if i was a girl i would be braless like all the time

id do my hair crazy all the time. constantly dying it. wigs. the whole deal.

id be my girlfriend, of course. cuz im a great boyfriend, once you get to know how i work.

53. Leho Pictures

id wear cheerleader skirts matched with guns n roses tees, ripped. unmade hair. the just-raped look.

if i was a girl my blog would probably be ten times more popular, and it would allow me this sort of slam against my local newspaper:

Dear LA Times,

Why is is that you suck so bad?

I’m a fucking girl and even I know that when you have a local angle on a story of (ironically enough, newspapers) you don’t bury that local flavor TWELVE fucking paragraphs into the story!

Are you people all high over there?

Is this Let Your Children Run Your Business Day?

fucking a i called this shit yesterday. quit being defined by life outside of LA!

Your staff writer starts his story by telling the tale about a bunch of college conservatives in Carolina(!) who thought their school paper was too liberal, so they wanted to start a new paper with a different slant. They wanted to make professors feel “threatened” when they got a phone call from this new paper.

Nowhere is the impetus for these southern kids Better journalism, more facts, more investigative stories, clearer writing, or freer reign over op-ed pieces. All the kids at the Jesse Helms Center seem to be whining about is that lots of college students were against this last war, according to your paper.

Meanwhile fifteen paragraphs into the story, you get this quote:

“A lot of my professors don’t try to hide the fact they are outright Marxists,” said one Nicholas Romero, 20, editor of the UC Santa Barbara Gaucho Free Press. The Free Press is the new conservative paper, you tell us, an alternative to the highly acclaimed UCSB Daily Nexus, which launched the careers of great writers like Welch, Amy, Ben, the Whalen Bros., and yours truly.

Once again, LA Times, I’m a chick and I know a great fucking quote when I read it, and you just buried one by wanking off to the North Carolinian readership that you seem to be pandering to.

Now, it doesnt matter to me that Nick’s allegedly Marxist professors have no influence on the Nexus, since there is no journalism school at UCSB and no advisors, but i’ll let it slide, just like you did.

But just look at the sweet juicy diss that the Gaucho Free Press levies at the Daily Nexus:

“Romero and co-editor Gretchen Pfaff, 21, had no interest in writing for the main campus newspaper, the Daily Nexus, which they say too often glamorizes drug use and promiscuity. ‘It’s offensive,’ Pfaff said.”

So let me get this right. You have a story about conservative college alternative papers sprouting up. Instead of focusing on the UCSB papers (one which is established, award-ridden, and glorious; one that is new and Republican), you spend the entire first third of the article writing about a lame ass redneck fishwrap deep in the heart of Dixie?

Lick my clit, LA Times. Lick it good.

LA Examiner + marc brown + la daily news

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