so here i am at the xbi with one more post that my girl flagrant would call a dilluted but we’ll just rack it up to more venting.

had a nice talk with jeff whalen from tsar. my favorite rock group. he had a funny joke that i will tell you cuz he doesnt use the innernet so he wont be mad at me for revealing it.

apparently there is much debate in the music industry about whether Tsar is rock or punk, which tells you how little the industry spends to making and hyping good music and how much time they spend catagorizing it.

jeff is a huge dodger fan. he called firstly to tell me that Tsar is playing tomorrow night at King King in hollywood on my favorite street hollywood blvd. so we got the rock out of the way and got right into dodgertalk.

he said what about bonds.

i said fuck bonds i hate that mother effer.

he said what are we gonna do about him.

i said kidnap em!

he said if Tsar kidnapped barry bonds we would finally find out if we were rock or punk or glam or pop.

i was all, hows that?

he was like, well the LA Times would likely write something like “Local rock group Tsar kidnapped San Francisco slugger Barry Bonds today requesting a $69,000 ransom…” or they would say “punk group Tsar, from hollywood, kidnapped…”

to which i said any band that kidnapped a baseball player to benefit the home team, i would imagine, would instantly be called “punk” cuz it’s more shocking to the home viewer.

he exhaled and said yeaaah. shit.

at the mtv awards, i told him, there was the rock video catagory. there was hobastank who sang a little girl song, then evervessance who sang a little girl song, then there was lincoln park who sang a Rush song circa 1995 minus the killer neil pert fills, then Jet sang their catchy little forgetable stones exile on mershstreet tune and Jet, who opened for tsar on 5/17/03 won the fucking mtv rock video award.

jeff said why are you telling me this?

i said cuz dude, mtv basically told lincoln park that theyre as disposable as limp bizkit, they told evanescense that cute goth wannabe girls are so not rock, and they told poopastank that if incubus isnt rock then dinkubus jr is totally not rock so therefore Tsar where are you we need you so the moonman goes to Jet.

and then we went back to figuring out how to kidnap barry.

which of course starts at the GNC in foster city…

i got offered a dinner date with clipper girls cousin who i havent seen in a while. she has a man now. and by man i mean MAN number two pick of an east coast nba team. sux to be me. she is always honest with me though. i was all, do you ever think about me?

she said, every time i touch myself.

i was all get out.

she was all, im totally serious.

i was all, bro is nearly seven feet tall and young and rich and

she said size doesnt matter

then said, oh wait yeah it does.

and god did she laugh.

then i said so why would dumbass tony be in your thoughts as you lie there in your houseboat?

and she said, i think of him sometimes, when i want to think of nice thoughts

but when i want to think dirty things i think of tony pierce.

which is sorta a cool thing.

until she asked me to have pizza with her and i said better not i wouldnt want you to cheat on your meal ticket.

and she was all dont worry im on the rag.

and i was all

well, lets just say theres a reason that girl still thinks of me with a smile, and its not because im so fucking good looking.

emmanuelle + kate sullivan + bicycle mark + riley dog

so dont pay any attention. and if you are inclined to leave a comment, just say something about how great karisa looks in this picture or that the cubs will be fine.

i feel like i have done so well in my life staying positive and staying happy and in turn that has kept me feeling and looking pretty young. but this xbi gig has done everything to turn that around.

i cant believe the girls i have been dating lately. amazingly hot and amazingly lame. i dont even talk about them theyre so disappointing. then i hang out with people like karisa and chris and i think, are there really only a handful of people who embody coolness and smarts and sexiness and fun and thats it? is the world so scarce?

i cant believe how people honestly think that george bush could be anything more than be a crossing guard. hes an obvious imbecile. i would love to see what episode of springer he would have been on if he wasnt born into the bush dynasty. is it wrong for me to think that if he actually went to nam he would have been killed by his own troop?

i cant believe that im 110 years old and i have no future outside of getting a masters. why cant i just get a good job and do things that way. why do i have to sell out and study poetry and then teach the youth of america. why cant i just work for a paper or a magazine or write a blog for mtv or maxium or sports illustrated or playboy. why am i such a loser.

who am i to complain. even if the xbi is dangerous (two people shot at me as i was getting off the bus this morn) and ridiculously low paying and just plain dumb, at least its a gig and at least it pays for some of the dental work im getting done and at least the girls are cute and willing and eager but is this why the good lord put me here? of course not.

am i here today to bitch? doubt it.

why cant tsar be on the radio and tv. why cant tsar get a deal that pays them zillions. why cant the cubs get it together. why cant people understand that i dont even want a car let alone need one.

my true love doesnt want me to call her that any more because shes afraid the new girls will think they dont have a chance. they have a chance. just be awesome is all i ask. just come over when you say you will. just pay attention once youre over. just quit holding back when youre topless. i mean at some point the green light isnt gonna get any greener. so rock bitch rock.

