clipper girl’s cousin came over last night.

party timeshe was trying to be mean to me because i took karisa to coulter’s wedding and not her, but she knew i didnt play that game so she called me and arrived with an apple pie and the dvd of american pie and mischeif in her eye.

needless to say it helped me not get shut out of july.

afterwards she accused me of being anti-breast.

i told her i wasnt anti-breast.

she asked me why i never really spent much time working the twins and i said i thought a gentleman wasnt supposed to. she said a gentleman was supposed to do whatever the gentlewoman wanted and i said fine, i’ll pay more attention to the zooms.

these are the biggest issues i have to deal with these days:

play more with my titties.

growing up i read a lot of Cosmo. i watched a lot of tv. i listened to women talk.

most the time i would read that guys would spend too much time on the cans and not enough time kissing or whispering or finding that magic spot.

“he thinks he’s tuning into a mexican radio station,” the frustrated women would write to Dear Cosmo.

if a girl had very small breasts i would make sure to work em a little more than i normally would, sorta to say, i know theyre there. theyre fine.

same would go if a girl had misshapen or scarred ones due to gunshots or plastic surgery: attention would be paid.

but if a young lady had perfect ones, or big huge ones, typically i would make the rounds and then try to downplay the obvious.

too often i had heard from women with generous portions that the men in their life would stare at them and be hyptonized and do nothing other than zero in on them.

im more than just tits, theyd whine.


i guess sometimes you can outthink yourself.

thankfully at the root of any good relationship is communication and trust

and the permission to be felt up.

raymi + true + chuck + keanu fever

i just need more time

i told my boss yesterday that my day goes way too fast. that i never look up at the clock and say, oh shit its only 2pm. i never think shit i wish this day would go faster.

my nights go superfast. my mornings speed by. i fall asleep on the couch cuz i dont want to admit that its bedtime.

last night i woke up at 5am, went to the bedroom, said my prayers and thanked him for everything. there was a lot to thank him for. then went to bed for an hour an a half. then woke up. then listened to howard stern. then started to write cuz the clock is ticking.

i want to hit the road.

i want to show people that On the Road was a pile of shit written by a guy who wasnt honest about anything in his life.

i want to turn this blog into nothing but true stories because the truth is stranger than bullshit and the truth will set you free.

im so not free right now.

if i was free id still be asleep sorta listening to howard stern.

if i was free id be following the cubs around right now cuz the cubs are on fire right now and theyre gonna make a run for it. they are making a run for it.

if the cubs were free and not full of bullshit theyd sign aaron boone and let him play third base. then we’d have a team.

i know theyd say, oh we cant afford aaron boone, but thats lies. lies are dumber than nonfiction. tribune corp owns the tv station and the newspaper.

george steinbrenner doesnt own the newspaper and the tv. he just owns the product. and the angels own the yankees. which is why he’s running scared.

tribune corp is full of shit. they lie to the people who love them. they sit around and hope and hope and hope cant play third base.

sign boone, trade ramirez or let gonzales come off the bench. how hard is that? i mean really.

if i can sit on my ass watching the clock tick down to shower time and i can tell you to pick boone up instead of letting the dodgers not get him, then why cant the cubs just do the right thing.

with aaron boone you might be able to slide with joe borowski as your closer. with aarone boone you have completed your team. and trust me when i tell you that some people always have something askew. something quite not right.

trust me when i tell you that i have gone long enough with the cubs on the fucked up end of the see-saw. with the cubs being lovable and quaint.

i want the cubs to be scary.

i want people to say, fuck the cubs are coming to town.

i want steinbrenner to have to spend more money to compensate for his little schween.

i dont have a lot of time.

now is the only time.

tribune corp would delay the daily paper a day, if they could, to save a buck.

sign aaron boone so i have to pray words of thanks a little longer tonight.

im sick of feeling like havana. gorgeous and pure but missing something

and stuck in a commie time where you cant win cuz youre barely playing and the best thing you have is booze and smokes and wonderful people who have convinced themselves that where theyre at is fine.

where im at is fine.

but where i want to be is finer.

as fine as an aaron boone homer in october at wrigley with sammy on deck.