why i would fire cubs tv announcer, chip caray,

who claims to be the grandson of the finest baseball announcer of all time, harry caray.

reason number one: he sucks.

july seventh, two thousand and three, wrigley field, chicago.

cubs up 6-3 over the marlins, bottom of the eigth, bases loaded with cubs.

eric karros at bat.

chip caray: “had a great time visiting with eric karros and his wife, mark grudzielanek and his girlfriend last night at the house of blues.

“hootie and the blowfish put on a great concert.

“jim sonnenfeld, one of the members of that terrific rock n roll outfit, kind enough to have us out to that concert last evening.

“let’s see if eric can rock this house with a big hit in the 8th to put it out of reach.”

its bad enough that we have to be cubfans.

but then they make us listen to that.

i kept thinking, what if my kids heard that.

the court says that i dont have any kids anymore, which is a relief because i would point alot and say, be like that, or dont be like that.

or sometimes i would just point and say bad.

i just switched over to the dodgers padres and theres our buddy vin scully showing guys like caray every damn day how its done if you want to play it straight and perfect.

hell, his dad skip is pretty good at playing it straight.

but i think the problem with chip is that either hes possesed by a demon, or he just plain sucks.

and someone who sucks, you cant really do anything about.

chip caray will never bust with the

had a great time with mark pryor and kyle farnsworth as we checked out the black flag reunion show at the caberet metro across the street last night after the game.

rollins said our names were on the list but thats a show i didnt mind paying real money for.

they totally rocked family man, steve.

and you might say, but thats not fair, tony, chip caray would never in a million years say anything like that.

and id say exactly and fire him, because his grampa would have never seen hootie and the blowfish with eric karros.

and if he did he would have been ashamed, and wouldnta outted grudz or karros either.

harry caray wouldnta been anywhere near hootie and the damn blowfish.

he woulda said blowfish? i might be a drunk but im no perv.

another nobody + incendiary introspection + gweilo diaries

one fun thing about hanging out with karisa

is that theres always a variety of men around who are quick to do anything that needs to be done around the pool.

this weekend liz lost her glasses in the pool, bam, it was fished out by a fellow who we didnt even know.

then someone else needed to get some burgers cooked, bam, cooked with melted cheese even.

then there was the matter of some prescription pills, voila, a perscription surfaced, then a doctor was contacted, then there were pills.

if i did run for governor of california i would have karisa be my leuitenant governor. someone would say, hey gov, we’re going to need some rolling blackouts today. and i would say why? and they would say, cuz we’re out of energy.

and karisa would say, we’re out of energy? and i bet you three, four guys would fall over themselves with alternative sources of power and we wouldnt need any damn rolling blackouts.

if i ever did have a job where i traveled the country writing about america out of the back of a pick up truck i would want karisa to be my traveling secretary. not only is she an organizational genius, but shes a tech head, and good times follow her everywhere she goes. only problem is she doesnt want to be famous. which would be a problem because between the two of us theres rarely a time when attention isnt directed our way.

i went to ihop today for lunch.

i ordered breakfast in honor of chris who i love because she woulda ordered breakfast. that girl loves breakfast for lunch.

we saw a group of people saying grace before they ate. i thought that was adorable.

anyway, the burgers the dude made at karisas were delish, the vodka shots that liz poured got me hot and bothered, and the chatter among the cool kids was good.

all day i had been hot and i wanted to go jump in her pool, but alas, as soon as i got over i didnt want to go swimming any more. i just wanted to drink and hang out and listen to the groovy tunes that another dude had burned for her.

life must be so much different for the tattooed.

i guess thats why everyone gets em.

jean philippe + missie + wiz bang

hi america.

did you have fun celebrating your birth? i did.

i dont want to be back at work.

we didnt find the dude we were looking for but we’re back at the office cuz we need to be.

have i told you i dont want to be here at work today?

i dont.

have i told you i miss my true love? yep. do.

have i told you i havent been on a hot date in quite a while.

ah monday must you remind me of my faults?

my hair is growing in sorta ok, i guess. i might even be due for a haircut.

so my question to you is, since i really dont write anything interesting on here, according to a few emailers this weekend, why is it that people write this when i simply link them?

thank you, jesus.

today started as any normal day. i woke up around nine, sat at my computer for who knows how long, going through my daily blog rounds, but being a little too early in it, as nobody had updated anything yet. waited ten minutes. checked again. nothing. waited fifteen minutes. checked again. nothing. what could everybody be doing? i answered my own question by telling myself the problem was me, not them. they probably all had lives.

so i went to the grocery store and picked up some goods. after that, i settled back in and resumed checking blogs. ‘alas! tony has updated!’ i said to no one in particular. i read through it in it’s entirety, fully receiving my usual dose of etertainment and satisfaction as i got down to the last line.

and then

a pig zooms past my window.

‘what in the…?’ i said as i got up and surveyed the scene. i soon saw that there was not one pig, but many, all flying and floating about in my front yard. my initial question still unanswered, i sat back down.

i read the last line.

and then continued scrolling.

i paused for a moment. something was awry. something in that line was much too familiar. i scrolled back up.

i was expecting to see a link to another blog i had just read or another site that i had just visited. but instead, it was a link to my own.

so here i am, thinking no way in hell could he have just linked me. it’s not possible. my eyes must deceive me. it must be the smoke from the mountains. it is clouding my reason, fooling my spider senses. surely, that is it.

because if it isn’t, then that means twice now. twice i have been mentioned by my blogger idol. twice i have been looked at by the xbi agent behind the busblog.

and that just defies all reason.

i think i died in my sleep last night and went to heaven.


im watching the original Razors Edge.

the remake with bill murray is one of my faves and this one is pretty good too.

i have the strangest life. i took a lot of pictures this weekend. i have two 10 page photo essays that just need to be written. now i know why people dont do photo essays very often.

theyre very time consuming. very.

catch twenty two is if you have things to take pictures about then youre probably having a good time doing those things and then when you get back home and edit them and tweak them and do all the things you have to do then you dont have any time to write because its nearly one am and you have to go to work in the morning.

so you blog instead cuz its quicker.

kobe bryant is being accused of sexual assualt and i have no idea how to feel about it.

if i had a late night sunday radio talk show thats how i would have lead off the discussion.

people would say that theres no way he woulda done anything like that because he has a hot young wife.

other people would say that maybe he would because hes the stud of the galaxy and the lakers are about to get the mailman and the glove just to entertain me.

and then someone would say that when you have the money fame good looks success of kobe if you brushed your hand across a woman accidentally she might sue you for sexual assault just to settle out of court.

and then someone would call in to say that women get attacked every day, why couldnt it happen in colorado in a hotel by mr. kobe bryant.

and then we would probably have to take a commercial.

when we got back i would play some music and being sunday i would invite people to pray for number eight

and for any friends who might need a dose of some good stuff from a bigger place.

and for the cubs who have been sucking. big time.

and then i would pop in some led zeppelin.

something slow

and live

since its the night time.

last chance cafe + mallory + blue cad