Ken & Matt

“Whatcha Namin’ Dat Babeey”

Spreading Oak Records

Well, Mollie & Greg got murried

up by the Frisco bay

she was a writer and he was an artist

but somehow they both got paid

They took a little trip down the highway,

headed for the town of LA

they rented a joint by the Hubbardites,

and had barbecues all day

One afternoon they was driving,

over by the Franklin Hills

and bought a big house with a raccoon pond

and all the nice fish got killed


Then molli got a secret assignment

They sent her off to ‘Nam

But she took a little trip to the monastery,

And the swami sang her a song


He said, ‘Ladeeey, don’t be


Go back to california,

Have yourself a


He said, ‘Ladeeey, don’t be


Go back to california,

Have yourself a



Now greg he couldn’t believe it,

When he heard what the mullah said,

So he hunkered down to paint in the garage,

Listening to ‘love and theft’

He knew just what was coming,

He knew he was in for a chore,

And the next three years they’d be up all night,

Changing diapers and mopping the floor


‘Cause they’d heard when yer growin’ a baby,

You both get mean and weird

But she was doin’ yoga and hiking up mountains,

Greg quit drinkin’ beer


And we said, ‘Ladeey, we’re

Goin’ crazeeey,

Just lay it on down now,

Whatcha namin’ that


And we said, ‘Greggie, we’re

Goin’ crazeeey,

Just lay it on down now,

Whatcha namin’ that


(horrible end)

Is it

Charley or Jar Jar,

Pfeiffer or Thigpen,

Dweezil or Lemur

or Little baby Big Ben


Sideshow Joe

Flippy or Ian

please not Russell Crowe

Danny or Sweet Pea,

George W. Picket,

Pablo Picasso

or Lemony Snicket?

Gumby or Theodore

Elvis or Skidmore

Homer or Moses,

Solomon or POTUS,

Or could it be Kobe?

Please let it be Kobe

Need a little Kobe

Give Us the Kobe!


(c) 2002 Name Him Kobe Productions

hi anna

hi tony, how’s america?

i think america is okay. its somber. sorta feels like theres ghosts everywhere. sorta feels like youre walking through really wimpy quicksand. like you’ll get there, its just gonna take a while.

thats really weird. thats what china feels like.

how did you do today, baby?

won in doubles.

thats cool.

exactly, nobody cares.

i care, anna.

thats cuz youre sweet.

when are you coming home to me?

never. 😛

thats cool. i mean, what?

just kidding, dorkypoo.

do you love me, anna?

very much.

how much?

a lots.

a lot a lot?

three times a lot.

do you love enrique four times a lot?

i just use enrique for sex and for his vma award tickets.

what do you use me for then?

mmmmm, im not sure. maybe nothing.

thats sweet.

oh wait, tennis coverage.

i hate you.

youre the only one who really cares about my tennis.


gotcha again, tony. 😉

i hate you lots now.

will you ever forgive me?


what if i made it up to you?

doubt it. i hold grudges.

what if i brought over martina and made it up to you.

i thought martina didnt like guys.

hingis! not navratilova.

whew. scared me for a second.


maybe. i bet you guys could put a smile on my face.

no problem. so is america really okay?

yeah. as long as people dont watch tv they seem pretty happy.

okay well, it’s like $5 a second to use the internet here, so i gotta go.

siyanara, anna.

ha ha. wan an, tony.

my favorite cam girl

is oish. my second favorite cam girl is nay. this is what nay wrote today:

Where were you on this day one year ago? I remember everything as though it happened yesterday. I remember what I was wearing, what I was doing, etc. I was in my World History class discussing the different stages of human evolution. I kept tugging at my shirt because I had gotten in trouble for dress code moments before. We opened our books to do the book work my teacher gave us on the changes of man from Homohabilis to Homosapean. All of a sudden my principal came onto the loud speaker saying that a plane had crashed into one of the Twin Towers and for all teachers to turn on the televisions. We kind of watched in disbelief. The bell to go to second bell rang and we all sort of scurried to third period. I went into my English class and we just sat there watching. Then, another plane crashed into the other building. Shortly after, they just both clapsed. A girl who was on my dance team ran out of the class because her uncle had been in one of the buildings.

