that theres a madpony who is no longer attatched. a sorority girl who no longer has a boyfriend. oh to be single and living in oklahoma again.

i wonder how long our girl will wait to start dating again? she was with her man for as long as ive known her – which is coming close to a year now, my time flies – and im pretty sure they were together well before then.

some people wait years to get back into the ring and i dont recommend that. life is short. romance is supposed to be a good part of our lifestyle, a nice bonus that seperates us from the bananna slugs. and i plead guilty to moping after splitting with most of my exs, but after i broke up with my last long term girlfriend of many years i was out dating immediately, and it helped. and i now see that it is the way.

neither of us considered it an insult to our relationship, and none of it diminished my affection to my true love.

i can say that im not totally happy with kristin being surrounded by all those frat boys, but maybe frat boys today are different than how they were when i was standing in line for the keg back at the end of the century. lets hope theyre better fellas out there.

but i trust her judgement. why not? one of the best things about blogs is you can go back in the archives and see how people have changed and grown and how their thinking might have developed and what ideas theyve stuck with, and far as i can tell kristin is still the sweet young woman we’ve all fallen for since she started her blog with her sister way back in ’02, and of the two kristin is the one who stuck to writing about her life regularilly and smartly.

bonus points for sticking to it.

in her second-to-last post she gave several tips to college freshmen as they enter their new lives.

i have more than a few tips for the college kids and i’d say on the top of the list is to do like what kristin did, and not be afraid to break up with boyfriends/girlfriends when youre in college. im not saying dont try to work things out, definately do that, but if you really arent into it anymore breaking up is the best thing you can do for yourself and your sweetie – especially when youre surrounded for the last time in your life by people your age doing almost exactly what youre doing.

college should be a place where dating and meeting people is at its easiest, which isnt to say that it will be easy, but it only gets harder once you leave the friendly confines of your campus.

with that said, if youre a guy, ask out every girl you get a crush on. your odds of them saying yes are far greater than when youre 26 and serving them mudslides at the TGIF. and trust me, thanks to our president, most of you are going to take that college degree and still end up working at the damn TGIF, so take that betty to the movies and if she says no, ask her roommate.

as for you, ladies, say yes in college. you have the rest of your lives to play hard-to-get. games are for game nights when youre sitting around your condo with the rest of your single girlfriends smoking american spirits, drinking white wine and realizing youre creeping closer to 30 and you’ve never been with a hundred-year-old. believe it when you hear that college is the best time of your life.

and then make it so.

gorrila mask + hit and run + madpony

dont call it a sellout. ive sold out for years. pushing this skateboard of secret treats headed for that tightrope across heck. she had green eyes that turned gray real slowly as the twinklestars zipped through the moonlight in the august folder of your heart.

she makes me feel my age not my shoe size. hellifi know how she does it. and what if it aint even her. still the sidewalk clacks like traintracks tonight as i skate down hollywood like a black speck in your rearview and thats how i wanna stay yo. im just going home straight up hoodie from a culdesac kittycornered to yesterday.

66. Gorilla Mask

go ‘topes she says and kisses me tentatively. bitch could make a rhyme outta everything. she touched me and my eyes would get all swirly. shed say the dirtiest things as hendrix played slow jams ive never heard and the dj would say uh.

whose living life like jimi the cymbal crashing cokehead monkey said, and if youre not living your rockstar destiny mr snoop dogg bloggyhead then who is.

cuz someone is

it aint a sellout if its for love she said

or lust yelled her sister from the next room

we were watching the albequerque isotopes who had made it to the playoffs, a minor league baseball team named after a cartoon minor league baseball team. life imitating bart. she said how do you like new mexico tony. he said makes me miss old mexico.

and these people interview me and they never go for it forrest. today they should have said, how do you think youre representing? and i’d say shit. far as i can tell im the only one representing. and not even well. but where im from you stay in your little treehouse and you dont wander. maybe you’ll head off to florida in the spring. but when you come back you say how great it is and you never go there again ever again ever and you certainly dont get any off two girls in the rain and none of you are on acid.

anymore.

and she keeps stirring the cookies singing sugar. oh, honey honey.

you are my everything.

and i want you.

her name was rosalita, she had a warm pool. way too tight with her kung fu grip and youd have to say im a sensitive poet remember this sword isnt mightier than your sin but it wasnt that it was you th. and who does nt wan t that.

madpony + mental spigot + sepi sepi

it is.

this morning i esped to myself i’ll send and s.o.s to the world

i hope that someone gets my

i hope that someone gets my

i cant believe how fast time flies here though. before you know it its lunch time and before you know it its time to go home. i do my fair share of over time, everyone does, but none of us want to. we just want to go home at the end of the day to our wives and girlfriends and mistresses and tivos.

im thinking about celebrating the opening day of football on sunday with a little bbq, but i dont know. im thinking about picking up street and smith football. im thinking about shaving all my hair off again.

im not thinking straight.

what does my astrology have for me this week?

