when i was being trained to be a superhero

they got us in the practice of counting our blessings, and that habit has stuck with me like many of the tenants that i took to heart.

in listing the good things about life, an agent was less likely to act emotionally or recklessly or without care for life or limb. it will help center you, ground you, and help you remember who and why you are protecting whatever it is that we consider valuable.

and it will help get your mind off the toothpicks being jammed under your fingernails if youre being tortured by a trio of young punks who got lucky in koreatown.

im grateful for going to college in santa barbara where we had Red Rocks to escape to up in the mountains, home of the swimming holes that weren’t much to look at during the drought where for an entire year there was no rain, but now it looks to be coming back.

im grateful for my friends who just might have convinced the former mayor to put his life savings into their hands and turn vengence into art – and, if i have anything to do with it – vice versa. mwahahahaha.

im grateful for my good looks and thick fingers, my rich uncle’s diet which caused him cancer thus bequething to me so many bags of cash that the brinks truck got a flat on the way over. oh wait, that’s someone else.

i’m grateful to live in an age of broadband where for $50 a month, i can turn on my computer and download pictures of naked broads and hot bands.

im grateful that JC gave me a buck last night for my Snoop DeVille.

im grateful that the Cubs still play at Wrigley and that my mother and sister still live an hour away from the friendly confines, because if they lived any closer, i might not live here in Hollywood.

im grateful for the close personal relationships that defy traditional definitions that i am lucky to share with some of the finest young women in Los Angeles.

im grateful for my health, my wealth, and my ability to type in the dark to you.

and im really grateful that m finally has a blog.

look around, around, the second drummer drowned

the mailbag is full of haircut questions, so i’ll tell you the little story.

probably just like the place where you work, the xbi has its share of security gaurds. especially after september. just like the rest of us, the guards are undercover. if you walked past our heaquarters you’d just think that a row of old men were waiting for their doctor, but no, they are retired g men with itchy and arthritic trigger fingers dying to bust a cap in your ass.

ive always said that im an old man in a young man’s body, so whenever i can i ask the fellas things like where i should get my hair cut. there was a minor disagreement, but eventually there was consensus on a barbershop near la brea.

i went in on friday after work. even though the neighborhood is mixed, there was only black faces in the barbershop. all the chairs were filled and soon after i sat down on the comfy couch, the couch was filled with awaiting men of all ages flipping through industry magazines.

within a few minutes it was my turn, i put down my Black Entertainer and shook hands with my barber. from a snapshot he’d taped to his mirror, i saw that he had once had a much bigger afro than I was sporting, and now he was clean shaven. i became nervous.

i sat down and asked for a trim.

the joke is if you ask for a trim the barber will cut off most of your hair.

its a bad joke.

and it’s true.

my man pulled out a pair of shears that were at least 18 inches long. i know this because when i used to lay wire through the walls to bug an office or a bedroom, i used an 18 inch drill bit. after a few minutes most of my ‘fro was on the ground.

the whole time there was great music blasting from the boombox propped in a rocking chair. it was that nu-soul: jazz mixed with hip hop with lyrics that mattered not. my man brought out the buzz cutters to add shape.

when it was all done i paid my $20, tipped $5 and went on my way.

in the morning i woke and showered and resigned myself to the results and was mildly disappointed.

now i see there are rough edges here and there, small mounds of hair that wont push down on this side, and valleys on that side. theres too much hair on top, etc.

what i really need now, ironically, is a trim.