almost

there are angels everywhere so watch out cuz they’re coming after you.

and they’re gonna soak you in good vibes and love and pleasant dreams and funny jokes and careful whispers and happinesses and bliss.

they might be named chris or mary or helen or harry. they’re sneaky and fast and if you’re not paying attention they might walk right past you just like the fishies do when you’re snorkeling in hawaii. they’re everywhere, all around you, all around me too.

people say the devil’s in the details, but even the devil was an angel who lost his way, so it’s okay.

this one angel let me kiss her the other day and it was technically just a peck but it was more than enough.

people always forget that sometimes the dumbest things can send you tumbling into a shitty mood, and what they forget is the reverse is also true. a little smile, a tiny note, the way someone says your name can totally make your day.

the angels float around pretending to be working at banks or tucked away in cubicles, but you know the ones im talking about. they’re not that good at hiding out. they’re here on vacation and a hundred years is nothing if you’re in heaven forever and who doesn’t want to spend that long being a johnny appleseed of good deeds in the bossmans favorite galaxy.

bmg just sent me five miles davis cds, norah jones and wilco and all i gotta pay is shipping and handling.

the teenage angels call me and call me and call me and then hush up when i finally answer, shy like they didnt think id ever say hello outside of a chat.

they don’t care what color my skin is or how low my fro is or how many moons ive seen come and go, they know its all about the sunsets anyway.

come out and play they say.

come over and lets let our minds wander.

come over and lez be friends.

i want a slumber party one of them told me today with just you and me and everything i was born with. and that’s not the details talking ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that’s trust, and trust is something from way up high. higher than you think.

and angels love to drink.

two of them came over tonight.

two of them held my hand tight.

two of them told me all the things i needed to hear.

and they answered the door for me while i was in the can and it was the academy with punch drunk love but i was so sleepy from all that drinking and they said take a quick nap and we’ll watch tv.

and they tucked me in all cute, kissed my forehead, and woke me up after about twenty minutes and i was refreshed and we watched it all together and they each said now write, write, tell everyone about us, no one will believe it anyway.

and i said okay.

listen to matt welch on kabc radio tonight at 7pm

flagrant + zulieka + verbungle

tonight
TSAR, spaceland
the game, vault 350
tommy stinson, hotel cafe
los lobos, royce hall
la guns, whisky
xo, the scene
krs-one, temple bar
jabberjaw, el rey

tomorrow 3/5
me’shell n’degeocello, little temple
the fixx, malibu inn
greg dulli, hotel cafe
the barkays, vault 350
the weirdos, troubador

sunday 3/6
the pope, smell
nip drivers, zen

monday 3/7
the ettes, silverlake lounge
the dead rebels, king king

tuesday 3/8
robyn hitchcock, largo

wednesday 3/9
sandra bernhard, silent movie theatre
anal pain, the blue cafe
robyn hitchcock, largo

thursday 3/10
joseph arthur, troubador
fatso jetson, viper
robyn hitchcock, largo
trainwreck (kyle of the d)+ abe lincoln story, spaceland
s’cool girls, key club

moon over pittsburg + accordian guy + what the fukc

how to blog today turns 100 days old. in blook years thats pretty old. as i said in the comments a few posts back about 300 copies have been sold. thats tremendous, to me, and i thank everyone who bought one and everyone who has thought about buying one.

if there is anyone out there who ordered a book or was promised one and hasnt gotten it yet, please email me at howtoblog at tonypierce.com

those of you who paid by check this week, hang in there, they have to clear before i can print up a mailing slip.

this entire process was a truly enjoyable one. starting with cafepress.com who printed up the book beautifully and provided excellent customer service over christmas

to paypal who has a pretty great system which allows for printing of USPS shipping labels right from the order

to everyone who sent in pictures of them reading the book

to G4TV who put me on the Screen Savers to hype the thing

to LAist who put me on their blog in an interview to hype the thing

to the kid who bugged the shit out of you for a year trying to get this thing published.

to everyone who gave it good reviews

and yes, even to the one dude who gave it a bad review. cant win em all.

someone emailed and begged me to extend the deadline to order signed How To Blog books for just $19 + $5 s/h until Sunday 3/6 and i wrote back and said “fine”.

why not.

it’s friday. why the hell not.