Libra Horoscope for week of September 4, 2003

Promise me that you will never use astrology as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for your decisions. Always keep in mind that the planets don’t determine your fate. It�s true, however, that analyzing their positions can help you know when and how to clarify your choices.

For instance, my reading of the current omens suggests to me that if you continue to let things slide, if you keep postponing action, you’ll fall under the spell of a funky malaise. If, on the other hand, you bolster your commitment to what you love, you’ll not only ward off debilitation — you’ll feel more robust than you have in a long time.

– Rob Brezney

i dont know what that means. what am i letting slide? i am nothing, i have nothing, there is nothing to let slide.

i do need to work on the links to the left there, am i letting that slide too much? ok, done. i will work on that tonight.

work-wise im up-to-date. arent i?

date-wise, i have nothing. am i letting something slide over there? i dont think so. am i?

oh, astrology youre so confusing sometimes. i dont want to fall under the spell of any funky malaise.

hell, i already feel like im in a funky malaise.

maybe i just need a diet dr. pepper.

monica + lynn + nay

i gots lots to say but i aint saying it, just call my dusty. went to the grocery store with a hot chick yesterday. if you ever want me to start liking you, drive me to the grocery store in the hood and be cool. which she was.

her cell phone was blowing up cuz shes hot and popular and all her little girlfriends wanted to coordinate watching the OC and when i was younger i woulda lifted my shirt in aisle seven and said this is better than any damn oc baby but nowadays i just let people live their own lives.

except for dusty baker who benched sammy for the second game of the st. louis double dip last night even after it was obvious that the cubs bats had cooled off significantly since this weekend. in game one yesterday the cubs didnt score a run from the 5th inning till the 15th when sammy sent one into the bleachers.

his reward? he was allowed to rest for the nightcap. or was it a reward to the cardinals who shut the cubbies out for 7 more innings when the north siders loaded the bases for moises alou who nailed a shot down the left field line that kicked up chalk but still the umpire called it a foul ball, enraging not only alou, but cub reliever antonio alfonseca who ran out into the field after alou was retired and bumped the ump in a fit of rage. alou was also kicked out of the game in a move that looked like he air-headbutted the man in blue and spit on him.

sosa replaced alou in a bonehead move that echoed the old time phrase of too little too late.

although i have to give dusty his props for bringing the cubs this far with very little hitting and a miserable bullpen, when you bench your all-star hall of famer who is red hot, and you put all the pressure on a guy like moises alou, the guy who gets thrown out of the game for going apeshit on a badbadbad call shouldnt be your big fat washed up former closer, it should be your toothpick chewing ass.

you should be pointing at the chalk you should be pointing at the chalk you should be pointing at the chalk.

you should call the umpire every name in the book. you should question not only his sexuality but the sexuality of his mother and the sexuality of the man who sold him his glasses. whats that you dont wear glasses, well, maybe you should because even big fat antonio alfonseca here in the cubs bullpen saw that chalk kick up which would have been a double that would have scored at least two maybe three.

you should suggest that the umpire go back to st. louis or thank his bookie for allowing him to make the bet. you should tell the umpire that this is the mlb which means your mother loves the booty. i dont know what that means either but that was a fair ball and how come you didnt ask the three other blind mice if they saw the chalk, just ask them, what do you have to lose, why wont you ask them, are they in on the fix too. no i didnt say a dirty word i said FIX TOO FIX TOO what you cant hear AND see? ask your buddies if i swore! i said fix you dirty little liar, you crappy little man, you fake little shoe shine boy lucky to have a large variety of kneepads that got you to this position. 1908 and youre going to rob these fans of a double down the left field line because you want to make a few hundred bucks, here i will give you your damn money back, is that what this is about, money? here heres all the damn money i have, this isnt about money, son, this is about dreams coming true and yes im pointing at the bleachers youre just in the way, those fans, thats what this is about, those shirtless hopeless dirty fans who sit out there in their stink and bring their kids here and bring their friends here and have to watch idiots like you see the chalk fly up and still call it a foul ball. FIX YOU mother trucker FIX YOU!

and then dusty needs to say the real f word like 100 times and point at the chalk and accuse the umps of being terrorists and demanding that they show him the contents of their shoes because he’s suddenly quite curious as to why they would want to destroy the very center of america itself: baseball, and the cubs chances of winning a world series in our lifetime.

brian + zak + bloopy

bottom of the fifteenth inning today at wrigley. first game of the day + night double header, auggie ojeda gets on board, sammy sosa comes to the plate.

minutes later theres the hop (pictured).

the cubs are about to make my dreams come true.

k, first theyre going to leap frog the cards tonight and get into second place. then the astros. then they will beat the braves in the playoffs and then the yankees in the series.

easy.

ah yes. world championships. good thing about being 109 is i remember the last time the cubbies won it all, 1908 was the year, movies cost a penny and they put cocaine in Coke.

a man could buy a car for a half-penny and they made asprin out of ass.