my neighbor is 91 years old and called me to help her with a lightbulb and i said im naked let me put on some pants and she said why bother kid just come over. and i laughed. her place smelled of powder and ensure. i like that woman. she showed me her fingers that had bent everywhich way and i thought i need to write more cuz who’s gonna type for a old black man who can think of nothing more than stories for boys from a day when a man could challenge another to a duel after removing the bullet from his vest and letting the bus pull gently from the curb.

a day when that man shoulda missed his shot since he was hungover from the beastie boys show but a day when that man didnt miss cuz some things some men are born with like absolute marksmanship fucked up pensmanship and the propensity to attract some of the lamest situations and characters who i swear try their best to outlame each other and themselves.

if i was a smoker i would quit today, if i was a druggie i would drink, instead im a blogger so i’ll whine.

chas + maggot + science blog

universal amphitheater

9/14/04

why do i doubt the beastie boys? theyve been doing this shit for twenty years and they’ll be doing it for twenty more.

yes their new album isnt that good. yes they have gray hair now. and theyre too political. and theres no more girls in cages or beer fights and theres no more punk rock in the new record.

but what they have is hip hop coming out of their pores. they also have the best dj in the business.

mixmaster mike worked the wheels of steel as the beasties did their three man weave of hits spanning their incredibly successful career.

doing such crowd pleasing oldies as “time to get ill” and “paul revere” from their first album, while dipping freely from their rich paul’s boutique songbook, the beasties worked the stage masterfully.

in the middle of the show they played the Will Ferrel video where the former SNL star impersonated president bush and then came out on a rolling mini-stage wearing powder blue tuxedoes looking very much like a rented wedding band. perfect for playing “something’s got to give” and several other jazzy funk instrumental cuts from their not too long ago past.

the kids looked great in the stands. the beasties looked weathered but not worn on the stage. karisa and i got drunk from $12 24-oz coronas and stayed on our feet for the entire show five rows from the stage.

it was a great night and we expressed our love for each other and our favorite hip hop group all the way to the jack in the box drive through where we scarfed ultimate cheeseburgers and fries and passed out with our shoes still on ears still ringing from the shrieking encore “sabotage”.

rocked by rock.

as it should be.

upcoming beastie boys shows:

tonight in Long Beach, CA

Sep 16 & 17 in San Francisco

Sep 19 in Seattle

Sep 20 in Vancouver, BC

paige six + terra + go fug yourself

is that they seem to want us to live the lives of the pussy ass bitches

instead of setting the tone as the courageous american leaders that we are.

the typical cycle of mundane human existence is generally (1) fight for what you want, (2) get it, (3) and then hold on to it as tightly and fearfully as you can.

rodents follow the same patterns.

enlightened human beings who chose to actually live their lives can shed their natural inclinations and say to themselves,

“oh look how far i made it actually working for what i have… i dont need to live in a place of fear that some lesser creature can steal what i have and leave me with zero forever.”

courageous people know that they can just yank back what was rightfully theirs.

today i invite you to yank back your courage, america.

dont you remember the hours after 9/11? so many people were all, “point me towards those asswipes, i’ll take em on bare handed.”

america isnt used to being the cowering victims in dire need of homeland security. we’re the ones who invented the signs that say “Forget the Dog, Beware the Owner.”

we’re the one’s who nail up the placard that say, “This House Protected by Smith & Wesson”.

we’re the ones with the flag of the rattlesnake that warns Don’t Tread on Me.

and most of us here live with that feeling in our hearts.

so no, im not afraid of any phony baloney terrorists so backwards that they blow themselves up as they try to take out busses.

im not afraid of some sand hitler who gasses his own people with the dow chemicals that we sold him.

im not afraid of the nukes in china or north korea or anywhere, especially in iraq since there arent any there anyway.

i am born and raised american the only fear i have is that there wont be enough ass for me to kick in Heaven when i get there.

so yes mr bush i reject the horror stories that you continue to read us as we lay our heads to sleep. shove your terror alert warnings back in your texas spiderholes.

if you cannot run for office based on policies of possibilities and probabilities then you have no business running for office in this country because this aint the home of the scared.

its the home of the busblog.

where freedom will ring with or without dingalings like you.

what wasnt killed three years ago has only made us stronger.

it’s time to come from a position of strength pussy ass bitch.

like we’re used to.

like the way things are.

now watch me hit this drive.

party poker + anti + doc searls

at the universal amphitheatre.

as you know, karisa and i go way back but for some reason we’ve never seen the beasties together – totally our favorite band!

when i first met karisa, as has been documented several times, she was interviewing for a job at the dot com that i worked at.