email me and i will send you a paypal invoice. make sure to tell me who to sign the book to.

above is a picture of bonnie and the lovely beatrix garland hornberger who will never know a world that doesnt include blogging

how nice is that?

in other busblog housekeeping duties, tomorrow one of the my Yahoo Fantasy Baseball Leagues will be holding a live draft at 12:30p PST

League ID#: 80264
League Name: busblog2
Password: busblog
Draft Type: Live Draft

click here to sign up

tony pierce, would enter into a relationship with a twentysomething swedish virgin girl when i have the world as my oyster and a large stack of bibs and papertowels.

and my answer every time is, simple, you don’t find love, it finds you. and yes i love this girl and you would too. shes lovable like nobodys business. i kid and tell her that theres no way that i would ever do anything bad to her because once God finds out that one of his angels took the wrong turn and wound up in this toilet earth He’s gonna wanna know who’s knocking at her door and whether or not he’s being good to her.

it was tough last night because we got a late start and then we drove to the bank and we sat out as the rain pelted her sunroof and we talked about how we can both be workaholics and see each other and have her back in her ivory tower early enough so she wouldn’t be so exhausted at 5am when her mama taps on her gilded cage to wake her sweet ass up. an ass that i still haven’t seen america. but its cool. its cool.

so we talked into the night as people made deposits and withdrawals and i explained to her that relationships are all about expectations and adjustments and new expectations. i theorized that since most relationships end up in a break up as do most marriages that we need to throw aside all these illogical ideals of happily ever after and concern ourselves with the jesus jones hit of right here right now.

she blinked, confused.

i said do you like me right here right now

she said of course

i said that’s all we need to focus on, now show me your tits.

which made her crack a smile and she hugged me and i laughed and said, im not kidding, even though i was. and we were cool with each other again, refocused and renewed. it was the greatest anti-fight ive ever had cuz most of it was done with whispers and soft kisses on the cheek and analogies that were rooted in the good book and springsteen tunes.

drove her over to starbucks cuz even though it was nine o’clock she was already drowsy. got her an iced cap and i don’t think ive ever been in a starfucks in my lyfe and i looked around and saw all the prepackaged “art” on the walls and the bad aprons on the soda jerks and looked around for soul and found none and even looked for some kool kids since it was los feliz home of the brave and i saw two mac laptops and two non and i said baby how did this shallow excuse for a coffee shop displace all the other warm homey funky ones and she said i don’t know and the dude said three fifty please and i paid and tipped and didn’t realize till just now that i paid four bones for a cup of joe in ice.

got home and i made her collard greens and heated up the kfc and boiled rice and she laid on my couch and i brought it in for her and we watched american idol and then i dialed up Lost on the tivo while she snored. and because im old i started snoring during the last scene of Lost and sadly didn’t wake until it was super late. so late it was early.

we were spoons on my leather couch at 2am when i woke her. she called her mama and her mama said things in swedish that didn’t sound so good. things that i would later find out were “he must think youre a whore.” to which i would have replied, no i think she was sleepy. things like “why have you changed overnight!” to which i would have said, she never used to fall asleep on a couch after a nice meal after a long day?

and she got into her little speedster and sped off into the night and called me this morning telling me that her papa, the king, said you will be back by midnight tonight right

she said nothing

and he from down the hall said right? and she slid down her firepole into her makeup room and cried into her princess phone to me, the cause of it all. and i said baby tell them that theres no fear with me. that im not a nineteen year old boy, young dumb and full of cum. im 111 years old. the worst that’s gonna happen to you on your couch is a little drool might drip on your neck as i doze off at 11pm. a man as old as i am doesnt mind not seeing his girlfriends ass for weeks on end. a man as old as me doesnt care that i don’t know if youre natural shaved or neatly trimmed. all good things will come in time, and youre good. and isnt this why our hands reach all the way down to our pleasure principles.

and she giggled.

and over the phone i said, now show me yr tits.

and in swedish her handmaiden screamed, i knew it! and hung up the extension.

today is definitely the last day to get a signed How To Blog book + email me for an invoice + theyre $19 + $5 s/h

FRIDAY, MARCH 4
SPACELAND, 10 PM w/OK GO!

