do you have a good life?

frisco i have a good life. i always forget that i do. sometimes what i write on here is just little reminders to me that i should be happy about what i have. we always want more or different than what we have. problem is i never look back at the old posts. they bore me. sorry if i bore you all the time.

our power went out for a while here. and we were sitting in the basement here talking about the “forensic files” and trying to concoct the perfect murdrrrr. my buddy was saying that you have to pull out the teeth and toss the body into the sea. that way they cant match dental records.

i say stab the guy with an icesickle and toss him into a volcano. no fuss no muss.

our boss was overhearing us and said, blood would get all over you either way so we’d have to toss our clothes in the volcano too, but most active volcanos, he said, suddenly an expert, are much smaller than we think and a body wouldn’t fit into one of those holes and if it did it would probably come shooting out right away. plus theres always a lot of people near active volcanos. tourists.

fucking tourists.

then we thought that we could just rent a plane, strap a parachute to him and toss him out into some remote area and pretend that he was parachuting. but then the boss said, “all they’d do once they found him would be to ask all the skydiving companies if they remembered such a man, and what the hell were they doing parachuting in the rocky mountains?”

so there you go. ain’t no perfect crime.

makes you wonder how OJ got away with it.

that’s right, the gloves didn’t fit.

tomorrow me and ashley are going to catch a matinee of “sleeping beauty” at the el capitan in hollywood. it cost $10 but apparently it’s worth it cuz its such a great theatre. and all the kids get dressed up and have a little parade before the show. i like little kids. mostly i like their honesty. i also like they’re lies cuz they’re pretty creative, but i like how if you give a kid something new to eat and he hates it he’ll make a face and spit it out right there.

we need to stop teaching our kids how to lie, i mean how to be polite.

so many times people will say nice things to me and i wont believe them, i think they’re trying to be polite.

then when they say mean things i wont believe that either, i think they’re just trying to protect themselves.

the only person who i really believe is the owner of my apartment who is very honest about being a cheap bastard and not wanting to fix any of my shit. hes a terrible businessman. i pay so little rent its insane. such a great place too. he could get double, easily. so he caught me the other day outside and asked me if i ever considered moving out.

i thought to myself how much i would like a hot tub again, and a dishwasher, etc. but really i love my pad and i love that two of my friends lived there before me and i love the time ive lived there. its been great. this blog started there.

so i told the guy, who’s younger than me, i think. that yes, i would consider moving.

he said, i could make it beneficial to you, financially.

and i said i had to run, but i would think about it.

and i have thought about it. $7,500 and im out.

he’d make that off my place in 8 months if i was out of there and he could charge double.

with the money i could have first and last of another pad, and downpayment for a snoop deville.

strange that a guy who would want to kick me out of my own home, might just be the one who helps finance my dream car.

have a good weekend, superstars.

theres a snoring twenty year old blonde girl in my bed right now

and here i am typing to you back at the assignment desk. no long undercover. no longer being denied. no longer sad oh so sad and lonely. hi.

it was very hard to pull myself out of bed this morn and im even typing slow.

c a n y o u t e l l ?

i think ashley put something in my drink because in approximately an hour after she served me my fruit punch soda i was feeling a slight boost of euphoria followed by intense sensations on my skin, slight perspiration, and the desire to chew things and have things in my mouth. first i wanted to eat something, then i wanted to poop, then i wanted to take a shower, then i just wanted to walk.

walking was good.

holding her hand was really good. we walked over to the market and suddenly i was very very friendly. like way more than normal. i introduced ashley to the proprietor of the liquor store. his name is mangie. hi mangie, this is ashley. hi ashlely, i have seen your boyfriend here a lot.

i said, next time you see him, spit in his gatorade.

we all laughed.

mangie has a nice store next to a poker room where the fellas wear turbans and smoke out of big hookas. the women talk at a separate table.

he hired a local man who has missing teeth, a big tummy, and something wrong with his leg, but hes the security man although he has no uniform. he laughed at my joke even though i don’t think he got it.

then mangie’s landlord walked in. wasn’t satisfied with the rent check for that month.

“we changed banks.”

“what did you change banks for?”

“we didn’t like the other bank, but that check is good.”

“yeah, we’ll see about that.”

we picked up a few cans of whipped cream, bubble gum, diet cokes, and more water. i felt like i was in love. the air felt great. the weather last night around here was perfect. its been perfect for a while. at night.

got home, i just wanted to get out of my clothes. i had long black nylon sweat pants with a design running down the leg. i call them my ozzy pants. they would look better on ozzy though. i tried to explain this to ashley who was chewing on her sweet tarts. i guess we got sweet tarts at mangie’s too. sorry. she said i don’t really care for ozzy.

so i took off my shirt and put on bark at the moon and sang into a wooden spoon. she laughed. everyone was laughing last night. my neighbor has a dog. a big dog. we can have dogs in our apartments. the dog saw me jumping around pouring buckets of water on the crowd. hopping like a freaky toad and the dog started barking.

“rocky!” his owner yelled through her screen. “cut it out!”

rocky gave one more good bark and sat down but really wanted to come through my screen window. wagged his tail, readjusted. hyper. like he had to pee. but he didn’t have to pee. he wanted to eat my head off. not this time, rocky. ya fuck.

the roadies gave me a new bucket and i lunged at the window about to drench the poor beast. he flinched, but all that came out was confetti.

ashley and rocky both gasped.

fooled you again, mothafuckas. i said and broke into “fool in the rain,” led zep. started dancing around like an old man.

god were people laughing.

rocky just laid down and watched.

i think he was laughing a little too.

its all good.

when i fell asleep i was out immediately. too fast to even pray to the Lord and tell him thanks for all my blessings.

thanks for all my blessings, Lord.

and thanks to annessa for flowing $15 into the camera fund, and to greg b. for adding $5.

thanks kids!