it was my responsibility to seperate the riff from the raff and encourage all the kool kids to work for us for extremely low wages.

karisa took the bait in part because i was wearing a beastie boys tshirt at her interview.

infact we talked at length about the obvious brilliance of paul’s boutique and the overshadowed magic within the grooves of check your head.

only after she recited the entirity of Paul Revere did i hire her.

after making her sweat when she missed a line.

in truth i was leaning toward hiring her anyway but dont tell her.

since then pretty much every time that we’ve hung out together there have been beastie boys music rockin her xterra.

i remember one particular evening she was driving me home after we saw a knights tale and we started singing pass the mic quite loudly as we rolled down santa monica blvd.

this new record doesnt turn me on. it doesnt turn her on neither. i like the Triple Trouble single, but thats about it.

i have seen every beastie boys tour since their first album. Beasties + Run DMC + Grandmaster Flash at the hollywood paladium was my first experience followed with the same lineup at the Greek later that summer.

as a stereo salesman Licensed to Ill sold me hella speakers and even more subwoofers.

i have seen them at lollapalooza, ive seen them in the round, ive seen them do a little unplugged gig at mccabes guitar shop when they did everything in spanglish.

tonight i will see them from the fifth row thanks to a tip from my bro rob, thanks rob, and it will be the first time witnessing them with your girl karisa and i’m stoked.

there were rumours of tailgating and hot boxing before the show but we’re old so we will probably just do some quick shots at BB Kings like yuppies and haul ass across the CityWalk.

jaylex + iron mouth + kristi with a k

by tony pierce

forget about what your parents want you to do. forget about what your stupid fucking friends want you to do. forget about everything other than what you want to do.

vote with your heart.

you do so little with your heart, practice when you vote and do the right thing.

dont get confused with the menutia. dont get psyched out with the bullshit. if someone says that this particular politician lies, guess what, they all fucking lie. vote for the person who best represents your ideals.

dont vote from a place of fear. use the force luke. fear is for pussy ass bitches who dont live in the united states. forget the lying liars who tell you that if you vote one way or the other that it will ruin the country. this country is unsinkable.

in the last 4 years we’ve gone from the biggest surplus ever to the biggest deficit ever. in the last 4 years we were terrorized, we went to war, and we sorta lost. in the last 4 years the gas prices have skyrocketed, the stock market plummeted, the real estate prices have gone up, and we saw a nipple during halftime of the superbowl.

the nation didnt sink. it barely even blinked. this country can survive pretty much anything, it can take whatever vote you have. so do it, fuck. vote.

if you think one guy is a fucking retard, dont vote for him. no matter what.

if you think another guy is a fucking wimp, dont vote for him. no matter what.

pretend you’re the head coach and your team is in the fourth quarter of the superbowl. if you’re happy with the quarterback leave him in. if youre not happy with the quarterback yank his loser ass off the field.

if youre afraid that you will have to explain your vote to your friends/coworkers/family ask yourself how long youve been such a spineless bitch.

it’s nobody’s business who you voted for which is why they have that curtain there. and anyone who asks you what you do in private deserves to be lied to. visciously.

if someone asks you who you voted for say nader. if they tell you that you wasted your vote tell them you voted your conscious which is never a waste.

tell them that only the two major parties ever say that voting for a third party is a wasted vote. tell them that it’s unamerican to tell someone that their vote is a waste. every vote matters. even theirs.

a month before the election send away for an absentee ballot. take your time going over all the propositions and people trying to get elected. dont vote for things based on what the ballot says. vote for things based on what the internet says. read mroe than one source.

if you live in a big city, read what the commie free weekly says about an issue, then read what the megaconglomorate daily newspaper has to say about an issue. somewhere in the middle is the truth.

dont think that if you vote for social programs that everyone will instantly go on welfare and suck from the teet of taxpayers. businesses suck on that teet way more than individuals.

dont think that if you vote for a proposition entitled “clean air and water” that it is Only about having clean air and water, there will probably be other crazy things added to that bill that has nothing to do with air or water. find out what else is in that bill and then decide. if youre too lazy to research, vote against it.

if you dont know who your representatives are, vote them out. theyre not representing you.

similarily it never hurts to vote against the judges.

and it never hurts to vote against the DA.

give people in public office a scare.

make them beg for their cush jobs. make them get on their knees for you. they work for us, dont ever let them forget that.

right after the 1992 elections i sent letters to bill clinton, sen barbara boxer and sen diane feinstein. i told them congratulations on winning and that i wanted them to do two things for me.

i told them that i wanted them to legalize marijuana and put free condoms in malls because i was sick of our tax monies being spent for the unwinable war on drugs and i was sick of the most advanced nation in the world having people die of AIDS because there weren’t condoms everywhere.

