jamie says that sometimes the comments are the best part

and of course he’s right.

#7 Jul 16 2003, 06:47 pm

Please don’t have children.


now its true i do take requests, and al3x was polite enough to say please, so i might have to give the man what he wants purely on principle.

not that it would be hard.

im not the most lovable man.

i sweat when i sleep.

i enjoy the bible.

and pornography.

i really know way too much about sports, and most women find that annoying.

and then theres this blog, and the website, and the busriding. those three things dont usually add up to a lot of fornication, i dont care how big your dick is.

i dont like to read very many books, i hate dancing, and i like to do it three times a day.

who’s gonna want that from their man, al3x?

im not handy, i dont like salads, im messy, i dont cook, id rather not go out on friday nights, im a terrible dresser, im not interested in money, i like hip hop metal and punk, and im always changing my mind.

girls dont like to lose at scrabble.

i fucking whip their asses at scrabble.

girls dont like being called girls.

girls dont like it when i call the united states america. they tell me that america includes north south and central america, not just the usa.

and then theres the problem about the fact that on the rare occasions that i do get a little action, i always wear condoms.


how am i gonna have any children doing that, my man?

so worry not, old chap, if your fear of a hundred little tonys running around this fine world in a few years has you losing sleep, rest your pretty little head.


your momma swallows everything i got.

jaime + oliver + reverse cowgirl

ive never said that i have a normal life.

yesterday i tried to cut off all ties with a super hot chick. as ashley can tell you, im not good at that. im starting to think that i have no say when it comes to the ladies.

i hadnt been talking to her for a while and she would shoot off one volley of email after the next in such a tone that i thought she was planning on assinating me.

tell me what time i can come over tonight.

never, ho.

please, tony, what time can i come over.

sometimes you just want a few minutes to get your shit together, to build a case, to get your little speech ironed out.

for her i had decided i wasnt going to have any speech. it was just going to be over. forever. we had had this issue a few times before. there had been words. if the problem wasnt going to be fixed forever, then i was willing to cut my losses and get out of the drama.

i hate drama.

all week we had been bickering and you dont want to get me involved in an email fight because i have some stealth weapons that really shouldnt be allowed into the field of play. and i have an itchy trigger finger. and i have no patience. and i can be easilly pissed off in the heat of the moment.

because i respected her and promised after the last war that i wouldnt use those weapons, i didnt. and in retrospect i feel a little proud because she had been unapologetic during this skirmish and it would have been very easy to begin with the pandoras box of insults and diatribes.

i did love this girl. and i still do. and some of the scars from those past assaults are slow to heal. so i was extra careful this time.

big mistake because she came over looking better than id ever seen her. she was apologetic. she was perfect actually. i was beaten down by life and a six pack. she held my hand and told me how sorry she was. i tried to change the subject once the thai food had arrived, but she wanted to tell me how important i was in her life.

it made it hard for me to stay mad at her. but i was doing a good job.

she looked at me with her sparkling green eyes and i looked at the all star game instead.

she put her head on my lap and looked up at me.

i at the cracks in the fireplace.

i didnt do much talking. i didnt smile much. i was trying to harden my heart. i was succeeding. she said things and i listened and before i knew it i was back to being her little bitch and i wasnt sure if that was failure or not.

everything is failure.

and then she went home.

and i felt better, and i was able to finish my tsar photo essay, and i slept well, and i woke up well, and i got on the bus well, and we still havent found the missing xbi guy.

and if you cut a tree open you’ll see its rings.

this week has been a ring.

ive aged a whole year.

i need another beer.

new photo dealie