anna and i have an interesting relationship

she tries to make me jealous and i dont fall for it. why should i?

this morning she sent me an email of a story one of the British tabloids wrote about she and Enrique messing around in a hotel:

Quiet please!: ENRIQUE IGLESIAS and ANNA KOURNIKOVA�s romps kept hotel guests up all night.

The reception of the plush Four Seasons in London was bombarded with complaints about screams and moans which went on until 4am on Saturday. The tennis beauty and her Latin heart-throb lover made the racket in his hotel room after canoodling at the Mayfair Club in the West End.

One hotel insider told me: �They were so noisy. I could hear Anna screaming and it sounded like cries of pleasure.

�Another guest several doors down the corridor complained twice about the noise and there were complaints by people in the next room and also from the room below. People were calling the reception until past four in the morning.

�It was obvious what Anna and Enrique were up to. There was a lot of laughing, it went quiet for a while then it started off again. The two of them were giggling for hours.”

i didnt write her back for a while. she got on AOL chat and asked me, “so what do you think?”

i said, i dont think too much of it. sounds like two kids having fun the night before you lost a big match.

she said, youre not jealous?

i said, why should i? i want you to have fun.

she said, oh, i had fun alright, can i tell you what i did?

i said, fire away.

she said, “first we drank this vodka my aunt sent me from moscow. not the bullshit vodka that you get here in the states, but the real deal. we drank a little and enrique’s back has been hurting him a little bit – guess why – hehehe – and so we spilt a vicodin.

that mixed real nice with the BODY SHOTS he was taking off me. all over me, tony, my belly, my neck, my back, my bum, my hehehehehe. we were toasted, but not too much. just right.

uh huh, i said. bored. i taught her this shit like years ago.

then we went into the anteroom, enrique doesnt like to do it in the bed that we sleep in because he’s a neat freak and likes to sleep on clean sheets.

i coughed.

she said what was that?

i coughed haggot cough.

shuttup, then he lit the candles, he had all sorts of candles and they smelled nice. i dont know what it is about candle light but its a lot better than those cheap christmas lights in your house.

when i sell a million records off my daddy’s name i’ll be sure to get you some candles, hun.

i dont know what it was about that night but we were super aggressive, he ripped my clothes off and threw me on the carpet. my skirt was around my ankles, i tried to kick them off but they were tangled. he held them down with his foot. and sunk his head where it BELONGED, american boy. and the combination of being restrained and not wanting to move got me so crazy that i started screaming and unlike you, he let me.

i bet he lets you do lots of stuff i dont.

the phone was ringing, people were knocking at the door as lamps broke and the music boomed but you know what tony, we didnt give a shit, somehow we made it to the bed and i got on top of him, twisted his neck to the side and gave him the biggest hickey he ever got.

sure you didnt rip off a mole?

no! i sucked that thing hard and he wasnt afraid to let me know that he liked it.

sing a little song, did he?

no, he flipped me over and tried to… but i flipped him back, he nearly bashed my head on the bedpost and you know what, i wouldnta felt it if he had. nor would i have cared.


and in one movement he took the condom out of the drawer, out of the wrapper, put it on and omg OMG right away it felt great. i pushed him close to me with my feet and he kept working on my neck but i wanted to kiss him and he was doing me so good, no offense, but so good. hes a dancer, he can move.

moved right to america from honduras didnt he.

but i wanted to see him so i flipped him over and got on top and i pounded him. i got up on my toes and slammed down. got up and SLAMMED down. it was like we were trying to kill each other.

dont you mean “bore”?

it was exciting, not boring.

pun, baby, pun.

but the vicodin was doing its magic and i could do anything i wanted to him and i wanted to feel it harder and deeper.

so you called in the black man from down the hall?

no, i was backwards, head on the floor almost, ass on the corner of the bed, and tony, he was using gravity to help him get at me harder. shit it was awesome. i just wrapped my arms around the back of his head and thrust my hips and met him with each bash.

what was on the cd player?

CD PLAYER? who the fuck cares. i came like six times.

you lie.

i swear to you.



then we got in the doggy style.

oh shit, anna.

but i wanted to get close so i backed into him and he got close. first my hands were where the pillows would be, but as we got going he got closer and i was running out of bed and i put my hands on the headboard and crept up until my hands were on top of the headboard and he didnt care he kept at it, i dug my fingernails into the wall, i grabbed whatever i could. i grabbed the painting that was over the bed and he had his hands on my hips whaling away and it was perfect and i was coming again when i heard a horrible crash.

what, you woke up?

no! i had pulled down the painting and the glass frame had broke.


he didnt care. he flipped me over his shoulder and we did it in the front room right on the couch. me sitting on his lap. him looking at me, then him leaning back a little and me leaning back a little.

how do you remember all of this, anna?

because, tony, he fucked it into my memory forever. i could never forget something like that even if he hadn’t.

guess so. so is that why you lost your match the next day?

no, it’s why i love him. and why i dont want to be with anyone else. ever.

oh, so its like that? mexican fratboy gets lucky with booze and pills and thats it for the rest of the boys of the world just like that?

just like that.

i say youre back in a month.

i say you better not put this on your site.

i say you better work on your serve.

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