then i told them that if they did either of those things OR sent me an autographed picture then i would vote for them every time they ran.

one person sent me an autographed picture.

two people completely ignored me.

the person who sent me the picture?

the president of the united states.

vote for the people who pay attention to you and do as you say.

and vote out the bastards who treat you like crap.

danielle is back + amy tells us about stacy sullivan + koganuts + kimbalina (above)

i said i dont know.

she said they played baseball yesterday in new york,

yesterday of course being september eleventh

something they didnt do three years ago.

it was the new york mets playing the philadelphia phillies.

a high scoring game with the mets benefitting from a ninth inning error sent the game into extra innings

i was all what does that have to do with God.

she said at the end of ninth at shea the scoreboard read

nine runs eleven hits for new york

nine runs eleven hits for philadelpia

new york and pennsylvania of course being the two states where there were 9/11 casualties

since washington dc isnt in a state

i was all

dumb.

she was all the game ended in the thirteenth inning

final score?

new york nine

philadelphia eleven.

and then for some reason she punched me in the arm

as hard as she could.

zulieka live from japan + senior sneer + sports frog

starring jet li, zhang ziyi, tony leung chiu-wai, donnie yen, and maggie cheung as flying snow

directed by zhang yimou

she was all he doesnt even know where his heart is!

i was like shhhh, its sunday. lets try to keep it holy.

she scoffed and hissed “ironic” into her sunday paper.

the raiders were losing on 2. the bears were winning on 702 and the cubs were losing on 307.

it was warm in hollywood, almost hot, but nothing a little fan couldnt handle.

not yet noon.

and all i could think of was hero. the movie that quentin tarantino brought to america. not much of a risk figuring that when it was released in china in 2002 it became the biggest domestic grossing film in chinese history.

and it should be. it’s gorgeous, it’s smart, it’s action packed, and it’s got a great story. i’d put my money on that horse.

it reminds us of a time when a hero was a fearless warrior who was rewarded when he defeated an enemy

a time when leaders were smart and strong and visonary

and a time when, indeed, one could challenge another to a duel.

95 percent of the 149 critics on rotten tomatoes gave hero a positive review.

the five percent who somehow remained unmoved by this masterful film were distracted by the similarities between it and acadamey award winning crouching tiger, hidden dragon.

it’s my belief, however, that you can borrow from a style, liberally even, as is in this case,

if you can do something with that style, like lift it to an even higher level.

zhang yimou effortlessly brings the ang lee style into a higher level, by adding to it with layers of slow motion tricks, adventures in lighting, and visual storytelling.

the screenwriting involves an interesting combination of tarantino’s telling the story from different perspectives mixed with shakespeare and “high noon”.

a beautifully violent movie whose creamy center is undebatedly

peace and love.

two thousand years from now todays leaders should only hope that they’re biographed this wonderfully.

the search for utopia + rollerskate skinny + kitty bukkake is beautifully shocking

this story

(08-05) 19:30 PDT NEW ORLEANS (AP) —

It wasn’t a four-letter word, but it was close enough to cause a stir at the National Scrabble Championship Thursday.

In the final round, eventual champion Trey Wright played the word “lez,” which was on a list of offensive words not allowed during the tournament.

Normally, no word is off-limits, but because the games were being taped for broadcast on ESPN, certain terms had been deemed inappropriate, including the three-letter slang for lesbian.

“There are words you just can’t show on television,” Scrabble Association Executive Director John Williams said.

Wright, a 30-year-old concert pianist from Los Angeles, played the word and then drew two replacement tiles so quickly that the referee didn’t notice at first. When he did, he said the slang term had to go.

ESPN officials told Williams the word could stay, but the issue was that Wright had already selected new tiles.

“He violated the rules. But there were also people who were upset that the word was played,” Williams said.

Eric Chaiken, a tournament participant and director of “Word Wars,” a documentary about the Scrabble championship, said the definition of “offensive” was open to interpretation.

“The ultimate absurdity is that you can’t play the word ‘redskins’ on ESPN,” he said.

Williams spoke with Wright and his opponent, David Gibson, then called an emergency meeting of the Scrabble Advisory Board. The board unanimously agreed to remove the word. Wright then returned the two tiles he had selected and played a different word, Williams said.

“We kind of took two steps back,” he said.

Wright, using more innocent words like feijoa (an evergreen shrub) and zebu (a domesticated ox), won the best-of-five final round in three games and pocketed a $25,000 prize.

“Meaning has no consideration when I play,” Wright said.

my true love and i played travel scrabble along the french countryside several summers ago sipping two dollar bottles of wine nibbling off baguettes and all was well.

shes now afraid to play me cuz im the only one who can beat her.

and yes i am calling her out.

leah got her first good in college + rabbit blog + fresyes + capt scurvy