $20 and said you have been such a delight, please allow me to pay for the burgers.


and when i looked at the app, she snuck a great tip in there.

and thats how i started my memorial day weekend.

Louis Farrakhan had some interesting things to say about Trump

Well, that wasn’t the intent of this administration to do a lot of good for us but the nature of this administration is good for us because now, you know, sometimes you think you’re where you’re not. Trump is letting you know where you really stand. And because of Trump’s way, he is an anomaly.

There’s never been a president quite like Mr. Trump. But there’s something that he’s doing. I’m going to come out in a few weeks and talk about it.

But Trump is destroying every enemy that was an enemy of our rise.

Who is the enemy of our rise?

Is it the Department of Justice where we get none?

Is it Congress where you make a law that favors us and then you turn around and destroy it?

Is it the media that has destroyed every Black leader that stood up for us calling us out of our name?

Martin Luther King suffered it. Malcolm X suffered it. W.E.B. DuBois suffered it. Marcus Garvey suffered it.

So he’s attacking the media, calling it “fake news.” I don’t think everything is fake.

But I know very well that we have been the victims of some fake news.

Now, the FBI? Go at it, baby. They’ve been beating the hell out of us ever since J. Edgar Hoover and the Counterintelligence Program of the U.S. government. So go ahead, Mr. Trump.

But here’s the problem. Mr. Trump, you have to be careful because I did say on a sister station that if we voted for Trump, he’s going to take America to Hell on a rocket ship. And America, he thinks, is gaining by the bullying, by the threats.

No, Mr. Trump, America is losing. And if America triggers the Third World War, which the Bible calls Armageddon, the America that we know, we shall never, ever know it again.

We really need to stop and check because you’re getting the country into deep trouble

tony why are you confident about the internet when it changes so much

i am confident because i have been doing this for as long as the world wide web

pretty much

has been around.

i was in atwater village in 94 for the northridge quake and then soon after i was transferred to san francisco

it was there that marc brown turned me on to the web and immediately he and all of my daily nexus friends realized what a beautiful canvas it could be to those of us who had things to say

by late 1996 i was being paid real money, including a company car, to sell a box called WebTV which put the internet on your TV.

not only did i sell it as a manufacturers rep, but i taught salespeople at sears, good guys, circuit city, walmart and other places how to sell it. in many cases i was showing mangers and their customers what the internet was

and why they would want to see it on their television.

ever since then, i have been paid money to either get people to go to websites and blogs or get people to follow my employers on social media.

i am good at it for a number of reasons starting with the fact that i love the internet, i love people, and i love researching how people do things and what they like.

the biggest disadvantage that some of my peers have is they try to apply what THEY like and project that on the audience.

unfortunately the online audience is extremely disloyal and will run away if their needs are not met.

this doesnt mean that you have to sell out on your values to maintain a community. but it means that if you do not listen, react and anticipate what your audience wants, then you will not have much of an audience as time goes on.

the best way to see what your community wants is to click on their names and see what they’re posting, figure out who their “friends” are, and study what those people have done that attracted them to their accounts.

currently i have worked with a community for 4.5 years. every day except sundays i study the people who like our stuff.

why wouldn’t i?

you’re right, tastes change all the time. it does seem daunting to have to adjust all the time. but any athlete can tell you that champions are made by the adjustments they make to their gameplan — sometimes as it happens.

the only way Peyton Manning can make a smart audible is by studying what the defense has done in the recent and not-so-recent past, and identify what they are probably going to do on that play, and then AT THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE call a new play that would best work against what he thinks the defense is lined up to do.


there are only a handful of social channels that really matter. it isn’t that difficult to study all of them all the time if it is your job and you love your job.

but if you are extra, like i am, you might even take on a second job, like driving an uber, where you can literally talk to strangers all night about instagram, snapchat, twitter and facebook and ask them how they use it and what they like and what they dont like.

sure its a tiny sample size but after thousands and thousands of rides all around LA you will start to see patterns.

it’s in those patterns that you can begin to see trends that you can capitalize on.

and when you try something along those lines… and it works

and it works year after year after year

and when you see your followers rise 100% and 400% and 4,000%, you tend to gain confidence.

especially if you have been involved in the arena since the game began.

which i have

and i am so grateful.

now go help flint get some clean water.

do you ever get super discouraged

do you ever feel like wanting to quit

do you ever think, holy crap the haters are right!

do you ever say, fuck this shit im better than this hassle

do you ever wonder, why me god, arent i your favorite son

do you ever say to yourself this is not my beautiful wife

do you sometimes just throw yourself in your bed and cry into your pillow as your cats lick your heels

and then you kick them away

do you ever look at your bank account and stock portfolio and assets and inside your safe and say

i know money is bullshit but mama mia im a college grad AND a homeless person

do you ever raise your fist at the sky and say just take me now

do you ever point at your enemy and say i feel so terrible i curse you and everyone who supports you

do you ever think even my blog isn’t any good any more which means im not any good any more

and then do you think maybe i was never worth shit even in the past

do you ever find yourself passing out on so much stress and anger and angst and booze and pills and

and and and that you say yes this is how i wanna end it, passed out on a koreatown bench

me neither.

you will be misunderstood, sweet angels

especially if you’re not a basic bitch.

you will be unloved and ridiculed and talked about behind your back.

especially by the ssssssswwww ssssswwwww swwwws in the shadows.

fly with those wings girl, don’t curse them.

soar with that courage, don’t shrink.

yes the multitudes came out to hear Jesus

but his disciples bailed on him when the shit went down.

you will be alone when the pressure comes.

sometimes you will shine

sometimes you will stumble.

but we are not judged by how we perform during the lightning storm

we are known by how much light we reflect every day.

it is now my duty to completely drain you

almost every day i think i am the luckiest man alive

rock never got any better than this

and i got to see so much of the last good stuff

and i am so grateful.

it is so hard for me to believe that nobody could ever make mtv profitable again.

that station influenced so much of the pop charts in radio across the world.

now that there is no one to tell them what to program they are lost

they have no clue how to help develop artists

and they are victims of technology

because instead of steering innovation

they are trying to react to it in the dumbest ways.

if a nirvana knocked on their door today they wouldn’t have

one good idea to honor it

and help it blossom.

it’s weird how much of what is happening today is things going in the wrong direction

today the GOP majority supreme court said its ok for employers

to steal from employees

today interview magazine said they’re folding shop

today they said the new rams football stadium is gonna cost $4 billion.

and today the guy at the tire shop said my stem is gonna cost $125 to replace.

all i know is i ate some delicious curry with a pretty girl

as prince and then the gap band played over the sound system

and soon summer’ll be here.