danielle’s roommate works

for a major movie studio. since im casually looking for new employment, i took a long lunch yesterday and filled out an application.

after the regular blah blah blah of where do you currently work (Denny’s), where do you live, etc, there came a part where they asked about writing ideas. ideas for tv shows, radio shows, and movies.

i wasnt sure if they were trying to steal ideas from me, figure out if i was crazy, figure out if i was a good employee, or seriously trying to find out if i could write something good in a small room while under the gun.

since i didnt trust any of it i took little pictures of what they asked and what i wrote. here’s one little section.

We would like you to think of your own idea for a movie that is tailored specifically towards all things you consider “manly.” Please write:

1. The movie title

2. A short synopsis of the plot

3. An explanation of how exactly this movie is representative of your own personal thoughts and feelings about being a man

1. Death Goes Crazy II

2. Two teenage brothers, recently orphaned have to figure out a way to pay for their grandparents’s medical bills or end up in foster care with the creepy catholic priest guy. So they wind up barbacking at the strip club at the state line where they learn about the birds and bees very quickly and end up realizing that they have quite a talent for long range riflery while doing a “favor” for the boss who also doubles as a loan shark.

Everything is great until they are busted. Forced with the option of jail or working undercover for the fbi, they choose the feds and start taking out “terrorists” with uncanny accuracy and poise.

As they travel they continue to visit strip clubs around the world, learning a variety of successful marketing schemes and sharing them with whoever will listen. they even give tips to the dancers on how to close sales, get repeat sales, and groovy dance moves.

One day they find out that the FBI has been using them. Their targets in many cases werent terrorists, but simply people the fbi didnt like. for any reason. when they learn this, they teach the strippers the secrets of marksmanship and the blood of evil fbi agents everywhere fill the streets when death goes crazy.

danielle + andrew dice clay cusses on cnn + who says the kids are apathetic?

hi president bush

tony, i cant talk to you.

come on. just for a sec.

no. there are two people im being told not to talk to. michael moore and tony pierce.

dude, but im your bro.

no. and… what?

dude, remember how i gave you all those great tips and kept you from getting impeached.

i do tony, but…

and remember how i lived up to our deal that i wouldnt talk about your daughters.


your twin daughters. come on man. ive got two posts a day ive gotta think shit up for, to turn my back on the drunken twin teenage daughters of the president of the united states isnt as easy as youd think.

well i appreciate that but no.

all i want to ask you about is why wont you talk to the brothas?

the who?

the brothas and sistahs of the naacp.

what band is that.

theyre not a band.

rap group? hip-hop outfit?

no mr. bush, the naacp is an organization that tries to help minorities get more educated, get good jobs, and fight racism. among other things.

never heard of em.

well, you actually spoke to them in 2000 when you were running for president.

see there, i DID talk to them. why do they want me to talk to them again?

for one reason, because every year since youve been elected youve declined their invitation to speak to them again. and if you blow them off this year you’ll be the first sitting president since hoover not to talk to the biggest minority orginazation.

hey wait, i thought you said you werent going to talk politics this month.

who said this was politics. this is one guy asking another guy why he wants to stiff black people.

i dont want to stiff anyone. besides, the darkies dont vote for me.

says who? you dont think that by hiring condi and colin that blacks sorta like you?


why dont you ask them?

they dont want to talk to me. they’ll be mean to me.

president bush. remember when you were in that classroom in florida on 9/11. were those little black kids, was that big fat black teacher mean to you?


see. is condi and colin mean to you?


ok, bad example. anyway, i think you should reconsider. this is a close race. blacks will vote. maybe not as much as they should, but they do vote and every vote counts.

ok, i will think about it. but if i change my mind you didnt hear it from me.

mums the word

dick shagwell + all about george + rupaul