gurrrrl ive been working working working.

thats the thing, give a man a fish he will eat for a day, let a man run his own fishing boat he will fish all day and night

and think of ideas and talk to people and write and talk and write and scheme and plot and plan and not sleep and not eat and talk and figure out

and parts of his brain that havent been loved in sooo sooo long will emit clouds of smoke and gears will turn and things will go slowly at first but damnit if this machine wasnt ready for this, if i wasnt built for this

if i wasnt born this way.

and baby im telling you right here right now, i was meant to do the job that i am doing right now and the only thing slowing me down is some outside forces which will be cleared up super soon

and then the rock will begin.

because it’s about writing though there needs to be a bit of structure and thats coming too. in part is the lesson i learned at UCSB which was “when it’s light out, study, when it’s dark out party.”

i need to write in the daytime now and study at night because my body has changed. my magic is in the AM and i get so distracted at night. maybe this is because i was sitting on the bench for half of this year turning into mush?

maybe it’s because i havent written news and features in far too long. FIVE YEARS david bowie i was doing basically PR, trying to do news but being nudged into a different place.

remember in Moneyball when Brad Pitt wanted Scott Hattenberg to play first base and they asked the dude, hey its easy to play first and the dude said, it’s actually incredibly difficult. writing news is not as easy as it seems. but i can do it. and i have the freedom to do it the way i want. which is priceless. a dream come true. and i thank the Lord above for this blessing. and just wait what i do with it.

speaking of the pretty boy. i fell asleep in an afternoon matinee of the new Brad Pitt movie because i was so tired. i see why people do cocaine now. but id never do that for a few reasons. death. expense. and the last thing i wanna hear from St. Peter is come on dude.

the first is you can pretend that the whole world is going to pay attention to what you are saying

and they will change their minds when they read your incredible insights

and rainbows will appear and bunnies and butterflies and fireworks and the cubs will win the world series

that is not how i write.

the other way is to pretend that nobody will ever read it and there is no audience and it’s just you

and the Good Lord above and all of the angels and saints

and they’re probably too busy to look closely, they are just happy youre not out in the streets.

occasionally someone reads it and i am genuinely surprised because i have tricked myself into believing that not even the sweet angels who root me on will read it

and sometimes someone will ask me, why are you being so mean with your writing

and i will literally have to read it again because when i write i just let it out and commit zero of it to memory.

but then i will reread the masterpiece in question and i will usually surmise “you call that mean?”

heres what i think mean is. i think its mean to bore your readers.

i had a teacher in college once, and he was legendary in our school, which doesnt mean he liked me, im pretty sure he thought i was overrated and to be honest i dont remember ever writing anything great in his classes

but i did like one thing he said. he said the worst thing you can do to your readers is waste their time.

do not bore them.

thus, if i criticize a writer for doing the worst thing a scribe can do, that is not mean.

whats mean is not passing along the sentiment and working with that writer, despite how veteran he may be

despite how many stupid awards he has “won” and despite what emails come in or dont come in.

whats mean is letting someone who you know or work with or are close to slide into mediocrity.

we are all in this together.

some of us more than others.

dig deep and get it together.

when you’re a writer, an editor, or someone like me who pretends to be those things, you find yourself making work for yourself.

you see something or you think of something and you say, “that thing oughtta be written about.”

but that means you have to research it, talk to people, watch things, learn things, talk to more people, read and read and read and then finally write.

as if the writing is the easiest part. IT’S ACTUALLY THE HARDEST.

then you have to edit and if you’re lucky you get to watch someone else edit it. and if you’re super luck two people will edit it. and then you collect all that sweet sweet praise on twitter.

the other day i interviewed a very very smart man and i asked some very dumb questions. because i am not smart. the good thing is the smart people Still have to answer your questions and when they do smarter things pop up.

and if you can sit down with them long enough you will eek a smart question out and they will smile and amaze you with their brilliant answer and that will be the centerpiece of your story or it will be completely over looked by the audience who just came there for the pictures, but who cares you got paid and now you can go on to your next assignment which will be harder, scarier, and if you’re unlucky someone else has assigned it so now you gotta do their thing.

it’s always better when it’s your thing but it’s also very hard. it’s like college and high school never ended. research, write an essay, hear the feedback, scribble in your Trapper Keeper, repeat.

right now i have finished my first draft of what i wanna send to my editor. it’s good. it’s not great. and this was my scribbling into my folder. but time is money so hi bye.