FRIDAY, MARCH 11
THE SCENE, GLENDALE, CA 10 PM

SATURDAY, MARCH 12
DOUBLE DOWN SALOON, LAS VEGAS BABY!

SUNDAY, MARCH 13
JUGHEADS, PHOENIX, AZ 10 PM

MONDAY, MARCH 14
HINEY’S EL PASO, TX 9:30 PM

TUESDAY, MARCH 15
HANDLEBARS, EL PASO, TX 9 PM

THURSDAY, MARCH 17
SXSW HARD ROCK CAFE AUSTIN, TX
2:30 PM This show is guest list only.
email tsar2001 at earthlink.net and they’ll see what they can do!

SATURDAY, MARCH 19
THE NICK
2514 10th AVE., S. BIRMINGHAM, AL
205) 252-3831, 9 PM

SUNDAY, MARCH 20
LOCAL 506,
CHAPEL HILL, NC 9 PM

MONDAY, MARCH 21
MILESTONES
3400 TUCKASEEGEE RD., CHARLOTTE, NC 9 PM

the rain is doing some of that forrest gump movement flying this way and that, darting, dashing, going upside down, twisting like a paper airplane in a hurricane.

in the old days id be upset if my girl said “k, i will make a quick appearance, come and get you and we can go home,” and then make her showing an hour and change instead of a few minutes.

but in the old days i was an asshole who thought that fighting ever led to anything.

nowadays its an excersize in mellowness. how mellow can one be. how cool can you go. how sweet can your smile be and how real can you make it.

i know her heart is in the right place, i know how much her fellow swedes mean to her. her papa is a diplomat after all and shes a quasi princess, at least thats what the inscription in her crown says, at least thats what the sparkle in her smile says, at least thats the fear in the hearts of her parents whispers our girl is royalty how dare she hang out all night with aging tp3.

and the lights are bright at night inside the cold offices of the xbi when nothings going on and the security guards walk by and say never see you around this late, everything ok? oh yeah, great.

fights happen when one person pretends a little more than he should that hes been wronged. that he deserves something better. that he has been damaged in some way. i havent been damaged. shes just late. thats all. just late. the wind doesnt complain that its cold. the rain doesnt argue with the palm tree.

i think my spidey senses say its true.

yep. thats she.

see.

mr fun + ultrablognetic + wiz bang

season seven
cbs, tuesdays @ 9pm

not that the amazing race needed to change anything, but in order to get some fence sitters off the fence, as was my case, the jerry bruckheimer emmy winning gameshow hired Boston Rob and his fiance Amber from survivor to compete. brilliant idea.

during last night’s first episode of the season, the pair were definately the odd-couple-out. since they had already won fame and fortune on that other cbs reality game show, nobody wanted them to win and consipired against them. miraculously rob and amber did wonderfully despite their lackidazically still-in-love style.

heres their competiton:

the brentwood babes also known as the “lifelong friends”. these cute chickies won the race yesterday due to their familiarity with the spanish language – a plus. however their little meltdown with the llamas showed signs that under pressure, they just might crack. plus one of them is named bianca and biancas who give air kisses are probably not going to win the grueling nature of the amazing race.

the gay guys, who at every step try to remind us that theyre gay. but theyre nice enough to deal with and cbs hasnt shown them full on making out (yet) so i would imagine that even the most homophobic out there can deal with them. although one of them doesnt even seem all that gay and i have a feeling that maybe hes just faking it to get on tv. would one do such a thing? probably not. either way their chances to win are pretty low. i saw no magic in their first race.

the sweet old couple. for some reason they keep putting old people in these types of reality shows. maybe because that one woman won survivor way back when, but in truth she wasnt any retiree like both of these nice folks are. they cant run fast, they cant lift things, but they did a spectacular job of herding the llamas so maybe there are more suprises in store for us. grampa’s name is Meredith which provides a great drinking game of taking a swig every time someone calls the nice old dude by his girlie name. think of a new game soon cuz these coots wont be around long either. so to speak

the hot blondes aka the bims. i know i know, fake boobs and blonde hair doesnt necessarily mean that youre not all that bright, but these women are not all that bright, however theyre easy on the eyes and they love to wear the tightest of clothes so i will be pulling for them, so to speak. however take a picture as it will last longer than these two who barely didnt lose last night.

