good morning, america.

happy birthday.

do you know i love you? i do.

whats not to love about a country where anyone can be anything they want?

or do any damn thing they want?

right now i could buy a gun.

thats pretty cool.

right now i could buy a shitload of drugs.

all kinds.

right now i could download any song ever recorded.

right now theres about a dozen five dolla hos within walking distance from my badass abode.

ok. maybe only a half dozen. but theyre hot.

i love living in america. even though there are speed limits.

i know when gen x starts infiltrating congress all this dumb shit will go away. and radio is bound to get better.

karisa reminded me the other day that i hadnt been shut out for two months. that there was that college girl.

and even though she was grossed out when she saw my birthcertificate that said 1888 and i havent seen her since, i still love you, america.

she was pretty hot too.

i love you america for the beastie boys, janes addiction, the replacements, and tsar.

i love you for mtv and espn and directv

and the world wide fuckin web.

theres countries where people are still trying to figure out what to do with the womenfolk and we’ve got wireless highspeed broadband in central park. for free.


i love you america for getting it about religion.

we still might be a little fucked up about race, but nobodys getting shot at for which church they dont go to.

its true that im not so crazy about christmas mangers being yanked because theyre on public property, but i like why they’re taken away, and im amazed at the foresight of the founders for being so punk rock as to seperate church and state so clearly.

and im born again.

i love america for mcdonalds and pizza hut and jack in the crack and six foot bongs.

water slides and weenie roasts, kfc and kamikazee toasts.

america, the best collaboration of black and white since shooting stars.

thank you for country, than you for rock, than you for jazz, and thanks for inventing hip hop right before our eyes

thanks for the simpsons and nirvana and howard stern and madonna.

seven-11 bob dylan happy birthday america

youre still cold chillin.

tina + raymi + happy birthday sarah