tom waits interviewed himself

you try that, scarlett

here are some of my favorites from a very long and very good dealie

Q: What’s heaven for you?
A: Me and my wife on Rte. 66 with a pot of coffee, a cheap guitar, pawnshop tape recorder in a Motel 6, and a car that runs good parked right by the door.

Q: What’s hard for you?
A: Mostly I straddle reality and the imagination. My reality needs imagination like a bulb needs a socket. My imagination needs reality like a blind man needs a cane. Math is hard. Reading a map. Following orders. Carpentry. Electronics. Plumbing. Remembering things correctly. Straight lines. Sheet rock. Finding a safety pin. Patience with others. Ordering in Chinese. Stereo instructions in German.

Q: What’s scary to you?
1. A dead man in the backseat of a car with a fly crawling on his eyeball.
2. Turbulence on any airline.
3. Sirens and search lights combined.
4. Gunfire at night in bad neighborhoods.
5. Car motor turning over but not starting, its getting dark and starting to rain.
6. Jail door closing.
7. Going around a sharp curve on the Pacific Coast Highway and the driver of your car has had a heart attack and died, and you’re in the back seat.
8. You are delivering mail and you are confronted with a Doberman with rabies growling low and showing teeth…you have no dog bones and he wants to bite your ass off.
9. In a movie…which wire do you cut to stop the time bomb, the green or the blue.
10. Mc Cain will win.
11. Germans with submachine guns.
12. Officers, in offices, being official.
13. You fell through the ice in the creek and it carried you down stream, and now as you surface you realize there’s a roof of ice.

Q: What’s wrong with the world?
A: We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. Leona Helmsley’s dog made 12 million last year… and Dean McLaine, a farmer in Ohio made $30,000. It’s just a gigantic version of the madness that grows in every one of our brains. We are monkeys with money and guns.

Q: What is a gentleman?
A: A man who can play the accordion, but doesn’t.

read the rest on npr, h/t fimoculous

can we just take a moment to talk about how awesome Joey Maloney’s pics are?

fucker went to see Metallica at the Weenie Roast

and all i got were these amazing pics to show you.

an excerpt of what Joey wrote on LAist:

Following a small benefit concert this past Wednesday at the Wiltern, Metallica hit the stage with such force and bombast that it was hard to believe that had only done a handful of shows since 2004. The legendary four-piece tore through “Fuel” and “For Whom the Bell Tolls” at the open of their set. Led by the ever powerful James Hetfield, the volume and power that comes with a Metallica show is unlike anything you will experience. They kept their setlist limited to pre-St. Anger material and did not showcase any new songs. It was hard to tell that it had been almost four years since they had toured as they three guitar/bass wielding members weaved a delicate choreography on stage with one player never in the same spot for more than a song. Guitarist Kirk Hammet’s shredding solos are still some of the most intense and charged out there as each solo break was a showcase for his amazing talent. The 16,000 + capacity crowd at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater, who had braved the fierce heat of the day, loved every second of it.

there are a few people id like to kidnap and bring over to the Times, Joey is on the top of my list, but sadly we’re not really hiring right now

… but when we do…

tuesday morning quickies

but first, the newest ICU video

– Scarlett Johansson’s Tom Waits cover album comes out today, Fimoculous has an mp3 of one of my favorite songs of all time, pleasantly demolished by our girl

– the new iPhone is gonna come out next month. when it does im giving my “old” one to my mom, and i gotta say, rarely have i owned a first generation electronic device, the iPhone has been a dream.

– there is a new Netflix set-top box for $100. it hooks up to your tv and your high speed internet connection. even if you have the $9 netflix subscription you can stream unlimited tv shows and movies for no additional cost. even wired is calling it “just shy of totally amazing“. but since it doesnt offer HD and because only 10% of the netflix is available, the busblog will call it “not even close to totally amazing”. but its got potential.

– the weak economy has hit santa barbara. a 67 year-old woman now sleeps in her car with her dogs after being laid off. she once owned a condo and worked at a bank, now she has an $8/hr job and lives in her honda. thankfully santa barbara has agreed to let homeless people sleep in their cars in 12 parking lots across the city (even though sleeping in your car is against the law in California).

– meanwhile the 50 richest people in LA are worth over $113 billion. sounds good, right? well the #2 guy on the list, summer redstone, lost 17% of his net value over the last year and is only making due with $7 billion thanks to the recession. maybe he should invest in santa barbara parking lots?

– the white house is mad about the editing of an interview with the president. they say they want nbc to include all of the president’s answers. nbc says yo we have had the entire uncut interview on our web site since the drop.

– the Ting Tings new record still isnt out yet, but you can listen to it free and legally via streaming via AOL’s Spinner

– the Kooks will be walking around Westwood performing for free today, then they’ll rock the Kibitz Room as long as they dont have spit on their face.

– if you can read this, youre in range

– congrats jamie and deborah on getting hitched, and congrats the known universe readers because raymi is guest blogging there while the happy couple are on their honeymoon. talk about starting off yr new life with a bang.