the pissed off dude team. last seasons angry dude was such a basketcase that he and his woman found themselves on Dr. Phil. this season’s a-hole doesnt even have a shred of possibility of redemption. last night as his on-again off-again girlfriend was choking while carrying a basket full of weed his words of wisdom didnt go further than “suck it up”. when they found out they hadnt lost and they were going to go to the next round his first words? “we could have done better,” and stared her down in front of the host. we can only hope that he steps in some lava in a few weeks.

america’s team. nobody likes “america’s team”s. less like self proclaimed ones. she is a former miss south carolina, he is a former iraq war p.o.w. shes as smart as a former miss carolina and he’s a war hero who i wont knock. however, if there werent so many inept contestants in this race americas team would have lost immediately.

the dudes. if rob and amber have to watch their back with any team it’s the handsome brothers who have no apparent flaws other than being too nice with the blondes. theyre not super smart but theyre not super dumb either. theyre strong, full of energy, and work decently together. theyre the male version of the brentwood babes. how can you root for the educated, handsome white dudes? you cant, so dont.

the gay guy and his mom. hes gay and quietly scheming. shes a mom and quitely scheming. he doesnt like rob and amber at All and she doesnt like anyone. she even claims that its ok to lie to win. nice going, mom.

the black team. you know i have love for my people. sadly reality shows rarely have love for my people. amazing race have usually found decent african americans to participate. one couple even won. these two wont. they wont even come close. i would be suprised if they get lost before they make it to the next race. it’s so very sad. next time hire OJ and kato as a team. or michael jordan and charles barkley. or todd bridges and gary coleman. if youre going to portray us as dim, at least make it funny.

like they did with the fat good ole boys who lost last night while being totally charming and lovable.

21mm + dave navarro + anti + simpleton

handing out Vote For Parks signs as hes running for mayor of LA.

little does the former chief of police know, but wilshire and western, deep in the heart of koreatown, is populated largely with spanish-speaking folk who might not all be, ahem, registered to vote.

and the rest of them are koreans who arent all that in love with african americans, especially african american former police chiefs who werent all that loveable in the first place.

i realize the chief wanted to be surrounded by large groups of prospective voters sympathetic to his cause he should have moseyed down to the miracle mile. his problem is his voter base, fellow african americans, are in the pocket of mayor hahn, whose father gave more to LA african americans than even mayor tom bradley.

but because he chose a metro stop/bus stop filled with minorites that either didnt speak english or could not and/or would not vote, he was stuck in a conversation with me

his worst enemy

who had nothing to do since i had to wait for the bus.

parks: hi, are you planning on voting for mayor next tuesday?

me: what difference will it make who wins, LA is far too big to manage.

parks: cynicism this early in the morning? obviously i disagree with your stance.

me: dude, you people cant even get the busses to run properly, the subway to go places that matter, or even those escalators to work for a full week.

parks: how would you like the metro to improve?

me: lets start at the escalators and elevators. get new ones. i have used this station every day for four years. the money the city pays to mitsubishi to repair these peices alone can probably pay for new escalators and elevators at every station. and when you get new ones, get Otis ones, not mitsubishi.

parks: are you dissatisfied with the metro?

me: yes, look at all these rapids. three at a time. why are they rolling three in clumps? why arent they spread out every 4-5 minutes? you’ll get three in a pack ever 6-7 minutes. that’s not convienent to anyone. stagger them. old people ride these things. do you want old ladies standing out in the “safe” streets of LA waiting for a bus? spread them out and get more local busses. the rapids are fine, but we dont need as many of them, we need far more local busses.

parks: those are all good points.

me: sure they are, which is why nothing will ever happen. no one listens to the poor unless its an election year.

parks: have you considered entering government yourself?

me: of course not. you think i want to be in a shirt and tie taking crap by some cynical busrider on a wednesday morning about dumb crap like metro escalators?

parks: but you would be helping your neighbors and your community.

me: my community are the kids of isla vista. and if i ever get the chance to return there then i will run for mayor of that town and i wont involve myself in dumb programs like DARE or SANE i would actually work on ways to legalize things that should be legal and fix things that shouldnt break twice a week. good luck on your race but mayor hahn hasnt screwed up. you should support him, not try to bash him because you want his job.

and then i got on the bus

dan jeffers + steph + casey + today in the busblog