It’s sad because I haven’t met one person whom didn’t have some sort of connection to it. My mother knew two people on the planes from work. My dad knew two people as well. One he had gone to school with back in our small Louisiana hometown, and the other he was in the military with. It’s still kind of hard for me to believe that it happened. I don’t understand how some “people” (if you want to consider them that) can be so barbaric. I’ve seen the Daniel Pearl video, I’ve watched documentaries, etc. and it amazes me that a culture that is so in-depth with their religion want to murder innocent people because of their “beliefs.” That’s why I don’t touch religion and don’t like being preached to. Then I would be no different than these pathetic excuses for human life. Torture? Let them watch the explanation of Darwin’s Evolution Theory while strapping tiny explosive electrodes to their body parts and show them, slowly, that maybe there aren’t 14 virgins at heaven’s gate waiting for them. Straight up show them 14 small missing limbs. Egh – ANGER!!!

i’m finding it’s very difficult to try to figure out

hat to do on this blog today.

the macho tough guy chicagoian part of me wants to pretend that this day is just like any other. that idiots with box cutters cant change the way that i do things.

but the realist part of me has to be honest.

today i thought about what i would wear. i looked at people differently on the street. i couldnt pay attention to my book on the bus.

i got said hi to blocks away from my work by a pretty girl and instead of being weird, like normal, i just said, hi, how are you?

and meant it.

things on my blog didnt seem right so i took them down today.

entries from yesterday didnt seem right either, and i woulda taken them down too but im not sure how i could put them back tomorrow.

howard stern this morning was commercial-free and for any of you howard fans, you know what a heavenly thing that is since he usually goes 40 minutes and then you get hit by 15 minutes of straight commercials.

but howard had a hard time being funny today.

it’s warm in LA today and im glad i have a softball game tonight to get some aggressions out.

i didnt see a lot of people with american flag tshirts, though they did hand out pins in the office building lobby, for people who wear those things.

i saw a lady with a red sweater, white pants and blue shoes.

i saw one or two flags on cars. not many, thankfully. i never liked those things.

my morning tv viewing was altered since Regis was pre-empted by ABC news doing what tv newspeople think is important to do: rehash the obvious.

i turned to E! who was ranking the 20 hottest single celebrity women and i was soothed…and suprised by the list.

i love that station.

it was then that i thought that i should keep on doing what i do on this thing. which is try to keep it light. try to tell all you non-hollywood residents whats going on here in southern california, and try to make you laugh, and try to make things a little happier, and try to turn you on to things that you might have missed.

so here you are:

Instapundit points us in the direction of kids art re: 9/11

the hosemonster links to samizdata who shows pictures of signs in England that will make you weep.

and dawn has a sweet picture of her little lily being cute as hell.

but what has surprised me most today, is how in the daily comic strip world, how very few strips even want to acknowledge today’s infamous anniversary. i guess they’re just moving on too. missed opportunity, i think. comics can be great on days like today.

and be excellent to one another

special guest blogger: George Carlin


One of the more embarrassing items making the internet/e-mail rounds is a sappy load of shit called “The Paradox of Our Time.” The main problem I have with it is that as true as some of the expressed sentiments may be, who really gives a shit? Certainly not me.

I figured out years ago that the human species is totally fucked and has been for a long time. I also know that the sick, media-consumer culture in America continues to make this so-called problem worse. But the trick, folks, is not to give a fuck. Like me. I really don’t care. I stopped worrying about all this temporal bullshit a long time ago. It’s meaningless. (See the preface of “Braindroppings.”)

Another problem I have with “Paradox” is that the ideas are all expressed in a sort of pseudo-spiritual, New-Age-y, “Gee-whiz-can’t-we-do-better-than-this” tone of voice. It’s not only bad prose and poetry, it’s weak philosophy. I hope I never sound like that.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less. We buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years.

We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

via Doc Searls, who was fooled like me.