donkeys that is.

back then they didnt have much on tv, but what they had was good: radio programmes, news of the cubs winning the world series, ventriliquizim.

internet was super slow in 1908. sheesh.

it was so slow people just used snail mail most of the time.

girls were nicer, but not as pretty. they didnt mind cleaning your house and making you supper. they had supper back then, btw. man were they nicer. Leave it to Beaver was reality tv.

of course the coloreds had no rights, or the satanists, or the kids, or the fish. you could just pee in the rivers and nobody said nothing.

tv was free, werent no traffic jams, houses cost a nickle.

you died at 35 but that just kept the traffic down and the preacher in business.

weed was legal in ’08, ‘cept we didnt call it weed, we called it Rheumatism Medicine, as in, boy, get me my medicine. then we’d chortle. lots of chortling going on back then.

a man couldnt walk a block without seeing another man in a stovepipe hat and a pipe and a cane chortling on his way to the saloon.

you’d tip your hat and chortle right back.

chortles were free back then.

amy

and people dont understand how to program television.

my favorite station E! has a great franchise going with their Wild On series, but this year they need to let the celebs show them how its done.

every week there should be a new celeb taking the cameras to their favorite party places. first up needs to be the Worm, my bro Dennis Rodman in vegas. he can give us tips on drinking, playing black jack, and rebounding. he should also give us a tour of the wedding chapels that are best for getting drunk in. and how to get a midget to be your best man. carmen electra can guest host a segment.

next week should be the Hilton Sisters on the sunset strip. i bet you there are more than a few secret rooms in the clubs in hollywood that only nikki and paris know how to get into. carmen electra should guest host one of the segments too.

then we go to minneapolis where i would like to see how prince gets down. i know he doesnt do much press, but come on buddy, no one is buying your records any more. seriously when was the last time you got a prince record? back when doves cried? and he doesnt even have to speak, he can just get one of his ladies to show us around. but he need to be there. i want wild on the twin cities. carmen electra can guest host.

then we need to go to isla vista. duh. i need to host that shhhhh whoops almost cursed there. i need to host the party. i want to see 50 kegs lined down del playa, bands, burning couches, fleeing dogs, cops on horses, and a whole hell of a lot of alcohol awareness, people. i would also like to see some wheat thins. the hilton sisters can guest host. maybe we can get ugly kid joe to reunite and party next to the leather guild.

speaking of reuniting. i want the Coreys to get back together somewhere in tijuana. lots of people party in baja and most of the times they do it in a dirty dirty shameful way. we need to change that. Wild On of all tv shows can bring the ass, i mean class back to tijuana, once known as the jewel in the mexican rivera. since carmen electra knows spanish i guess she can guest host.

snoop dogg is a Wild On: Tha Ghetto no brainer. must i seriously have to think of everything? paris hilton can guest star.

remember last year when that Aligator guy from austrialia was all the rage? he even had a knock off dude? well those two guys probably know how to party pretty well and i want to see how they let loose for the Wild On: Down Under.

willie nelson knows how to get down and none of that has been documented. why? maybe nobody has asked the redheaded stranger. Wild On: Hillbilly Style. and yes that means moonshine and deep frying turkeys, so represent!

but the biggest partiers in rock are the Roadies. every movie ive ever seen theres a roadie getting some or drinking or eating the left overs. Wild On: Backstage will be a classic. especially when the discussion turns away from tattoos and back to the groupies.

Wild On: Under 5′ 5″ will be a classic. lil kim, frankie munoz, fred durst, christina aguilera, mini me, david spade, the olsen twins, spud webb, seth green, gov. gary coleman, angus young: all how they roll.

tell me you wouldnt watch it.

alecia is the #2 “alecia” on google + daily pundit + ouahad

why arent we ruling the world yet?

why are we letting princess george and in his little boy blue outfit take his toy canon and airplane glue and set things on fire and spend all the money we dont have and lie and cheat and steal and look dumb.

raymi why do we even have to think about these things? arent there some art project that need to go down?

arent there like a dozen young girls who idolize you who need to have a thrift store contest?

why dont we have our tv talk show yet? why arent our dreams realized? are you even in america?

come back to america raymi. we need you. come make it sunny here.

especially in hell-a.

im going to be 110 years old next month raymi.

american.

and youre 20?

god we’d make a great team.

im doing this thing this week where im not going to say any swear words on the blog at all.

i think i can do it.

i did it the last few days and it wasnt any big deal.

please come back to america where its the greatest and show us how to be the greatest.

i need your fashion tips. big time. BiG TYME. i want you to dye my hair, i want you to tell me how great Tsar is. theyre playing almost every day next month and this month. except for the suckey days.

oh raymi where are you girl? i dont even see your boy writing about you. i see him pulling the bukowski and getting terrible jobs at low wages. hes funny. when can i marry you two. i would.

fifty bucks cash upfront though.

american.

cry of capricorn + blue cad + emmanuelle