like everyone, i have my critics

sometimes i just think mine are a tad less intelligent than yours.

one guy writes me nearly every day. sometimes long letters, sometimes short letters.

i never write him back because i barely have time to write back the good people who write me nice things.

for all the people out there, by the way, who write me nice things, be it comments on the site, or emails or boobie pictures, etc. thank you very much. all the nice things make me so happy.

so anyhow, this one critic of mine today tried to get on me because everything i write “is all about me”.

dumbass, look at the url.

this whole freaking thing is an excersise in first person narcisistic fiction about a superhero xbi agent who steals from crooks and adorns his beach house and hollywood bungalow with the booty, and then dates barely legal teens.

how hard is that to understand?

also how hard is it to conceive that if i was a decent writer who was capable of things like record reviews, political analyis, or even basic sentence structure, i would be getting paid for this shit as opposed to giving it all away like a fucking bitch.

on a good day i look at 15-20 web sites. i never write mean emails to people. even if they deserve it. and trust me, lots of people deserve some negative feedback.

occasionally, on rare occassions, i will write the author of a web page. usually i write very short emails saying nice work.

if even a tenth of the readers wrote me an occasional short email or left a short comment saying nice work, id have 40-50 comments on my page each day. it’s not about the numbers though. im over the idea of comments on this blog. im just saying.

anyhow, the critic also doesnt like the fact that i grammar bad.

fuck grammar. if i seriously paid attention to the things that i wrote on here i would probably only get one post out a day. im averaging three, and all of them are better than my critic’s emails.

again, i do this during the 15 minute government mandated breaks that i take during work. i also do this for the period of my lunch when im not lunching. that gives very little time to spell check, grammar check, or even proofread my shit. what you see is what i felt at the moment and sometimes (like last week) you might find a post that is missing an entire sentence, or end of sentence, so dont be so weirded out if a line is missing a period, mr. critic.

just because your momma missed her period 9 months before you were born dont get all uptight about me missing my periods

heres a bunch of periods for your ass. feel free to place them in any post that i forgot to use them in: …………………………………………………………………………………

and heres a fuck you for your inbox.

for the rest of you, i love you all. i hope you each have a pleasant weekend like klinger (pictured). i know i will. i have a blind date tonight, i get to see my favorite band tomorrow night, and i get to sit around in my boxer shorts and do nothing on sunday.

the only thing that could make this weekend better is if the cubbies swept the cardinals.

much love,


i heart raymi + i heart party girls + i dont know who Quinn is

got home last night

and my broken computer was on my doorstep, covered by my welcome mat, which wasnt necessary, im xbi, nobody is going to steal my stuff.

without consequence.

my bro jeff from rock group tsar totally fixed my shit and for that i love him. thank you jeff. my computer repair hero.

i should go into business with that man.

also on my doorstep was a mysterious box from a man im not sure ive ever met.

a fellow from Up North sent me two bottles of my new favorite booze: Absinthe.

no way could it be real Ansinthe, since its a mythical elixer, but the bottle sure was pretty and its possibilities persuaded a young woman to come over tonight and have an absinthe blind date with me.

peak upon peak jimmy johnson preached while he was coaching the cowboys.

plus i need to drown my sorrows. sux not to four-peat.

so last night i was able to mess around on my computer and chat with people of all sorts. some of whom i dont know why i chat with any more. it just brings pain and distress and sorrow and evil thoughts.

my mind has been bombarded with evil thoughts lately. maybe it was part of the eclipse. hopefully they will leave my head soon.

i just want to be good. thats all. just good.

so yeah, tonight also my good friend Greg will be coming over to the beach house. i havent seen greg in a while. he’s my bro. we’ll get to catch up a little. maybe he’ll bring his guitar over and play some songs for me. he’s my favorite guitarist you know.

and he writes some of the most wonderful songs.

im so very tired today.

hopefully theres nothing i have to do this morning and the crew will just let me take a little nappy-poo in the hangar.

dancing + joh3n + lago