hi cold

hi tony, wassup g?

cold, youve been all up in me for close to two weeks now, and im sorry but youve worn out your welcome.

t-man i hear what youre saying but no-can-do my man. im loving the hotties who come over with their big pots of soup, im loving your satelite dish, and you play the BEST music. shit man, im never gonna leave.

im not going to eat any of that soup.

fine, im sick of soup anyways.

im not going to watch any more tv then.

good, i wanted to take a little nap.

im going to crank Gwar for the next eight hours.

see what i care tony America Must Be Destroyed is a freaking classic.

all i have is This Toilet Earth

works for me, lets dance.

cold, seriously, youve become annoying. last night you woke me up at 4am with a dry hacking cough. i dry heaved in the bathroom and woke my neighbors. they were obviously disgusted at what they were hearing and turned on classical music to drown out my sick noises.

i love these stories tony.

then you made me projectile vomit. it was cartoonish. i hurled five times in a row in less than a minute. it was like Stand By Me. all the soup all day left me. one bowl after another. it was like a beer bong in reverse. i saw my meals fsplash infront of my eyes.

yeah, what i did was seal off the large intenstine at noon with a barricade of bacteria and then i scratched your throat while you were sleeping. i was trying to choke you to death but what woulda been the fun of that? plus i had to pee.

you must die, cold,.

im not gonna die, tony.

how do i get rid of you then?

how did you get me? and hey is that a picture of you in the 80s?

i made out with a hot girl. and yes thats me my first year at ucsb. and yes thats a teal leather tie.

ah, k, now arent the sopranos on?

so ive gotta make out with a new hot girl who you havent invaded yet, huh?

or a dude, but you dont go that way. or do you?

hmmmm i might if it would get rid of you.

whatever. see what having a closed mind gets you?

what if i just vomit every night? surely you’ll get barfed out.

no, you’ll just get a sore throat and lose weight.

ive already lost a belt size.

see, and youre complaining.

i hate you cold.

well i love you tony, now flip on hbo, lets see if tony soprano can talk this week.


wait a damn minute, did you take a picture with that girl while holding a spare rib? i fucking love you man!

oceanaria + cityrag + matt good