the grand canyon was never truly in the plans. neither was phoenix but thats where im at right now. the plan was to kiss a girl in every state but sometimes girls pretend like they dont wanna get kissed which is pretty much the stupidest game ive ever heard but if kissing girls is what youre after get used to stupidity.
grand canyon was big and deep and colorful and it wasnt my first time there so i sorta knew what to expect however it sure took a long time to get there. so long that i kept asking myself, am i there yet am i there yet? the trip there, to be honest, was better than being there until a japanese girl asked me extremely politely if i had a lighter so that she and her friend could get high and sit on a bench and look at the grand canyon and i said i had one but it was in my car and they didnt trust me to come to my car even though there were like a million people around us, and they outnumbered me two to one and they were the ones who asked ME.
so i said baby if you dont trust me then theres nothing i can do, go ask grampa over there. which they did but grampa spoke french and french only. little did i know but this was international day on the southern rim of the canyon, since all the normal americans were in their living rooms watching football and ordering pizza.
everyone had a camera. everyone thought they were Mr. Photographer. everyone walked around like they were Mr Natureboy. people rode their bikes, people hiked with camera bags over one shoulder. people pretended to understand maps. i was pretending too. i was pretending that i wasnt getting a minor case of vertigo where i couldnt see how close the rail was to my hand. my depth perception was taking a little holiday and i was all where are those japanese girls to set this shit straight again.
i drove down the mountain and got sleepy after only an hour and i pulled over at an abandoned motel that looked like it had Just gotten shut down. i cracked the window, eased the seat back and put the alphabet city girl’s sweater over my eyes and tried to sniff her perfume from it but i think i sniffed it all off. and i fell asleep for exactly ten minutes and woke up forgetting that i had left my lights on accidentally but because i had a new battery all was good in the hood and i tried to google maps where i was but Grand Canyon, AZ doesnt really do well in google maps, little known fact, and lots of places around it dont have real addresses so i couldnt figure out if Vegas was really only three hours away or not
so i drove south to some little town and ate and then decided to come here to Phoenix because da bears are playing here for Monday Night Football and the Cardinals have a new stadium and i didnt really wanna be in Vegas on a Sunday since i try to keep it holy by not fingering girls’s assholes or beating off or being mean or being in vegas. so here i am. i ate the hugest chinese meal ever that included two crab legs. i got stared at by two girls in a fucked up car who wanted to find some trouble and sometimes girls just give you that eye contact that says take us somewhere tony we’re so bored being dirty hot young chicks in zona with no one to tell us to dance on the spare bed in the non smoking embassy suites room that you just got
but its sunday so i watched andrew sullivan get interviewed by brian lamb then i took Marie’s advice and watched Lost via you tube and then i ate ice cream and i wrote one email and then i played PSP golf and tomorrow i will do laundry and maybe a movie and then go see Da Bears break matt lienarts everything.